Do I want to be alone or do I want to be social?

My wife passed away April18/23 so I've been alone now for 21 months and I am doing pretty good with my own company. I think of her often but not in a painful way now. I can think of all the good the good things we had and even some of the bad without feeling sad. I had been alone for about seven years before I met Annie so it isn't like I haven't learned how to be alone.
I have our wonderful little Jack Russell to keep me company and amused. A little over a year ago a few friends got me back into shooting skeet quite often and some rifle shooting at a couple of clubs we belong to. I am enjoying that a lot. We usually go out for coffee afterwards.
I also do some woodworking and a bit of metal working for a hobby.
Also I go out to dinner or a brunch once a month with people from the grief counselling group that I attended. There were ten of us in the group and most months probably nine of us go out. I met up with a lady that I knew over 40 years ago who has a group of other friends that also get together once a month for similar get togethers. This group usually is about six or seven people. I didn't know it for the first few months but we have all lost someone too. It is a bit maybe ironic that we rarely talk about our lost loved ones at these dinners. We always seem to be catching up with whatever is going on in each other's lives.
I am quite close to my family as well.
Other than that, I am busy trying to keep up with normal property and house keeping. So all in all, I think I am doing quite well.
I'm not saying that there will never be another person in my life as a soul mate, but for the moment I am content alone.
 
John cycling said:
The easy solution is to get a smart charger from Ebay or Amazon and, when you're not driving, keep it on
the battery at all times. I've been using one for a couple decades, sometimes don't drive anywhere for months
at a time. As a result, the smart charger has kept the car batteries in top condition for at at least 7 or 8 years or longer.
Click to expand...
I need to look into one of those. Might not be a good idea for someone like me tho. Currently my minivan forces me to go out and mingle. Altho sometimes I just drive around and go home. :D
 

Paco Dennis said:
I ran into this yesterday while surfing. I feel like this short essay be George Orwell describes this experience we have of feeling alone and needing connections with others.

George Orwell once said: “The most terrible loneliness is not the kind that comes from being alone, but the kind that comes from being misunderstood.”
It’s the kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from silence, but from the overwhelming noise of a world that doesn’t truly hear you. You stand in a room full of people, laugh when it’s expected, speak when the moment demands it, and yet, in your heart, you feel invisible. You feel like the truest parts of yourself—the raw, unpolished, and beautifully complex pieces of who you are—go unnoticed, misunderstood, or even ignored.
This is a different kind of ache, one that lives deep in the soul. It’s not about missing someone’s presence, but about missing connection, longing for the kind of bond that allows you to feel truly seen. It’s not the absence of love, but the absence of recognition—of being known for all that you are, without needing to filter or edit yourself to fit into someone else’s understanding.
To be misunderstood is to feel disconnected. It’s like speaking a language no one around you understands, shouting your truth into the void, hoping someone will hear and respond. Instead, you’re met with blank stares, polite nods, or worse, a misinterpretation of who you are. The world seems to focus only on the surface, skimming over your depths, while you yearn for someone to dive in and swim beside you.
In these moments, you may question yourself. You may wonder, “Is there something wrong with me?” or, “Should I change to make others understand?” You might be tempted to reshape yourself to fit their expectations, to dull your edges or brighten your colors. But even then, the loneliness doesn’t fade. Because in trying to conform, you lose pieces of yourself, slowly becoming a shadow of who you once were—a ghost of your former self.
The truest ache of loneliness isn’t about being alone; it’s about feeling unseen.
To feel truly understood by someone is to experience a connection that goes beyond words. It’s when someone looks into your eyes and sees the parts of you that you’ve kept hidden—the scars, the dreams, the doubts—and chooses to stay. It’s when someone not only hears your words but also feels the emotions behind them. It’s the moment when you realize you don’t have to explain yourself; they already understand.
And yet, in this deep loneliness, there is strength. The resilience of holding onto your authenticity, even when it feels invisible to others. The quiet courage of refusing to fade into the expectations of the crowd. You may feel unseen, but the essence of who you are—the light, the fire, the complexity—is still alive. It waits, patiently, for the right people, the ones who will see you clearly and cherish all that you are.
The beauty of being misunderstood is that it allows you to understand yourself. In the absence of connection, you learn to be your own anchor. You discover the importance of nurturing your own soul, celebrating your uniqueness, and staying true to your essence. And as you grow, as you embrace your full self, the world begins to shift.
The right connections—the ones that see you for who you truly are—arrive when you least expect them. They see beyond the surface and into your heart. They listen, not just with their ears but with their soul. These are the connections that remind you that you were never meant to fade; you were meant to shine.
So, even in the depths of this terrible loneliness, hold on to your essence. Refuse to disappear. Let your light burn brightly, even if no one seems to notice right now. The people who are meant to see it—your people—will find you. And when they do, you’ll realize that the wait, the ache, and the loneliness were all part of a journey to something extraordinary.
To be known, truly known, is to be celebrated in your wholeness. It is the antidote to loneliness.
Hold on. Shine on. You are seen, even if not by the world yet.
~ George Orwell
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Excellent. Sounds like he experienced all and it taught him such wisdom. I live alone but through communicating with those members of a Facebook forum for whom I relate to their experiences, I don't feel alone.
 
