Saying Sorry, Far Too Late.

[VaughanJB]

So here is the question:

Should you spend time saying "sorry" after more than, say, a decade or two?

How would you react is someone, from decades ago - perhaps ex-lovers, friends, or even family long distant - contacted you just to apologize. No result from such an apology is expected. No further communication, even. Just a "I was wrong," or a "I did wrong," or even a "I made a mistake," from the dim distant past. How would you respond? Would you even respond? Would it mean anything?

 

[Sunkist]

Yes.

 

[Gardenlover]

It must have been heavy on their mind after all that time. I would hope for forgiveness but that's as far as I would hope to take it.

 

[PeppermintPatty]

Yes I would respond and say thank you. Even if it’s something I don’t remember. People need to be forgiven. People forgive so they can achieve peace.

 

[MarciKS]

Depends. If it was my father I doubt I'd bother with it. He's had ample opportunity but refused to change his ways. Only so much abuse a person can take.

 

[DailyArtsyCrafter]

Yes, it would mean a lot, even if I didn't remember what the offense was. I'd say, I accept your apology. If the person asked me if I remembered, and I didn't, I'd tell him/her that I didn't.

 

[oscash]

It depends on what the situation was. If you are deeply hurt by their harsh words and you can't forgive, then say nothing. If it was for a minor offence a 'thank you' would be acceptable.

 

[Murrmurr]

So here is the question:

Should you spend time saying "sorry" after more than, say, a decade or two?

Yes.

How would you react if someone, from decades ago - perhaps ex-lovers, friends, or even family long distant - contacted you just to apologize. No result from such an apology is expected. No further communication, even. Just a "I was wrong," or a "I did wrong," or even a "I made a mistake," from the dim distant past. How would you respond? Would you even respond? Would it mean anything?

Gratefully.

 

[Jules]

Should you spend time saying "sorry" after more than, say, a decade or two?

Only if it really bothered you.

If you knew it was also upsetting them, you still cared about them, and knew it would help, yes.

 

[Jules]

If my ex apologized to me, he could go rot in … It wouldn’t help me and he’d only be trying to assuage his own guilt.

If a friend apologized, I might listen, if I cared and had been thinking about this for a long time.

If I’d forgotten about it, the apology would be meaningless, one way or another.

 

[Messy]

Yes
Either: Yeah me too. It's all good.
Or: Great nice thanks. Something like that. Try to tell them it doesn't matter, don't feel bad, you're forgiven, whatever they need.

 

[Aunt Bea]

I would extend or appreciate a sincere heartfelt apology if it helped to eliminate or resolve some sort of emotional baggage.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that it would restore my trust or change my feelings toward a person.

“Holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn’t make you weak; it sets you free.” — Dave Willis

 

[Trish]

If someone apologizes with no expectation of any input from you then, I would accept it as a genuine apology. Whether I would contact them or not would depend on what they were sorry for and whether I wanted to open the door to a conversation.

 

[Raven]

I would accept the apology and say Thank you but not have any further communication with the person and forget it.

 

[hearlady]

Never too late to apologize and never too late to forgive.

 

[bobcat]

If I am understanding the question correctly, it sounds like the person is just wanting to apologize for what was done but not expecting forgiveness. It sounds very much like a 12-step program in AA where part of taking responsibility involves reaching out to those you haven wronged in the past and apologizing for what you've done.

People can change and personal growth can happen. It doesn't let them off the hook for the damage they've caused, but it takes courage to step up and take responsibility. If the apology is sincere and with humility, I think it's the right thing to do to accept it in the spirit it is given. Perhaps there is no way to make up for the past or make reparations, but they can't go from who they have been to who they would like to be by not facing the past.

Even if the wronged person doesn’t respond—or doesn’t forgive—the willingness to own the past changes the emotional dynamic. It opens the door to healing. We are all a work in progress and make mistakes, even sometimes severe ones. If you believe the apology is genuine, then I think it should be received with a kind acknowledgement. Forgiveness is another matter that may take some time, if ever (Depending on the severity).

 

[JustDave]

I suppose I would tell them I appreciate it. Or I might tell them they don't need to to that. If I still was not over whatever it was, I could be unforgiving, but I can't think of any 10 year old slight that would warrant that. But I can keep my options open, right?

 

[MACKTEXAS]

I do not have trouble forgiving those who apologize, but I have great difficulty forgiving those who wrong me and then go on as though nothing happened. No idea what I would say in return without knowing the specifics of the situation.

 

[GoodEnuff]

No. There is one person who tried to kill me, came very close to succeeding, that if he came crawling to me on his belly, begging for forgiveness, I would stomp on him. I have been told that he is near the end of his life, dying from cancer. I pray that he suffers great pain, I pray that he spends eternity in hell, I have told God that I cannot forgive him for what he did, how it changed me, forgiveness will be up to God.

Everybody else? Some slight that didn't affect my life? I would say, "No big deal." But trust would be gone.

 

[Imogene]

It would depend on the Who and the What.

My take on apologies I see on tv by any sort of public figure or actor, is they only apologized because they got caught, therefore it’s nothing more than empty words as far as I’m concerned.

 

[Messy]

I couldn't forgive my ex. I said: I choose to forgive him and God did it. Learned that from Corrie.

 

[Paco Dennis]

That's a lot of water under the bridge. It would depend on who it was, was I emotionally involved, or not. Money, love, arguments about current events political, or maybe a couple of insults. Now days I could care less, because I am busy washing my own rice bowl. You need your rice bowl cleaned, move on down the road. I got my "busy right now, working on my own stuff. " sign out

 

[DebraMae]

I have had three people wanting to apologize for something that happened in the distant past. Each one was different. A girl from high school apologized for something that happened back then. I did not even remember it and told her so and hugged her.

A relative apologized for for the way I was treated when I was a child and adolescent. What they did changed the course of my life. I was unable to say anything. I just looked at her.

An X-husband wanted to apologize. I think his is part of a 12 step program. He had asked my daughter how to get in touch with me. I asked her not to give that information. He has done what he can to hurt me for 50 years. I want no further contact with him.

 

[IrishEyes]

My 1st thought would be, what if this was me asking?
My answer is always yes.
If it helps us both, very good, if it helps them to keep on track to becoming a better person I will
not toss bricks in the road.

 

[Sunny]

In general, yes, though it would partly depend on the level of the offense and the length of time since it happened. Also, it depends on the closeness of your relationship with that person.

Examples:
At a school reunion, a former classmate had too much to drink and made an inappropriate comment about, say, your clothes. Or something you did when you were kids that they considered stupid. I'd say the apology is reopening old wounds to no avail. They should let it go, and be sure never to do anything like that again.

At the same school reunion, a different classmate was deliberately and provocatively nasty to you. If their apology comes within a day or two (not a decade or two!) I'd say it was nice of them to apologize.

If it was a more serious offense, like stealing your boyfriend 20 years ago, I'd say that was grossly inappropriate and not something they can ever really "apologize" for.