Am I wrong??

While you may not sign on the dotted line, your hubby can. You have to choose which is more important to you-your husband or financial stability. You know with your husband; you can't have both. Get yourself to a lawyer yesterday. Have your financial dealings separated from those of your husband's. Don't wait til your out in the street.
 

Ladybj said:
Long story short. Hubby and I went through a VERY HARD financial period about 6 years ago. He is the type that a dime will burn a hole in his pocket..well with inflation.. a quarter..lol. He is not good with money. Our finances got so bad that we went through Chapter 13 (he has gone through bankruptcy about 3x) me 2x since being with him. During that time he got himself caught up really bad in those payday loans, we filed chapter 13, our house was foreclosed on.. that's the point where we separated and was close to divorce.

Fast forward.. we got back together. He put money in my account to handle the bills and our credit score has increased tremendously. We purchased a home.. very beautiful. I feel this is my retirement home. Ok.. here is my issue. About 2 years ago he made it possible for me to get my dream vehicle which is a Lexus SUV (which it was time for me to get another vehicle)... I have a few more years to pay on it and no more vehicle payments....OH NO... Hubby wants a brand new truck.. he already has a 2007 Yukon which runs very well. We had a deep discussion tonight regarding finances. He said once your vehicle is paid off I am getting my truck. I was like, I do not want to be in a financial bind anymore. Without a vehicle payment we will be just fine... we are doing fine now, but I find myself using my cc a bit more than I want to at times...he does also. He buys things and order things he does not need, I feel us moving back into a financial bind very slowly. I cannot and will not go back into that financial hole. I will sell my home and we separate again before that happens. That was a VERY dark depressed period in my life. He knows because he was there. I will not sign my name on the dotted line for him to get a vehicle. Mind you, we are not getting younger, we have to start thinking smarter financially and being on this forum has really open my eyes to a few things. Thanks to all that has taken the time to read and respond.
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You are right he is WRONG. Don't let him mess things up again.
 
Just a couple of days ago in a car thread you said that you traded in a 2004 Nissan to get your Lexus. I don't get why what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander.

LBJ, you've mentioned in other posts that you just turned 60, are in the physical condition of a woman much younger, and are retired. Also that your husband is still working, and you're happily married. Yet now you're talking about separation/divorce over a new truck.

If he's still working but you're not, and you've got your dream vehicle, but he can't get his when yours is paid off... well, it's no wonder this is sticking in his craw.

Forget trying to get useful advice on an anonymous forum, it's time to invest in marital and financial counseling.
 

StarSong said:
If he's still working but you're not, and you've got your dream vehicle, but he can't get his when yours is paid off... well, it's no wonder this is sticking in his craw.
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I don't see this as a ''new truck for him'' issue. I think of it as ''they're both high maintenance people and have not learned their lesson'' issue.

They are already 60, he has already gone through THREE bankrupticies and still likes to spend big. After the third bankruptcy they bought a "dream house", she bought a Lexus instead of an economy car, he already has a working truck but wants a brand new one. All of that is okay for a couple with adequate finances, but not for a couple with three bankruptcies in their past and already 60, not young people with a lifetime to make up for blunders. I doubt she'll leave him, she probably does not want to have to go out and get a job and support herself.
 
toffee said:
Going to be honest with you ---you are with a man you cannot trust !!!!
like they say leopards dont change there SPOTS '' lady bj yu seem to be living on a knife edge with him '
so what ime saying is pay off the car you have - if he mentions the truck and you know he will get it one way
or another 'put your home up for sale 'let him see enough is enough in your life time '

split the home go your own way and live without the black cloud looming everyday -woman can take just so much ..
take heed ladybj ...
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When it comes to finances...NO, I can't trust him. However, he does his part in transferring money into my account to pay the mortgage and other bills.
 
StarSong said:
Just a couple of days ago in a car thread you said that you traded in a 2004 Nissan to get your Lexus. I don't get why what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander.

LBJ, you've mentioned in other posts that you just turned 60, are in the physical condition of a woman much younger, and are retired. Also that your husband is still working, and you're happily married. Yet now you're talking about separation/divorce over a new truck.

If he's still working but you're not, and you've got your dream vehicle, but he can't get his when yours is paid off... well, it's no wonder this is sticking in his craw.

