Are they all like this today?

AprilSun

AprilSun

Senior Member
Are most adult kids today like this? I have two children and because I've had to quit driving and live alone, I need help with transportation and picking up my medications, etc. sometimes. One thinks that because they take me to doctors, etc., they have the right to tell me which ones I can not see. I say as long as I'm paying for it, it is my decision. But, because I refuse to change, this child has refused to help with my transportation or anything else and the other always says, "I have to work" and will not take me anywhere even in emergencies. I needed stitches just the other day, and I asked if they would take me and I was told, "I have to work". Oh, they said if I couldn't find anyone else "that they would work something out". But, it's not other people's place to take me. It is my kids place to help me out but they don't see it that way. This is the response each time I ask so it's hard to believe that they can't take off when it is necessary for an emergency. Are they all like this? I hope not!
 

First of all {{{HUGS}}} April. No they are not all like this. I haven’t reached that point yet but I’m not sure mine will be there for me. They are scattered. My mother lives an hour and a half from me and I do find it hard to get there “every” time she needs me. I also find myself asking do you really need to see this doctor. But I go and take her anyway. If at all possible. If not ,I ask her to reschedule for a more convenient time. In case of emergencies I tell her to call 911.
 

AprilSun, you should contact your state and county dept of aging. They have excellent transportation and errand services for seniors (low cost).

Stop dealing with your kids, it's a stressful waste of time.
 
April, sorry about your situation. It kind of makes me glad that I never had kids. Is there a younger person around where you live that could perhaps take you and you give a few dollars too.
 
Having worked in healthcare as long as I did, I saw lots of kids (and grandkids) having to bring mom (mostly) to her appointments. I also saw what a sacrifice it was for the kids. Saying this, I feel it is part of being a family to help out when needed. As Applecruncher. stated, there should be services in your area for drivers for seniors. Ever thought of Uber? If finances are an issue for you, talk to your kids and see if they would pay for your transportation.
 
My Mother In Law spent almost the last 2 months in Hospital with a broken hip. My wife was with her every day and now that she's back in her own apartment still recovering has been staying with her 24/7, never mind arranging all of current medical needs.

She has 2 other useless sisters who managed to visit her twice in two months. To say that we (and her mother) are disgusted is an understatement.
 
applecruncher said:
AprilSun, you should contact your state and county dept of aging. They have excellent transportation and errand services for seniors (low cost).

Stop dealing with your kids, it's a stressful waste of time.
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I second this idea. I am signed up for our community transport service even though we still have a car. The time may come when I need it for medical appointments and either hubby needs the car for something important or neither of us will still be driving.

The other thing I am planning to do is get myself a gopher to drive short distances to the shops, local doctor and the like.
 
I am NOT saying this is you. My sister in Law, very sweet lady, a widow, he has been gone about 6/7 years. They always had the show house on the road. They would put in a full forty at work and then come home and put another 80 or 100 into the gardens and home.
When Karl passed, she could no longer do it all. Her kids would come and help out a couple times a week. Mind you these are all adults with homes jobs and children. Her requests became more and more frequent, she started scheduling improvement projects out side the scope of maintenance complete with standards and deadlines.
She seemed to be under the impression that her kids had some obligation to do these jobs, instead of knowing that they were doing her a favor.

She has had a big to do about this and now only one of three will even speak to her. She just doesn't understand and genuinely fells betrayed.

I surely hope this isn't you, but there are three side to every story, yours, they 'res and the truth.
 
James said:
My Mother In Law spent almost the last 2 months in Hospital with a broken hip. My wife was with her every day and now that she's back in her own apartment still recovering has been staying with her 24/7, never mind arranging all of current medical needs.

She has 2 other useless sisters who managed to visit her twice in two months. To say that we (and her mother) are disgusted is an understatement.
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My experiences were similar, sometimes you look around and realize that you are an only child.
 
Warrigal said:
I second this idea. I am signed up for our community transport service even though we still have a car. The time may come when I need it for medical appointments and either hubby needs the car for something important or neither of us will still be driving.

The other thing I am planning to do is get myself a gopher to drive short distances to the shops, local doctor and the like.
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Warri, What is a "gopher"; Besides the garden variety I mean.
?
 
Warrigal said:
I second this idea. I am signed up for our community transport service even though we still have a car. The time may come when I need it for medical appointments and either hubby needs the car for something important or neither of us will still be driving.

