Nursing home won’t let me go home

PeppermintPatty said:
I had this same problem with my mom when she was in hospital. They said that my mom wasn’t allowed to go home. I later found out that the medical team can highly suggest that she stay but it’s not set in stone. You can go against medical instructions and just walk out.
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I just found that out. After working in the medical field most all of my working life, I was always told that and even witnessed administration telling patients that. It should be against the law, giving patients false information like that. It probably is, but no ones been called out for it.
 
TeePee said:
I just found that out. After working in the medical field most all of my working life, I was always told that and even witnessed administration telling patients that. It should be against the law, giving patients false information like that. It probably is, but no ones been called out for it.
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You know, I actually did that once. I was in the ER and they were being awful and extremely unhelpful. After the practitioner "attending" me finished bragging about her capabilities (none of which had anything to do with why I was there), and then said something like, "what do you want us to do?" I looked at husband and we both said, "we're leaving."

She said, something like, "okay, just wait and I'll get the paperwork, etc." No. We're leaving. I started pulling things off myself and we left. No one tried to stop us and, interestingly, the next day a really sweet nurse called me and only wanted to know if I was all right.

Another time I was accompanying husband at a dental appointment and after the initial exam he told me that he didn't feel comfortable with the dentist. I took the dental bib off and helped him out of the chair. When we were walking out the assistant asked us if the doctor said we could leave. I just smiled at her and said, "We're leaving."

Edit: typo
 
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I just came upon this thread. I hope you've found a good solution to your dilemma, Pepper. Not knowing anything about your situation, there isn't much help I can offer, but it does sound strange that a nursing home would not allow you to leave. It is not a prison.

What's going on? Have you moved to another facility, or back home?
 
Pepper said:
I’m sleeping in my clothes tonight. I’m planning a getaway tomorrow no matter what. I have no money or credit cards with me to pay for a cab.
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please don't do this - if staff are concerned you have dementia and you do an escape like this without having things set up at home etc first - it will corroborate their opinion.
if yo u are going to be able to cope at home with home services - get the home services set up first (with your DIL's help) and openly leave - don't 'escape'
 
Isn't there something in the law that says a person can't be held against their will in a facility?

A nursing home generally cannot keep a competent adult against their will. Residents have the right to leave, even against medical advice (AMA). However, if a resident lacks mental capacity, is deemed unsafe to live alone, or has a court-appointed guardian, the facility can legally prevent them from leaving.

Key Takeaways

Competent Adults: If a resident is mentally competent (lucid, able to make rational decisions), they are not prisoners and can leave at any time. They may be asked to sign an AMA waiver.
Incompetent Residents: If a psychiatrist or physician determines a resident lacks the capacity to make decisions and is unsafe, the facility can hold them.
Guardianship/POA: A legal guardian or someone with healthcare power of attorney (if it includes placement authority) can dictate whether a resident stays.
Discharge Planning: If a resident leaves, the facility must still provide a discharge plan.
Actionable Advice: If a resident is being held against their will, you can call the state Ombudsman, file a complaint with state regulatory agencies, or contact an elder law attorney.

If the resident insists on leaving, they must be allowed to, but they will likely be considered as discharging themselves against medical advice.
 
During the pandemic, a dear friend was having extreme difficulty being released from a SNF. She was convinced (and may very well have been correct) that she was going to die there in fairly short order. Because of the pandemic, the SNF drastically reduced friend and family contact with her. It took me over a week and some threatening to be able to get in to see her. To say she was frantic to get out of there would be a massive understatement.

About a week later, in complete desperation, she threw a chair through a window. That got the SNF's attention — she was released that very day.

She went to a much lower level care facility for a couple of weeks, then stayed with friends for a month or so, then went back living independently. No more help needed. She's my age and remains in excellent health, lives independently, leaves her house almost day for errands, lunches with friends, appointments, or just to go someplace interesting, and could run circles around me with her level of social and out-of-the-house activities.

p.s. In my opinion, many SNFs are at least as concerned with their bottom lines as they are with patient care. The pandemic gave all manner of facilities a level of power and control they'd never had before, and it seems they're reluctant to give that up.
 
StarSong said:
During the pandemic, a dear friend was having extreme difficulty being released from a SNF. She was convinced (and may very well have been correct) that she was going to die there in fairly short order. Because of the pandemic, the SNF drastically reduced friend and family contact with her. It took me over a week and some threatening to be able to get in to see her. To say she was frantic to get out of there would be a massive understatement.

About a week later, in complete desperation, she threw a chair through a window. That got the SNF's attention — she was released that very day.

She went to a much lower level care facility for a couple of weeks, then stayed with friends for a month or so, then went back living independently. No more help needed. She's my age and remains in excellent health, lives independently, leaves her house almost day for errands, lunches with friends, appointments, or just to go someplace interesting, and could run circles around me with her level of social and out-of-the-house activities.

p.s. In my opinion, many SNFs are at least as concerned with their bottom lines as they are with patient care. The pandemic gave all manner of facilities a level of power and control they'd never had before, and it seems they're reluctant to give that up.
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Thank you for sharing that story about your friend.
Few people who haven't been patients in those places, themselves ,
comprehend the experiences that many of us have had there. Nor the reasons for valid feelings of desperation and of fear.

While other people, even family, some well- meaning as they may be, think we're better off there, and taken adequate care of;
too often it is simply not true,
and/or, it is not the path we choose for ourselves.
 
robin416 said:
Yep, the insurance company can refuse to pay for any services if the patient checks out AMA. Part of the thinking is that if the doc did not sign off on the release then chances are costs will skyrocket after leaving before adequate healing has happened.

Read @TeePee's post. It explains the process completely.
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Robin 416...I was wrong about the AMA. After working in the medical field for approximately 48 years, I had always been told that insurance could refuse coverage if a patient goes AMA and I've heard administrative people tell patients that. Someone questioned me on that, and I googled it. It said insurance companies are obligated to pay for a patients stay, even if they go AMA. I say this to you because I don't like to spread false information
 
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