Diets, Decaf & Other Dubious Deeds
- Thread starter MarciKS
- Start date
I found this article on ultimatums & I found it interesting.
Ultimatums are threats, and no one respects a person who threatens them. They might fear them, or be wary. That isn’t true respect. I used to be the kind of guy who used ultimatums to get my way, but I’ve done a lot of growing since then.
When things aren’t going the way you want, it’s tempting to try to wrench reality into shape using force. And what is the result? The whole relationship getting bent and broken. Making demands is using emotional and mental force on a situation instead of finesse.
A heavy handed demand of “do this or else” backfires on the user time and time again. They might win that battle and then lose the war when everyone retreats from them. In personal relationships with friends, a lover or a spouse, do you really want the whole thing to be classified as a war? I prefer my friends to be allies, not enemies.
Ultimatums Are a One Sided Viewpoint and Attack
When I was a supervisor in the construction industry, I had workers come to me with their ultimatums on occasion. I treated them like terrorists. Bow to one and you have to bow to them all.
There’s always room for discussion and maybe compromise. If one of the guys or a foreman came to me with a problem I was ready to see if we could accommodate. Need time off, or a switch from one position to another, or a promotion? Lets examine what’s going on and make some changes if we can.
Until you stomp in with a smirk or a frown and throw that ultimatum on the middle of the table with a thump. Then we are done talking, buddy. See that door over there? Don’t let it hit your a** on the way out.
As long as everyone is still sitting at the table discussing things, there’s a chance that we can come to an agreement. As soon as you jump up and say “Do this right now or I am cutting off communications!” you put everyone’s backs against the wall. It isn’t a fair thing to do. It’s a dirty tactic.
Ultimatums are the main tool of the Terrorist trade. They grab a hostage and tie them up, hood over their head. Then they contact the target of their “negotiations” and inform them that the hostage will be killed if the demands aren’t met. Most countries refuse to deal with terrorists or bow to ultimatums. Who would want to be lumped in with terrorists regarding the way they deal with issues?
A “do it or else!” attitude is a threat — plain and simple. Bringing this into a relationship proves you’re a dangerous unknown.
Sometimes you can win temporary concessions this way, but they come with resentment and fear. “You’ll be sorry if you don’t do this. If I can’t force you to do this my way, I’m leaving!”
I hope you aren’t in that position. But imagine someone doing this to you. How does that make you feel inside? Would you ever want to make someone else go through that?
This isn’t a strategy, it’s a tantrum.
Some parents let their children get away with tantrums, and other parents make them stand in the corner. Either way, acting like an out of control child is a big problem.
The relationship changes after an ultimatum is used. The trust is destroyed.
Time for sleep. G'night all.
Ultimatums are threats, and no one respects a person who threatens them. They might fear them, or be wary. That isn’t true respect. I used to be the kind of guy who used ultimatums to get my way, but I’ve done a lot of growing since then.
When things aren’t going the way you want, it’s tempting to try to wrench reality into shape using force. And what is the result? The whole relationship getting bent and broken. Making demands is using emotional and mental force on a situation instead of finesse.
A heavy handed demand of “do this or else” backfires on the user time and time again. They might win that battle and then lose the war when everyone retreats from them. In personal relationships with friends, a lover or a spouse, do you really want the whole thing to be classified as a war? I prefer my friends to be allies, not enemies.
Ultimatums Are a One Sided Viewpoint and Attack
When I was a supervisor in the construction industry, I had workers come to me with their ultimatums on occasion. I treated them like terrorists. Bow to one and you have to bow to them all.
There’s always room for discussion and maybe compromise. If one of the guys or a foreman came to me with a problem I was ready to see if we could accommodate. Need time off, or a switch from one position to another, or a promotion? Lets examine what’s going on and make some changes if we can.
Until you stomp in with a smirk or a frown and throw that ultimatum on the middle of the table with a thump. Then we are done talking, buddy. See that door over there? Don’t let it hit your a** on the way out.
As long as everyone is still sitting at the table discussing things, there’s a chance that we can come to an agreement. As soon as you jump up and say “Do this right now or I am cutting off communications!” you put everyone’s backs against the wall. It isn’t a fair thing to do. It’s a dirty tactic.