Paco Dennis said:
I ran into this yesterday while surfing. I feel like this short essay be George Orwell describes this experience we have of feeling alone and needing connections with others.

George Orwell once said: “The most terrible loneliness is not the kind that comes from being alone, but the kind that comes from being misunderstood.”
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Wow; that is really beautiful, @PacoDennis, and it sums up exactly how I feel in North Dakota.

Thanks so much for sharing that.
 
iu

Greta Garbo
 
TinaM you have a dog, they are brilliant friendship makers. If you have a dog there is always someone to talk to out on your walks. It makes me happy that there are many of you like myself that are content with their own company. I walk my dog twice a day , talk to other dog people and that is my social life. It is quite enough at this point in my life. I to live in a 55+ community so there is the opportunity to socialize as much or as little as I want.
 
Lots of good suggestions here to help with loneliness but in this area the Covid lockdown permanently did away with all or most of the activities (the free ones anyway). I don't know if they even tried to bring any back. Anyway, this area (and I bet other areas also) is becoming more and more like the Wild West towns: nothing to do but bars and churches and I'm not interested in either. So it's a lot of dog walking.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I live alone, and I'd like to have friends. Also I'm disabled, which adds to being alone. The senior centers here are all government run. They provide a meal, and bingo. I don't really need a meal, and besides as a diabetic I have to know what's in the food I eat. And I hate bingo. Since it's government run, they have to account for everything. You get a container of milk with the meal. I don't drink milk, but I have to take it. If they have 1 milk left over, that becomes a big deal, with tons of forms to be filled out. So, it kinds of boils down is that I don't have a place to go
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I agree with a lot of the others. There are a lot other places to go, however sometimes it is hard find transportation. I see people go to the senior centers, but once their ride is gone, they no longer are able to participate.

You are lucky. You seem to be computer literate, so there is still communication for you. Did you ever try game rooms such as cards, chess, checkers, etc? Although you are right about filling out forms, I am sure there is someplace, something, you would be able to do with your disability. Don't give up on the search.
 
I used to think I was an introvert but when I started researching it, I learned I’m an ambivert. Ambiverts are people who fall more in the middle on the extraversion/introversion spectrum. I do think I lean more in the direction of introversion.

That being said, I don’t believe we should overthink the labels. I’ve found I gain more clarity about whether I’m comfortable with being alone by checking in with my feelings. I think we can tell when we’re okay with our alone time or when we need social contact. This forum is a wonderful way to reach out for social interaction. These people seem so willing to reach out and give genuine feedback to concerns and questions.
 
