Do you ever think you could have been a better parent to your children?

Xmas day is my favorite day of the year because we are all together: everyone is happy and the kids are excited. Who could ask for anything more?
 

My two, now 39 and 40, are both fine, decent adults. So I guess I(we) must have done something right. I know that the parents are their children's greatest influence. But they do follow other instincts and paths on their own.
 

Thanks Goldfynche


I appreciate your feedback. I think I can be too hard on myself because I don't hold my late parents accountable for the way I "turned out", so I guess I should do the same with myself. This forum has helped me see parent/child relationships from different angles. That's good stuff!

suze
 

Surely we have all been the best parents we could be. Unfortunately wisdom is usually in hindsight, that's the thing about being young, we don't know what we don't know when we don't know it, but we learn from experience.
 
thank you Cookie. I do feel that wisdom comes with age. I'm trying to keep my mind sharp so I can I impart that wisdom when asked to younger friends and relatives. Since being in this forum I feel as if I've gotten such wise and caring opinions that it has become an important part of my daily routine.

suze
 
ClubMike said:
I have 6 kids ranging from 30 to 40 years old. They all have their own personalities however they are still pretty close. They all still hang out at holidays and most of them visit with each other on a weekly basis. 2 of my kids moved away from the family area however are still in contact. There lives just took them in different directions.

I think back on how I managed raising 6 kids and sure I could have done a much better job. they got raised old school, do your chores and do not back talk or else. For the most part everyone did there stuff and when they did not I was there to put them back on the path.

I cherish the moments we have now together as a family, it is actually rare to get all of us in one spot at one time but it happens every so often and when it does it is a grand time. Now I get to watch them deal with their kids and I sit back and snicker.

I look at things like this, "I did the best job at the time with what I had to work with."

With that said, I wish I would have read them more bedtime stories.
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Hindsight is always 20/20 my friend, sounds like you had your hands full, and have done a wonderful job. I would say your children were very lucky to have a parent such as you.
 
Cookie said:
Surely we have all been the best parents we could be. Unfortunately wisdom is usually in hindsight, that's the thing about being young, we don't know what we don't know when we don't know it, but we learn from experience.
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Funny thing, children do not come with manuals, so parents but do that which they can.
 
Women have for the most part,have been the parent to raised their children by themselves and do a great job. I must say, tis what has made me so proud of my son. His partner left about seven years ago with a 2 year old boy, and never looked back. Today, my grandson is a happy and well behaved young man, a little mischievous, but that's his job. They came to visit recently, and nine year olds are nothing, if not a bundle of energy. lol.
 

Senile1
I have a nine year old grand baby and that's a great age. They grow so fast! I always say it seems like kindergarten, fifth grade, 8th grade and gone! I love them at all stages. Don't we all?

suze
 
I have four children and not one of them likes the other three. It is so sad. A couple of them won't even visit if the other is there. Where did I go wrong? I guess I was always working or tired and never expressed how important family is. They see their siblings' faults but not their own. When I have my 80th birthday I would like for all of them to be there but I don't think that will happen. They are all good people and good parents to their children.
 
I remember one of the first Mother's Day cards I got from my kids saying that I was the best mom in the world. I cried.

Having been raised old-school myself, I was strict but fair with my children. When I said "no", I meant no, and my kids learned that early on, and when a spanking was due, my kids got one, but all-in-all I gave as much love and care that I could.

But, gosh... whenever I reflect on the baby/toddler days/years I still wonder in amazement how I managed some days. Seemed most days came and went leaving me wondering, what happened. Mornings were a mix of me scrambling to put coffee on, get dressed and washed, have a quick cigarette, then dart down to the nursery and nearby bedrooms to take care of business.

Down with the crib railings, change diapers, hoist warm little bodies from cribs, dart out of baby room with two little tykes (one under each arm wearing only rubber bums), down the hall, into the kitchen, and into their highchairs. With everyone seated, time for breakfast. Was always a whirlwind of excitement in the mornings, then somewhat tapering off (if you can call it that) as the day progressed.

Cooking, dishes, diapers (washing, drying, folding, changing), laundry, shopping, housework, bottles, baby food, baby formula, phew... one kid pulling at my pant-leg whining for something, another throwing a temper-tantrum on the floor, another wanting to go outside to play, and another in need of a trip to the bathroom to use the potty.

I can't believe I managed to hold it together as well as I did, though my mom was a saviour when it came to dropping by to help whenever she could (and when needed), and I capitalized on her help every chance I could.

I got good at yelling and clapping my hands together sharply to get my gangs attention, and somehow mealtimes came and went, everyone was fed, watered, and kept clean and dry, with bedtime being the crowning glory for me.

