Nothing To Look Forward To

We may all be "seniors" on here, but some of us are a lot more senior than others. Thus, differing view points about whether life is "over" or not. If you're in your early sixties and in good physical shape, sure, go for it. Take up bike riding. Try on-line dating. At 83, having lost my wife and younger son in the last year and a half, my life may not be "over" but it will never be the same. Not interested in "moving on". I don't sit around crying all day. There are things that occupy my mind and get me through the day, but I've had enough. If I don't wake up tomorrow,that would be no tragedy.

You have my respect, both for the losses you've experienced and your age - you make me feel like a puppy at 57. Maybe I just kept my foot to the floor too long in too many ways, or maybe I should just shut my mouth and quit whining.

Thanks, Rock.
 

I've sat and thought about the fact that all the major milestones in my life are over.. I went to college.. started a career.. got married.. had kids...became a grandma..... now I am retiring soon. Then what? No more big milestones... perhaps nothing major to look forward to.. So I anticipate looking forward to minor things. Celebrating a holiday or a birthday.. Having dinner with friends..... going shopping.... getting a new hair do.... a new color nail polish.... Helping out at my local shelter.. perfecting my garden.. nothing major.. but very minor things do give satisfaction and peace.. I guess I'm not up to anything really "major" anyway.. just quiet happy days..
 

That would be an interesting thread here - "Pharma-Suicide: Which Ones, How Many and When"

Unfortunately it would probably offend a lot of people and get Matrix into trouble, so ...
 
I've sat and thought about the fact that all the major milestones in my life are over.. I went to college.. started a career.. got married.. had kids...became a grandma..... now I am retiring soon. Then what? No more big milestones... perhaps nothing major to look forward to.. So I anticipate looking forward to minor things. Celebrating a holiday of a birthday.. Having dinner with friends..... going shopping.... getting a new hair do.... a new color nail polish.... Helping out at my local shelter.. perfecting my garden.. nothing major.. but very minor things do give satisfaction and peace.. I guess I'm not up to anything really "major" anyway.. just quiet happy days..

Makes perfect sense, especially to one who has spent his professional life preaching the Taoist Way of minimalism and happiness in small things.

Yet, I rage that I never did anything ... big. My name won't be remembered.
 
You have my respect, both for the losses you've experienced and your age - you make me feel like a puppy at 57. Maybe I just kept my foot to the floor too long in too many ways, or maybe I should just shut my mouth and quit whining.

Thanks, Rock.
Wow, Phil! You're only 57! You look much older. :rofl: Just kidding. Don't respect me for my age. All it took was dumb luck.
If some one asked me the secret to living this long, I would say "Look both ways before crossing the street."
 
Wow, Phil! You're only 57! You look much older. :rofl: Just kidding. Don't respect me for my age. All it took was dumb luck.
If some one asked me the secret to living this long, I would say "Look both ways before crossing the street."

LOL - like that commercial - "You don't look a day over 70!" :playful:

I've been told many times that I have an "old soul" - I guess the body is finally catching up.

"Dumb luck" ... maybe, but I suspect you had more than a little to do with it.
 
Underock. I did look both ways, up and down, and I still got hit with the darn car. Anyway, I do believe "dumb luck" has a lot to do with it. I have treated my body terrible over the years, and I'm still managing to run on about 5 cylinders. Just turned 78 and a lot of things hurt but nothing I can't handle right now. We all have to keep on trucking.
 
Makes perfect sense, especially to one who has spent his professional life preaching the Taoist Way of minimalism and happiness in small things.

Yet, I rage that I never did anything ... big. My name won't be remembered.

Think of the number of people on this earth.. The ones living and the ones dead... How many billions? Out of those billions... Just how many names and lives are remembered.... a few thousand? Only a very tiny sliver of people and lives are remembered.

I don't think I would really be up to anything major anyway.. I'm very content winding down and enjoying the moment.
 
Makes perfect sense, especially to one who has spent his professional life preaching the Taoist Way of minimalism and happiness in small things.

Yet, I rage that I never did anything ... big. My name won't be remembered.

Minimalism and happiness in small things are at the core of who I am. I confess to never having been interested in "achieving" anything other than caring for my wife and raising happy kids. I was fortunate enough to be able to do that.
Why would anyone want to be remembered by people who never knew them? There isn't a single famous person, regardless of their accomplishments who after death hasn't been accused of all sorts of horrible deeds. No monuments to me for someone's dog to piss on.
 
Underock. I did look both ways, up and down, and I still got hit with the darn car. Anyway, I do believe "dumb luck" has a lot to do with it. I have treated my body terrible over the years, and I'm still managing to run on about 5 cylinders. Just turned 78 and a lot of things hurt but nothing I can't handle right now. We all have to keep on trucking.

I hear you, Pappy. Its just a matter of keeping on keeping on. People always wonder how you deal with this stuff.
You don't get a choice. That's how!
 