TinaM said:
I have not been in a dating relationship in almost 15 years. I love living alone but read so much about seniors being socially isolated and how it’s not healthy. I choose to move to a new state after retirement and now I just have two out of state friends I text or call several times a week but no new friends or relatives in my new state. My only son is relocating to South America with his family in the spring. Other than my dogs and cat, I will truly be alone. I do plan to try to find some volunteer opportunities later on this year. Unfortunately, I live in a smaller town and the senior center sucks as far as activities.

I wonder if online communications count as social interaction for mental health? I’ll keep trying to meet people and hoping to get out there more in 2025.
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I think online interactions definitely count towards finding social connections. There are shared and new stories to discuss as an online community.

When I’m not online I walk my dogs a few times each day, which helps them and me. Animals, nature and volunteer groups are wonderful ways for us to feel motivated to go outside and engage with the world too.
 
Paco Dennis said:
I ran into this yesterday while surfing. I feel like this short essay be George Orwell describes this experience we have of feeling alone and needing connections with others.

George Orwell once said: “The most terrible loneliness is not the kind that comes from being alone, but the kind that comes from being misunderstood.”
It’s the kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from silence, but from the overwhelming noise of a world that doesn’t truly hear you. You stand in a room full of people, laugh when it’s expected, speak when the moment demands it, and yet, in your heart, you feel invisible. You feel like the truest parts of yourself—the raw, unpolished, and beautifully complex pieces of who you are—go unnoticed, misunderstood, or even ignored.
This is a different kind of ache, one that lives deep in the soul. It’s not about missing someone’s presence, but about missing connection, longing for the kind of bond that allows you to feel truly seen. It’s not the absence of love, but the absence of recognition—of being known for all that you are, without needing to filter or edit yourself to fit into someone else’s understanding.
To be misunderstood is to feel disconnected. It’s like speaking a language no one around you understands, shouting your truth into the void, hoping someone will hear and respond. Instead, you’re met with blank stares, polite nods, or worse, a misinterpretation of who you are. The world seems to focus only on the surface, skimming over your depths, while you yearn for someone to dive in and swim beside you.
In these moments, you may question yourself. You may wonder, “Is there something wrong with me?” or, “Should I change to make others understand?” You might be tempted to reshape yourself to fit their expectations, to dull your edges or brighten your colors. But even then, the loneliness doesn’t fade. Because in trying to conform, you lose pieces of yourself, slowly becoming a shadow of who you once were—a ghost of your former self.
The truest ache of loneliness isn’t about being alone; it’s about feeling unseen.
To feel truly understood by someone is to experience a connection that goes beyond words. It’s when someone looks into your eyes and sees the parts of you that you’ve kept hidden—the scars, the dreams, the doubts—and chooses to stay. It’s when someone not only hears your words but also feels the emotions behind them. It’s the moment when you realize you don’t have to explain yourself; they already understand.
And yet, in this deep loneliness, there is strength. The resilience of holding onto your authenticity, even when it feels invisible to others. The quiet courage of refusing to fade into the expectations of the crowd. You may feel unseen, but the essence of who you are—the light, the fire, the complexity—is still alive. It waits, patiently, for the right people, the ones who will see you clearly and cherish all that you are.
The beauty of being misunderstood is that it allows you to understand yourself. In the absence of connection, you learn to be your own anchor. You discover the importance of nurturing your own soul, celebrating your uniqueness, and staying true to your essence. And as you grow, as you embrace your full self, the world begins to shift.
The right connections—the ones that see you for who you truly are—arrive when you least expect them. They see beyond the surface and into your heart. They listen, not just with their ears but with their soul. These are the connections that remind you that you were never meant to fade; you were meant to shine.
So, even in the depths of this terrible loneliness, hold on to your essence. Refuse to disappear. Let your light burn brightly, even if no one seems to notice right now. The people who are meant to see it—your people—will find you. And when they do, you’ll realize that the wait, the ache, and the loneliness were all part of a journey to something extraordinary.
To be known, truly known, is to be celebrated in your wholeness. It is the antidote to loneliness.
Hold on. Shine on. You are seen, even if not by the world yet.
~ George Orwell
Click to expand...
“Refuse to disappear.”

