Aspects of Death and Dying-Warning-May be Distasteful

[Ruthanne]

Thought I'd start an upbeat discussion. I guess the title doesn't seem like it though. How can we look at Death and Dying in a positive light? Can we?

I have problems with this topic and thought by posting it I might find some answers.

Here is something I found on the topic:

3. Jim Carroll Band, “People Who Died” (1980)
Sometimes inspiration comes from a totally obvious place. In the case of Basketball Diaries author Carroll, it couldn’t have been any plainer: He knew a lot of people who died before their time. So he wrote a tribute to them—a funny, speedy song that sounds almost careless in the way he tips his hat to everyone from 12-year-old glue-sniffer Teddy to “Sly in Vietnam [who] took a bullet in the head” to the one he misses most of all, Eddie, who “got slit in the jugular vein.” But Carroll’s band rocks so insistently that it’s impossible not to sing along—and feel great doing it.

more from:

http://www.avclub.com/article/death-be-not-a-bummer-23-cheerful-ditties-about-mu-43207

Another aspect-when losing a loved one:

[FONT=&quot]Losing a loved one is tragic, but their funeral does not have to focus on grief. Happy funeral songs will uplift friends and family at the funeral and celebrate the life of your loved one. Happy funeral songs can also summarize what we are feeling when we are having difficulty putting our emotions into words. The funeral songs you select can be played at the funeral, wake, or other memorial service. It is also common for people to take the lyrics from the song and include them in the funeral service folder, obituary or other memorial.
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Even in a difficult time it is important to remain positive and find a reason to smile. Many grieving people find comfort in music and remembering the life of a departed family member with fondness is one of the best ways to recover from a loss. Certain songs will remind us of the person who passed away and bring back positive memories. Uplifting and happy funeral songs are also one of the best ways to ensure that the music you select for the funeral service will provide comfort to your friends and family.[/FONT]

More from:

http://resources.yourtribute.com/funeral-songs/happy-funeral-songs/

An aspect related to the self and dying:

[FONT=&quot]Fear of death is a fundamental part of the human experience – we dread the possibility of pain and suffering and we worry that we’ll face the end alone. Although thinking about dying can cause considerable angst, new [/FONT]research[FONT=&quot] suggests that the actual emotional experiences of the dying are both more positive and less negative than people expect.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]The findings are published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“When we imagine our emotions as we approach death, we think mostly of sadness and terror,” says psychological scientist Kurt Gray of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “But it turns out, dying is less sad and terrifying—and happier—than you think.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The research, which examined the writings of terminally ill patients and inmates on death row, suggests that we focus disproportionately on the negative emotions caused by dying, without considering the broader context of everyday life.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“Humans are incredibly adaptive – both physically and emotionally—and we go about our daily lives whether we’re dying or not,” Gray explains. “In our imagination, dying is lonely and meaningless, but the final blog posts of terminally ill patients and the last words of death row inmates are filled with love, social connection, and meaning.”[/FONT]

More from:
https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/emotions-dying-positive.html

 

[Knight]

Death is not a happy topic. The bright side is most, not all don't know where, when or how it is going to happen. or me I expect to go 1st since i'm 4 years older, and the life span according to the actuarial tables supports my thinking. I don't fear death & I don't expect a lot of words to be said. This is all I want to have as my goodbye.

the last stanza of George Jones song He Stopped Loving Her Today


He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today

 

[Ruthanne]

Death is not a happy topic. The bright side is most, not all don't know where, when or how it is going to happen. or me I expect to go 1st since i'm 4 years older, and the life span according to the actuarial tables supports my thinking. I don't fear death & I don't expect a lot of words to be said. This is all I want to have as my goodbye.

the last stanza of George Jones song He Stopped Loving Her Today


He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today

Thank you Knight. Your post left me speechless.

 

[terry123]

I don't fear dying at all because I know what awaits me. I will finally be whole physically and in a state of total love and peace. I believe this as I experienced this peace one time. I had been called to my dad's bedside. He had had a simple prostate operation and was to be released the next day. Instead I got a call to get to the hospital asap. Being 60 miles away I started speeding to the hospital. Fifteen minutes into my trip a feeling of utter peace and love enveloped me so much that I pulled over as I was afraid I was going to crash my car. It only lasted about 2 minutes but I have never experienced anything like it since. There was this presence of love and peace and I knew he was gone and he was letting me know he was okay. I continued on and when I got there the doctor told me he went peacefully. I have never experienced this again but I know what awaits me and that I will see him again. Just my experience.

 

[Ruthanne]

I don't fear dying at all because I know what awaits me. I will finally be whole physically and in a state of total love and peace. I believe this as I experienced this peace one time. I had been called to my dad's bedside. He had had a simple prostate operation and was to be released the next day. Instead I got a call to get to the hospital asap. Being 60 miles away I started speeding to the hospital. Fifteen minutes into my trip a feeling of utter peace and love enveloped me so much that I pulled over as I was afraid I was going to crash my car. It only lasted about 2 minutes but I have never experienced anything like it since. There was this presence of love and peace and I knew he was gone and he was letting me know he was okay. I continued on and when I got there the doctor told me he went peacefully. I have never experienced this again but I know what awaits me and that I will see him again. Just my experience.

