As you age, what do you miss and regret, have come to terms with or really don't miss at all?

merlin

merlin

Member
Location
Saint Petersburg Russia
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As I wandered around a local supermarket in a bit of a dream, as I often do these days, not entirely sure why I was there or what I needed to buy :confused:
I was mulling over what effect aging had had on my body and my life. I came to the conclusion that some of the things I had lost, I had not missed, some I was aware of but had no real regrets about losing and some I really regretted losing

The loss of my libido I am not even aware of so it has no effect, likewise the lack of desire for reading fiction, I don't miss either. On the other hand the deterioration of my eyesight I am aware of but have come to terms with, and wear glasses now for reading, and more recently for driving as well.

My deteriorating memory and spelling skills I do miss but again somehow accept, usually turning it into humour. The usual remark "do you remember whatisname in the film called you know the one with so and so in" etc., can become funny in the end.

My only real regret at the moment is loss of hearing quality, which hearing aids haven't helped with, I can hear a pin drop, but cannot understand conversation, when more than one person is speaking, and film dialogue is difficult to follow.

I still have full mobility, so I am not sure how I would handle not being able to get around, though Diana Athill, (mentioned in another thread) did say in one of her books, that she was quite looking forward to just sitting in a chair. I think I would find it difficult to have to rely on someone to transport me everywhere, and then there's also loss of travel as well.

What do you miss and regret, have come to terms with or really don't miss at all?
 

I miss my 20/20 vision, perfect hearing, and I find my poor memory to be extremely annoying. Otherwise I'm fine physically and I appreciate that.
 
It is not so much caring about what I have lost as wondering what will go next...:confused:
 

As one that did a lot of running in my 40's & 50's and played lots of handball,raquetball,volleyball, pickle ball I sure miss not being able to run across the street or just run a mile or two for exercise I can walk across the street somewhat slowly and without pain andI am happy for that. All that running was great for my cardio vascular health but sure stiffened up my legs as I aged. My hearing is the other thing that I miss. Even with aids it will never be what it once was and I miss listening to good music. My eyes are 20/20 and my memory and cognitive abliities are intact.
 
My health is good and I'm pretty fit thanks to yoga. I have floaters in my left eye which I'm now accustomed to. All my senses are still pretty good. So I'm thankful for all of this.

What I really miss, though, is the ability to talk to my mom. She is 88 and she lives in a nursing home in Pa. She no longer recognizes her four children and her ability to speak is limited. I wish I could call her up and have a long conversation as we once did.
 
I miss running. I used to run a lot and it was a good stress reliever and just generally felt good. Of course, my ortho guy says all that running on pavement is part of what screwed up my hips so badly, and now that I have my new hips he says it probably isn't the best idea to run anymore, anyway. I am just SOO grateful to be able to WALK again and that my hip surgery was such a wonderful success. The first time I was able to walk around a grocery store on my own I felt like grabbing everyone and saying "Look at ME! I'm WALKING!" Like if I had just scaled K-2 or something.
 
There's so many who have passed before me, that I'm always just grateful to be alive at this age. I'm pretty healthy, and some loss of sight, etc. I pretty much expected would come with aging. I've embraced my age and am happy with what I have, much better than the alternative.
 
That's a hard one for me to answer. I can't say the feeling I have now is regret. But I think a lot about where the last 20-30 years have gone and how much has changed in those years.

I certainly notice I get more tired from work. I know it's physical and mental stress. I've worn glasses for many years. If I want to do any embroidery work (when I have time) I might need some stronger magnified glasses. I have good hearing and my mother had good hearing all her life.

Glinda, I too wish I could talk to my mother. While she could be difficult at times, since she died, I don't really have anyone to talk with about things.
 
I started to see memory failings fifteen years ago, and I'm sure it's declined since then but not all that much. I've stopped worrying about Alzheimer's and just gotten a lot better at compensating. I'm online a lot of the time and if I can't think of a word or name I take the time to google around and find it. I could have lived without finding it but the act of searching it out gives me a measure of self respect. I like the forum format because I can compose a reply without any time constraint. I tried a chat group once and hated it. Beside being a terrible typist, I just couldn't keep up with the pace or like most chats it was shallow and dumb.