We may all be "seniors" on here, but some of us are a lot more senior than others. Thus, differing view points about whether life is "over" or not. If you're in your early sixties and in good physical shape, sure, go for it. Take up bike riding. Try on-line dating. At 83, having lost my wife and younger son in the last year and a half, my life may not be "over" but it will never be the same. Not interested in "moving on". I don't sit around crying all day. There are things that occupy my mind and get me through the day, but I've had enough. If I don't wake up tomorrow,that would be no tragedy.

I feel much the same. I look at the world around me and wonder what kind of life my Great Grandkids will have, this world is not a kind place anymore. I just put in my time now.
 
I think about what's coming just around the corner also Phil and it ain't pretty.......it's depressing as hell actually.
Here's just a few things that quickly pop to mind that we have to look forward to:
Dementia....Alzheimer's....Parkinson's....Arthritis....Osteoporosis....Lack of mobility....Falling....Nursing homes....Diapers etc.
I think after you get to a certain point that death is a welcome friend.

I agree Ike, many of us think about all the things we may go through with old age, I think Alzheimer's scares me the most, because then I won't know anything about who I am, where I am, or what anything's about. Lost an aunt to that years ago, they put her in a nursing home, nobody could handle her privately.

We moved my husband's parents in with us when they were in their eighties, both in poor health and he had a major stroke that left him half paralyzed, bedridden, unable to speak or take care of himself. We moved our stuff into the basement and gave them run of the main floor, they both had wheelchairs, but he had to be placed into his by me or hubby.

My mother in law was very depressed and negative, she bought the book Final Exit and planned to put an end to her life when ready with pills mixed in yogurt and a trash bag over her head to assure it would work as the book recommended. Luckily she never had to commit suicide, she passed in her sleep a couple of weeks after we lost him on Christmas Day. She had nothing else to live for and was ready to go for a long time, I believe she just wished to be done with this life and her wish was granted. Both of them finally found their peace.

The one thing I don't want is to be put in a nursing home, no kids or family around us, and if one of us goes, the other's on their own. So yes, if I was is such poor health or in so much pain that I would want to end my life, I would definitely do it, either with a Dr. Kevorkian type or on my own. Some pills, alcohol, maybe a running car in the garage combo should do it. Or, like some have done, go off into the mountains in winter and freeze to death, not too painful and the wild animals will take care of the remains.

Minimalism and happiness in small things are at the core of who I am. I confess to never having been interested in "achieving" anything other than caring for my wife and raising happy kids. I was fortunate enough to be able to do that.
Why would anyone want to be remembered by people who never knew them? There isn't a single famous person, regardless of their accomplishments who after death hasn't been accused of all sorts of horrible deeds. No monuments to me for someone's dog to piss on.

Simple life for me too Underock, we're only in our 60s, and in pretty good health, so getting outdoors and enjoying the animals, trees, mountains and skies does it for me. I started working after high school, and worked blue collar/physical jobs full time and overtime all my life, that may be why I'm in decent shape now. Been very content with life so far, retirement was my main goal and I'm here. I've treated others the way I'd like to be treated, don't need to be held on a pedestal for anything where strangers can remember me.

Phil, I know your health has a lot to do with the way you're feeling now...hugs. What I recommend is always taking a look at the big picture and others around you, that's one way to put things in perspective and be happy for what you've got. All I need is to see a mother, like I did recently, in a Costco store. She was pushing her thin and contorted child who had serious disabilities, in a special strangely shaped wheelchair, because he wouldn't have even been able to sit in a regular one. When I see things like this it makes me want to cry (and sometimes I do), and I thank my lucky stars for the life I have.

Attitude is everything, don't let your mind sink to the cellar, and your body will thank you for it. :love_heart:
 
I always enjoyed playing the little plastic flutes they gave us (actually, Mom had to pay for) in grade school called the Flutophone.

View attachment 24552

Imagine a harried music instructor trying to get 25 kids to hit the same notes at the same time with this lethal weapon. It sounded like a bunch of cats on fire sliding down a chalkboard.

We had an orchestra in elementary school with those, except they were black and called "Tune-a-Flutes". The music teacher kept them in a big bucket of disinfectant and would fish one out, shake it off and hand it to the student. I'll remember the taste of that disinfectant til my dying day. I probably have brain damage from it.....
 
I get depressed occasionally thinking about the future.

I compare the differences between our two mothers. The Spousal Equivalent's mother is 92, essentially blind, has bad hearing, terrible arthritis and a feeding tube (she can't swallow). She says she wants to die, but can't let go. Her life is very narrow with frequent hospitalizations and lots of doctor visits. She lives with one of her sons and mourns having to give up her house. My mother, on the other hand, just turned 90 and has a social life that would put me in the graveyard. She lives alone, is active in her church, drives (excellent eyesight and reflexes), and plays piano at two restaurants, a hospital, a senior center and a nursing home. Her last boyfriend died a few years ago and she says she's not interested in another man, but I'll bet if the right one comes along..... She plans to live to 100 (I wouldn't bet against 105...) She's in a bit of pain but takes it in stride and moves on.

If I could have my mother's life, I'd want to live to 100, too. If I have to have my sort-of mother-in-law's life, I want those pills ready at a moment's notice.
 