The other thing I am planning to do is get myself a gopher to drive short distances to the shops, local doctor and the like.
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When my mother was dying, I had an understanding with my boss that if something urgent happened with her I had to leave, and I had an arrangement with another employee to pick up slack if necessary. That was for a particular period of time, and everyone knew about my mother's terminal situation.

Having said that, however, at the last job I had (long after the above situation) there were times I truly could not just pick up and leave to take someone to the doctor without serious consequences to my job or to a client's case. Court deadlines are court deadlines, and they do not care what else is going on.

I provided (and still do) transportation for my sister to appointments and so on when I can. I told her back when I was working that I would do what I could but she could not rely on me being able to leave at any time at the drop of a hat or that I could take off Tuesday morning to take her places. I just couldn't do that and expect to remain employed at a place with absolute deadlines. It really wasn't my employer's problem to accommodate my sister's needs, after all, and I needed the job to keep food on my table.
 
I think Warrigal is talking about one of these.

MobScooter.jpg
 
Butterfly said:
When my mother was dying, I had an understanding with my boss that if something urgent happened with her I had to leave, and I had an arrangement with another employee to pick up slack if necessary. That was for a particular period of time, and everyone knew about my mother's terminal situation.

Having said that, however, at the last job I had (long after the above situation) there were times I truly could not just pick up and leave to take someone to the doctor without serious consequences to my job or to a client's case. Court deadlines are court deadlines, and they do not care what else is going on.

I provided (and still do) transportation for my sister to appointments and so on when I can. I told her back when I was working that I would do what I could but she could not rely on me being able to leave at any time at the drop of a hat or that I could take off Tuesday morning to take her places. I just couldn't do that and expect to remain employed at a place with absolute deadlines. It really wasn't my employer's problem to accommodate my sister's needs, after all, and I needed the job to keep food on my table.
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I agree!

I found myself in a similar situation many years ago when dealing with my father and his appointments. Life became much easier when we came to the agreement that I would schedule the appointments if I was expected to provide the transportation.

Like Robusta said earlier there are three sides to every story.
 
I would have carried my Mom on my back to the doctors, if she needed me too. My Mom and Dad were my best friends. There is absolutely nothing that I wouldn't have done for them.

Your kids may find out when you have passed away that they wished that they would have treated you better. I have a friend that tell me that occasionally.
 
With very few exceptions, I don't rely on relatives/friends for transportation. Often their offers are made only because they feel that's what they should do. People have their own lives, and frankly I don't want to hear about their busy schedules or see them look at their watch or phone, and I don't like feeling rushed. Exception would be for something such as out-patient surgery.
 
applecruncher said:
With very few exceptions, I don't rely on relatives/friends for transportation.
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I'm gonna go with that as long as I can

Robusta said:
there are three side to every story, yours, they 'res and the truth.
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Gonna say here, there’s prolly four sides or more
Visited Mom at the hospital, her last days
Her greeting was ‘what the hell are YOU doin’ here?’
thought she’d soften a bit in her state
silly me
felt like the grim reaper

my brother was her gofer
I offered many times
They were close
Glad for him
Mom was a good mom
Just didn’t warm up much after my early years of doin’ whatever
Tried to talk to her about things of my youth, many times
One time, after rebuilding a bathroom of one of her motel units, I invited myself to sit in her kitchen, thought we’d have coffee and a heart to heart
Not…..what’s the word….receptive, yeah not receptive to it

Well now, ain’t this a bag of dirty laundry

Sorry

It’s just, there’s more than a few sides
 
Gary O' said:
Gonna say here, there’s prolly four sides or more
Visited Mom at the hospital, her last days
Her greeting was ‘what the hell are YOU doin’ here?’
thought she’d soften a bit in her state
silly me
felt like the grim reaper

my brother was her gofer
I offered many times
They were close
Glad for him
Mom was a good mom
Just didn’t warm up much after my early years of doin’ whatever
Tried to talk to her about things of my youth, many times
One time, after rebuilding a bathroom of one of her motel units, I invited myself to sit in her kitchen, thought we’d have coffee and a heart to heart
Not…..what’s the word….receptive, yeah not receptive to it

Well now, ain’t this a bag of dirty laundry

Sorry

It’s just, there’s more than a few sides
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Sounds a lot like my relationship with my old man.
 


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