Senior Dating

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Blessed said:
Oh yeah, the casual, I just want to have sex, have you come over clean my house, do my laundry and cook me gourmet meals then go home. I just need you, many different women to take care of all my needs because I don't want to get into a deep thing. You wonder why you are alone, you have got to be kidding.

You think because you are so great, you are breathing and you are a man. Did you ever stop to think that there are a great many of us that have worked our whole lives, raised a family, took care of every aspect that comes with that. We own our own homes, Have a nice retirement fund and no debt. We don't need someone to so called take care of us, we are quite capable of doing that on our own. If you want a partner you need to step back and look at yourself. What do you have to offer that would make a relationship!

You don't want a casual thing, go out for lunch or a movie, walk in the park. That is a casual thing!! You want a call girl, a maid, a cook and a door mat. Don't get me wrong, there are a few out there that would jump at your deal but you may wake up one morning with a butcher knife in your chest or a missing body part. Good hunting!!
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:oops:

Blessed, you're being too hard on him. He's scared. He wants all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. It's not what I want. It might not be what you want or think is right, but it's not a crime. He shouldn't be condemned. He needs to do things his own way, no matter what anyone else says.

There really is nothing that anyone can say that will change his mind or what anyone else thinks about how or what a relationship should be. Regardless of others' expressed opinions or beliefs, we all march to the beat of our own drummer.

I hope that everyone gets whatever he/she wants or doesn't want out of a relationship or non-relationship.

Bella ✌️
 
Are You In A Non-Relationship Relationship? > https://www.thethingsiwishiknew.com/are-you-in-a-non-relationship-relationship/

"Are you currently spending all your free time with someone special? Dinners, late nights, weekend getaways, Sundays all day and dinner with family and friends. You are simply over the moon for them but then it occurs to you, are you in a relationship? As far as you’re concerned this is who you want to be with. Do they feel the same? You haven’t had the “we’re exclusive” conversation but given all of the above, you’re together right?! Are you in a non-relationship relationship?

What It Looks Like​

For those who don’t know what a non-relationship relationship is I thought I would give you a little insight. Who knows, you might be in one right now and not realize it. Simply put a non-relationship relationship is a relationship that entails no actual commitment. You pretty much do all the things that “couples do” but it’s not official. As in, he’s not telling his friends or anyone that you’re his girlfriend, you’re just a friend. In a non-relationship relationship, one or both individuals have one foot out the door. Technically, in their minds, they’re still single, which means they aren’t obliged to you.

You might be thinking, isn’t this the same thing as friends with benefits? Not even close. In most friends with benefits scenarios interactions are purely physical; that’s it. No breakfast in bed, cuddle sessions, spending time with friends or family for that matter. You’re in, get your benefit, and then you’re out no questions asked.

This is where things get a little fuzzy for people because when you are in “friends with benefits” situations you both know where you stand. In a non-relationship relationship, you spend a lot of time in the grey area. You create a foundation for what would lead to a relationship or simply be a relationship without it ever happening. It’s definitely a mind f*ck. But guess what you put yourself in it. This isn’t what you want? Then speak the f*ck up! It’s that simple. If it’s just a good time for a however long for them (until they find someone else), then move on. Don’t stick around hoping and waiting…for what? You don’t want a partner who isn’t sure about you. The one thing that I have learned about love and relationships is that you should be certain.

Caught Up In Your Feelings ​

I know, you met the family, you’ve shared your hopes and dreams. Long walks, bubble baths and deep conversations. It’s nice to be vulnerable. Don’t worry it’s okay, you haven’t lost anything because you did this with the wrong person. Or maybe they’re not the wrong person, they just aren’t your long-term person. The beauty about this is that you are allowing yourself to experience this type of vulnerability. With that said, you have to know when to move on. It’s time to move on. He/she will never give you what you need. You have fallen in love with the comfortability in this union and this has led you to believe that this is the place for you to land permanently. It’s not.