Thank you Terry123, I can relate to what you experienced. The same thing happened to me at the time my sister passed. I was in bed and a gentleness awoke me and a great feeling that lead me to my front door. I found out the next day that my sister passed at approximately that time. I believe you and believe what happened with me, too.

 

[Ruthanne]

I have learned from a priest that the actual feeling of death at that moment is very pleasurable and I believe it because of the look on my Lucy bird's face when she passed. She was so sick but when she died she got happy at the moment of passing.

 

[BobF]

Death is not a problem to me. That is why we have doctors orders like DNR. Do not resuscitate. Time to go, just let me go. Don't revive me and keep me in bed or a wheel chair unable to understand or say things. That is not life at all. It is time to go.

 

[CeeCee]

Although I don't want to die, I'm not afraid of dying if it's in my sleep. I am afraid of a painful illness like cancer and dying from something like that.

I saw what my husband went through and he was a lot braver than I would ever be.

 

[helenbacque]

I've had what we called the Doomsday talk with my daughter and have done all that I can to make my passing as simple and stress free as possible with the proper paperwork and instructions. My maternal line is blessed (or is it cursed?) with longevity so who knows how long I'll stick around but I believe in being prepared.

I don't wish to be kept alive if (1) the brain is still O.K. but the body is gone or (2) the body is still O.K. but the brain is gone. Without a little functionality in both, just let me go. I don't fear death but I do hope it comes without the severe illness and pain that accompanies it for many.

 

[terry123]

When my brain aneurysm ruptured I was put in a medically induced coma for 6 weeks. When I was not coming out of the coma my 2 daughters disagreed on what to do. One wanted me left in the coma and the other knew that I would not want to live like that. The day I was to be taken off and the doctors were taking me off I came out of it and said "good morning" to them and they were amazed!. They told my family that with aggressive rehab I had a small chance of some type of recovery. That's how I came to be in Houston as they had TIRR ( the institute of rehab and rehabilitation) I think Memorial Hermann has bought it now. During those years of painful rehab there were times I wish I had died and others glad I had not. I now have the paperwork done that if it ever happens again just let me go. Like I said before I have no fear of death as I know I will be in a better place.

 

[Ruthanne]

Death is not a problem to me. That is why we have doctors orders like DNR. Do not resuscitate. Time to go, just let me go. Don't revive me and keep me in bed or a wheel chair unable to understand or say things. That is not life at all. It is time to go.

I agree Bob, that isn't a productive life. I should get my papers in order, too, I'm not getting any younger. Thank you for your post.

Although I don't want to die, I'm not afraid of dying if it's in my sleep. I am afraid of a painful illness like cancer and dying from something like that.

I saw what my husband went through and he was a lot braver than I would ever be.

You never know how brave you will be till you get to that place I believe. Cancer would be an awful way to go, yes, my mother and one husband died of it, too. I know someone else who had it and he just said "bring on the hospice" and he got high as heck until he passed. Thank you for your post.

I've had what we called the Doomsday talk with my daughter and have done all that I can to make my passing as simple and stress free as possible with the proper paperwork and instructions. My maternal line is blessed (or is it cursed?) with longevity so who knows how long I'll stick around but I believe in being prepared.

I don't wish to be kept alive if (1) the brain is still O.K. but the body is gone or (2) the body is still O.K. but the brain is gone. Without a little functionality in both, just let me go. I don't fear death but I do hope it comes without the severe illness and pain that accompanies it for many.

I wouldn't want to live under those circumstances either. Thanks for your post.

When my brain aneurysm ruptured I was put in a medically induced coma for 6 weeks. When I was not coming out of the coma my 2 daughters disagreed on what to do. One wanted me left in the coma and the other knew that I would not want to live like that. The day I was to be taken off and the doctors were taking me off I came out of it and said "good morning" to them and they were amazed!. They told my family that with aggressive rehab I had a small chance of some type of recovery. That's how I came to be in Houston as they had TIRR ( the institute of rehab and rehabilitation) I think Memorial Hermann has bought it now. During those years of painful rehab there were times I wish I had died and others glad I had not. I now have the paperwork done that if it ever happens again just let me go. Like I said before I have no fear of death as I know I will be in a better place.

You have really been through it haven't you. I'm glad you are still here and that you came out of that coma. Miracles do happen. You must have worked very hard at rehab. Thank you for your post.

 

[Warrigal]

I've had what we called the Doomsday talk with my daughter and have done all that I can to make my passing as simple and stress free as possible with the proper paperwork and instructions. My maternal line is blessed (or is it cursed?) with longevity so who knows how long I'll stick around but I believe in being prepared.

I don't wish to be kept alive if (1) the brain is still O.K. but the body is gone or (2) the body is still O.K. but the brain is gone. Without a little functionality in both, just let me go. I don't fear death but I do hope it comes without the severe illness and pain that accompanies it for many.

I like the simplicity of your specifications.

