Did I make a mistake trying to help a senior friend?

fancicoffee13

Member
Location
Texas
Another similar experience:
Back in my teens, I had a piano teacher. She was Russian & her husband was Romanian. When they got up into their 80's & stopped driving, I often socialized with them - taking them out to breakfast on weekends, helping her care for her cats, errands, etc. Her husband considered himself a chef & a connoisseur of watches & jewelry & he had a little business on the side, selling them.
He liked to show me his expensive diamond rings & other jewelry & say, "I want you to have this when I die." I knew he was trying to show his appreciation, so i said nothing, even though I wasn't interested. His wife would give him a dirty look.
Later, after his funeral, I'd call his wife to ask how she was doing & if she needed help with anything - errands, cat care (she had 10 cats). She would say, "No," & hang up. Obviously, she was afraid I would ask for the jewelry her husband wanted me to have. I just stopped calling her.
Good choice.
 

win231

Well-known Member
Location
CA
My sister is also like that - always seeing bad intent in everyone. She probably absorbed that trait from our mother.
During our mother's last couple of years, a friend came to visit her. When I told my sister about the friend's visit, she said, "She knows mom is old & she came to sniff around & see what she can get."
I reminded my sister that the friend was married to a successful businessman & they live in a nice house & have expensive new cars. My sister's reply? "I don't care, they're after whatever they can get."
 

fancicoffee13

Member
Location
Texas
My sister is also like that - always seeing bad intent in everyone. She probably absorbed that trait from our mother.
During our mother's last couple of years, a friend came to visit her. When I told my sister about the friend's visit, she said, "She knows mom is old & she came to sniff around & see what she can get."
I reminded my sister that the friend was married to a successful businessman & they live in a nice house & have expensive new cars. My sister's reply? "I don't care, they're after whatever they can get."
That's negative thinking alright. Just be positive towards them anyway. Maybe somewhere down the line, they will begin to see it.
 

Spring

New Member
Greetings Caring Friend,

If the relationship was sincerely heartfelt - I suggest you wait a reasonable amount of time (you decide what is reasonable for you) then send the lady a card. You might simply ask how she is doing these days, let her know she is missed and include your phone number after your signature.

Then let it rest – you may be pleasantly surprised with a call to lunch.
 

RadishRose

SF VIP
Location
CT USA
Greetings Caring Friend,

If the relationship was sincerely heartfelt - I suggest you wait a reasonable amount of time (you decide what is reasonable for you) then send the lady a card. You might simply ask how she is doing these days, let her know she is missed and include your phone number after your signature.

Then let it rest – you may be pleasantly surprised with a call to lunch.
Hi @Spring- Welcome to the Forum!
 

FastTrax

Member
I am friends with an 85 year old woman. I was of the impression she had no friends or family. That's how it seemed. I have treated her to lunch, stopped over (with her permission) to drop off a hamburger for her dog and a milkshake for her, just been kind to her all around. And phoned her to see how she is doing.

She has a hard time walking so I would put her wheelchair in my trunk of the car and take her out. She wanted to get out and was happy about it. My mother died in a nursing home so I have compassion for elders. Although this friend does live at home. The last time I saw her she told her she has a sister who takes care of her needs. The sister lives several hours away and is herself a senior.

My friend said "I don't know what I will do if my sister dies". She was confiding in me. I told her to make sure she has a will. I didn't know what else to say. She was saying she was afraid the person who takes care of her dies, so I thought saying "make sure you have a will" was logical because then the will, "will" take care of her. Isn't that what a compassionate friend would say if someone is fearful of being on their own which is what she was telling me? Well, apparently saying that backfired!

I guess she mentioned it to her sister..(I am not sure what was said) and now I have been "banned" from seeing my friend. I said what I did because she was afraid of being on her own and I thought if she had a will that would protect her from harm. I was misunderstood for sure. And startled by the response.
I feel your anguish. From personal experience I have learned the hard way about hearing hard luck stories and when you have done what have done then give by what you're being told is your best advice given the situation and then it is presumed to have backfired then consider the source and that there are always two sides to every story and then there is the truth. Since the daughter was so alarmed and truly concerned for her mother one would think she would confront you directly if for no other reason then to hear what you have to say. This is not advice, just my personal opinion. Enjoy your weekend and GOD Bless.
 


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