Are there questions you wish you asked prior to marriage?

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Ladybj

Live, Laugh and Love
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For those of you who are married or have been married, what is a question(s) you wished you would have asked prior to marriage but didn't? I was young when I married (24) but wish I would have asked:

Are you oppose to marriage counseling if needed?
Spiritual, Religious, Atheist?

I am thinking of writing a book on the subject. There are soo many questions people fail to ask when dating. Some couples get to know each other after marriage and then realize they have very little in common. Marriage is not the time to figure out if you are a good fit..its prior to marriage.
 

Ladybj said:
For those of you who are married or have been married, what is a question(s) you wished you would have asked prior to marriage but didn't?

There are soo many questions people fail to ask when dating. Some couples get to know each other after marriage and then realize they have very little in common. Marriage is not the time to figure out if you are a good fit..its prior to marriage.
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I had my answers before we were married. If there was something I wanted to know, I just asked.

Then and now, I would take my time getting to know someone before ever making a commitment. I don't like surprises. I expect honesty. If I discover you've lied to me, you're history.
 
How about dating or being engaged for a couple of years before taking the big step. Seems like today it's meet on Monday, date on Tuesday, and marry on Wednesday. And if they or their potential mate have already been married and divorced, maybe a little extra caution should be used. It's hard to find someone that takes the blame for previous marriage failures.

OK - - not quite that bad, but I think some folks can "fake it" for 6 or 7 months before the cracks start to show. Except for a few, most folks will be recognized for who or what they are in that time period. Gives one time to clear up a few doubts and maybe see who the real person is, that they're going to marry.

How about dating for a year and a half, engaged for 6 months and then the big day. Is that really such along time ? Two years out of a lifetime.
I happen to believe that too many folks tie the knot with folks that they barely know and wake up some day with a totally different person than ( they thought) they had married.
 
Bella said:
I had my answers before we were married. If there was something I wanted to know, I just asked.

Then and now, I would take my time getting to know someone before ever making a commitment. I don't like surprises. I expect honesty. If I discover you've lied to me, you're history.
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I agree⬆️👍
 
After nearly 50 years of marriage, I think we're still finding out little things about each other.

The only marriage 'counselling' I received was from the minister who asked if we had our own place to live. I said yes, and he explained that one of the most important things was to have a good financial base to build your lives on. As they say, 'When Poverty Comes in at the Door, Loves Flies out at the Window'
 
Ladybj said:
For those of you who are married or have been married, what is a question(s) you wished you would have asked prior to marriage but didn't? I was young when I married (24) but wish I would have asked:

Are you oppose to marriage counseling if needed?
Spiritual, Religious, Atheist?

I am thinking of writing a book on the subject. There are soo many questions people fail to ask when dating. Some couples get to know each other after marriage and then realize they have very little in common. Marriage is not the time to figure out if you are a good fit..its prior to marriage.
Click to expand...
I'm afraid it takes time to get to know someone. It's usually too late by then.
 
I wish that I had asked, “How intrusive is your family going to be into our lives?” You aren’t just marrying a man or woman, you see, but rather their entire family! So, are you agreeable to spending Xmas Eve, a large hunk of Xmas day, and New Year’s Eve with the family of your intended? Are you OK with the expectation that you’ll visit them every Sunday? Will you enjoy the noisy, crowded, and frequent family gatherings with barely enough seats to be had where ill-mannered children run around, often stepping on your feet?

Anticipate and experience the nightmare of in-laws before you tie the knot! I guarantee you’ll later be seeing a lot more of them than you want to! 🙀
 
Ladybj said:
For those of you who are married or have been married, what is a question(s) you wished you would have asked prior to marriage but didn't? I was young when I married (24) but wish I would have asked:

Are you oppose to marriage counseling if needed?
Spiritual, Religious, Atheist?

I am thinking of writing a book on the subject. There are soo many questions people fail to ask when dating. Some couples get to know each other after marriage and then realize they have very little in common. Marriage is not the time to figure out if you are a good fit..its prior to marriage.
Click to expand...
I can't think of anything that would have been needed to ask 61 years ago. That far back times were different, the expectations were different jobs & financial stability were different.

Since most seem to have some kind of employment , if I was young now I would ask about things like.
1. Will our combined incomes be in one account.
2. Do we want to bring kids into the world now?
3. What goals do we want to set?
Religion would be the least questioned because dating would answer how committed a mate is to a particular faith.
 
Fyrefox said:
I wish that I had asked, “How intrusive is your family going to be into our lives?” You aren’t just marrying a man or woman, you see, but rather their entire family! So, are you agreeable to spending Xmas Eve, a large hunk of Xmas day, and New Year’s Eve with the family of your intended? Are you OK with the expectation that you’ll visit them every Sunday? Will you enjoy the noisy, crowded, and frequent family gatherings with barely enough seats to be had where ill-mannered children run around, often stepping on your feet?

Anticipate and experience the nightmare of in-laws before you tie the knot! I guarantee you’ll later be seeing a lot more of them than you want to! 🙀
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I’m glad someone else wrote this.
 
Are you insane? Did you ever grow up? Do you believe the world was created to serve you? Do you realize when you borrow money you are supposed to pay it back? Can you hold onto $20 for more than a half hour? Do you know what DIY means? Do you believe that even though you're married, you can still live the single life? Are you able to turn off a light? Can you eat with a fork and spoon? Etc., etc., etc.
 
MountainRa said:
Wish I’d asked, ‘Do you have hoarding issues’?
He would have said No as he doesn’t see it as hoarding.
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This is the main problem with asking questions. People have different ways of looking at things, so they're probably not giving a useful answer.

My husband wanted to start a business in my name. I said fine, as long as there was no illegality. Turned out he wanted to fudge the records to save on import fees and taxes. I said, "I told you, nothing illegal." He said, "That's not illegal."

Everyone thinks they're moral, responsible, easy to get along with, etc. If they say they want children, do they mean they want to actually raise them, or just drop off their "legacy"?
 
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