Bad online love affairs

BlunderWoman

BlunderWoman

Senior Member
Unlike Shali here I did not have good fortune with online dating.

Two years after my divorce I thought I was ready to date. I really wasn't looking back. First I went through many liars who were married and claiming to be single on the site I was on which strangely enough wasn't a dating site. I got so sick of it I began to ask them what kind of computer they had and most had laptops. I would ask them to walk their laptop into their bedroom closet. They were usually never expecting me to ask them to do that. One guy did it & his closet was full of women's clothes. I told him " Either you are a cross dresser or you are married. Women never leave an entire closet of clothes behind unless they were battered."
I finally met this really nice guy. We talked for about a year online before I ever gave him my phone number. We would speak about 2 hours every single day for 6 months. He lived in the country he had 10 horses. He seemed refreshingly simple & uncomplicated and that is what I was wanting...a mellow uncomplicated non type A personality. He asked me to marry him. He drove to Texas we got a big U Haul truck and I moved to Indiana. It did not take me very long after I got there to realize he moved me there because he could not afford to own 10 horses. And he needed help mucking out horse crap because it was getting harder as he got older. He wanted to use my monthly money from my ex to improve an already lovely big barn he had. He was a horse hoarding nut. He wanted to put me to work and take all my other money. I felt like SUCH a stupid sucker. I drove back home in a U Haul. The next week he was flirting with another woman on that site. Me.. well I can't trust anyone anymore. That more or less finished me off as far as men goes.

There was a thread here before about 'have you tried internet dating' or something like that.

My question is did you ever get into the relationship in the 3D world and change your life only to discover you made a huge mistake?
 

BlunderWoman said:
My question is did you ever get into the relationship in the 3D world and change your life only to discover you made a huge mistake?
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I'm sorry to hear of your misfortunes with insincere people, I never had any 'online' dating or romantic activity, but Real Life(RL, as they say)romance took it's toll on my life, in the 90s.

I made a huge mistake, married the "dream woman" type, huge mistake, was led down the garden path, so blind-sided, never saw how badly I was being taken. That is, until I found some evidence of...disloyalty. From that point, the whole scam became crystal clear. What an 'eye opener', didn't trust any females for years.

Sometimes you have to kiss alot of toads before you find your princess...or prince.
 
tnthomas said:
I'm sorry to hear of your misfortunes with insincere people, I never had any 'online' dating or romantic activity, but Real Life(RL, as they say)romance took it's toll on my life, in the 90s.

I made a huge mistake, married the "dream woman" type, huge mistake, was led down the garden path, so blind-sided, never saw how badly I was being taken. That is, until I found some evidence of...disloyalty. From that point, the whole scam became crystal clear. What an 'eye opener', didn't trust any females for years.

Sometimes you have to kiss alot of toads before you find your princess...or prince.
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Thanks tnthomas. You know I know the same thing happens to men all the time. I think because of my age & two bad experiences in a row I just feel too scared to ever care or try again. If I was young I might say " So what", but I don't have the emotional energy I used to have back when. Thanks for listening to the whine :)
 

BlunderWoman said:
Thanks tnthomas. You know I know the same thing happens to men all the time. I think because of my age & two bad experiences in a row I just feel too scared to ever care or try again. If I was young I might say " So what", but I don't have the emotional energy I used to have back when. Thanks for listening to the whine :)
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Hey, I can't count how many I told my story to. :) A saying comes to mind- "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Might sound weird, but the whole negative relationship experience made me more determined to tighten up my control over my own destiny. I needed that in my life, also learned to be content and enjoy my own company...not to the extent of becoming a hermit though. I know what you mean about not having as much "emotional energy", I don't know if that can be 'refilled'.
 