In this case, this is not your place and this is definitely not your person. Guess what? Don’t worry, they are coming your way. Don’t let this dishearten you. Non-relationship relationships are hard to leave because in most cases a friendship forms, there is a bond there that although it may not be enough for one or both of you if you take a step back and look at things clearly. Not only is it hard to leave the physical comfort of someone else’s presence, you know that you may be leaving this new found confidant and friend behind. If I am honest, I doubt that you will be the type of friends you would like to be once you decide to make things platonic. This rarely works.

Knowing When To Leave​

I would say now, like as you are reading this! Don’t waste your time with the “why aren’t we together conversation”. You’re just not. All the reasons they give you won’t matter. The only reason, which you already know, is that you aren’t getting what you need out of this. This is your answer. I am sorry if you feel blindsided. Everyone has been here before. This comes down to self-love and the loyalty to oneself that’s built with this. You aren’t loving yourself by letting someone love you less than you desire. The happiness you think may exist with them will never be as beautiful as it could be with someone who truly wants to be with you.

Don’t hold on. This love is not worth having. You don’t want to stumble on someone else’s tight rope when you can balance on your own. In this case, unfortunately, and I believe in LOVE, trust me I do, love is not enough. Feelings don’t sustain and nurture good relationships actions do."

Bella ✌️
 
Bella said:
:oops:

Blessed, you're being too hard on him. He's scared. He wants all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. It's not what I want. It might not be what you want or think is right, but it's not a crime. He shouldn't be condemned. He needs to do things his own way, no matter what anyone else says.

There really is nothing that anyone can say that will change his mind or what anyone else thinks about how or what a relationship should be. Regardless of others' expressed opinions or beliefs, we all march to the beat of our own drummer.

I hope that everyone gets whatever he/she wants or doesn't want out of a relationship or non-relationship.

Bella ✌️
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You may be right but he has gone on and on about finding someone. I gave him the benefit of the doubt according to his post. To me, now it is clear what he wants, a lady with all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of a relationship. He can buy the so called non- relationship should he want to do so. He can also hire a maid and cook. He just does not want to look like an A**, so he is not going to say the truth here. He is not scared at all, he just realizes he is not going to get what he wants. He, himself said women should just be falling down and throwing themselves at him because he owns his own home and has no addictions. Refers to a lady "as a hottie he asked out for ice cream" come on. You are a smart woman, you see the truth of it. Don't allow him to live in a dream world, tell him the truth!! Go back and read your own posts, you see thru the nonsense.
 
rwb said:
How many retired seniors are actively dating but have no intentions of getting married either again, or for the first time?
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I have no intentions of getting married again or living with anyone. I am in a relationship so it is more than just dating. Yes, it is a committed relationship so neither of us are out looking for someone better (which is what you do when you are going out with more than one person). We have been together now since 2018 and still going strong. I told him upfront that I would never live with anyone again (or get married) so he knew from the start. He seems to be happy with me and this type of relationship.
 
Blessed said:
You may be right but he has gone on and on about finding someone. I gave him the benefit of the doubt according to his post. To me, now it is clear what he wants, a lady with all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of a relationship. He can buy the so called non- relationship should he want to do so. He can also hire a maid and cook. He just does not want to look like an A**, so he is not going to say the truth here. He is not scared at all, he just realizes he is not going to get what he wants. He, himself said women should just be falling down and throwing themselves at him because he owns his own home and has no addictions. Refers to a lady "as a hottie he asked out for ice cream" come on. You are a smart woman, you see the truth of it. Don't allow him to live in a dream world, tell him the truth!! Go back and read your own posts, you see thru the nonsense.
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I'm smart enough to realize that there's nothing I can say that will change the way he thinks or feels about the way he approaches what he desires. His desires are one thing, but whether he can achieve them is questionable. He knows that. He lives in a world of his own design, just as you and I do. I don't need to re-read anything. I just don't see him the way you do, and I'm also smart enough to know that there's nothing I can say that will change your perspective on that. You've been crystal clear. There's nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, but despite how you see him, he shouldn't be so vehemently attacked.

