Dealing with young neighbors or neighbors, period.

win231 said:
Hollydolly got it.
I have a friend who has a 22 year old son with Autism. Most people avoid him because they don't understand him & expect normal conversation from him. Since I'm nice to him & accept him as he is, he'll call me every day & chat about the same thing over & over for an hour.
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I applaud you, sir.
 

win231 said:
Hollydolly got it.
I have a friend who has a 22 year old son with Autism. Most people avoid him because they don't understand him & expect normal conversation from him. Since I'm nice to him & accept him as he is, he'll call me every day & chat about the same thing over & over for an hour.
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He sounds like my guy, although mine is very friendly because of the DS. But a call everyday, sometimes twice a day.😍. Always the same conversation mostly.
 
The owner of my soon to be vacated home has a younger brother living on the property who deals with serious emotional issues. I was "warned" about him in the beginning yet have come to realize he is a very sweet man and the owner is the one with serious issues. :mad:
 

Shalimar said:
I can certainly understand the need to remove such animals under the circumstances, and the expense of repairs must have been disheartening, but leg hold traps are brutal, and unnecessary. There are devices available which trap them humanely. In my country, such animals are usually trapped by

professional pest control and relocated. Worst case scenario, pest control too expensive, and no relocation possible, use a humane trap, and shoot them. There is no reason why that raccoon had to suffer. Those traps are illegal here. I would have reacted much as the young lady did. I sincerely pray that the other animals were not trapped in the same fashion.
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Great post Shali.
 
niceday7 said:
He is not very talkative but from what I can gather he was homeless prior to living here and has some emotional issues. He has an emotional support dog.
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It's very good of you to try to help your neighbor. From what you said above, it appears that's your answer.

Never stop being kind to others.

Welcome to the Forum.
 
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MarciKS said:
Did he have a way of getting them to the store or wherever to return them for the money? Sometimes transport can be an issue.

He may not like people or like being around them. Sometimes depending on the mental issues there could be reason for that. All things to take into consideration.
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And sometimes the time/money cost of going to the store exceeds the value of some return bottles. I imagine that those who go anywhere with a support dog are less inclined to carry packages and make additional stops that are not necessary. Many young men or women don't want to get friendly with seniors either.

I had a problem with a neighbor many years ago, she took my being polite and friendly to her as an invitation to constantly show up at my door or call me. It was hard to get rid of her, but I was able to do so by just being frank with her. Once you open that can of worms with some people, it's hard to gain control again. So perhaps his personal situation was one where he chose to either be alone or just associate with his close friends or relatives. Hard to know, but I respect everyone's privacy, interaction should be equally welcome on both sides to be ideal.
 
niceday7 said:
I live in an apt for seniors but the disabled of any age are also welcome. A young man maybe in his 30's moved into the apt next door to me about 6 months ago. He is not very talkative but from what I can gather he was homeless prior to living here and has some emotional issues. He has an emotional support dog. I happen to know he is struggling financially just by living next to him and knowing a bit about him.

I decided to approach him in a respectful and lighthearted/friendly way to ask him if he wanted a huge amount of plastic bottles one can return to the store for 5 cents per bottle. (I drink alot of diet soda!) In no way did I infer he needed the money or anything like that. It was all done in a manner of one neighbor being friendly to another.

Originally I had put the bottles in a large box where others who live here can see them and put the word "free" on the box. But they hadn't even been out a few hours when I thought of him and how between not working and having a dog, he might like them. So I approached him and asked him. He replied in a dull monotone voice, "Oh, I already saw those". I said something like "You are welcome to them if you would like" To which he replied something along the lines of "You mean the bottles that have to be taken to the store" (said as if that was definitely not to his liking). Not sure of what to say I smiled and told him he didn't have to take them and then he unexpectedly thanked me for them but in a tone of voice that clearly suggested he was not interested but wanted to be neighborly.

There was a time when if someone who was down on their luck had a chance to return some bottles, they would have been grateful. Even though he has fallen on hard times, he was not receptive to a small opportunity to make a few dollars. I have often thought of him alone with his dog and many times have wanted to bring them both some dinner when I have extras. I don't always eat a whole rotisserie chicken!

Since he was kind of not really appreciating my gesture with the bottles, I am now reluctant to offer him a plate at dinner time because he does not seem receptive to friendly overtures. I once made another friendly overture offering to help him with something and he blew me off then too. Does anyone else here have younger neighbors? How does that work for you? I basically get along very well with younger people and do not have a problem with them.
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I feel you did a very thoughtful and considerate thing. I think the problem is his problem and you were just being caring.
 
niceday7 said:
Does anyone else here have younger neighbors? How does that work for you? I basically get along very well with younger people and do not have a problem with them.
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I don't think his age or the difference between your ages factor in here.

He may not be as hard up financially as you imagine, he may have issues with handling other people's recycling (a nickel per piece, while something, is hardly a windfall), or who knows-what-all is up with him.

You offered, he declined. I don't think his reaction suggests ill will. As others recommended, you might want to be polite when you see him, say hello and make a quick comment about the weather, and let him be.
 