tnthomas said:
Hey, I can't count how many I told my story to. :) A saying comes to mind- "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Might sound weird, but the whole negative relationship experience made me more determined to tighten up my control over my own destiny. I needed that in my life, also learned to be content and enjoy my own company...not to the extent of becoming a hermit though. I know what you mean about not having as much "emotional energy", I don't know if that can be 'refilled'.
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Yeah, see, I went that route. You certainly DO learn to live by yourself, but you also miss a lot. That's the lesson I've learned.
 
tnthomas said:
Hey, I can't count how many I told my story to. :) A saying comes to mind- "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Might sound weird, but the whole negative relationship experience made me more determined to tighten up my control over my own destiny. I needed that in my life, also learned to be content and enjoy my own company...not to the extent of becoming a hermit though. I know what you mean about not having as much "emotional energy", I don't know if that can be 'refilled'.
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I really haven't talked about it much lately. It happened about 6 years ago & i'm waaaaaay over that guy. My best friend pressures me all the time to try dating again & I'm just feeling too old to try it anymore. She even set me up on a date last year lol. I'm feeling hey... I've got this sweet little chihuahua.. that's enough :)
 
BlunderWoman said:
Yes. She is full of unconditional love for me. :) The best relationship I've ever had :)
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Of course, she can't take out the garbage or put up the storm windows, but she also won't take all your money or cheat on you.

I'd say you're making the right choice, BW. Sometimes we have to just stop trying to be or do something that isn't us. All the well-meaning friends, but they might not really understand what you've been through.
 
SifuPhil said:
Of course, she can't take out the garbage or put up the storm windows, but she also won't take all your money or cheat on you.

I'd say you're making the right choice, BW. Sometimes we have to just stop trying to be or do something that isn't us. All the well-meaning friends, but they might not really understand what you've been through.
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This is true. I have great kids & nothing to whine about ( but I still take time to do it :D)
g'night folks
 
tnthomas said:
Hey, I can't count how many I told my story to. :) A saying comes to mind- "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Might sound weird, but the whole negative relationship experience made me more determined to tighten up my control over my own destiny. I needed that in my life, also learned to be content and enjoy my own company...not to the extent of becoming a hermit though. I know what you mean about not having as much "emotional energy", I don't know if that can be 'refilled'.
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I've heard that saying a lot too and I can add to it that what doesn't kill you can certainly can make you tired. My xbff's birthday is tomorrow (well, today, it's already Tuesday), and I can't send him a card or a present or post Happy Birthday on FB or sing to him the way he sang to me on my birthday one year. I thought Christmas was going to be a reconciliation, then I decided Easter was going to be my New Year and I was going to forget him. Now, it's his birthday and I still feel worn out from it all, and it's been 6 months.

I want to move away to someplace where i don't know anybody so I won't be tempted to make any friends there. The cats and guitar will come with me and maybe I will find a horse there to ride.

Cats and guitars and horses don't turn on you or let you down.
 
I believe I posted this elsewhere, but just a quick recap: I broke up with a "total package" gal in college (well, she broke up with me), and I was so distressed I jumped in my car and drove from NY to Florida non-stop with tears in my ears. When I got to Key West I went on a legendary bender for 2 weeks, by which time I had totally forgotten her and could go back home. :eek:
 
Guitarist, huge hugs. I have so been there. It hurts. I hope your heart eases with time. Perhaps online friends can help you through it. Not all peeps are jerks, and the ones that are, do not deserve to have you in their lives.
 
I've told my story here a few times. Met hubby online 1999, moved to the UK after meeting several times in person. 16th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks.
 
When I started dating again 2 1/2 years after my husband died, I met a lot of guys through the singles ads. I wasn't meeting Mr. Right, but I was having no problem meeting Mr. Wrong, Mr. Bitter, Mr. Depressed, Mr. Sleazy, Mr. Cheap, Mr. Still-Married-But-My-Wife-Doesn't-Understand-Me, Mr. Looking-For-A-Nurse, Mr. Looking-For-A-Purse, Mr. Looking-For-A-Nurse-AND-A-Purse, Mr. My-Kids-Don't-Want-Me-To-Date and several of their cousins. The first guy I dated seriously, I had great hopes for initially, but soon realized that he hadn't been honest with me concerning his debts and his past and his family problems.