Thank you so much for posting this. When I read it last night I wept because the message is deeply authentic and relevant.

Empathetic and relatable.

Brilliantly said.
 
fotosnjazzgtr said:
I am as introverted as it gets which is OK. I love solitude which is healthy for me. Isolation is not. I do have people in my life, but not many. Hence, that works for me. What works for you works for you. I wish you the best in this season of your life.
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I love my solitude too! My family sometimes does not understand this but that’s okay. You have the right of it, I think. It depends on what works for you, understanding that each person is different.
 
I’m an introvert, but I like be around people also. For me being an introvert means, I expend mental and emotional energy socializing with other people And, then I recharge my batteries when I am alone. Saturday I will spend time enjoying the company of others. On Sunday evening I will relax with a good book and recharge.
 
Ah but! - wot is the point of it all ? - wot was the point of it all? We are born ; we live slowly ; grow slowly and die slowly? and do a million actions and activities on the way - but as the great comedian once said " wots the point of it all Alfie"?

I define myself as "reasonably normal' if you can work that one out! - enjoyed life - cried a little ; travelled ; married ; had kids ; successful career ; first marriage collapses and second too - I MUST have done something wrong heh - or was it all their fault? now living alone - dog die 14 days ago and still surviving - using intellect perhaps more slowly but then I come back to Alfie?
 
Vicky said:
I agree with a lot of the others. There are a lot other places to go, however sometimes it is hard find transportation. I see people go to the senior centers, but once their ride is gone, they no longer are able to participate.

You are lucky. You seem to be computer literate, so there is still communication for you. Did you ever try game rooms such as cards, chess, checkers, etc? Although you are right about filling out forms, I am sure there is someplace, something, you would be able to do with your disability. Don't give up on the search.
Click to expand...
pogo.com has a lot of games
 
officerripley said:
Lots of good suggestions here to help with loneliness but in this area the Covid lockdown permanently did away with all or most of the activities (the free ones anyway). I don't know if they even tried to bring any back. Anyway, this area (and I bet other areas also) is becoming more and more like the Wild West towns: nothing to do but bars and churches and I'm not interested in either. So it's a lot of dog walking.
Click to expand...
Gotta a park? See about starting up a croquet game.....?
 
Elsie said:
Gotta a park? See about starting up a croquet game.....?
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Well, even if I liked sports (which I don't, too much physicality & competition, lol), I've tried too many times with no success trying to get a social thing started; people promising faithfully they'll totally help set it up and help run it and then they're nowhere to be found. So I've learned my lesson about that. good idea, though, thanks.
 
Oldeagle66 said:
When I retired 14 years ago I moved to another state away from family and old friends. I moved enough far away that people can't just pop up. Now I have only a few friends here and don't know my neighbors. Live alone and don't date and absolutely love it.
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Oldeagle, one of my unwanted to happen was if I moved to senor housing there'd be residences that would knock on my apt. door to hound me, insist that I join in on activities. Thinking they were 'helping/socializing' me. Aaa! ha "Let me be me! Living private.
 
officerripley said:
Well, even if I liked sports (which I don't, too much physicality & competition, lol), I've tried too many times with no success trying to get a social thing started; people promising faithfully they'll totally help set it up and help run it and then they're nowhere to be found. So I've learned my lesson about that. good idea, though, thanks.
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There are on computer puzzle games--free. 😁
 
Elsie said:
Oh. There appeared to be puzzles for free. grrr.
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They are sneaky. I will not use my week. I tried to complain I got roped in to joining, but it huge hassle to communicate with them. Phooey!
 

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