Bella ✌️
 
Blessed said:
Oh yeah, the casual, I just want to have sex, have you come over clean my house, do my laundry and cook me gourmet meals then go home. I just need you, many different women to take care of all my needs because I don't want to get into a deep thing. You wonder why you are alone, you have got to be kidding.

You think because you are so great, you are breathing and you are a man. Did you ever stop to think that there are a great many of us that have worked our whole lives, raised a family, took care of every aspect that comes with that. We own our own homes, Have a nice retirement fund and no debt. We don't need someone to so called take care of us, we are quite capable of doing that on our own. If you want a partner you need to step back and look at yourself. What do you have to offer that would make a relationship!

You don't want a casual thing, go out for lunch or a movie, walk in the park. That is a casual thing!! You want a call girl, a maid, a cook and a door mat. Don't get me wrong, there are a few out there that would jump at your deal but you may wake up one morning with a butcher knife in your chest or a missing body part. Good hunting!!
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Hey, Blessed, I think you have me confused with some image in your mind of someone who hurt you? Or your girlfriends have told you stories about the mean guys they have dated?

Have you read my previous posts? I already said I want affection and that does not necessarily require sex.

Where did I say I want a maid and a cook? Nowhere.

Where did I say I was great because I was breathing? Nowhere.

Sounds like you are bitter about something, and you want me to be that thing you are bitter about, which is why you attack me, but no, no, no, it ain't me, babe. I ain't the one you're looking for, babe.
 
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Blessed,

Wow, all the hate. Geez.

Let me clear one thing up. I never said women ought to be begging me to be their boyfriend. Read my post again. I had read, and people told me, that as a healthy man with no addictions, no debt, has own house and car, I am supposed to be in demand.

I was *hoping* that would be true, but, as I posted (yes, reread it, please), that has NOT been the case.

If you had read my posts, and got an accurate impression of me, instead of turning me into an effigy of an a** you apparently knew in your past, and wish to beat on, you would not be attacking me.

Go ahead an say bad things about men who abuse women, OK, that's cool. But I am not one of them. Got it? Sorry to disappoint you.

I actually think you owe me an apology.
 
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I will get back to you @RandomName. Just so you know, I am a widow that married a boy she started to date at 15. Engaged at 18, married at 20 and with him until the day he died. There is no one that has hurt me and I am not taking anything out on you. I guess I have a different outlook on life because of that.
 
Bella said:
I'm smart enough to realize that there's nothing I can say that will change the way he thinks or feels about the way he approaches what he desires. His desires are one thing, but whether he can achieve them is questionable. He knows that. He lives in a world of his own design, just as you and I do. I don't need to re-read anything. I just don't see him the way you do, and I'm also smart enough to know that there's nothing I can say that will change your perspective on that. You've been crystal clear. There's nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, but despite how you see him, he shouldn't be so vehemently attacked.

Bella ✌️
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Just the way I see it...
 
I've been divorced for at least a dozen years now (we separated for a few years before the divorce so don't recall the exact date when we officially called it quits). I wanted to fill the emotional void but didn't date for a while until I felt ready to meet someone. I made it crystal clear with every man I met that I was NEVER getting married again. Despite that, I've had four men propose to me...James, Michael, David and a second Michael. All except David were financially stable. David was a disaster in so many ways that I should start a separate thread about him.

I was not and am not looking for a sugar Daddy or a player. James was a classic player, thought he was God's gift to women. I have no contact with him. Michael #1 is a super nice person but lives firmly in the past and procrastinates to the point that it severely impacts his life. He and I text once in a while just to say hello. David is a long story as I said ... isn't at peace with growing older, has a history of women paying his way and is addicted to cigarettes, alcohol and weed (and by addicted, I mean all day, everyday). I have zero contact with him. Michael #2 is very nice but is wary of women (financially burned after his divorce). He and I talk on the phone occasionally.

I'm not a serial dater. I don't date multiple men at the same time. Never have. And I'm not into one-night stands, either.

I don't know how I feel about living with someone. I've considered it but I really do love my house, my dog and my alone time.
 
