Funeral Attendance - When you do or don't

C'est Moi said:
Usually in the southern states, people BRING food to the grieving family.
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Here in Canada there's a tradition that a light lunch is usually served following the service or burial...and yeah the family pays for it. I've heard some attendees critiquing the sandwiches.
 

applecruncher said:
To bring plastic bags to swipe extra take home food after a funeral = PIGGISH.
Sheesh. That's beyond tacky. :rolleyes:
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I was quite disgusted by what I witnessed ,I was sitting most of the time ( we were 2 of the 6 dancing friends that attended Johns funeral)
There would have been 35- 40 people there ,but personally knew 6 others ,so I just sat and watched ,and remembered the good times of being at a dance with J&B
Johns widow ( Beryl) latter told us all the rest of the people including her adult children were all the members of their church
 
I've been to very few funerals, as a child my mother never took me to any of our relatives funerals. My husband and I are just going to be cremated, we don't care much about the ashes, sent into the wind over the mountains, or like James said, dumped in a bush would be okay. Several relatives also had simple cremations and no big funeral affair.
 

James said:
Families are complex beasts so I thought I would put this out for comments.

Recently a very distant Aunt passed (my father's sister). The last contact I had with her was probably about 50 years ago, this is about the same with all of that side of the family. I decided not to go. My Father was fine with this.

A couple of months after this a cousin on this side lost his wife. I never met her or their kids (who are now in their 30's) and the last time I saw my cousin was at my Grandmother's funeral almost 40 yrs ago. Again, I decided not to attend.

As with a lot of families we were closer to one side (my mother's) than the other. Unfortunate but that's just the way it worked out. The one side are basically strangers.

Recently one of my distant cousins expressed his displeasure over my non attendance.

Frankly I don't really care as I don't expect to see or hear from him for the rest of my life, except possibly at the funeral of my parents, should they have one. (They all live in the same area while I reside about 5 hours away and moved away from that area 38 years ago)

Besides, this is the same side that we didn't hear squat from when 2 of my children were fighting for their lives in an ICU when they were toddlers. Nor did we hear squat when I was seriously injured in a traffic collision. Nor did we hear squat from them when my parents were fighting serious illnesses, even though they live in the same area. These examples applied to all aunts, uncles & cousins from "that side".

The way that I see it is if you didnt bother with someone in life, why would you bother with them in death, and I'm fine with that both ways.

Blood isn't always thicker than water.

Thoughts?
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I agree with you, James.
 
I couldn't count the number of funerals that I have attended over the years.

The first ever was my fathers who died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 25 years old. It was for me a very traumatic event.
There were two services - one at the funeral parlour and another at the crematorium where I managed to read out a short poem that I had written praising him.

Since that day, when I was teaching in a Catholic high school, I would often attend the funerals of parents of students. Their school friends would also attend and I was part of the general organisation for the occasion. I never knew the deceased and often was unfamiliar with the orphaned child. I found these occasions heart breaking but there was also comfort in the rhythm of the liturgy. I learned something of the value of ritual at a time of high emotion.

Now that I am a regular attender at my own church, which has an ageing congregation, I attend the funerals of my friends and the church ladies always put on a sumptuous morning tea or light lunch for the family and other mourners. We make sure that the church is as presentable as possible, lawn mowed, foyer tidy, crisp white cloths on the tables etc. The family usually organises the flowers.

From our church we have farewelled my mother in law, my mother's sister who was my closest auntie, and my mother. For each service w were able to tailor the service to reflect the character of each lady. For my mother we even had a couple of the family dogs make an entrance to honour her kindness to animals. She would have loved that.

More recently I wrote and delivered the eulogies for my last surviving uncle and auntie who had no children of their own. I felt privileged to be able to honour each life at its close.

For myself, I do not care whether my ashes are placed in a niche or scattered on a garden but I want a Christian service. I would like my friends and extended family to come together and, if afterwards they tell stories about me and have a laugh, I would not mind in the slightest. This is what we do at these last farewells.
 
I agree James. The hubby and I want a very simple funeral. No viewing, or flowers. My Grandparents bought several plots years ago and I will be buried with the family. Any money that would have been spent on my funeral will go towards a reputable animal rescue group.
 
I never understood the ceremonies associated with death. My pet peeve is open caskets. To me that is the sickest of all rituals associated with death. What the hell are they looking at and why? Close the lid! If people knew what was involved in prepping the corpses for viewing they might agree with me.
 
The funeral for our dear friend John I mentioned on page 2 ,was an open casket .We choose to remember John from the happy times we had together rather than seeing him in his coffin .
 
My wife and I try to attend the funeral of family members. We haven’t made them all, but we have attended several. If there is a viewing prior to the funeral, we normally choose to attend that instead of the funeral.

There was a terrible accident between two cars and a tractor trailer on the interstate that I patrolled and investigated in the early 90’s. Six members of the two families in the cars were killed. I attended the funerals of all six members. I think there were two separate funerals for the six victims. The families were very appreciative that I attended in uniform.
 
Never go, never will. Won't go to my own, either! They are a carryover from our uncivilized time. The Funeral Biz is full of bloodsuckers, literally and figuratively. I don't buy the whole "closure" nonsense. There is NEVER closure where the loss of loved ones is concerned. I prefer to see the deceased as he/she was, in my lifetime, not as a morbid, waxy looking corpse in a hideously overpriced coffin.
 
I feel you had no obligation to attend the funerals of people who never bothered to keep in touch (or who you haven't seen in decades). And certainly the living who never kept in touch shouldn't have anything to say about it.
 
I'm not a fan. Some say part of the reason people are big on funerals is guilt. That's why they'll drop $50 on flowers or buy the most expensive casket. Personally a funeral should be a life celebration and more important a get together for friends and family to grieve, say hello, good bye etc.

It's nice that someone shows up at a funeral but how often did they same person stay in touch the deceased and family, especially in their final years. I don't care about funeral attendance as much as I do as who sent the cards and flowers while the person was still alive if you know what I mean.
 
I will have a Military Funeral, I got my grandsons together,my desk.jpg and this is what they requested, its all planed out ,
 
Funerals tend to bring out the worst or the best in families.......unfortunately it's often the worst. My different family branches have had some doozies over the years. I probably could write a book.

The last funeral I went to was, thankfully, not for a family member but it was dreadful from start to finish. AND cost over $20,000, to boot.

There is a great little book called "Being Dead is No Excuse", an amusing treatise on how to properly throw a Southern funeral. Good recipes, too.
 
jujube said:
Funerals tend to bring out the worst or the best in families.......unfortunately it's often the worst. My different family branches have had some doozies over the years. I probably could write a book.

The last funeral I went to was, thankfully, not for a family member but it was dreadful from start to finish. AND cost over $20,000, to boot.

There is a great little book called "Being Dead is No Excuse", an amusing treatise on how to properly throw a Southern funeral. Good recipes, too.
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So true, I've seen that play out. In several parts of the family there are those that look at the reception as another excuse to get drunk. After several years of high tension, a tension filled funeral followed by a holiday blowout I've seen families where members have not seen or talked since and others might see each other once a year and everyone is within driving distance-All from 'revelations' at the funeral. And I've seen some give scum brownie points for showing up even though they didn't communicate with the deceased for decades and others put in the dog house for anything from dress to donations. Ritual doesn't playout the way it did decades ago.
 
cremation---funeral people can get their money some other place
 

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