Banter that offends versus playful banter

hypochondriac

Senior Member
Location
Australia
I watched John Cleese recently being interviewed. Not only hilarious but still very sharp intellectually.
The topic got on to banter and communication in general.
He said there are 2 types of teasing or banter. playful and mean-spirited.
Sometimes its hard to tell the difference though. A couple of years ago i was on another forum and one guy started following me around the message board. I thought he was trying to harass me but he insisted it was only banter.
I can be overly touchy but on the other hand sometimes Im right. Some people see you as fair game and targetting you becomes their new hobby. To cure their boredom perhaps?
 

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I don't agree with Mr Cleese. Banter is good natured fun which I for one love to engage in. I don't mind folk taking the mickey out of me provided I'm allowed to reciprocate. The other 'so called banter' you mention is spiteful, cruel, arrogant or condescending and on this and other forums there should be no place for it. As for you being 'touchy', well there's is nothing wrong with that, all of us, if the wrong button is pressed can be touchy........have a nice 'banterferarious' day.....😃
 
Banter is supposed to be fun, a playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks. I enjoy engaging in it, especially with someone who is quick and clever.

My ex-husband insisted he was a master at banter, when in fact it was just a series of sarcastic, stinging remarks which were hurtful and demeaning. When I'd get upset, he'd tell me he was just kidding and I was over-reacting. Took me a long time to recover from that, and once again appreciate the kind of clever and fun banter that I grew up with and enjoyed so much.
 

hen in fact it was just a series of sarcastic, stinging remarks which were hurtful and demeaning. When I'd get upset, he'd tell me he was just kidding and I was over-reacting.
the classic strategy is for them to say "cant you take a joke?". Just exacerbating feelings of humiliation.
I think there is a fine line though.
No one should mind good natured teasing that doesn't intend to humiliate, just make for interesting conversation.
I'll give an example here, which shows the problem though:
I was at work this morning and there was only one secretary in the office. I said to her "well you wont have to worry about office politics today".
Yes a pretty weak joke but I consider that banter. She didn't smile so Im wondering if she was offended. Hope not.
See how one person's banter can be another's poor taste sarcasm? Depends how you look on it.
I try to be careful with my humour but sometimes it just either fizzes or offends. or both.
 
Banter is supposed to be fun, a playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks. I enjoy engaging in it, especially with someone who is quick and clever.

My ex-husband insisted he was a master at banter, when in fact it was just a series of sarcastic, stinging remarks which were hurtful and demeaning. When I'd get upset, he'd tell me he was just kidding and I was over-reacting. Took me a long time to recover from that, and once again appreciate the kind of clever and fun banter that I grew up with and enjoyed so much.
People like your ex are either totally insensitive or bullies. If he knew it would upset you, it was sadistic and done deliberately. No wonder he's your ex!
 
I watched John Cleese recently being interviewed. Not only hilarious but still very sharp intellectually.
The topic got on to banter and communication in general.
He said there are 2 types of teasing or banter. playful and mean-spirited.
Sometimes its hard to tell the difference though. A couple of years ago i was on another forum and one guy started following me around the message board. I thought he was trying to harass me but he insisted it was only banter.
I can be overly touchy but on the other hand sometimes Im right. Some people see you as fair game and targetting you becomes their new hobby. To cure their boredom perhaps?
You're not being over-sensitive. I've experienced it myself. We need to feel pity for these people. They obviously feel the need to bully someone but don't dare in 'real life'. They can get away with it on-line. It does make you reluctant to join in with serious discussions though, when everything you say is taken apart and criticised.
 
I will just take this opportunity to say my humour is not everyone's cup of tea. Feel free to put me on ignore. If my post is off colour, let me know, and I will repent! :) praise the Lord!
 
I was raised on sarcasm, teasing, ribbing, ridicule in the name of funny.
So, I'm a bit calloused.
None 'a that bothers me in the least.
But it's hard for me to separate the rough vs the playful

I guess, bottom line for me, if it's funny...really funny...then it's pretty darn OK, no matter the hurt
That's not good, I know

Thus, weird posters form in my mind

wake-too-late-demotivational-posters-1436067929.jpg
 
People like your ex are either totally insensitive or bullies. If he knew it would upset you, it was sadistic and done deliberately. No wonder he's your ex!

He was an verbally, emotionally, mentally, sexually and financially abusive, and borderline narcissistic. He has many of the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It wasn't obvious when I married him...I mean he was a bit hotheaded and volatile, but nothing like he ultimately ended up...controlling and dominating of me and the kids. We were virtually prisoners in our own home. It took me a long, long time to find the courage to leave. And yeah, his "banter" was always bullying and sadistic.
 
He was an verbally, emotionally, mentally, sexually and financially abusive, and borderline narcissistic. He has many of the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It wasn't obvious when I married him...I mean he was a bit hotheaded and volatile, but nothing like he ultimately ended up...controlling and dominating of me and the kids. We were virtually prisoners in our own home. It took me a long, long time to find the courage to leave. And yeah, his "banter" was always bullying and sadistic.
I can empathise. I thought I had married a mature, decent person who would make a good husband and father. Once we were married, he changed totally. I am just very thankful that I never actually loved him. That would have made the abuse even harder to bear.
 
Online humor and/or communication in general is much harder than the "in the visual presence" kind. Body language, eye movement and tonal inflection convey much when you are "up close and personal". I belonged to a writer's group - about 10,000...some of which were very accomplished prize winning writers...about everyone was a published writer I think, but about once a month it seemed like some just wanted to bay to the moon... must have felt that pesky little telltale itch on their palms. They would brutally employ words as weapons. The forum had a moderator in the group at all times for that reason.

Often think those that commonly find personal criticism far easier than kind words are to be pitied and I just tend to mentally vaporize them. Have found it very interesting that online, one person can state their opinion quite simply and another has to be "in your face" with their own brand of ego driven views repeatedly, as though they want attention or don't know how to enjoy or relate to others.
Online writing is a whole new medium without about 9 tenths of the communication visuals.

And, lets face it communication is a wonderful thing, even when you "don't" use it.
 
Body language, eye movement and tonal inflection convey much when you are "up close and personal". I belonged to a writer's group
I tend to speak very monotone and use little facial expression so you might not catch my meaning face to face either. As someone mentioned, the UK invented dry humour and exported to it to Oz accidentally. People like me are drawn to it for some reason.
edit ………...also might be called "stoic humour"
 
Online humor and/or communication in general is much harder than the "in the visual presence" kind. Body language, eye movement and tonal inflection convey much when you are "up close and personal". I belonged to a writer's group - about 10,000...some of which were very accomplished prize winning writers...about everyone was a published writer I think, but about once a month it seemed like some just wanted to bay to the moon... must have felt that pesky little telltale itch on their palms. They would brutally employ words as weapons. The forum had a moderator in the group at all times for that reason.

Often think those that commonly find personal criticism far easier than kind words are to be pitied and I just tend to mentally vaporize them. Have found it very interesting that online, one person can state their opinion quite simply and another has to be "in your face" with their own brand of ego driven views repeatedly, as though they want attention or don't know how to enjoy or relate to others.
Online writing is a whole new medium without about 9 tenths of the communication visuals.

And, lets face it communication is a wonderful thing, even when you "don't" use it.
Very interesting post!
 
I tend to speak very monotone and use little facial expression so you might not catch my meaning face to face either. As someone mentioned, the UK invented dry humour and exported to it to Oz accidentally. People like me are drawn to it for some reason.
edit ………...also might be called "stoic humour"
I'd just look at your eyes...they are the window to the soul.
 


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