No more Ma’am and Sir

Ronni, I have a lot of respect for your postings, but I have to disagree with this one. I’m too old school to get into the gender identification thing. Females are Ma’am and Guys are Sir. And although I don’t care to be called pet names, I don’t correct anyone who uses them, unless it’s a guy calling me Sweetie or Darling.
 

oldaunt said:
People I don't know well are NOT allowed to "endear" me. Its rude.
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Meh. When it comes to getting endeared I’m easy. I don’t use those terms easily as I didn’t grow up like that. But I enjoy variation in different settings and places. When we went to S Carolina for the eclipse a few years back there was lots of local color. I particularly enjoyed “well bless his/her little heart” as I have a gift for sarcasm but prefer understatement. But I found one cousin’s n-bombs entirely unacceptable and won’t have any more to do with him. We all have our limits.
 
Round here, (the north of England) you will hear people calling each other 'love', or 'chuck', or 'duck' and there is absolutely no offence meant in those words..
Only this morning, the lovely lady from over the road put a cup of tea infront of me and said, "Get this down you, love." I definitely was not offended. 😊
 
Pepper said:
I like the endearment 'Love' because it's so British.
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I am a Brit. In the past week, my other half (as she is the one who usually answers the door for parcels) has been addressed variously as 'love', 'sweetheart' and 'darling'. People's form of address depends where they come from. In my particular part of the country, it's not unusual to be (informally) greeted as 'duck'. Men are often addressed as 'mate'.
 
Been There said:
Ronni, I have a lot of respect for your postings, but I have to disagree with this one. I’m too old school to get into the gender identification thing. Females are Ma’am and Guys are Sir. And although I don’t care to be called pet names, I don’t correct anyone who uses them, unless it’s a guy calling me Sweetie or Darling.
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Thank you @Been There, I appreciate that. ❤️

I have been presented with situations where it’s unclear to me what gender I am addressing. Beautifully applied makeup and beard scruff. Obvious breasts but buzz cut and trousers. Gorgeous, styled long hair, professional manicure of long and adorned nails, crotch bulge. Or a completely androgynous look that could be male or female. Im faced with contrary, conflicting information as to gender, either the one they were born with or the one they identify as.

In those instances there are no hard lines so your “females are ma’am and guys are sir” approach would be a stumbling block for me. I could just say nothing after a thank you or you’re welcome, but it sounds very curt, and it’s been all but impossible so far curb my natural inclination to be chatty and warm to the folks I deal with day to day

If I’m trying to get a store clerks attention I would typically say Ma’am? Or Sir? In a voice loud enough to get their attention. But if I’m unclear as to their gender? I’ve tried “excuse me?” And “hello?” And they work ok.

Too, I’m out and about and around people on a daily basis. My work requires lots of interactions with tradespeople, customer service type, bank tellers and other executives….many different professions as I go about the daily tasks of facilitating things for my clients. So I come across situations on an almost daily basis where I’m unsure how to address someone.

If your (the general your, not you personally) lifestyle is such that your interactions with others are few and far between, or they’re mostly with folks you already know, then this situation would be far less of a problem for you. That’s not the case for me so it’s a very real conundrum in my world.
 
The actor in the clip was born in Lancashire and calling everyone 'love' is the norm there, whatever their gender. So don't be fooled into thinking how wonderful he is.....
 
While on a trip to Cornwall, I was charmed by the frequent use of "Luv" as a friendly address. Every shopkeeper greeted me with, "Can I help you, Luv?" It made me feel like I was in a British movie.

I can't imagine anything offensive about it. It's just friendly.
 
oldaunt said:
I agree. Love, Dear, Sweetie, Hon. All of them make me want to slap someone.
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Oh, yes indeed. I seriously dislike it and it always feels mocking/condescending on some level. Ma'am is just fine for me. I have no plan to state that I want to pretend be a man anytime in the future. :rolleyes: I *would* however, like to identify as an eagle someday... they soar so effortlessly.

That said, I don't actually call people by a gender at all... I call them by their NAME. Then it won't matter how they decided to "identify" that day, will it?
 
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When I was on duty, I had to use Mr. So and so or Ms. So and so. I retired before these gender ID crap started.
 
Ronni said:
View attachment 279548This. This made me cry. This is profound.

I have been struggling to modify my language to be more respectful and accepting of gender. The days of “yes sir/thank you ma’am” are gone, for me. I have likely insulted some folks, however unintentionally, in my efforts to be polite.

No more. I will just use “love” from now on. Thank you love. You’re welcome love. Love..it covers everyone with a warm blanket of acceptance. Perfect. ❤️
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Nope, I can't be bothered by trying to figure out one of 183 genders.

I don't care much for the honey stuff either but I will not let it bother me to the point of rudeness. The most they will get back from me is an eye roll, hopefully to their back but no guarantees.

I do like "Love" most because it is British and somehow comes across in a different way to me than hon or sweetie. All the waitresses, nurses, clerks, all women called my husband by pet names. That never bothered me but it's sounds different to me when they are calling me that. Still, I opt for a polite response if at all possible.

One thing I have noticed is an increased use of "their" or "them" by the news media when speaking of an individual. I guess it covers all the gender bases even though the usage is incorrect.
 
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Yesterday in a long line in the grocery store, I made a point of listening to the clerk. Anyone under 40 got a thanks, older got love or dear. This is common.

Thank you would have been perfectly fine. Or have a good day. Or see you again.

If I heard those sweetisms in a serious business meeting, I wouldn’t say anything, but I’d leave extremely annoyed.

As for ‘luv’ being a common British word, it’s best left used in Britain.
 
I know that @Ronni wants to respect people's feelings. I've known quite a few intersex people, and they didn't ask to be born that way.

I know that others use Sir and Ma'am to show respect.

I used to take offense when people said, "I'll pray for you," because I'm not religious. Then I realized they were just trying to be nice.

Can't we all just get over it, instead of looking for trouble?
 
I spent too much of my life being controlled. In how I looked, what I said, what I did, who I was.

I have no intention to be unkind to anyone. I will address them as they like unless they pull some crap like I'm this one day and another the next. But I won't be controlled or berated or abused if I make a mistake.

I don't think someone wants to try this on me.
 
rgp said:
Pizza delivery .. a young(er) female , handed me the pizza , I tipped her & said thank you ma'am . I received a very stern look, one of those that goes right through ya , and the reply of .... I'm not a ma'am , but have a nice day.

IMO, that girl is just way to sensitive , and in all honesty ... needs to talk to someone.
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This person is likely getting something out of the conflict. Likes to be a victim. Possible personality disorder (oh do I know that one), insatiable need for attention. A plain jerk. Sorry you encountered.
 
Ronni said:
I respectfully disagree. If I refer to someone as ma’am and they identify as male, then that’s on me.
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Did you ever see my post about the guy with a beard who made a scene at the all volunteer run thrift store, run literally by little old ladies? An individual came in with a beard and made an offended scene when he kindly was refered to as 'sir.' He also came in with a larger dog and no masks when they were still requiring masks. That jerk reminded me of my mother. My mother would get offended over her accent when no offense was made.
 
Everyone is called John in the uk..whatever there name lol
i call my friends by their names , or if it’s their parents , it’s always mr, or Mrs ?
 

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