Childless Couples....Selfish?

I had one child as a teenager, an unwed mother at the time. I was never a person who loved babies like lots of women do. I had my child and that was it as far as I was concerned. Now he will never have children himself so I will never be a grandparent. I am content with that. My own mother was so into the grandmother thing that it might have played a part in making me not ever want to be one to begin with.
 
If it's 100% the decision of both individuals without any pressure, I believe it's a good thing.. much better than feeling "guilted" into having children when they don't want any.

However, in the distant past I heard it's "selfish" for couples to only have one child, because the child will be lonely, not have siblings to grow up with, etc. And I do somewhat agree with that viewpoint.
 

hollydolly said:
I have one child.. and I still got the selfish card shown to me from all the relatives who insisted that I cannot leave my child to be an only child. This was continuous, and altho' it wasn't to please them, I did have a second child, when dd was 8 years old and he died... so my Daughter was and is an only child..who is childless herself from choice.

Still that's not good enough for people.. I am sick and tired of those who insist she'll ''change her mind''... she's almost 47.. if she'd ever wanted children she's had plenty opportunity to have them before now.
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My daughter is 39 .. she and her husband have opted not to have children. Of my 6 nephews and nieces, only 2 have a child. She has never felt lonely or wanted a sibling. Perhaps the fact that I was a stay-at-home mom has something to do with that. Then again, maybe not.

After I had my daughter, in my mid-30's, my sister started to immediately harp at me to have another baby. I finally told her to please stop. I don't understand people who think they know best whether someone else should have children or not. They need to mind their own business.
 
Pinky said:
My daughter is 39 .. she and her husband have opted not to have children. Of my 6 nephews and nieces, only 2 have a child. She has never felt lonely or wanted a sibling. Perhaps the fact that I was a stay-at-home mom has something to do with that.

After I had my daughter, in my mid-30's, my sister started to immediately harp at me to have another baby. I finally told her to please stop. I don't understand people who think they know best whether someone else should have children or not. They need to mind their own business.
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Well, I do agree with you- I would never tell anybody to have kids, not have kids, or any other intrusions into their personal lives.
 
Pinky said:
My daughter is 39 .. she and her husband have opted not to have children. Of my 6 nephews and nieces, only 2 have a child. She has never felt lonely or wanted a sibling. Perhaps the fact that I was a stay-at-home mom has something to do with that. Then again, maybe not.

After I had my daughter, in my mid-30's, my sister started to immediately harp at me to have another baby. I finally told her to please stop. I don't understand people who think they know best whether someone else should have children or not. They need to mind their own business.
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exactly Pinks.. as I always said to people when daughter was little.. she has the best of both worlds. When she wanted company she can have her friends around and when she wanted to be alone, she doesn't have to endure pestering siblings...

I do have to say that I personally wish I'd had more children now.. simply because when I die she's going to be alone.. ..but there's nothing I can do about that now, and she does have many friends..
 
JaniceM said:
However, in the distant past I heard it's "selfish" for couples to only have one child, because the child will be lonely, not have siblings to grow up with, etc. And I do somewhat agree with that viewpoint.
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Like Pepper said, the selfish remark is not something that we have heard for many a year. But I would say that children do come at a financial cost. How often we heard when we were newlyweds, how can you put a price on the love of children? That is such a naïve attitude:
In 2020, the additional basic cost of a child, from birth to age 18, was £71,611 for a couple family and £97,862 for a lone-parent family. If housing and childcare costs are added these rise to £152,747 and £185,413 respectively.

The point that I'm making Janice is that there are some people who sacrifice much to have just one baby. They simply cannot afford a second child, it's hardly selfish, to my way of thinking, that is.
 
horseless carriage said:
Like Pepper said, the selfish remark is not something that we have heard for many a year. But I would say that children do come at a financial cost. How often we heard when we were newlyweds, how can you put a price on the love of children? That is such a naïve attitude:
In 2020, the additional basic cost of a child, from birth to age 18, was £71,611 for a couple family and £97,862 for a lone-parent family. If housing and childcare costs are added these rise to £152,747 and £185,413 respectively.

The point that I'm making Janice is that there are some people who sacrifice much to have just one baby. They simply cannot afford a second child, it's hardly selfish, to my way of thinking, that is.
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True, you and others here have made valid points for one-child families.
 
horseless carriage said:
Like Pepper said, the selfish remark is not something that we have heard for many a year. But I would say that children do come at a financial cost. How often we heard when we were newlyweds, how can you put a price on the love of children? That is such a naïve attitude:
In 2020, the additional basic cost of a child, from birth to age 18, was £71,611 for a couple family and £97,862 for a lone-parent family. If housing and childcare costs are added these rise to £152,747 and £185,413 respectively.

The point that I'm making Janice is that there are some people who sacrifice much to have just one baby. They simply cannot afford a second child, it's hardly selfish, to my way of thinking, that is.
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well HC you're stating the obvious to all of us parents I'm afraid, we're all very well aware how much it's cost us over the years to raise our children.. :D
 
More and more are opting not to have children. When I was married it was just 'the thing to do' lol..I never questioned whether I would or not. I am very happy I did. However, I have no grandchildren and frankly, I am great with that too. It is their life and they need to decide if children are to be part of it.
 
It's none of my business if people want children or not. I remember once some guy at a church function asked if we are trying to have children, when we answered yes, he immediately started in with how much it cost to raise a child. I have zero patience when it comes to people doing that. My husband grabbed my arm right away as a reminder as to where we were. I remember the anger shooting down my spine and could easily have jumped up and broken a plate over that guy's head. I wish I would have now. It still makes my blood run cold when I think about it.
 
officerripley said:
My huzz and I chose not to have children because both of us are of the firm opinion that not everyone is cut out to be a good parent, and we both felt/feel that we weren't. Neither one of my parents should've had children and I've always known I shouldn't either.
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my husband felt exactly like that from the time he was a young man, and was adamant he didn't want children. At the age of 28 he had the snip so there could never be any ''accidents''
 
oldaunt said:
I was 27 before I could talk a doc into a tubal. I have ever been grateful to that very understanding man. 50years ago, it just wasn't DONE!
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True... I asked to be sterilised when I was in my 30's, they sent me away with a flea in my ear , telling me to come back when I was 45 because I could change my mind and want more children.. ..I didn't want more children, I knew I wasn't going to change my mind but they wouldn't change their minds.

I had it done at 40... 27 years ago..

My little sister had , had 4 children by the time she was 22 years old.. she begged to be sterlised at 28 .. nope, they still insisted she might want more children.. .. she didn't want more children, and she didn't get the procedure until she was in her 40's
 
What I find ironic is the attitude of white nationalists who think doing away with abortion is going to result in more white females having more white babies - thereby increasing the ratio of whites to other races. What they seem to overlook is the fact that lack of this type of health care is not just going to have an affect white women - it will an even have a bigger effect on number of minorities being born - and since the socioeconomic level of white women is somewhate higher than many minorities - especially in the south, the result is going to be not many more white babies, but likely many more minority babies because the women will not be able to afford contraceptive care.
 
Raddragn said:
What I find ironic is the attitude of white nationalists who think doing away with abortion is going to result in more white females having more white babies - thereby increasing the ratio of whites to other races.
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Did not know white nationalists thought that way. Not saying they don't you probably are right, I just do my best not to listen to anything a person says once I know they are a white nationalist.

Can't be much worth listening to after that...
 

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