Aging and Friendships

fureverywhere said:
Yes folks, G-d Bless...I miss the co-workers at my old job, have a best buddy but not a whole bunch of real live social contacts. Maybe the next job who knows, we moved a lot. Just at my old job there were a bunch of folks, over 50 perhaps over 70. If you were having a day you could say " Miss Anna or Ms. Felicia I need a hug!". Ms. Felicia towered over me...what beautiful hugs. I do miss that.
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I know, Fur. At my last job, I liked everyone there except my boss, who was a mean spirited, micromanaging egomaniac (and that's putting it mildly). I miss them (except for the boss). They've all left there now, too. And I, too, miss the live social contacts and the camaraderie and sense of joint purpose. It's one of the bad parts of retirement.

I"ll take a hug, too.
 

I never knew how few of friends that I had. After I left United, my 'friends' seemed to have all disappeared. I guess they must have just been friendly and so-called acquaintances. My wife is the one that still has friends, but she goes out of her way to keep everyone in the loop and keeps her coral close. Me, not so much. Like others here, I fined keeping friends close a huge effort, which I am no longer willing to do. I have one or two real friends and I am good with that. I lost a good friend just this week. Well, I didn't lose him, he died and he was buried yesterday. Just makes me sad when I think back to my working days, I couldn't keep people away. Now, I have trouble wanting to be bothered.
 
Guys, I didn't y'all! I meant face-to-face people. If I didn't have this board, I'd be alone except for Tucker, my perfectly good cat.

Living right across the hall from my daughter's house means I'm not "really" alone, but they are their own family with their own lives and things to do. It's not that I'm excluded, though. I can't explain it. I'm here but not there? Guess you'd have to have the same kind of situation to get it.

And thanks for the virtual hugs. Even if not in person, they're still hugs.
 

My wife is the one who makes the social connections with friends and gets us out to do things with other couples. For me personally, true friendships have always been difficult. The best friends of my younger days died early and it hit hard. I have connections at work, but no true close friendships. They are more colleagues and certainly I'll keep in touch after I retire, but there's not that one person in whom I'd confide or share more personal thoughts. I do wish I had at least one close male friend, someone to watch football with on a Sunday, or go hiking with when the weather is good. I miss that connection. My wife is my best friend and has been for a long time.
 
Bobw235 said:
My wife is the one who makes the social connections with friends and gets us out to do things with other couples. For me personally, true friendships have always been difficult. The best friends of my younger days died early and it hit hard. I have connections at work, but no true close friendships. They are more colleagues and certainly I'll keep in touch after I retire, but there's not that one person in whom I'd confide or share more personal thoughts. I do wish I had at least one close male friend, someone to watch football with on a Sunday, or go hiking with when the weather is good. I miss that connection. My wife is my best friend and has been for a long time.
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Same here, Bob. The county we live in has a population of 8,000 and our nearest neighbors are miles away. I used to love to get together with 5 or 6 of my motorcycle riding buddies before we bought the ranch and now I ride my road bikes and my dirt bike alone all over the country. There are church gatherings about once a month. My wife is my workout partner in the Home Gym and fast walking partner on our county road. The ranchers who I have become acquainted with are like us...they work 10 hours a day and 7 days a week. Not much time left for social interaction. We love this lifestyle, however, and will never regret buying the ranch. Retirement has been wonderful so far.
 
I have connections at work, but no true close friendships. They are more colleagues and certainly I'll keep in touch after I retire, but there's not that one person in whom I'd confide or share more personal thoughts.
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The work friendships can be “iffy”. And sharing personal things with a work colleague ….well, usually not a good idea.

But two of my close friends are people I used to work with. When we worked together we got along very well, but weren’t really friends. After moving on to different jobs, we crossed paths and started to socialize.
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
Guys, I didn't y'all! I meant face-to-face people. If I didn't have this board, I'd be alone except for Tucker, my perfectly good cat.

Living right across the hall from my daughter's house means I'm not "really" alone, but they are their own family with their own lives and things to do. It's not that I'm excluded, though. I can't explain it. I'm here but not there? Guess you'd have to have the same kind of situation to get it.

And thanks for the virtual hugs. Even if not in person, they're still hugs.
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Georgia, I DO know exactly what you mean. It's almost impossible to explain -- it's kind of like I used to be right in the great big middle of the tapestry of life, but have now moved off into the background somehow. "The old order changeth, yielding place to new . . . ."
 
Well I can relate to that. I've got plenty of friends before whom I haven't seen personally for years, even decades, now. Facebook gives me the opportunity to communicate with them, but that's about it. I still have my best friend though. Haven't seen her since 2009 as she's currently living in Vietnam. It does help to socialize, but you can't really guarantee that those interactions would be transformed into real friendships, which I do prefer. Yes, we do grow wiser as we age, therefore we know how to sift through them. And I prefer quality over quantity. :) Better to be alone than to put up with those who are a pain in the neck.
 
The biggest barrier around friendships has always been my past. All the empathy in the world cannot cross some chasms of experience. No matter how wonderful my friends are, how warm and honest our connection, for me there is always be a

slight feeling of being on the outside of a glass wall looking in. Fortunately, as I grow older I find it easier to accept. I may not get the whole enchilada, but half ain't bad either.
 
I moved a lot, plus was in a weird church for 35 years so never really had close friends other than family and a couple long time pen pals. Now I live in the mts around a bunch of rednecks, pot farmers, ladies who are crazy about horses, or oddly enough a ton of people retired from the aerospace industry so I don't have any old friends to outgrow or miss. I'm glad I have family and wish I had friends who were more than just ones to talk to over the fence twice a year. The "over the fence" neighbors are the type who need to STAY over the fence though. :) I'm hoping someday to move into town and get involved in senior activities before I am to old to do anything.

 
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