grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
I know I could your arguments to ansurdia, and of course no one supports abuse of children in any way, (governed in the UK in any event under a different legal principle, "The Harm Principle").I tried very hard to be the gatekeeper between my ex and the kids, because he was abusive and I did my best to protect them.
And though it’s not completely responsive to this topic, I will add that my children are the gatekeepers to my grandchildren, and have complete control over when or if I can see them.
I have experienced this with one set of grandkids from whom I am almost completely estranged, though thankfully the other two kids/families and I are very close.
Really balanced arguments and views in my opinion, I can't add anything to them, except to state the "gatekeeper" word, referring to the mothers, was used in a UK government paper, following an exercise undertaken twenty years ago called "Making contact work", (contact between nonresident fathers and their children).Sadly I believe that many of our laws and customs were meant for a world that is rapidly disintegrating. The changing of these laws and customs lag a couple of generations behind the "real world".
BTW, what is a "gatekeeper"? The person who know best which kids and homes their children should be allowed to play with and visit? The costume their child is going to wear at a school function? OR is it the person who is involved in selecting the advanced education, profession, or mate for their high school age kids?
In my generation (similar to my folks and grandparents), it was the wife making the decisions regarding the kids and household. She, in most cases, was the "homemaker", at home with the kids, on call from the school, trips to the docs, etc. Her husband (in my case) worked mostly out of town - long days - and was glad to have her to keep the home and kids in an upright position.
Sensibly, long term decisions regarding the children's future were shared to a much greater degree. Of course, all this assuming that the parents haven't already screwed up the so-called "family circle". I have no clue how people (who now seem to be the majority) expect to happily "share" responsibilities for their children's up bringing after already showing that (for whatever the reason ) they've proven unable to handle their own.
We obviously need new laws to govern the "new" type of family that has no resemblance to previous generations. I have great sympathy for folks in these situation regarding the kids but it is what it is and doesn't appear to getting any better.
I just "thank the Lord" that I have't become an "ex" as after reading most posts, the "ex's" are always the bad people.
I keep mentioning it I know, or accept the criticism, but to all those happy to support a family law system whereby an "expert" of some kind is deemed worth occupying the privileged position of deciding what might be in any child's interests, over any parent, (no matter how loving they might be towards their child), doubts persist as to whether they can decide such things without doing more harm than good!To say my mother was a domineering borderline personality queen was an understatement. Interestingly though, she never exhibited her behavior to my young memory until she married my stepfather. My bio dad would not have put up with it. And she knew it. Was he a jerk, possibly. I remember little of him.
Sad to hear things in the US have gone that way, (we in the UK maybe following too!?).I can't speak for your country, but in this country the problem during the last quite-a-few-decades is that it is all about this: $. There are no longer any standards of fitness, no longer any concern for whether there was ever a relationship between the parents and the children, and it's certainly not in children's best interests. And even kids who are old enough/mature enough to have a 'say' have none at all.
It "fits in" because it shows part of the "men's rights" true agenda.
You raise a good point again, (if I understand you correctly, with your very short/succinct post, - you're assuming most fathers are control freaks trying to upset their ex.'s maybe?).It "fits in" because it shows part of the "men's rights" true agenda.