Happily, though, I persevered and finally found the right guy and we've been together for going on seven years now.
 
Maybe the key is to go into online dating with few expectations so there is not the crushing disappointment. And if it works out it's great.

This is a true story. A male friend asked me for use of my computer to surf an online dating site after separating from his wife. I was right there when he spotted his wife on the same site. Truly a Kodak moment the look on his face.

Long story short, he was jealous and without letting his wife know that he himself had been browsing he called her up on an excuse and a few months later they were back together and remain so today. Of course I have been sworn to secrecy.

So there are some happy stories out there.
 
Redd said:
Maybe the key is to go into online dating with few expectations so there is not the crushing disappointment. And if it works out it's great.

This is a true story. A male friend asked me for use of my computer to surf an online dating site after separating from his wife. I was right there when he spotted his wife on the same site. Truly a Kodak moment the look on his face.

Long story short, he was jealous and without letting his wife know that he himself had been browsing he called her up on an excuse and a few months later they were back together and remain so today. Of course I have been sworn to secrecy.

So there are some happy stories out there.
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Reminds me of "The Pina Colada" song by Rupert Holmes :witless:
 
Ironic this topic should come up. I am going to be vague to protect the innocent...and guilty :-/ I have a girlfriend who is planning to be married to someone she met online in November (they are in the same state). She does stay with him on weekends and at times during the week (so it isn't just online). He started talking about marriage within 3-4 months which I think is too fast. Whenever I ask her questions (that I certainly would want answers to) she says "I don't know". She seems to take everything he says as the truth without question. He supposedly has money - which is what I think is the attraction for her. However, in listening to her for the last 6 months, I see so many red flags and I fear that his rush to marry is to put her in the same situation as BW was put in. My girlfriend works and has a nice house and car but is by no means flush...in debt up to her eyebrows. I think she sees this as an easy way out. My biggest red flag is the fact that this is so NOT her. She takes pride in her independence and what she has accomplished on her own...the result of a bad first marriage. I have delicately tried to tell her my concerns but am brushed off. I will say that she did seem to take heed when she originally said they were getting married in June and I expressed that I thought this was too soon. Then she decided to change it to September. Now they are talking about him giving up his apartment and he moving in with her (and her son) into her house until they find a house to buy. Yikes! I can only hope that it's the cynical me thinking. I do believe in the saying "if it sounds too good to be true...it probably isn't" but I do hope I am wrong.
 
I met a lot of guys through the singles ads. I wasn't meeting Mr. Right, but I was having no problem meeting Mr. Wrong, Mr. Bitter, Mr. Depressed, Mr. Sleazy, Mr. Cheap, Mr. Still-Married-But-My-Wife-Doesn't-Understand-Me, Mr. Looking-For-A-Nurse, Mr. Looking-For-A-Purse, Mr. Looking-For-A-Nurse-AND-A-Purse, Mr. My-Kids-Don't-Want-Me-To-Date and several of their cousins. The first guy I dated seriously, I had great hopes for initially, but soon realized that he hadn't been honest with me concerning his debts and his past and his family problems.

Hey I met those guys too, there must be a pack of them that answer all the same ads. Plus pictures that are ten years and a hundred pounds ago. Nah if I was ever single I'd be chatting up gentlemen at the library or book shops.
 
Ameriscot said:
I've told my story here a few times. Met hubby online 1999, moved to the UK after meeting several times in person. 16th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks.
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You don't say Annie.
You don't say.
Not like me then.
If I tell a story, I tell it once and that is it! :playful::eek:nthego:

As for your story BW.
You had me filling up there, and you sure were taken advantage of.
Please don't let that put you off men though, as there are some of us who are not like that.
Takin' a chance on Love needn't be such a bad experience.
 

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