Adult Child Complaining Parent Didn't Leave Enough Inheritance

W

WhatInThe

Well-known Member
Arrgggghhhhhh

Know an gray haired adult child who is whining/complaining their adult parent didn't leave them enough inheritance. Yet that same parent depleted bank accounts and remortgaged the house to pay the price of that child's drinking, drugging & party lifestyle. The parent hoped they eventually would grow out of it but decades after issues as a teenager they never did. The funeral/burial are covered and will wind up with more money after estate settled but they are actually puzzled/resentful their parent didn't buy/have a 6 figure insurance policy for them. We'll let me see, the parent was busy repaying a second mortgage taken out because of that child along with paying their own bills.

I consider anything I inherit from anyone a bonus.This kid felt entitled, commented through the years about their plans when their parents are gone with their inheritance. We tried telling the parent your child is a leach and you spent more than a enough on them to the point of enabling. Tried to tell them support and financial support are two different things. Sadly in their final years they realized the gravity of their child's behavior but it was too late. Financial stress among other issues did them in. Things got so bad their was no way they were going to pay that mortgage without help and pride would've stifled a call for help from others.

But that sense of entitlement.
 

IMO it is a very bad/creepy sign when children start thinking of their parent's money as their own.

I also believe that some of that sense of entitlement is the fault of the parents. It's a very hard thing to decide if you should provide financial support to a loved one when the going gets tough. If a person has a financial problem they usually consider all of the options until a solution is found. The next time they have a problem they will always try the solution that worked for them in the past first. In this case, it sounds like the TNT solution was the bank of Mom and Dad.

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Aunt Bea said:
IMO it is a very bad/creepy sign when children start thinking of their parent's money as their own.

I also believe that some of that sense of entitlement is the fault of the parents. It's a very hard thing to decide if you should provide financial support to a loved one when the going gets tough. If a person has a financial problem they usually consider all of the options until a solution is found. The next time they have a problem they will always try the solution that worked for them in the past first. In this case, it sounds like the TNT solution was the bank of Mom and Dad.

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The parent became lenient after the other died when they were younger although they graduated high school and hoped that age would rid them of their lifestyle. By the their late 20s they seemed to correct themselves with a career type job but that money went into partying/lifestyle-not savings for a house or education for career. After a certain point one would figure an adult would pick up on things or desire to become more independent by osmosis. Before you know it they were at middle age with nothing to show.

Where the parent really went wrong on multiple fronts was the adult child wanted a $40,000 loan(actually asked for 60K) with a 75K salary and no mortgage. We asked why, they said their child was getting ready to buy a house/get married-neither came close to happening. The child got laid off a few years later and the parent had to pick up about 70% of the loan they took for the kid. Yet the kid found money for life style. We told just ask him for 50 a month, anything because if you totally ignore that debt they'll assume you'll take care of it which is what happened.

Then after a decade of gig type jobs the parent wanted to see their child in a real job with benefits etc and offered to help them with a car which turned into a luxary car. The kid made payments but the parent had to pay/front insurance so that led to another home equity loan which ends the longest chapter in their financial trouble.

But the child always felt they were missing something when compared to their richer friends and parents. It was as much the crowd they ran with ie more money. They went out of there way to hang out with richer actually losing many long time friends. The best friends are half their age now because they're the only ones that go to bars/drink alot. Besides alcohol it became lifestyle addiction.

There were plenty of warning signs through out the years. We told the parent you don't need long drawn out lectures/discussion just work hard on the small stuff like paying something monthly on all debts and do not enable their drinking/lifestyle in anyway. Throw in the simple rules and boundaries they could've changed the course. The parent also got duped by kid by trying to not enable charging/not giving cash for a gym membership for one year. Come renewal time the kid told the gym just put it on the charge on file.

I think age and other issues prevented them getting serious enough with their child to properly confront and address their choices. My thing is the kid or 50 something adult still talks like a teenager acting like an adult. At a certain point one has to realize they are responsible for themselves financially and maturity wise.
 
Camper6 said:
I have a strange one here.

There is an old gentlemen in his nineties. He has money but his health is failing. His daughter who is not married moved in with him to look after him. Drives him all over. Cooks. Looks after him.

He's complaining that she doesn't pay rent.
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That's the opposite of what's happening in this case. Other children took care of the parent for over a decade. The whiner used to visit and impose their life/style on them for days on end.

I think in both cases both don't realize how good they have it with parent having a child who will take of them as the child who had a parent that took care of them. Both cases it should be a mutually beneficial arrangement.
 