 

[RiversideSue]

I love seeing that so many people are having The Talk with their loved ones about end-of-life choices. It's so important that we let our loved ones know what our preferences are, but so many are reluctant to have the discussion.

Advance directives are especially important-- living wills and powers of attorney-- to specify what your wishes are and who has the legal right to speak for you when you cannot.

The Compassion & Choices website has tools for end-of-life choices.

Has anyone here experienced a deathbed visitation-- when a dying person sees and even talks with dead people. Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was adamant that no one dies alone, that our loved ones who have already passed come back to help us cross over:


“But at the time of transition, your guides, your guardian angels, people whom you have loved and who have passed on before you, will be there to help you. We have verified this beyond a shadow of a doubt, and I say this as a scientist. There will always be someone to help you with this transition.” —Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

 

[Dragonlady]

I suspect one's feelings about death are somewhat dependent on one's age. I have had cancer twice - once in my 50's and once in my 70's. I found the idea od dying - particularly from cancer - much more emotionally distressing in my mid 50's than in the later instance. I still had a lot of living and things I wanted to do at 56. Both types of cancers had very high mortality rates, but I was fortunate enough to discover both of them early enough to survive them.
I, too, have made arrangements so my family does not have to deal with anymore terminal care than necessary. I have bought both my interment crypt and coffin and am in the process of purchasing final care (I do not want to be embalmed). I hate the idea of cremation and do not want that. Being somewhat of an amateur anthropologist, I want to be buried with some mementos of the age I lived in, so that if future people dig me up, they will have some idea of what this age was like. Haven't yet decided what that will be.

 

[RiversideSue]

Being somewhat of an amateur anthropologist, I want to be buried with some mementos of the age I lived in, so that if future people dig me up, they will have some idea of what this age was like. Haven't yet decided what that will be.

That's a wonderful idea, Dragonlady-- grave goods! What an interesting process, selecting what to include.

 

[Ruthanne]

“But at the time of transition, your guides, your guardian angels, people whom you have loved and who have passed on before you, will be there to help you. We have verified this beyond a shadow of a doubt, and I say this as a scientist. There will always be someone to help you with this transition.” —Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

That's amazing. I hope it happens when I pass.

 

[C'est Moi]

This is an interesting topic, and one that is probably on our minds more as time goes by. As I stated on another thread a while back, I tend to think of things in terms of "how much time I have left" lately. Kind of depressing, really. I'm actually not afraid of being dead, but I am fearful of what will be my manner of death.

 

[AZ Jim]

I went to emergency in a ambulance then almost immediately "died" with a heart attack. They brought me back but while I was gone there was nothing, no anything. I woke up surrounded by probably 14 doctors, nurses etc. They said "welcome back, you gave us quite a scare there!"

 

[C'est Moi]

I went to emergency in a ambulance then almost immediately "died" with a heart attack. They brought me back but while I was gone there was nothing, no anything. I woke up surrounded by probably 14 doctors, nurses etc. They said "welcome back, you gave us quite a scare there!"

I suppose that's what I expect death to be like... nothing. Exactly as before I existed on earth. So that's why I dread the manner of death but not the actuality of death.

 

[Capt Lightning]

I believe that when you're dead, you're dead. No angels, no afterlife, no anything - Nothing! But then, why should the nothingness after you die worry you any more than the nothingness before you were born ?

 

[Olivia]

It doesn't bother me either way if there's nothing after death or if there's some kind of survival. But since I don't personally know (regardless of what anyone else thinks) I choose to live as if there is some kind of after death survival. And if I'm wrong, what have I lost? I couldn't even complain because there wouldn't anything left of me to complain with. :untroubled:

 

[retiredtraveler]

I believe that when you're dead, you're dead. No angels, no afterlife, no anything - Nothing! But then, why should the nothingness after you die worry you any more than the nothingness before you were born ?

I'm with you. I equate sleeping every night with death.

 

[Olivia]

I'm with you. I equate sleeping every night with death.

You don't dream?

 

[Traveler]

I believe that when you're dead, you're dead. No angels, no afterlife, no anything - Nothing! But then, why should the nothingness after you die worry you any more than the nothingness before you were born ?

Exactly ! I have always believed the same thing. I am the last one of my group of friends still alive and after my 2nd heart attack I occasionally think to myself 'This could easily be the last day, or even the last minute. Enjoy it'. All I ask for is that it be ... sudden.

 

[DaveA]

Exactly ! I have always believed the same thing. I am the last one of my group of friends still alive and after my 2nd heart attack I occasionally think to myself 'This could easily be the last day, or even the last minute. Enjoy it'. All I ask for is that it be ... sudden.

I have to agree with you there. My dad and I were chatting on a Saturday morning -the usual jokes and stuff. 10 minutes later he fell off his riding mower, heart attack, and I doubt if he knew what hit him. He was 66 at the time. On a different note, my mother died 5 months later (same age) but she suffered through her last few months with internal cancer. Dad was a shock to the family but mom's suffering was awful. I guess they blessed me with a better set of genes as I've managed to reach my mid-80's at this point with only the usual aches and pains.