Forget trying to get useful advice on an anonymous forum, it's time to invest in marital and financial counseling.
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So far, I have gotten good advice from the forum. And I am currently in counseling. Have been on and off since my baby brother passed away about 6 years ago. I wanted to post in on the site because its good to connect with others that may can relate in some way.
 
Catlady said:
I don't see this as a ''new truck for him'' issue. I think of it as ''they're both high maintenance people and have not learned their lesson'' issue.

They are already 60, he has already gone through THREE bankrupticies and still likes to spend big. After the third bankruptcy they bought a "dream house", she bought a Lexus instead of an economy car, he already has a working truck but wants a brand new one. All of that is okay for a couple with adequate finances, but not for a couple with three bankruptcies in their past and already 60, not young people with a lifetime to make up for blunders. I doubt she'll leave him, she probably does not want to have to go out and get a job and support herself.
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Your post certainly hit like a ton of nails but you are right to a certain degree. We both like nice things. I wanted my last vehicle to be a reliable, dependable vehicle. Truth is hard to take in but I cannot say you are completely wrong..however you are not completely right. I do not have to go out and get a job to support myself.. I have worked for over 30 years and my husband does not pay all the bills..I contribute a great deal as well. I could leave and be just fine. Leaving would be too easy..I prefer to work things out as oppose to leave 35 years behind because as I say, all in all, he is not a bad man..just not good with money matters..that's why I handle paying bills. And yes, its more than the new truck. I love him and truth be told he is a good man. I am not making him out to be a deadbeat and he is an good father. By the way, my hubby is not 60 - he's 57.
 
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Aunt Bea said:
From your post, it sounds like you have a few years to go before your husband feels it will be his turn to have his new dream vehicle so I would start saving for that purchase now. Who knows when the time comes you may both be able to compromise and get along with one basic vehicle.

As far as the use of credit cards creeping in I would talk to your husband about each of you having a small allowance to buy whatever you like and when the allowance is gone it's gone.

Good luck!
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Thank you Aunt Bea.
 
I never understood the concept of a owning a 'dream' anything - especially a vehicle - if it meant going into long-term debt. It's probably a generational thing (I was born in 1933) but I learned early on that life was easier and much happier if I lived within my income. I've had plenty of debt over the years but none that ever went unpaid.

Five bankruptcies between the two of you would indicate a history of poor money management. Five bankruptcies also indicates great financial loss to many who extended credit to you. Defaulting on loans doesn't make the debt disappear. It merely makes others responsible for your debts. Too much bad debt and a business must raise prices or go out of business.

Sorry, that sounds harsh I know and since so many others here are sympathetic to your plight, I guess I'm out of step for the time.
 
Thank you all for your feedback... very much appreciated. Hubby and I had a talk today about finances. He informed me that he do not plan on getting a vehicle until my vehicle is paid off and he will not put us in a bind. Do I trust he will not put us in a bind, no. I will see where we stand once my vehicle is paid off. @Catlady believe me, I have learned my lesson and if need be, I can walk away and will be fine. I like nice things but I do not allow material things to hold me hostage. I refuse to allow myself to be put in a position I was in years ago and I want to make sure he understand that..which I feel he does. All in all, with our challenges..we get along pretty well for the most part. When I made the statement, he is not taking my feelings into consideration..I was mainly speaking about the truck situation. @Aunt Bea hubby does have a pretty good savings...I pray he continue to save toward his vehicle. Time will tell.
 
gennie said:
I never understood the concept of a owning a 'dream' anything - especially a vehicle - if it meant going into long-term debt. It's probably a generational thing (I was born in 1933) but I learned early on that life was easier and much happier if I lived within my income. I've had plenty of debt over the years but none that ever went unpaid.

Five bankruptcies between the two of you would indicate a history of poor money management. Five bankruptcies also indicates great financial loss to many who extended credit to you. Defaulting on loans doesn't make the debt disappear. It merely makes others responsible for your debts. Too much bad debt and a business must raise prices or go out of business.

