Question about Raising a child

J

Josiah

Senior Member
Location
50 miles east of Cincinnati, OH
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

“It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”
― L.R. Knost
 

If the only choice is agree or disagree, I have to disagree. We have to raise them to face reality. It can be a cruel and heartless world. We have to try to instill in them the inner strength to cope with it. But, hopefully, we can also instill in them the desire to help make it a little less so.
 
I agree.
i tried to bring my children up to work hard; but also be compassionate to those not as fortunate as themselves.
they have done very well, in their own way; but are both streetwise; and know what goes on out there...
 

I agree with you both. Everyone would agree with the second clause in my question, but the question about how much you should shield a child from life's hardships is quite controversial. I knew a school teacher who strongly advocated positive reinforcement. She handed out lavish praise for everything a child did. In my mind learning occurs when a child fails and this teacher was preventing the children from knowing that they failed.
 
Josiah09 said:
I agree with you both. Everyone would agree with the second clause in my question, but the question about how much you should shield a child from life's hardships is quite controversial. I knew a school teacher who strongly advocated positive reinforcement. She handed out lavish praise for everything a child did. In my mind learning occurs when a child fails and this teacher was preventing the children from knowing that they failed.
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Yes, too many awards and positive feedback when not earned seems to be a trend now. I think the child will expect it all the time from the rest of the world, and it isn't going to happen.
 
I attribute a good measure of my success from my dad allowing me to make mistakes and fail a few times when I was young. We really learn as much (if not more) from our failures and mistakes than we do from our successes. There were many times when I didn't think I could do something, and rather than coddle me and tell me it was ok, he looked right at me and told me to get my backside in gear, focus, and try harder.

Do I hope that I leave the world a slightly better place when I'm gone? Absolutely. Do I understand that the world can be a cruel and heartless place at times? Yes, and I like to think I'm equipped to deal with it when life throws curve balls.
 
I agree in essence, but think that children can sometimes be shielded a little too much [and others, poor things, never get shielded at all.] As Ameriscot says, the schools [and also I will add, parents]err too much on the side of telling their children how wonderful they are ALL the time, which is never a good thing.They get gold stars just for turning up to class practically.
 
My dad instilled in me that we should always leave a place better than we found it and that might include picking up other people's rubbish as well as our own when we were at a picnic area. To this day I still pick up toilet paper strewn on the floor of a public toilet.

My mother taught me to be resilient and to absorb pain and disappointment without making a fuss. British stiff upper lip approach to life sort of thing.

It's not an either/or choice.
 
"Good job!" If I hear a parent say that one more time I just might do a "job" on them...:eek:nthego:
 
I shudder at this too. An occasional well done when a child had tried very hard is a lot better IMO.
When I came home with a test where I scored 95 out of 100 Mum would ask where I lost the 5 marks.
Learn from your mistakes was her approach.
 
No switch for my mum.
She gave me a good slapping with her open hand on the backs of my legs when I had earned it.
Slapping with her right hand, she held my left arm with her left hand, all the while admonishing me to, "Stand still".
I have always thought that she was asking for the impossible. I danced. Wouldn't you?

I did learn from those particular mistakes but I was not beaten very often over my childhood.
 
She would have had to grab me quick because I would be backpedalling as fast as I could...:eek:nthego:
 
Nah. She used to tell me about her mother who had 6 kids. If they ran away when in trouble she just shouted after them that they had to come home sometime, and when they did she would be waiting. Your doom may be put off a bit but never entirely avoided. Better to get it over with.
 
I think our job is to raise children who are compassionate and honest and we are required to always be that 'soft place for them to land' when life smashes them down or when they fail at something that they've tried to do or made a mistake. The world can be harsh enough without the one person (or two) who are supposed to protect them and guide them, adding to their misery. And encouragement equally, in my opinion, can be handed out even when they have failed or made a mistake and disappointed. Encouragement to do better, encouragement to see that that is not the best that they can be, encouragement to seek reconciliation for the sake of everyone.

We all do better with encouragement. That pat on the back from an associate, a word of approval or even a bonus from a boss....encouragement in some form.

It's also important to remember that they are children who are inexperienced in the world and our job is to help them understand it, understand their role in it and to understand the dangers of it. Browbeating, hitting, being cold and distant does not teach them to be the best that they can be, in my opinion. It also depends on the children involved. They are not a one size fits all collection of little people and what will suit one child will destroy another.
 
Ameriscot said:
Yes, too many awards and positive feedback when not earned seems to be a trend now. I think the child will expect it all the time from the rest of the world, and it isn't going to happen.
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Absolutely true! And it can cause a lot of heartbreak and disillusionment when this happens, as it will.
 

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