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They are still complaining about the lack of insurance policies with a capital S and want to pay a lawyer to handle everything. They hate paperwork and have the patience of a two year old. The lawyer wants over 15K to clear up the estate. Yet they are complaining about the lack of money.

To top it off I know the house and market he wants to sell for money. There is no windfall there due to age of the house. It was a long time senior owner who just wanted to see stuff function, nothing new and bold like one sees on those flip shows. Many buyers are turned off by old(but functional) because they have been bombarded by tv shows and promotions from the big box home improvement stores with 'new'. But they don't want to listen and want their money from the estate yesterday.

Many saw it coming. Found out he's been asking relatives and/or friends about their inheritance for years, kind of nosy if you ask me. But not everyone is the same. And that includes his friends and family that didn't borrow 10s of thousands of dollars from their senior parents or spend their own money substances and a party life as an adult.
 
This thread reminded me of my older brother and his wife. My Dad passed away first and 9yrs later my Mom passed away. When my Mother had to go to a nursing home because she need constant care I was heartbroken . I wanted to take care of her but the Doctor said the nursing home would be best. After she passed away we had to give the nursing home her house.

My brother and his wife were furious. They said I should have handled things differently, that the house was our inheritance. He hadn't even visited my parents in years. When my parents passed away he didn't contribute anything. I exploded and told them that my parents had given us an inheritance when they were alive.

My Dad was a generous man. He helped all of us when we needed it. My brother and his wife lived with my parents for 5 yrs with their 2 sons. My parents never took a dime from them and even bought my brother a car. My Dad also helped me and my sister when ever we needed something. 2 years ago my brother passed away and his wife had passed the year before. He had 3 children and what did he leave them ? He only left one of his children everything and nothing for his 2 sons. I will never understand him.
 
It does sound familiar. It's that sense of entitlement and lack of understanding of what when on when the parent was alive. I think many have been preconditioned to expect a big insurance payout and 'valuable' family heirlooms. If they see enough of their friends or other distant family get something they assume/expect similar things.

That being said the child here basically wants to cut an run forcing other siblings to sell or pay him off to go away. He is clear, he wants money and is absolutely bitter and resentful the parent didn't leave or even have alot. Yet the child benefited the most from his parent's generosity. He's going to get his either way.
 
I was on a, lets say shallow, based website for awhile. There was one gal on there who 50% of the time mentioned how much she'd be getting when her mom died. It was disgusting. Then her mother threw a wrench into her plan by remarrying a man with kids. Yes, there might of been an agreement that what is his is his etc. However, that doesn't always work. Saw that happen with BFF.

I expected nothing. Was happy my dad had some great years traveling, living in FL, etc. Never expected he'd leave my brother and I all that he did. If I had know, might of asked for a down payment on a house like many of my friends got. :p J/K Life worked out the way it's suppose to.
 
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After reading all of these comments, I am really glad now that I set up trusts for everyone (children, grandchildren, church and charities) that will be inheriting their due. What's left in the various accounts gets divided equally among our two children. My two children get an annual report each year of the trust's value and it also shows its' gains and losses, if any. I have never heard a peep about anything from anyone, except our daughter keeps telling us that she doesn't like getting those reports, but the laws require it.

It really doesn't matter if you are leaving behind $1.00 or $100mil, everyone should consider having a trust account set up. This eliminates all the need for the crap that is later tossed about. It really doesn't cost all that much to do and in some cases, I have been told by friends that their bank has done it for free, so long as the money is kept in their bank.
 
oldman said:
After reading all of these comments, I am really glad now that I set up trusts for everyone (children, grandchildren, church and charities) that will be inheriting their due. What's left in the various accounts gets divided equally among our two children. My two children get an annual report each year of the trust's value and it also shows its' gains and losses, if any. I have never heard a peep about anything from anyone, except our daughter keeps telling us that she doesn't like getting those reports, but the laws require it.

It really doesn't matter if you are leaving behind $1.00 or $100mil, everyone should consider having a trust account set up. This eliminates all the need for the crap that is later tossed about. It really doesn't cost all that much to do and in some cases, I have been told by friends that their bank has done it for free, so long as the money is kept in their bank.
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A trust is another good idea along with a will, beneficiary designation etc. Also heard incorporating can help as well.

But in this case it's the expectations and entitlement of that adult child. They got more money and attention through out their adult lives than most. Many parents would've detached, banished, ignored, said no to an adult child in a similar situation decades prior. They just don't get it. And the rest of the family isn't like that.

One used to worry about the circle of friends a teenager would have but in this case their adult friends had a much greater influence than family.
 