Adjusting to being alone after my wife went to a nursing home has been more difficult than I thought. After thinking about the subject at some length I've concluded that at least for me, being constantly in the presence of someone you care about and respect imposes a continuous attitude of wanting to hold up my end of the partnership bargain. In short, throughout my entire married life at some level I have been constantly seeing myself through her eyes. After I fully realized that she was gone, that role of bargain keeper was missing.....and so far I haven't succeeded in finding something else to be a prime motivator. There's no getting away from the fact that I thrived within the marriage relationship and now that it's essentially over, I'm floundering.

This last paragraph I realize is somewhat off topic, but having composed it I'll leave it.
 
I lost the sight in my right eye at age 31. I miss all that comes with two functioning eyes. I think everything else works fairly well for my age (72); so I consider myself lucky.
 
Josiah said:
I started to see memory failings fifteen years ago, and I'm sure it's declined since then but not all that much. I've stopped worrying about Alzheimer's and just gotten a lot better at compensating. I'm online a lot of the time and if I can't think of a word or name I take the time to google around and find it. I could have lived without finding it but the act of searching it out gives me a measure of self respect. I like the forum format because I can compose a reply without any time constraint. I tried a chat group once and hated it. Beside being a terrible typist, I just couldn't keep up with the pace or like most chats it was shallow and dumb.

Adjusting to being alone after my wife went to a nursing home has been more difficult than I thought. After thinking about the subject at some length I've concluded that at least for me, being constantly in the presence of someone you care about and respect imposes a continuous attitude of wanting to hold up my end of the partnership bargain. In short, throughout my entire married life at some level I have been constantly seeing myself through her eyes. After I fully realized that she was gone, that role of bargain keeper was missing.....and so far I haven't succeeded in finding something else to be a prime motivator. There's no getting away from the fact that I thrived withing the marriage relationship and now that it's essentially over, I'm floundering.

This last paragraph I realize is somewhat off topic, but having composed it I'll leave it.
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I'm glad you did leave it, Josiah, as it is perfectly eloquent and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
 
Regret....not enjoying life fully, while able. Miss....the ability to be physically active and completely independent. Have come to terms with and accept the rest of normal aging,....hearing deficit, changes in vision, forgetting words, spelling lapses, loss of peers, body changes, too many MD appts and medications, loss of taste and appetite. Am thankful I am still alive and able to enjoy my children, grandchildren and great-grandchldren, fairly sound of mind, alert, still retain my creativity and the need to create and that I can still find enjoyment in many things. I am truly blessed...
 
Glinda said:
I'm glad you did leave it, Josiah, as it is perfectly eloquent and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
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I was just about to say pretty much these exact words. I was reading Josiah`s post to my husband and his response-as always-was "that`s why it`s best to go together. I don`t want to be here without you." If I were to go first,I know he would never do anything to hasten his death, but I`m afraid the kids would have a miserable grandpa on their hands. At least until he found a new girlfriend...;)
 
Waltzing with Eleanor. We used to go to all of the German dances. Hunting for flowers in the garden centers every Spring.
Taking our four year old grandsons to breakfast Sunday mornings. Walking through Longwood Gardens at Tulip time and Winterthur during Azalea bloom. We had a fantastic sex life right up till I was eighty. One of the best parts of our marriage.
Strangely, and mercifully, as Merllin says, I do not seem to think about it much. I miss my wife's voice. After fifty six years never being apart, I guess that says something.
Physically, I'm quite good except for my legs. Numb from the calves down. Can't tell if I have socks on or not. I can walk, but very unstable, and I fatigue within several minutes. Can't stand without wobbling. I have to think about every step in order not to fall. Ears are good enough for one on one, but even with my hearing aids in, the TV is often difficult, but I actually prefer quiet, and living alone now, I can live with that.
 
