Adult Niece's Unacceptable Behavior

maplebeez said:
I have had a close relationship with my niece since the day she was born. But today I'm ticked off because she's still declining my dinner invitations, insisting that with working full-time, caring for her baby & her household chores, it's too hard for them to come for dinner. Yet she & her husband make weekend plans with their friends & take time off work for long-weekend trips, with the baby, to visit college friends. I last heard from her weeks ago, when she said, we have to get together, because they still have my Christmas gift (I made sure she, her husband & the baby got their gifts) but with her busy schedule she wasn't able to set a date.

Yesterday I tried again inviting them to my home for dinner some weekend this summer & she sends me a text saying their summer weekends are booked up until after Labor Day! I've only seen the baby twice since he was born eight months ago. Her repeated excuses upset me (they don't seem to bother her Dad) & I know this wouldn't be happening if her mother was still alive. What's an Aunt to do?
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Hi, i would let your niece know your feelings, it's down to her after that, jmho. Richie
 
My sons never come by anymore, they invite me to their houses when they have time. I usually get an invite to the grandkids birthdays and on holidays. Everyone else I cared about are dead. I miss our family stuff but that is over and done. I am sad sometimes but there are lonely people everywhere. Guess finding other company is what we need. Doesn't help either when people mention they haven't seen anyone at my house in a long time. People have no filters they just blab things out. Why are they watching my house anyway? Grr!

Young people would rather be around their own friends. so it's not unusual to be left out. At least your niece indicated the desire to get together. I would take that to mean she is stretched pretty thin with a job, a husband and a baby. Sometimes husbands demand as much time as the babies do, and depending upon what her job is, she may have to put in extra hours there.

My youngest son has a demanding wife where they have to be going somewhere every weekend. It's a status thing with her I think. I'm not going to involve myself in that. My oldest son is laid up with an injury, I think I could go over for a visit this weekend. I doubt he and his wife have plans, and we'll have something to talk about. I'll have to ask though, That's how it goes, got to take what you get and let the rest alone. Doesn't help knowing you're yesterday's meatloaf though. That's tough getting used to. Can't say I'm there yet.
 

That's the thing people's schedules and priorities are different and all parties need to understand that. This is why the perfunctory family gathering have little to no meaning anymore because they people come out of obligation and habit, not because they want to. Over time this wears and becomes apparent. I think it's better when you see or talk to people in non holiday or formal settings. Like many things family get togethers are just a show sometimes just to keep up with the Jones-Oh what did you do over the holiday-blah blah blah.
 
That's how I feel too WIT. My son, his wife and I had a nice relaxed visit Sunday. He got to tell me how he shoved his own kneecap back into place, not once but twice(!)... and everything else that went on afterward. I got to tell his wife not to do everything for him plus got to see the grandkids. Two hours we caught up, and I left. Nice.
 
applecruncher said:
An unfortunate situation. maplebeez, you complained about this same niece here, right?

https://www.seniorforums.com/showthread.php/39657-No-Words

- Her mother is not around and even if she was, things might be the same as they are now. Remember, you said niece is an adult. Her mother has nothing to do with this, and it's strange that you're even bringing her mother into the discussion.

- When someone chooses not to have a closer relationship with someone else, there is always a reason. You may not/never know the reason, you may not think it's a good reason, and it may seem unfair. But there is always a reason. Speculation is pointless.

There are two sides to these types of stories.

- Confrontation won't accomplish anything. You can't force her to want to spend more time with you. You need to stop making overtures and work hard at getting past the anger and pain. You find her behavior unacceptable, but you have no choice other than to leave her alone.
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There could be some narcisisstic traits the neice might want her aunt to chase her. She is an adult you have invited her more than once I would tell her its sounds like you guys are busy. If you get some free time you're always welcome to come by and that is it. I would not contact her anymore!
 
the times they are achanging - sang bob dylan - my son in his 50's complains to me that none of his 5 adult kids some married never call him - sounds familiar and yet he worked his butt off for them gave them all he could. I'm running a thread extended families v nuclear families - same them - so back to bob dylan - this world since after the II world war when I was born had undergone massive changes in terms of living conditions and technology as I type with one here. all of these things have change not only the world but our thinking processes and our relationships.

My mother and father disliked rock and roll music when it first came out - us kids loved it - at least we didn't fight over it - they even bought me a record player!

so maplebeez all of the above and more - we can't do a damn thing about it and neither can you we are doomed to obsolence
 
Linda said:
It won't do any good to confront her or try to talk it over. Just leave her alone. I have nephews and nieces who don't have time for me but that's OK, life goes on. Make a life for yourself without your niece.
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I agree. Don't waste your time, energy, and emotion.
 
Linda said:
It won't do any good to confront her or try to talk it over. Just leave her alone. I have nephews and nieces who don't have time for me but that's OK, life goes on. Make a life for yourself without your niece.
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That's the stone cold best advice anyone can give whether it be today or six years ago.
 
Not all family relationships last forever as people evolve and change. You may have to accept you are maybe being fazed out for a different crowd closer to her interests and age. Sometimes you just have to except change and move on. Enjoy what little bit of time you do get.
 
Oldeagle66 said:
Not all family relationships last forever as people evolve and change. You may have to accept you are maybe being fazed out for a different crowd closer to her interests and age. Sometimes you just have to except change and move on. Enjoy what little bit of time you do get.
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