With baby bottoms padded well for the night, skinny little legs poking out through elastic leg-holes of rubber pants, and older ones tucked in, a short bedtime story was read, followed by a kiss goodnight, and nite-nite to all. Dead on my feet, I laboured to finish off the day... tidy the kitchen (wash and dry dishes, leftovers put away in fridge)... bring diapers in from outside (clothesline), fold, stack, run a hot bath for myself, flop into bed and pass-out when my head hit the pillow.

We did more than good Ruth (hugs to you). No matter what areas we look back on in retrospect and say to ourselves, I could have done this differently, or I could have done that differently, or I was weak in this area, or weak in that area, or I could have done better.

Motherhood is no walk in the park and definitely not for sissies, but we're survivors, so are are our children, and at the end of the day the ways and means in which you and I went about doing things may not have been in keeping with those of Miss Manners or Martha Stewart, but all-in-all we have much to be proud of!
 

Do you ever think you could have been a better parent to your children?​


I think 'for better or worse' shouldn't just be applied to marriage vows

Everbod does their best when raising kids

I know my folks did

Our kids know we did

Coulda done better
Coulda done worse

As heavy as the past history may be, the baggage down the path is light
 
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Gary O' said:

Do you ever think you could have been a better parent to your children?​


I think 'for better or worse' shouldn't just be applied to marriage vows

Everbod does their best when raising kids

I know my folks did

Our kids know we did

Coulda done better
Coulda done worse

As heavy as the past history may be, the baggage down the path is light
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I love your closing words, Gary, "As heavy as the past history may be, the baggage down the path is light".

I am totally there. :love:
 
There are lots of things I could have done to be a better parent throughout my sons times with us. Some of them came from learning things and gaining perspectives I didn't have before. Others were from being a selfish person myself but justifying my actions (or inactions) based on my desires.

Regarding my sons relationship with each other I'm not bothered by the fact they are not close. They are two very different people and don't really have a lot in common now. Interestingly enough they actually introduced my wife and I. We each had a child before we met and our kids became friends in school and then wanted to start playing with each other outside of school or after school day care. My wife and I met when she invited my son to the movies and then invited me along too. She was totally uninterested in a relationship when we met, but when she found out we were of like minds on many topics she took an interest in me and we solidified our interest in each other 28 years ago last week when we took the kids on a Memorial Day weekend trip to the mountains.

Anyway the kids were ecstatic when we were first together to have a best friend as a step brother. However over time as they changed and problems with the one son took time from the other resentments built and eventually the didn't really have that close a friendship by high school.
 
katlupe said:
I wish I hadn't had my son at such a young age. Sometimes I think that is what caused him to be disabled. I was an unwed mother and I wish I had stayed unwed and just put all my efforts into raising him by myself.
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When my kids were really little, their mom left us, so I was as involved with them as a mother would be (or as close to it as I could get, from my male perspective). All the while they were kids I was constantly comparing my parenting to other parents, both moms and dads, and most of the time it felt like they were all doing a better job of it than me.

That was a mistake. I shouldn't have been measuring myself against other parents. Nobody should.
 
Parenting doesn't come with a rule book to read and follow and figure things out a head of time out. Most of us did the best
we could with the maturity and mental andphysical resources available to us. With hindsight i think I could have been a better
parent but not possible. I watched my son and my daughter raise their families. They experienced similiar as myself. Children's
personalties vary. We can not predict the outcome ahead of time and whatever we might have change if we could do it over
woud note any good as to the outcome except to sooth our own mind. It has always been that way and about all any of us can
say or could have said is "God help us, we hardly know what we're doing sometime."
 
drifter said:
Parenting doesn't come with a rule book to read and follow and figure things out a head of time out. Most of us did the best
we could with the maturity and mental andphysical resources available to us. With hindsight i think I could have been a better
parent but not possible. I watched my son and my daughter raise their families. They experienced similiar as myself. Children's
personalties vary. We can not predict the outcome ahead of time and whatever we might have change if we could do it over
woud note any good as to the outcome except to sooth our own mind. It has always been that way and about all any of us can
say or could have said is "God help us, we hardly know what we're doing sometime."
Click to expand...
The comment you made about "Parenting doesn't come with a rule book to read and follow,....." always makes me think about the essential truth that no close loving relationship with your child (or spouse) could ever be dependent upon whatever anyone else, or any third party might say.
If you were to change your behaviour, or certainly regulate your relationship on the basis of a book etc. you have already foregone a close relationship because "each side of the equation" HAVE to think for themselves or else it isn't a loving interaction at all is it.
 
There was always room for improvement. However, my kids and I are very close (they are all grown) - they love themselves some mom and I love myself some them. I feel I did a pretty good job raising my kids. Two of my kids (son and daughter) call me their best friend. Once they reached adulthood they made their own decisions. Now if you ask them if they feel they could have been better kids/adults...????
 

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