For me, a big no to dating. I won't tarnish my record as 52 years a widow with such juvenile foolishness. ;) I would never consider a younger guy due to being labeled with a disparaging wildlife name. :mad: My age and older single guys are usually dirty old men, given up on life, foul-tempered, foul-smelling, judgemental, widowers who had wives that waited on them hand and foot, overzealous with religion, overzealous with politics, belligerent, have too many controlling relatives, bad health, bad breath, bad gas, a big sagging belly, bad dressers with pants bagging off their behinds supported by tacky red suspenders, no sense of humor, and the list goes on. :(

I find so many old guys mistake a woman being nice for flirting and a mild harmless flirt as a marriage proposal. :cautious: If an old man accidentally bumps into me while grocery shopping or at the senior center and he apologizes and I say, "It is OK dear, I am partially blind and have balance issues," using the word dear he may take it as an "I love you" so I have tried to eliminate all words of endearment from my conversations with senior men. I haven't found the right words yet and phrases like, "Well excuse you, you clumsy old goat" may lead to a hostile shopping experience or permanent banishment from the local senior center. :ROFLMAO:

If I could find the perfect guy, he wouldn't want me for reasons too numerous to mention. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
 
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I figure I will appeal to about 10% of the women my age. The rest would never notice me and if they did, they would not care if I dropped dead tomorrow. That means if I live in a metropolis of 1,000,000 people with 20,000 women single women my age, that is 2000 gals who potentially will like me as a partner. So you would think finding one would be easy. b

But, it isn't. I dated one gal with whom I got on famously. Alas, in the period of about a year her daughter married a man who lived out of state and left the area. Then her son decided he would stay in his college town and did not come back to the city of his birth. Being a loving mom, she moved to be with her kids. Thousands of miles away. I can't blame her. But, I have children also and they don't live where hers live. You can see where this is going.

I have now relaxed my search. It's limited to me doing what I like and sometimes meeting women who also enjoy the activity. That is working out fine.
 
MsFox said:
:mad: My age and older single guys are usually dirty old men, given up on life, foul-tempered, foul-smelling, judgemental, widowers who had wives that waited on them hand and foot, overzealous with religion, overzealous with politics, belligerent, have too many controlling relatives, bad health, bad breath, bad gas, a big sagging belly, bad dressers with pants bagging off their behinds supported by tacky red suspenders, no sense of humor, and the list goes on. :(
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Good grief! Where do you find these guys. Are you trolling the city dump?
 
MsFox said:
I find so many old guys mistake a woman being nice for flirting and a mild harmless flirt as a marriage proposal. :cautious: If an old man accidentally bumps into me while grocery shopping or at the senior center and he apologizes and I say, "It is OK dear, I am partially blind and have balance issues," using the word dear he may take it as an "I love you" so I have tried to eliminate all words of endearment from my conversations with senior men.
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Hi MsFox (hey that's a wildlife name),

As an old guy who likes to be referred to with terms of endearment, I know what you mean. Sometimes a cashier calls me 'honey' and I get an instant hope of something happening, lol. But I never act on it since I know they are just being kind. But I always like it.

Just a few days ago, a woman my age (cute one, too, if I may add that info) had an interesting shirt on. I asked her what the pattern on the front was, and she explained that it was 'I love you' in sign language. Then she showed me how to sign it, and looked me in the eye and said 'I love you' with the just the kindest eyes you ever saw.

She plays pickleball at the same place I go. She went off to her game and I went off to mine.
She is married, so I definitely didn't think she was hitting on me.

But wow, she was so nice to do that for me.

Maybe it's something about pickleball, but another female player, also married, just reached out and offered her hand to me once when we met at the place, so I held it for a few seconds.
Random act of kindness? I am really into that stuff. Kind of makes my day, lol.
 
Brookswood uttered :
<< I have now relaxed my search. It's limited to me doing what I like and sometimes meeting women who also enjoy the activity. That is working out fine. >>

Hi Brookswood.

I was actively asking women out for the last year, off and on. I got a few to go out with me, and we were nice to each other, but I have chosen not to keep anything going long term, for various reasons.

