Am I The Only One Who Doesn't Have, Or Want, Grandchildren?

I always wanted grandchildren and hoped my kids would want kids. I have 8 grandkids now, from 3 of my 5 children, and I couldn’t be happier. 😍 I am very close with all of them, even though only 3 live close by.

I’m flying out to CA next week to visit with my son and his family and attend the graduations of two of his kids..one graduating high school and the other college, and I text or FaceTime with all of them frequently. I hang out with my daughter and her kids once or twice a week, plus we all text or DM the rest of the time. Another is in North Carolina and we interact on social media daily and text frequently.

One of my sons and his fiancé have chosen not to have kids. He told me “Mom, unless we find the idea of a child more appealing than the lifestyle we’re living right now, I won’t be having kids.” He loves his nieces and nephews, they frequently take them places, enjoys the interactions, just don’t want any of their own.

All that to say I am grateful for the grandkids I have because I’ve always wanted to be a grandmother, but I respect and am proud of the one son who has made a conscious choice to not have children.

@Medusa I too gave my all to my kids, and I find it interesting that we each have evolved to have different feelings about grandkids. My life’s been enhanced by the presence of grands while it seems like (forgive me if I’m wrong) having grands for you would have been a more negative than positive experience?

Too, having grandchildren doesn’t automatically mean that you HAVE to have anything to do with them. Plenty of grandparents don’t, either by their choice or the choice of the grands themselves. In my case, my kids didn’t have grandparents around for long and barely remember them, and that seems to have influenced their choice to want me very much involved in their kids lives, and I want that too, so it all worked out well!
 

Ronni said:
@Medusa I too gave my all to my kids, and I find it interesting that we each have evolved to have different feelings about grandkids. My life’s been enhanced by the presence of grands while it seems like (forgive me if I’m wrong) having grands for you would have been a more negative than positive experience?
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It's lovely to hear of how you are enjoying your life with your grandchildren and also support your child who doesn't want children. That is what we mothers do. ❤️

I wouldn't go so far as to say that having them would have been a negative experience for me because I don't know that; maybe I would have loved it. I can only say that now, in this present, I have no desire for them. :)
 
Navel-gazing:

Engaging in or characterized by self-indulgent or excessive contemplation of oneself or a single issue, at the expense of a wider view.
 

I haven't met my grandchildren yet so it's not a big deal or rush. However, their parents want me to move in. They say it's to get closer as a family but I know the deal. They want help, and I'm not a permanent babysitter.......No thanks, I'm good by myself.
 
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horseless carriage said:
Having children comes with a set of responsibilities, including providing love, care, and guidance. If the primary motivation is support in old age, it may suggest a transactional view of parenthood that could overlook the emotional and developmental needs of the child.
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Virtually ALL healthy human relationships have myriad transactional aspects. Long relationships are loaded with histories of favors and kindnesses that go both ways. Indeed, people who fail to reciprocate are labeled "users" and avoided.

We start teaching transactional behaviors to very young toddlers. We hand them extra cookies, telling them to share with their siblings. The underlying message: "Sharing is caring" works both ways. When your brother is handed some, he will share with you.

Nevertheless, I don't know anyone who brought children into the world with the intention that they'll be little insurance policies with a payoff date of some 40-50 years hence. Talk about the long con...

When my mother and in-laws declined physically and mentally, DH & I stepped in to help because that's what you do for people you've known and loved throughout your lifetime. Our children not only watched, they gladly pitched in.

Now that DH & I are in our 70s, we're less able to safely perform certain chores like climbing ladders. Our children and older grands lend a hand and offer help with whatever we need.

As for the subject of this thread, I'm quite happy to have had children and am unashamedly enchanted by my grandshildren.

Some of my child-free (or grandchild-free) friends (IRL and online) glean great joy from their friends, work, pets, travels, shopping sprees, scrapbooking, gardens, new vehicles or restoration of classics, concert, theater, restaurant and symphony visits, gourmet cooking, and so forth.

I may not share their level of interest in these activities, but the people themselves interest me, so I listen, learn, and delight in the happiness these aspects of their lives bring them. A contact high, if you will.

In turn, they are happy to catch up on what brings me joy, which often includes experiences with my children and grandchildren.
 
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dilettante said:
Well, just don't expect a lot of help once you get to the point you have health, mobility, and daily care needs. The shrinking population is likely to put necessary elder care and health services out of reach for more and more old folks.
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Also, don't automatically expect help and to be taken care just because you have children and grandchildren.
 
StarSong said:
Virtually ALL healthy human relationships have myriad transactional aspects. Long relationships are loaded with histories of favors and kindnesses that go both ways. Indeed, people who fail to reciprocate are labeled "users" and avoided.

We start teaching transactional behaviors to very young toddlers. We hand them extra cookies, telling them to share with their siblings. The underlying message: "Sharing is caring" works both ways. When your brother is handed some, he will share with you.

Nevertheless, I don't know anyone who brought children into the world in hopes that they'll be little insurance policies with a payoff date of some 40-50 years hence. Talk about the long con...

When my mother and in-laws declined physically and mentally, DH & I stepped in to help because that's what you do for people you've known and loved throughout your lifetime. Our children not only watched, they gladly pitched in.

Now that DH & I are in our 70s, we're less able to safely perform certain chores like climbing ladders. Our children and older grands lend a hand and offer help with whatever we need.

As for the subject of this thread, I'm quite happy to have had children and am unashamedly enchanted by my grandshildren.