Murrmurr said:
His "emotional issues" are probably because he's young, unemployed, and (possibly) unattached because he's in a wheelchair. I had to be in one for a while and hated every minute of it, fought like hell to get out of it. And yeah, I had an attitude.
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I think the problem ("our" problem) is being able or willing to look at it from the afflicted point of view rather than our own. Saying, "I was only trying to be nice" doesn't cut it. We wouldn't dream of mentioning our upcoming anniversary to someone who's just lost his/her spouse. We rightly assume that he/she would be sensitive to the subject so we avoid it. Now here's a guy who we suppose has been on the skids and has been given a chance (by the housing arrangement) to make a come-back. I wouldn't say anything that might make him feel that he's being "noticed" and maybe "talked about" .... from his point of view.
 
Verisure said:
I think the problem ("our" problem) is being able or willing to look at it from the afflicted point of view rather than our own. Saying, "I was only trying to be nice" doesn't cut it. We wouldn't dream of mentioning our upcoming anniversary to someone who's just lost his/her spouse. We rightly assume that he/she would be sensitive to the subject so we avoid it. Now here's a guy who we suppose has been on the skids and has been given a chance (by the housing arrangement) to make a come-back. I wouldn't say anything that might make him feel that he's being "noticed" and maybe "talked about" .... from his point of view.
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Just want to point out, where I said "because he's in a wheelchair"...he's not. I don't know where I got that. I thought that's what I read but there's nothing there about a wheelchair.

But your point still stands. The guy's obviously been through some pretty difficult stuff. The streets are merciless. Maybe he needs some recovery time.
 
Murrmurr said:
Just want to point out, where I said "because he's in a wheelchair"...he's not. I don't know where I got that. I thought that's what I read but there's nothing there about a wheelchair.

But your point still stands. The guy's obviously been through some pretty difficult stuff. The streets are merciless. Maybe he needs some recovery time.
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Yes. I agree. Even those without a wheelchair can "have an attitude". :giggle:
 
StarSong said:
He may not be as hard up financially as you imagine, he may have issues with handling other people's recycling (a nickel per piece, while something, is hardly a windfall), or who knows-what-all is up with him.

You offered, he declined. I don't think his reaction suggests ill will. As others recommended, you might want to be polite when you see him, say hello and make a quick comment about the weather, and let him be.
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I agree, an offer was made and he declined, really, no more should be made of it. He wasn't rude about it, so that was nice.
 
Nice of you to be neighborly, understand that you and he live in different worlds, he doesn't understand you anymore than you understand him.

It is possible that the young man may be on some 'psych meds', some of which are powerful and tend to just flatten the person's demeanor.

Go slow, If you see him smile-wave-say "hi".
 
cdestroyer said:
well to be honest I am that way with some people,,ya know why? .......its the vibes man the vibes...some people give off the worst vibes and others can feel it...you held your mouth wrong, stood cockeyed etc and the other person picked up on something they didnt like and blew you off, so my advice? it is what it is,let it be
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Oh, has that been my problem all these years? Guess I need some anti-vibe spray or roll-on... 😄
 
cdestroyer said:
.......its the vibes man the vibes...some people give off the worst vibes and others can feel it...you held your mouth wrong, stood cockeyed etc and the other person picked up on something they didnt like and blew you off, so my advice? it is what it is,let it be
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Lol, I saw this guy in the parking lot of Rite Aid yesterday, a homeless guy most likely. He would just stare with that look you want to have, if you're in prison and want to look bad-ass.

I felt like telling him to wipe that "I am going to cut your head off" look...off his face, and just maybe someone will give him $$ for his next meal...or whatever.
 
I too would recommend not engaging with him anymore outside of hello, good morning and the like.

It's hard to know how he took your offer. You meant to be nice and that's what matters. There is a very nice gentleman at my apartment (all ages) who gets recyclables out of the recycle bins here at the complex. I've seen, and heard, him a few times put the bags in the car. He's retired and I don't think he's totally broke but those extra dollars probably help and he also lost his home in one of the fires in the area.
 
Remy said:
I too would recommend not engaging with him anymore outside of hello, good morning and the like.
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That's the best advice for anyone. Here in Sweden, there is a percentage of the population that will not greet anyone. Not even their neighbour. If you greet them they'll look the other way. It's true. Often (VERY OFTEN) if they are leaving their flat but realize that someone is coming or passing by they'll quickly close the door again and wait for you to pass before they try it again.
 
Verisure said:
Here in Sweden, there is a percentage of the population that will not greet anyone. Not even their neighbour. If you greet them they'll look the other way. It's true. Often (VERY OFTEN) if they are leaving their flat but realize that someone is coming or passing by they'll quickly close the door again and wait for you to pass before they try it again.
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Interesting. Why do you suppose that is?
 
Our neighbors are of all ages, young kids to older than us. Some are a bit odd, but I think that just makes things interesting.

One oddity is we live in a small rural town in Northern Utah, all, and I mean all of our neighbors are Mormons but we are not. That works just fine for me, and I knew what we were getting into when we bought here. Mormons are good people and easy for me to get along with. They treat us well. The only problem is that we are yet to be offered a beer or cigar by a neighbor, LOL!
 

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