Josiah said:
I started to see memory failings fifteen years ago, and I'm sure it's declined since then but not all that much. I've stopped worrying about Alzheimer's and just gotten a lot better at compensating. I'm online a lot of the time and if I can't think of a word or name I take the time to google around and find it. I could have lived without finding it but the act of searching it out gives me a measure of self respect. I like the forum format because I can compose a reply without any time constraint. I tried a chat group once and hated it. Beside being a terrible typist, I just couldn't keep up with the pace or like most chats it was shallow and dumb.

Adjusting to being alone after my wife went to a nursing home has been more difficult than I thought. Afte r thinking about the subject at some length I've concluded that at least for me, being constantly in the presence of someone you care about and respect imposes a continuous attitude of wanting to hold up my end of the partnership bargain. In short, throughout my entire married life at some level I have been constantly seeing myself through her eyes. After I fully realized that she was gone, that role of bargain keeper was missing.....and so far I haven't succeeded in finding something else to be a prime motivator. There's no getting away from the fact that I thrived within the marriage relationship and now that it's essentially over, I'm floundering.

This last paragraph I realize is somewhat off topic, but having composed it I'll leave it.
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Thanks for sharing that Josiah, I can empathise with your difficulty in adjusting to your life of being alone, after being in such a close and successful marriage. My heart goes out to you in your situation, I do hope you find some way of coming to terms with it, though with your wife still alive to constantly remind you of what you have lost, that must be very difficult if not virtually impossible.
I wish you well in getting through this difficult period of your life.

Regarding memory loss I do the same and use google all the time, hopefully the extra brain activity helps a bit in delaying further memory deterioration.
 
I most miss the novelty of things. When I was younger, everything was a new fresh experience, an adventure of sorts. Now, it's mostly like - Been there done that. Not much is new anymore.
 
I'm surprised at reading that many of you are losing the ability to spell well , I've never heard that happen as you age.

Although just barely turned 60 I don't have many of the problems outlined here by those who are substantially older..I have no hearing defects (thank the lord being as I was born into a family of the profoundly deaf )
I've always had a shocking memory and I have noticed that it's actually becoming worse..and I also find as Kitties said, that I get much more exhausted after a working day and find that on my day off, I can barely summon the energy to do anything other than rest up. I have a couple of medical ailments currently that prevent me doing some things I could do a few years ago......otherwise for now, I'm fairly able to do and think as I always have . Please God that continues for many years to come (and hopefully without the current medical problems) .
 
I commented before that my mother's cursive handwriting at age 100 was identical to how it looked when she was 40, but my handwriting has recently degenerated from so so to hardly legible. This despite the fact that my hands don't tremble. I'm sure the explanation has something to do with a neurological deficit that I can only hope doesn't advance past small muscle control. My wife's final written words maybe 6 months ago were totally illegible.

Have other members seen a change in their handwriting?
 
How much longer will you have to work, Holly. Enjoy your 60's. Personally, away from the restraints of a structured job, being able to become my true self...they were the best years of my life. Josh, I too have difficulty writing. Mostly because it is painful. Ironically though, I can still paint and do very fine and intricate Zentangles. Cannot figure that one out. Bored...thankfully, I very rarely experience that. Frustration...but, not boredom.
 
Mrs. Robinson said:
I was just about to say pretty much these exact words. I was reading Josiah`s post to my husband and his response-as always-was "that`s why it`s best to go together. I don`t want to be here without you." If I were to go first,I know he would never do anything to hasten his death, but I`m afraid the kids would have a miserable grandpa on their hands. At least until he found a new girlfriend...;)
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Ideally my hubby and I would die at the same time. But how often does that happen unless it's something like a plane crash? My husband is a stronger person than I and I think he'd cope better as a widower than I would as a widow.
 
I had to look up Zentangles Nona...wow that is really intricate work. I suppose you can hold the implement to draw those in a way in which it would be awkward to use a pen for writing .

In reply to your question , health permitting, I have 7 years before I am entitled to retire on a pension
 

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