Now the whiner is complaining that survivors won't buy his portion of a home for sale now. He wants to use an estimated value the lawyer he chose put on the house. And in that neighborhood un renovated homes are going for 30-50K less than the lawyers estimate. Now he wants others to fork over 10K for renovations. He's not even in charge. He's also violently upset that some items are not going to fetch the price he was hoping on.

Also note this same individual was in disbelief when their parents didn't receive any inheritance when one of their younger family members died. They just assume everyone with gray hair and a home is going to leave money to everyone. Ugggh
 
oldman said:
After reading all of these comments, I am really glad now that I set up trusts for everyone (children, grandchildren, church and charities) that will be inheriting their due. What's left in the various accounts gets divided equally among our two children. My two children get an annual report each year of the trust's value and it also shows its' gains and losses, if any. I have never heard a peep about anything from anyone, except our daughter keeps telling us that she doesn't like getting those reports, but the laws require it.

It really doesn't matter if you are leaving behind $1.00 or $100mil, everyone should consider having a trust account set up. This eliminates all the need for the crap that is later tossed about. It really doesn't cost all that much to do and in some cases, I have been told by friends that their bank has done it for free, so long as the money is kept in their bank.
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I'm presuming you have set up irrevocable trusts for your heirs/beneficiaries. My family trust (hub & me), my mother's trust and my in-laws' trusts (all revocable) have never issued annual reports to anyone - myself included. Assets can be added or removed from our trusts as the mood strikes. Beneficiaries can be added, removed or have allocation percentages (or amounts) changed by fairly simple addendum to the trust.
 
This is a perfect example of sayings like one should not do business with family. Especially if it involves money. Yeh it's nice to think everyone will get along but that's not reality. For some families I can see it working for others no way.

The whiner's even fighting the way the estate property is being handled. If he can't get full control he wants to turn it over to his lawyer to handle everything including the sale of property. But the lawyer want's close to 20K to do that. The lawyer is selling him that all related costs come off the value of the estate come tax time but it does not put additional money in anyone's pocket. The stupid thing it's not a millionaire's inheritance. Everyone will be lucky to wind up in the low five figures.

He's also trying to rationalize not paying debts owed by the deceased including a mortgage, he argues how can survivors/family be responsible for someone else's debt. It's true to a point for something like credit cards but not a house. The bank will argue no is forcing them to keep the house. This is half century old 'adult'.
 
WhatInThe said:
This is a perfect example of sayings like one should not do business with family. Especially if it involves money. Yeh it's nice to think everyone will get along but that's not reality. For some families I can see it working for others no way.
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I agree that only a few families can do business together. The very young guy who started Subway was one of the few exceptions. When he first started out he had immediate and extended family working for him in all capacities. I don't know if they were so chummy AFTER the company got to be big and making big money.
 
What a mess and it's really too bad. These things probably go on more than some imagine. This person could have had some personality disorder. My brother is one. Does nothing, expects praise and puts me down. A real winner. I don't expect or want a dime when my stepfather is gone. I do want my freedom which he is taking form me.
 
Now the whiner is slamming their deceased parent for their poor management of their own money. The parent did not stick people for 20K or ask for financial assistance from family as an adult. The gall. They simply won't accept responsibility for their part in this. They're blaming what the parents did 30 years ago, anything from retiring too early or not hiring a stock broker. And again they fail to accept their responsibility in this 30 years ago having to repeat or restart around at least 10 college courses for an associate degree-the parent said they just wanted to make sure they got a degree. Lucky it was a 2 yr degree which took almost 4 years because the kid wouldn't even have been able to hit up the parent for 10s of thousands years later.
 
Well the bitter child continues to stew over no big life insurance policy. Keeps on complaining it's unfair the children(1/2 century old) should have to pay for their deceased parents bills yet he's stayed at and continues to store stuff in the house and used the utilities which haven't been disconnected yet. When its all said and done his payout will be close to 6 figures and yet he is still bitter, disappointed, angry and/or resentful.

He went off on another rant on how the family or even some lifetime/'good' friends didn't help him 'enough' during his bankruptcy years. He always had a place to stay, shower, do laundry, store things etc though. Even had his cell phone paid for by others for over a half year which he complained it wasn't a higher end smart phone/plan. He blames everyone else but himself for years of personal issues & bad decisions. If you didn't support 1000% no matter the circumstances you are a family or lifetime friend traitor. For some reason he's always felt he missed or is owed something by the entire extended family and some lifetime friends. Unbelievable.
 
He sounds like a real 'piece of work', he has it better than a LOT of people and he still thinks the world and everyone in it owes him.....incredible! :rolleyes:
 


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