Do you feel like you can ask your adult children for help when you need it?

dusty said:
Take back your power. You sound like you are completely able and aware of the world around you. Whatever it is to get the house cleaned out, do it. Do't ask them. Find a place thatwill help you through the county or friends. When the house is ready to be sold, find a realtor and slap a sign on it. When it sells, take your proceeds and find a place to live on your own if that's what you want. The kids do not think you can do this but you can. I know you have doubts but as long as you have your mind you'll be ok.
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I would absolutely do all that however , I’m not living nearby.an hr from my House and don’t drive.. that’s why I have to rely on them otherwise i would have done it!
It’s we. Difficult,since I have no other family close who can help.
 

ME/TOO said:
I would absolutely do all that however , I’m not living nearby.an hr from my House and don’t drive.. that’s why I have to rely on them otherwise i would have done it!
It’s we. Difficult,since I have no other family close who can help.
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ME/TOO said:
I would absolutely do all that however , I’m not living nearby.an hr from my House and don’t drive.. that’s why I have to rely on them otherwise i would have done it!
It’s we. Difficult,since I have no other family close who can help.
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What would you do if there were no children? You would call the county and arrange for a ride, have the people at the house to do the work of cleaning it out. Stay in a hotel for a few days and call a realtor. If you have no money then sell the house as a distress sale and use the profits to pay all the costs. You will make less money but the monkey will be off your back.

There are investors who will buy houses and rehab them to resell. They will give you a flat amount well below the value. That may be ok with you. Don't give up so easily.
 

Yes, my kids will help me. When I got divorced four years ago, my youngest son did much of the remodeling in my condo. I have friends older than me that I help with physical things that they cannot do. I also have a younger friend that will help me if the time comes that I need it.
 
My oldest son lives here & will help any time he is asked. My 2nd. oldest while living in Penna. was called the afternoon I went in for complete spinal rebuild. His plane landed the following morning. So yes I can ask anytime.
 
PenelopePlum said:
I recently asked my son in law for some help moving a small amount of items from my storage to my garage. Nothing too huge or heavy, just bins and bags mostly. (He has a pickup.) This is the first time I’ve ever asked him for help with anything. I placed no timeframe on the request, told him we could do it anytime it was convenient for him if he was willing.

Next thing I know my daughter was making it clear to me that they both felt I was “manipulating” him. So the long and short of it is, the answer is no. I don’t ask my daughter for any help anymore. Haven’t tried for years. She resents anytime I’ve ever asked, so I’ve only tried rarely when I’m in a real jam like I am now. She’s the kind of person who blows up if you don’t do every little thing her way. Very unpleasant.

I’ve always been a very independent person, preferring to take care of myself. So it’s not like I have a history of trying to take advantage of people. In the current instance I’ve tried to find someone I can hire to do the job but haven’t been able to.

I’m nearly 70 years old now and no longer able to do as much as I once was. I’m starting to feel like I’ll never be able to count on my family for anything no matter how old or infirm I get.. It’s depressing to think about. You give everything you have to your kids for decades, and yet it’s too much trouble to do you a small favor now and then.

I keep waiting for my daughter to mature enough to take on a more adult role, but she’s in her mid-40’s now and we’re still not there. I think I raised her better than this, it wasn’t the example I set for her growing up. I don’t know why she’s like this. I wonder, is it her generation or what? Anybody else having this issue?
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Do you have a neighborhood Facebook group like Nextdoor. Around here people will post I need someone to do a job
and several somebodies will post Im available to do that. If theyve done a crap job in the past other neighbors will chime in and tell about it. Neighbors will also give recommendations for jobs done well.

I dont have kids or siblings. I probably wouldnt ask if I did anyways. Im not used to asking for stuff. When I was younger I was always the one being asked. If I cant or dont want to do it I need to hire someone. Ive used a few people off of Nextdoor. Havent had any trouble with any of them.
 
Our kids help us out more than we need. We only have one that lives here in Idaho the other 3 are still in California. The nearby one is always coming over to help with things-yesterday her hubby was here all day helping dh put in a new water heater. And we never ask for anything-no need to.
Our youngest daughter and SIL fly up here at least once a month and do whatever they see needs to be done. They are going to pay $4,500 to have a tree taken down in our yard that is splitting and they are afraid could fall on our house.(it wouldn't). I wouldn't even tell that daughter that our water heater went out cuz she would have ordered a new one and had it installed.
Daughter #2 doesn't offer much help but would if we asked.And she won't let us get a hotel when we visit-she wants us at her house.
Our son helps dh with anything needing doing when they visit but they are only able to get up here once a year or so. He does call us every single week though!
 
