My brother is dying

ronk

ronk

Member
My older brother has been suffering from complications of diabetes for many years. He's grossly overweight and has open sores because his skin has stretched too far.

He's been in the hospital for a week. Today I talked to his nurse. She said he is on "hospice." They will treat his pain and make him as comfortable as possible. But they won't do any more. His kidneys are shutting down.

I'm concerned for him. But I'm also upset that no one in my family sought to include me in on the medical decision. I wouldn't expect to have a vote, but it would have been nice to know what was happening. He is my last surviving brother. I lost my other brother in 1987 at the age of 37.
 

ronk said:
My older brother has been suffering from complications of diabetes for many years. He's grossly overweight and has open sores because his skin has stretched too far.

He's been in the hospital for a week. Today I talked to his nurse. She said he is on "hospice." They will treat his pain and make him as comfortable as possible. But they won't do any more. His kidneys are shutting down.

I'm concerned for him. But I'm also upset that no one in my family sought to include me in on the medical decision. I wouldn't expect to have a vote, but it would have been nice to know what was happening. He is my last surviving brother. I lost my other brother in 1987 at the age of 37.
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I'm sorry about your brother, Ron. I pray you will receive comfort during this sad and difficult time. 🙏
 
That is such sad news Ronk. All I can suggest that you be there for him as much as you can. Daily visits, if that's possible. Families are sometimes thoughtless and think they know all. I have just lost a dear friend in January. We have been friends since we first started working together, 65 years ago. She had nobody at the end except her son and me. Other people would always say, "How is M....." but never bothered to visit.
 

ronk said:
My older brother has been suffering from complications of diabetes for many years. He's grossly overweight and has open sores because his skin has stretched too far.

He's been in the hospital for a week. Today I talked to his nurse. She said he is on "hospice." They will treat his pain and make him as comfortable as possible. But they won't do any more. His kidneys are shutting down.

I'm concerned for him. But I'm also upset that no one in my family sought to include me in on the medical decision. I wouldn't expect to have a vote, but it would have been nice to know what was happening. He is my last surviving brother. I lost my other brother in 1987 at the age of 37.
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I'm sorry about your older brother suffering and is on "hospice," @ronk! I pray that the physicians and nurses treat him well. Visiting him might also help, as @oscash suggested.
 
I'm so sorry, Ronk. I lost my older brother a few years ago.

There's something so special about our siblings, we remember them when they were uncomplicated children and they remember us the same way. We share memories of events with our parents and grandparents that no one else on earth know about but us, and as I told my older brother before he died, that I never knew life without him in it.

Hugs to you at this very hard time.
 
ronk said:
My older brother has been suffering from complications of diabetes for many years. He's grossly overweight and has open sores because his skin has stretched too far.

He's been in the hospital for a week. Today I talked to his nurse. She said he is on "hospice." They will treat his pain and make him as comfortable as possible. But they won't do any more. His kidneys are shutting down.

I'm concerned for him. But I'm also upset that no one in my family sought to include me in on the medical decision. I wouldn't expect to have a vote, but it would have been nice to know what was happening. He is my last surviving brother. I lost my other brother in 1987 at the age of 37.
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can you contest this legally?
 
ronk said:
My older brother has been suffering from complications of diabetes for many years. He's grossly overweight and has open sores because his skin has stretched too far.

He's been in the hospital for a week. Today I talked to his nurse. She said he is on "hospice." They will treat his pain and make him as comfortable as possible. But they won't do any more. His kidneys are shutting down.

I'm concerned for him. But I'm also upset that no one in my family sought to include me in on the medical decision. I wouldn't expect to have a vote, but it would have been nice to know what was happening. He is my last surviving brother. I lost my other brother in 1987 at the age of 37.
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Ronk, I am so sorry for your brother. Maybe finding peace in knowing your hurt and all of it.
 
ronk said:
My older brother has been suffering from complications of diabetes for many years. He's grossly overweight and has open sores because his skin has stretched too far.

