Do you agree that sometimes you have to give up on people?

I can see needing to do that. Especially if they are difficult. I have had to walk away from regular interaction with some family members even. Sometimes temporary. Had a family member going down a dark path with drugs and alcohol. Many family intervened. She was just too far gone.
BUT..she did get dragged into rehab, fighting all the way...and got herself going in the right direction. Many family did take her back in...making her promise to be less distructive.
 
Boundaries are important. And sometimes if a person won't respect mine i've been known to walk away. i gave my first husband 3 second chances (post actually moving out) and a fourth while still living together and i got him to go to marriage counseling. He walked out of 2nd session, wouldn't even try with a different counselor. Learned my lesson.

Tried counseling with 3rd hubby too, first separately than a joint session with his--when i realized by that counselor's questions and comments that hubby had lied either to me or counselor or both of us about various issues, i was DONE!
 
I've even given up on the idea of people. After all this time, I'm losing my need for acquaintance friendships, and people in general. Just concentrate on son/grandson/bff in FL, who, btw is totally opposite from me politically & religiously. Called acceptance.
 
Paco Dennis said:
Even the best of friends part ways sometimes. It is hard to predict, or even know when you need to move on, but when you do, it is time to move on. :)
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So True! I had a friend of nearly fifteen years. When I met her, she was going through a divorce and was unhappy. Within a year, she had met someone else, got engaged, got married. Unfortunately, her husband had cancer and passed away. I must mention that her husband was a great guy, very good to her. After that, it seemed that whenever I spoke to her she was dating the worst kind of man possible.

One of them was so awful to her that I tried having a talk with her about her choices. I couldn't understand how she could go from the nice man her husband had been, to consistently taking up with such poor choices. I soon realized that being mistreated was something that was fulfilling a need in her, and I stopped wasting time advising and encouraging her. I figured that if she was in her fifties and hadn't learned self respect, it likely was not going to happen. :unsure:
 
carouselsilver said:
Sadly true. They don't care. I have had to give up on nine siblings who continue to practice the dysfunction that they learned in childhood. This is no longer meaningful or necessary. And yet when they are stressed about something and want to unload, suddenly I am important again.
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Ditto.. sadly... Not nine, but the majority of my siblings......and precisely like yours...they take from me..or did until I cut them off.. treat me like garbage, yet when they're in trouble who is/was the first they came running to?.. me... these are grown adults..

Nope I took it and took it because I felt a misplaced sense of duty because we lost our mum so young.. but no.. I had to face the fact these people are just too toxic to be in my life..
 
carouselsilver said:
So True! I had a friend of nearly fifteen years. When I met her, she was going through a divorce and was unhappy. Within a year, she had met someone else, got engaged, got married. Unfortunately, her husband had cancer and passed away. I must mention that her husband was a great guy, very good to her. After that, it seemed that whenever I spoke to her she was dating the worst kind of man possible.

One of them was so awful to her that I tried having a talk with her about her choices. I couldn't understand how she could go from the nice man her husband had been, to consistently taking up with such poor choices. I soon realized that being mistreated was something that was fulfilling a need in her, and I stopped wasting time advising and encouraging her. I figured that if she was in her fifties and hadn't learned self respect, it likely was not going to happen. :unsure:
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One of my sisters' is just like that. She seems to revel in the sympathy of people if she's been abused by a man. She causes 99 % of the treatment that's ultimately meted out to her by men usually by attacking them first .. then she cries to everyone else about how badly she's been treated... but if anyone was to step in , including the police she's defending him to the hilt...
 
I have 4 adult (mid 50s) kids. I've "given up" on two of them, perhaps 5 years ago or so.

What "giving up" means to me - in this case - is I've accepted they are who they are and will never be any different. This does NOT mean I don't love them, and in some ways I love them more.

TO ADD: I likely gave the wrong impression. The two kids I've "accepted for what they are" just did not live up to their potential. Both have done some dumb things and just never learned from their mistakes. That said, both are good and loving individuals.

My son (namesake) had it all as a kid. Looks, wit, intelligence, personality, and a strong drive. He could have been anything if he set his mind to it. But, at 15 he discovered alcohol and that was a struggle for some time. He managed to get into college but we soon found out he was not attending classes - partying/sleeping instead. LONG story short, he will be 56 this week and continues to deliver pizzas for a living.

My daughter was blessed / cursed with beauty. She too had a wonderful personality, a terrific voice, and likely could have gone on to do whatever she set her mind to. Well, another LONG story shortened - she discovered sex at 15, never held a job for more than a week (except for "dancing"). She is now on her 5th marriage and somewhere along the way she discovered prescription drugs. She was in jail, and rehab, etc. Her hubbies have all been bums and enablers - although the current one may be OK in that regard. I believe she has been sober for a year or two, but I don't know what to believe anymore.

One more thing... both of these two are friendly and cordial and if you met them you would think likewise.
 
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Mobilman44 said:
I have 4 adult (mid 50s) kids. I've "given up" on two of them, perhaps 5 years ago or so.

What "giving up" means to me - in this case - is I've accepted they are who they are and will never be any different. This does NOT mean I don't love them, and in some ways I love them more.
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this must be the hardest thing of all..to give up on your own kids ..I know yours are middle aged and not young.. but as a parent most of us will do just about anything for our kids.... so it must take something very bad to ultimately turn away from them...:(
of course there are people like my father who hated his kids, and couldn't wait for them to leave so that was as far as he was concerned the end of any relationship he had with any of us.... most of us were very happy to get away from him..


he did abandon his eldest son at the age of 9 years old..

My father was the type of man who should have been castrated at birth before he did the damage to innocent kids...
 
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Dya know...for some reason...maybe it;s just me but it didn't /doesn't matter how many times I get on my knees with hands clasped and face up to heaven, and pray..those sons of beeches are still going to steal from me.... they're still going to take everything I have..in one instance, every stitch of clothing I owned except what I was standing up in... did prayer get me new clothes?.. no...

did prayer get my sister to stop stealing from me after that ..no......did prayer stop my brother from breaking into my house and stealing all my electronics, and those things belonging to my small, child?.. No.. .. did prayer stop him stealing my car and crashing it..NO>.....and on and on more and more things... the answer is NO..prayer fixes nothing... so let's not pretend it does...
 

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