I don't know who Jesus is anymore. He is an idea in my mind but I can't worship that idea any longer. Many of my Christian friends have tried to bring me back to Jesus. I think , they think, that i have fallen from his grace, because I sinned too much now and have lost my way. After 30 years they still love me and probably still pray for me, so they are the one's who are hoping that I get right with God. I am afraid I am a lost cause. I am wondering if I fit in anywhere now.
I can't believe I missed your honest heartfelt stream of consciousness. I'm sorry for my delayed response,
@Paco Dennis First let me say that I doubt your friends think you have "fallen from grace because you've sinned too much". In fact, sounds to me like your friends know it's entirely the opposite in God's eyes. YOU are the one He wants to come to Him because you are in need of a Savior. That's God's whole reason for the life and death of Jesus in the New Testament. So you are definitely not a lost cause.
Try dwelling in the New Testament, especially Ephesians, Galatians, and all the books that start with "T" (Timothy, Titus etc) so you can come to know the "good news". It's like you watched a disturbing movie and turned it off before seeing the happy ending. You will see more clearly God's full plan for you today. Don't miss the gospel of John. Then go back to the Old Testament and read Proverbs and then Psalms. You will find that you fit right in. There is no sin that's too much except one...and that is never asking forgiveness and believing in Him even until death. You've already admitted you're a sinner and in need of a Savior. That's half of it.
I use to teach this to non- believers emphasizing God's love and mercy. Jesus took all our sins away...on the cross. God is Love...if we feel far from God, guess who moved." After I went my own way, I began to smoke tobacco , and drink moderately/heavy, go to bars, have sex with whoever I wanted to, and never read the Bible or go to church. In the recent past my health has diminished a lot and I have been pondering if I have gone so far away from Jesus that I can't find my way back. I really don't think I can, so I have accepted my death and have no idea what happens after.
You haven't fallen as far away from Jesus as you think. The fact that you are pondering, is divine intervention according to my faith. I'm sure you've heard, "God hates the sin but loves the sinner." He doesn't want you to fight this battle alone.
It is the parable of the prodigal son. I understand this, but my home is no longer there where it use to be, and there is no forwarding address. I can't find "home" anywhere.
After asking for forgiveness, ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit. You will feel "a peace that passes all understanding" and a joy. That's when you'll "find home" as you say.
I can't accept the Bible as being the only book on earth that IS Gods words. So unless He rearranges me somehow I will die outside the beliefs that are in the Bible. My heart has hardened and there is no way back. I appreciate all the information about this from the members here. I am non-judgemental about what a person believes, and I guess I have my own beliefs somewhere, i just can't locate them.
Don't worry about not accepting the Bible as the only book on earth that is God's Word. After you ask forgiveness for your sins, ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and let go of what holds you. God will see to it that everything else will fall into place.
...The rules in the Old Testament get really weird, and nobody except fanatics keep those laws. So when do the commandments stop...or it was Moses's civil law
The 10 Commandments don't ever stop but the Mosaic Laws, the "weird laws" of the Old Testament stopped when Jesus came in the New Testament.
they slaughter goats and blood is all over their village on doors. What is clean about that? There seems to be a lot of juggling of Scripture to come up with any conclusions on many issues.
Don't worry about what's in the Old Testament. It's important to be aware of history but Jesus shed His blood for our sins in the New Testament and much changed after that.