He's been in the hospital for a week. Today I talked to his nurse. She said he is on "hospice." They will treat his pain and make him as comfortable as possible. But they won't do any more. His kidneys are shutting down.

I'm concerned for him. But I'm also upset that no one in my family sought to include me in on the medical decision. I wouldn't expect to have a vote, but it would have been nice to know what was happening. He is my last surviving brother. I lost my other brother in 1987 at the age of 37.
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I'm sorry. It must be hard not to be included in his care.
 
@ Ronk......I'm also sorry for the stress and loss that's coming your way.
I've lost everyone in my family and I think that being present in the last days, hours and the very last moment when someone exits this world for the next is a sacred time. It's a gift for the loved one to not be alone and I think it's an honor and privilege to be there and bid them farewell.
 
ronk said:
My older brother has been suffering from complications of diabetes for many years. He's grossly overweight and has open sores because his skin has stretched too far.

He's been in the hospital for a week. Today I talked to his nurse. She said he is on "hospice." They will treat his pain and make him as comfortable as possible. But they won't do any more. His kidneys are shutting down.

I'm concerned for him. But I'm also upset that no one in my family sought to include me in on the medical decision. I wouldn't expect to have a vote, but it would have been nice to know what was happening. He is my last surviving brother. I lost my other brother in 1987 at the age of 37.
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Don't feel bad about being left out of the loop. My husband died unexpectedly last month and I was asked about what interventions I wanted when he had been revived having stopped breathing from a suspected stroke and a very obvious cardiac arrest.

He and I had talked about this moment and I knew what he wanted. I asked for care and comfort only, and our daughter and son supported my request.

Had I consulted his only surviving sibling, his younger brother, I know that he might have wanted to delay the decision because he did this with his own father years ago. As it was, my daughter (a nurse) and I were able to spend his last hours with him but our son lives too far away to make it to his bedside. However, he was consulted at the time the decision was made.

There is no way of knowing how long a person receiving palliative care will live so, if you able, try to make a visit to his bedside while you still can.
 
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My brother has been in the hospital for a week. I talked to his nurse twice. She said he was doing ok, being treated for a few problems related to the open sores, and anemia She didn't give any indication of life-threatening conditions. Over the other days I tried calling the direct number for his hospital room, and got no answer.

Today I called his room number and was told it was the wrong number. Apparently he had left that room, and another patient was there.. I called the switchboard, and was connected to his nurse. She didn't speak English very well. She said he was on hospice. I asked if he had a life-threatening illness, she said it wasn't necessarily that severe. But she said the family agreed not to tell him he was on hospice. Then she let me talk to him on her cellphone.

Mt brother was barely able to talk. I'm not sure he understood anything I said. I finally bailed out of the conversation. It was just too painful. I'm not even sure it would help to visit him. But it might be good for me even if he wasn't totally aware I was there. I just can't face it till maybe Monday
 
ronk said:
I'm not even sure it would help to visit him. But it might be good for me even if he wasn't totally aware I was there. I just can't face it till maybe Monday
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It would definitely be good for you
Down the line a bit, you'll know you did right

It is 'tough to face'
But......you won't regret going
You will, however, regret not going


I know that one too well
 
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ronk said:
Mt brother was barely able to talk. I'm not sure he understood anything I said. I finally bailed out of the conversation. It was just too painful. I'm not even sure it would help to visit him. But it might be good for me even if he wasn't totally aware I was there. I just can't face it till maybe Monday
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It's very tough. Most of the time my dad hasn't been aware of who I am for the past couple of years or so but I do feel comforted when I visit him. It's rough sometimes when I do get home but I try to keep busy for the rest of the day and remind myself that I have no control over his fate.

And who knows. Maybe deep down inside my dad does feel my presence when I do visit him. And your brother might feel your presence. We may never know but I like to believe that they do feel it somehow.
 

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