I think now I might just keep going to social activities and hoping and praying that I meet a
compatible woman, whom I don't have to force myself to ask out.

I was forcing myself to ask women out that I was only half interested in, simply because that's just the way the supply of older folks is. My guess is that both the men and women over 60 look around at the possible dating pool, and say "Ugh, can I just watch TV alone, and not date?" lol.

(And, no, I don't think I am a handsome stud deserving a beautiful woman, just in case someone is going to accuse me of that crime, ha ha)
 
@RandomName
"(And, no, I don't think I am a handsome stud deserving a beautiful woman, just in case someone is going to accuse me of that crime, ha ha)"

In my experience, many men, handsome or not, feel they are deserving of a beautiful woman only. Those are the guys who don't want a real commitment. I call it the 'Heart of Gold' syndrome.
 
rwb said:
How many retired seniors are actively dating but have no intentions of getting married either again, or for the first time?
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As long as my health is ok, I'm open for a long term relationship even if not actively dating. Am more of a informal hang out with others kind of person especially groups, than those making "dates". I came to learn long ago as a twentysomething during the counterculture era, that shallow relationships held serious psychological and societal issues for we heterosexual biology earth monkeys, though can readily understand why many may not.
 
Blessed said:
You may be right but he has gone on and on about finding someone. I gave him the benefit of the doubt according to his post. To me, now it is clear what he wants, a lady with all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of a relationship. He can buy the so called non- relationship should he want to do so. He can also hire a maid and cook. He just does not want to look like an A**, so he is not going to say the truth here. He is not scared at all, he just realizes he is not going to get what he wants. He, himself said women should just be falling down and throwing themselves at him because he owns his own home and has no addictions. Refers to a lady "as a hottie he asked out for ice cream" come on. You are a smart woman, you see the truth of it. Don't allow him to live in a dream world, tell him the truth!! Go back and read your own posts, you see thru the nonsense.
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Refers to a lady "as a hottie he asked out for ice cream". I cant see the problem with that. No different in me saying I'd like to go for a spin with that good lookin hunk.:D
 
Pepper said:
@RandomName
"(And, no, I don't think I am a handsome stud deserving a beautiful woman, just in case someone is going to accuse me of that crime, ha ha)"

In my experience, many men, handsome or not, feel they are deserving of a beautiful woman only. Those are the guys who don't want a real commitment. I call it the 'Heart of Gold' syndrome.
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Is that similar to "God's gift to women"?
 
RandomName said:
Blessed,

Wow, all the hate. Geez.

Let me clear one thing up. I never said women ought to be begging me to be their boyfriend. Read my post again. I had read, and people told me, that as a healthy man with no addictions, no debt, has own house and car, I am supposed to be in demand.

I was *hoping* that would be true, but, as I posted (yes, reread it, please), that has NOT been the case.

If you had read my posts, and got an accurate impression of me, instead of turning me into an effigy of an a** you apparently knew in your past, and wish to beat on, you would not be attacking me.

Go ahead an say bad things about men who abuse women, OK, that's cool. But I am not one of them. Got it? Sorry to disappoint you.

I actually think you owe me an apology.
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I have found the honesty and vulnerability of your posts around your dating/friendship journey rather endearing. Takes guts to be as genuine. Props to you!
 
JaniceM said:
Is that similar to "God's gift to women"?
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You mean 'heart of gold' syndrome? Very briefly, when a person sets up in advance, and sticks to this ideal that can't exist, a fault will always be found. The core being the person really did not want to commit in the first place to a real human partner, not the fantasy. Some people are not cut out for partnership.

The problem, as I see it, is that the person is dishonest in one's true intent, whether knowingly or unknowingly. The potential partner may fall victim to the lament of 'I can't be with you; you're not perfect.' That's not good for self esteem.

I based the name of this syndrome on lyrics of Neil Young's 'Heart of Gold' I see this song as Neil's evidence of my 'theory.' As in "Oh, you poor baby, you!" Nah ah.
 
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