Phil, I'm not sure what your physical ailments are, but I do know that physical pain can drive a person to the brink of insanity.

Then there is the feeling of failure or inadequacy. When we are young, we have dreams of what we want out of life, and we build images of how we will accomplish these things. In our youth, we all see how in our 'wisdom' we will make the world see a better way.

Somewhere along the way, our parents stopped teaching us that the world is a harsh place to survive. Instead they started telling us we could have it all, and since we were the best, we deserved it all. That is a nice fairy tale, but all of us eventually see through it. But if we don't remember, or ever figure out, that our parents stories were only for encouragement, many of us end up feeling like failures. We tend to forget that the 'world' has it's own plans. There doesn't seem to be much guidance on how to go about growing older with happiness.

I have lived with physical pain since I was seven. Put that with the beliefs I received from My American Indian grandmother and mother, the issue of suicide is different for me. So of course the first thing I studied in college after all the academic was Horticulture. There are wild plants that freely grow all around us that can end our lives. With my health issues, my doctors are more than willing to prescribe heavy narcotics, to the point that I end up throwing away many of them as they get to old.

I admit that in the last two years, I wake in the mornings, and I wait to see if I wish to see the world one more day. Sometimes it is just little Izzy that I live for, who would love and care for him as I do? (He actually get beef or pork roast twice a day.)

Now I've realized that if I don't find something to live for, I probably won't. So I'm going to go find VA vets that I maybe I can be a reason for them to look at one more day.

It does make me wonder why there aren't books to help us learn to see the reasons for continued life. Yes, I know that sucide is unfair to the ones left behind, but not everyone has someone it would harm.
 
Hi Phil!!! I haven't been on this forum in ages (maybe a couple of years), but I'm glad you are still here. From your post, I gather you are having some health issues, so I'm sorry to hear that. We are about the same age and I've had some issues in the past and have even thought about ending things, but only for a nano second..... I do know what it is like to wonder "what the hell do I have to live for" and thought long and hard about it. The truth for me, was that I have lots to live for. Like you, I have adult children (see I remember the wedding pics you posted of your son). I learn from them every day - only if it showing me funny web sites that make me laugh. I have critters - do you still have your cat?

I still have the old camper although it leaks and I haven't got around to doing anything about that - maybe I will, maybe I won't.

I have your book that I downloaded sitting on my desktop. You my friend, need to hang around so I can read the next one.

As an aside, Canada is struggling to get the "right to die with a Dr's assistance" legislation finalized. I wholeheartedly agree with that and would take advantage in a minute if I was terminal and suffering.

As for getting old - yup, it is happening. I'm trying to embrace it but become a real B**ch with every new ache. So be it - can't stop it so will continue on. Like a previous poster - I'm stubborn and will do what I want to. Might kill me doing it, but that is my choice.

Take care (feels like writing to a pen pal that I've been out of touch with).
 
You know what I hate? The chestnut "You're only as old as you feel". At 53 I'm a baby on the senior sites. But so much to consider, you actually can feel the weight on your shoulders sometimes. And at the moment things are more or less stable. But hubby has days when he can barely get out of bed. He's never been the most active guy and my Dad at 93 could probably run circles around all of us. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do. At 58 hubby is pretty young too, but the Parkinson's has him moving sooooo veeeerrrrrry sloooooooooowwwwly. I don't know how much longer he'll be able to keep working. It's not like we have savings for retirement. I need to find a job to support us all...

Okay I'm ready to jump. Except I have to keep my dear Callie in dog food
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The one thing I don't want is to be put in a nursing home, no kids or family around us, and if one of us goes, the other's on their own.

:love_heart:

With us not having any kids, family or close friends for that matter the thought of a nursing home worries me, we've all seen the stories from time to time about the abuse that can and does goes on in those places.

It may sound selfish but trust me it isn't..........I hope mama has to go to a home and passes first because I'd be around to see to it that she was taken care of and not abused.

Then after she's gone I'll do what I feel needs to be done to myself.
 
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It's just amazing waking up every day. I don't know what's ahead...but I don't live in fear of it. That would only take away from now..which is where I really live. Bad things, bad news..well, it's part of life. It's not always perfect weather. It's a privilege to get old..to my mind. So many people never make it.

I am comfortable with the idea of getting older. I can't arm myself against bad fortune..I'm old enough to know that..but while I can still enjoy the day...aches and pains be damned..I want to do it.

Phil, I hear you. It really can be okay, if you make it okay. You have strengths to draw on. I wish you well.
 
Twice this week I've heard 50 year olds saying they are old,! 50 is a good time in your life, I worked on the orchard 5-7 days a week until I was 55, sold out and bought an asparagus block, getting up at daybreak in the early Spring & summer to pick the crop before the sun ruined it.
Now I'm 70+ I have no intention of 'lying down' waiting for whatever comes my way. I can still get around (even though arthritis in knees & hips can be a pain.) Sure I've slowed down, but, while I'm alive,life is for LIVING, ENJOY.
 


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