Sorry, that sounds harsh I know and since so many others here are sympathetic to your plight, I guess I'm out of step for the time.
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No, you are not out of step by no means and everyone was not sympathetic. Truth is hard to hear but I appreciate it as long as its not vicious and demeaning. The second time I went bankrupt, it was not a 7 where all the debt is erased, I did a 13 where creditors did not get all, however they were paid..which was over $40,000 including a vehicle which hubby did pay back. I learned a LOT from that. Got my finances back in order..credit score is higher than it has ever been..not too far from 800. I agree, back then, very bad poor money management. This is why I am very apprehensive about him getting a truck...but we will see. Maybe he will hit the lottery and pay cash...lol
 
Ladybj said:
Your post certainly hit like a ton of nails but you are right to a certain degree. We both like nice things. I wanted my last vehicle to be a reliable, dependable vehicle. Truth is hard to take in but I cannot say you are completely wrong..however you are not completely right. I do not have to go out and get a job to support myself.. I have worked for over 30 years and my husband does not pay all the bills..I contribute a great deal as well. I could leave and be just fine. Leaving would be too easy..I prefer to work things out as oppose to leave 35 years behind because as I say, all in all, he is not a bad man..just not good with money matters..that's why I handle paying bills. And yes, its more than the new truck. I love him and truth be told he is a good man. I am not making him out to be a deadbeat and he is an good father. By the way, my hubby is not 60 - he's 57.
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Then your only recourse is to see a lawyer to figure out how to separate your finances so that when he goes bankrupt for the 4th time, he will not drag you down with him. If he hasn't learned how to handle money after three bankruptcies he never will.
 
Gennie and starsong, I am in agreement with both of you. Sounds like a lot of barely disguised hostility there. Ladybj, I am glad you are in counseling. It sounds like this is not about cars, trucks, or even finances. It's about the lack of unified feeling, the "we-ness" of a good marriage. That issue should be addressed before focusing on what things "should" be bought.
 
Sunny said:
Gennie and starsong, I am in agreement with both of you. Sounds like a lot of barely disguised hostility there. Ladybj, I am glad you are in counseling. It sounds like this is not about cars, trucks, or even finances. It's about the lack of unified feeling, the "we-ness" of a good marriage. That issue should be addressed before focusing on what things "should" be bought.
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I LOVE IT...Thank you. I was forced to face a lot after the death of my sister.
 
CarolfromTX said:
You both need to take Dave Ramsay's course, "Financial Peace University."
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Lc jones said:
Fantastic advice!!!!
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I third this avice. Dave Ramsey teaches people how to live debt free. If you follow the plan it will work. Remember, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail".

When you are debt free you really have no need for a credit score. Don't make FICO you god.
 
Ladybj said:
So far, I have gotten good advice from the forum. And I am currently in counseling. Have been on and off since my baby brother passed away about 6 years ago. I wanted to post in on the site because its good to connect with others that may can relate in some way.
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I'm glad that you're in counseling and wish you the best with that. You've got a lot on your emotional plate with the recent deaths in your family.

While it's true that we all get by with a little help from our friends, most of us also have moments when professional advice is worth its weight in gold.
 
StarSong said:
I'm glad that you're in counseling and wish you the best with that. You've got a lot on your emotional plate with the recent deaths in your family.

While it's true that we all get by with a little help from our friends, most of us also have moments when professional advice is worth its weight in gold.
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No doubt..that is why I am in counseling. I would not trade her for all the tea in China:coffee::ROFLMAO:
 
You are not wrong to want to avoid another financial disaster. I know what it's like to have a husband who has (had) no money sense. I used to tell my husband he went to the Psycho School of Money Management. He was my second husband, married in mid life and I did not have any joint accounts with him. I insisted to remain in my apartment, bought when I was 24. I'm glad I was and remained financially independent.
There are too many stories of women who were wiped out by their husbands' bad financial behaviors, including those who had separated but never divorced. In some states, the wives are held responsible for the slackers' debts even though they no longer live together. Perhaps you should seek legal advice as to how to proceed if the most extreme option becomes a reality.
 
he sounds like my sil-if he makes a dollar he spends a dollar-he bought a used truck and it wont run with out some work being done to it-he had it finance--he has to pay full coverage insurance plus pay the bank for financing it and the truck is sitting out in the yard--a waste of money
 
Thank you all for your advice...much appreciated..even the advice that was hard to swallow, I appreciate those as well. Hubby and I had a serious talk about it. I also spoke with my counselor about the situation. I feel better about it. You guys rock... thank you.
 

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