Some of my child-free (or grandchild-free) friends (IRL and online) glean great joy from their friends, work, pets, travels, shopping sprees, scrapbooking, gardens, new vehicles or restoration of classics, concert, theater, restaurant and symphony visits, gourmet cooking, and so forth.

I may not share their level of interest in these activities, but the people themselves interest me, so I listen, learn, and delight in the happiness these aspects of their lives bring them. A contact high, if you will.

In turn, they are happy to catch up on what brings me joy, which often includes experiences with my children and grandchildren.
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@horseless carriage, doesn't need my help here, but as I'm here I'll mention that his post regarding the suggestion of a transactional relationship between parent and child was in direct reference to a post that implied such a relationship.

I think the takeaway here is that children may or may not take care of their parents in their old age, but it should not be required, expected or taken for granted and, most certainly, should not be a reason, even in small part, for having them.

I'm happy for you in your enjoyment of your loving family. :) ❤️
 
Medusa said:
@horseless carriage, doesn't need my help here, but as I'm here I'll mention that his post regarding the suggestion of a transactional relationship between parent and child was in direct reference to a post that implied such a relationship.
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Thank you for pointing this out. I should have paid attention to the post he cited.
 
Medusa said:
@horseless carriage, doesn't need my help here, but as I'm here I'll mention that his post regarding the suggestion of a transactional relationship between parent and child was in direct reference to a post that implied such a relationship.

I think the takeaway here is that children may or may not take care of their parents in their old age, but it should not be required, expected or taken for granted and, most certainly, should not be a reason, even in small part, for having them.

I'm happy for you in your enjoyment of your loving family. :) ❤️
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I'm glad you said that. That message was pounded into my head so much as a young adult, I got to resent family moved away almost 50 years ago. Didn't tell them where I lived, and don't visit.
 
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We've got Grandkids, and Great grandkids. They've all been a pleasure. Our oldest Great granddaughter is in college, and is seriously dating a nice young man. I fully expect that she will marry soon, and give us our first Great Great Grandchild. If we have a few more years left, that will put my wife and I into a 5th generation.
 
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I'm a widower who lives in a great retirement community, with a lot of events and activities. My four daughters have given me six grandchildren. It has not been easy for them, just as it wasn't for my wife. For me, the best days of my life are those where I get to spend some time with my grandchildren. Like yesterday, a dance recital for my 11-year-old granddaughter. My only regret in life is that my wife did not live long enough to see our grandchildren growing up and get to know just what a wonderful role model she was for our daughters!
 
StarSong said:
Nevertheless, I don't know anyone who brought children into the world with the intention that they'll be little insurance policies with a payoff date of some 40-50 years hence. Talk about the long con...
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I know, right? It always strikes me as odd when the same people who claim the people who don't have children are selfish, then give the most selfish reason for having children I ever heard.

I only had one child because we simply couldn't afford any more. My son was 4 by the time we had paid off the hospital for his birth. My husband did seasonal construction work earning around $3000 a year and I worked evenings at K-Mart. There's a set of people who can't afford health insurance, never apply for welfare or food stamps, but simply live below the poverty line as best they can. That was us.

My son never had or could have had children, so no grandchildren. I don't miss having them or think about it at all, but I expect I would have been nuts about any that cropped up.
-Oy- said:
Our two Grandchildren bring us much love and enjoyement. When we were expecting the first a friend of mine told me that Grandchildren fill a hole in your heart that you didn't know you had. Never a truer word spoken.
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That's what I imagine. You just don't know how you'll feel till you hold that baby.
 
-Oy- said:
Our two Grandchildren bring us much love and enjoyement. When we were expecting the first a friend of mine told me that Grandchildren fill a hole in your heart that you didn't know you had. Never a truer word spoken. :love:
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This is so true.
It doesn't however, take anything away from people who haven't had grandchildren.
You can't equate grandchildren with pets, however anyone with a pet can understand the same filling of a hole in your heart.
Kids and pets are alike in one way..........you end up cleaning up poop, one way or another. ;)
 
StarSong said:
Some of my child-free (or grandchild-free) friends (IRL and online) glean great joy from their friends, work, pets, travels, shopping sprees, scrapbooking, gardens, new vehicles or restoration of classics, concert, theater, restaurant and symphony visits, gourmet cooking, and so forth.

I may not share their level of interest in these activities, but the people themselves interest me, so I listen, learn, and delight in the happiness these aspects of their lives bring them. A contact high, if you will.

In turn, they are happy to catch up on what brings me joy, which often includes experiences with my children and grandchildren.
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that is a good comparison- sure , anybody who goes on and on about their grandchildren or their pets or their hobbies or whatever is a pain - but so is anybody who dismisses or puts down anyone else's mention or pride in them whatsoever.

if someone asks what did you do o n the weekend and I say I did this and this with the grandchildren they reply with interest and courtesy - whether they like or have children themselves or not - I then do likewise about their camping trip, although I do not go camping myself.

I don't spend all day talking about my grandchildren and they don't spend all day talking about camping adventures
 
Medusa said:
I think the takeaway here is that children may or may not take care of their parents in their old age, but it should not be required, expected or taken for granted and, most certainly, should not be a reason, even in small part, for having them.
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I know someone who made it clear to her children (all daughters) that the only reason she had them was for them to take care of her in her old age, as she put it to them, "Why the hell else would I have had you?!" Which I think sux.
 

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