That would be a switch. My adult children are in pretty good financial condition, but my son will from time to time ask to borrow a rather large sum of money until he can cash in some securities and pay us back, which has usually been within 15 days.

Just a month or so ago, he bought a new car and needed some quick cash to get the deal done the next day. I was able to go online and move the amount he needed from our liquid account to his checking account. About ten days later, he moved the loan amount from his account back to our account.

He bought his wife a 2025 BMW. M4. I don’t know why these younger adult kids insist on buying such expensive cars. I suggested he buy a used model at least two years old and he would save almost half the price of a new one. His retort was that “Mom doesn’t buy a used car. Besides, Jeanie likes the smell of a new car.” I think that’s a lot of money to pay for the new car smell. I told him to buy a car freshener with the new car scent. I just get “that look.” Below is the same car, except she has a blue car.

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Our son moved in a year and a few months ago, so he can help us. Funny thing is the things he helps with sound kinda weird, but helps us so much. DH and I for instance like ice in our water, cokes, iced tea, he makes the cubes. We used to do that together and it would take us at least half an hour and my back would hurt so much, DS does it in 5 minutes. He goes and gets whatever we want for dinner' he cooks for us once or twice a week.

I load the dishwasher, DH used to empty it, now DS does it, puts all the dishes away. Sounds like small things but sure helps us. Those small things that takes him minutes took us 1/2 an hour or more. He is also the only driver in the household, so dr's appointments, out for dinner and he takes us. It goes without saying that we adore him, we always loved him so much but we didn't know he loved us back. We know now!
 
Ungrateful brats!

Sorry. I had to get that off my chest. Most of you I know well enough to know you're extremely nice people and if your kids are not helping you, or not speaking to you, then ungrateful brats are exactly what they are.

My son lives with us and helps all the time with everything he can. In fact he's going to be fussing at me when he gets home from work because he told me not to clean the garbage bin by myself and I did.

He has all kinds of reasons not to speak to me. I divorced his father when he was ten and the shake-up and the back and forth of joint custody were all much harder on him than I ever expected. Then I was living in another country when he was in college and got really sick. Then there was that time I laughed when he ordered green ice cream at the dairy queen ( I don't remember that, but he sure does.) Thank God he forgave me and loves me anyway -- because I'm his mother, faults and all.

Those of you with grudge carrying kids have all my sympathy. Pray that they grow-up and realize that parents are people, too, and it's not all about them.
 
I've tried not to - I guess being a tad old fashioned - I always felt that I was there for them and not the other way around, though as time has past/passes I do accept the offers of help "to a degree".
The closer I get to retirement age, the more I realise that they are sincere in their desire to help, so avail myself if/only when the need arises.
 
My kids are willing to help a lot. The two sons that live with me alternate inside and outside jobs; I especially appreciate the outside help as I have a large corner lot and it’s just too much for me to try to take care of myself.

The other son that lives on his own, but is close by, has a pick up truck and he has helped me multiple times to move things.

They all let me know that all I have to do is ask; they also check in on what needs doing.

I have done and still do lots for them so it’s all a two-way street. I appreciate my grown children.
 
My sons will help when I ask but they have their own families and jobs, therefore I don't bother them often. Mostly if I'm stuck and just can't do it. Like when I couldn't get my lawn mower blade off or my flue pipes together. If I tell them I have to get the ladder out to climb onto the roof, they'll usually come running.too. I don't ask often, so I would be miffed if one of them complained I was manipulating him. Boo hoo.
 
My answer is very similar to Ronni's. My three children would not hesitate to help me with anything. As it happens, only one of them lives in hollering distance (my son), the other two are in other parts of the country. But they help when they can, and we're always on the phone, texting, giving and accepting advice, etc.

My son has done way beyond the call of duty for me. He painted my kitchen when it needed it. He just left here about 10 minutes ago, after climbing around changing light bulbs, changing lamp sockets, etc. He also went to the store to buy the stuff before coming here, plus a bunch of food from Costco to save me the trip. He does minor car repairs, and anything else I need.

My sympathies go with you, Penelope. Sometimes that just happens. I have neighbors in my building who have told stories similar to yours. (Or they make excuses: "Well, he's very busy with his job," etc.) Probably your best course of action is to promise yourself that your days of dependency on anyone have come to an end. You'll survive. After all, what do people do who are single all their life? You might find help from friends, talk to neighbors, talk to a social worker to see if some organization near you can provide help, etc. You might be surprised at how kind some people are.

Good luck.
 

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