Ultimatums are the main tool of the Terrorist trade. They grab a hostage and tie them up, hood over their head. Then they contact the target of their “negotiations” and inform them that the hostage will be killed if the demands aren’t met. Most countries refuse to deal with terrorists or bow to ultimatums. Who would want to be lumped in with terrorists regarding the way they deal with issues?
A “do it or else!” attitude is a threat — plain and simple. Bringing this into a relationship proves you’re a dangerous unknown.
Sometimes you can win temporary concessions this way, but they come with resentment and fear. “You’ll be sorry if you don’t do this. If I can’t force you to do this my way, I’m leaving!”
I hope you aren’t in that position. But imagine someone doing this to you. How does that make you feel inside? Would you ever want to make someone else go through that?
This isn’t a strategy, it’s a tantrum.
Some parents let their children get away with tantrums, and other parents make them stand in the corner. Either way, acting like an out of control child is a big problem.
The relationship changes after an ultimatum is used. The trust is destroyed.
Time for sleep. G'night all.
Last edited:
RadishRose
SF VIP
- Location
- Connecticut, USA
Wise words.
Well good morning campers. It's a new day. Wonder who I'll manage to tick off today? 
Oh well...I guess it is what it is. I'm sick of dealing with it. Those of you who dislike me or have a problem getting along with me are more than welcomed to use the ignore feature. I certainly will. If you can't have a discussion without threatening me...calling me names or asking me what planet I live on...then I'm not terribly interested in conversing. That said...if anyone wants to visit that's fine. If the whole site wants to put me on ignore then whatever. I'll just have to make the best of it.
I'm off to the pulmonologist today. We'll see what happens there. They'll probably wear me out. I tried those new masks with the respirators. They were not much help. Oh well...don't know till ya try. I may have to switch to those less protective ones that are one layer that look like a scarf with ear loops. It will depend on what the lung doc has to say.
I'm trying to figure out what I will do if I have to quit my job. That's a pretty big worry weighing on me right now. Plus I have to find financial assistance somewhere to help me pay for the O2 & the equipment. With the possibility of c-pap stuff as well. So it's gonna be stressful for a while I'm sure.
Have a great day.
Oh well...I guess it is what it is. I'm sick of dealing with it. Those of you who dislike me or have a problem getting along with me are more than welcomed to use the ignore feature. I certainly will. If you can't have a discussion without threatening me...calling me names or asking me what planet I live on...then I'm not terribly interested in conversing. That said...if anyone wants to visit that's fine. If the whole site wants to put me on ignore then whatever. I'll just have to make the best of it.
I'm off to the pulmonologist today. We'll see what happens there. They'll probably wear me out. I tried those new masks with the respirators. They were not much help. Oh well...don't know till ya try. I may have to switch to those less protective ones that are one layer that look like a scarf with ear loops. It will depend on what the lung doc has to say.
I'm trying to figure out what I will do if I have to quit my job. That's a pretty big worry weighing on me right now. Plus I have to find financial assistance somewhere to help me pay for the O2 & the equipment. With the possibility of c-pap stuff as well. So it's gonna be stressful for a while I'm sure.
Have a great day.
I just ordered some different masks again. Perhaps if I can find a style that works I will be ok. So I bought these today.
You know...it's difficult to let go of people in your life who are hateful or don't appear to care about you. Especially when you loved them so much. When you give that much of yourself only to be hurt time & time again...it's difficult to trust anymore.
I've come to a place in my life where it's getting harder & harder to open up & let anyone in because they keep hurting me. I've gotten to a place in my life where I no longer want to tolerate it. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone & drama free.
This pandemic has opened my eyes to how many actually don't care about me. That's ok. I've got God by my side. He's a lot less dramatic too. LOL!
I've learned to adjust & find contentment with myself. I keep myself amused. I'm not on anyone's time schedule & I can pick my own agenda. It's a pretty peaceful life for the most part.
I've come to a place in my life where it's getting harder & harder to open up & let anyone in because they keep hurting me. I've gotten to a place in my life where I no longer want to tolerate it. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone & drama free.
This pandemic has opened my eyes to how many actually don't care about me. That's ok. I've got God by my side. He's a lot less dramatic too. LOL!
I've learned to adjust & find contentment with myself. I keep myself amused. I'm not on anyone's time schedule & I can pick my own agenda. It's a pretty peaceful life for the most part.
Morning.
We are having salad for our grill special. Yuck. There's nothing of interest on the other side. Might just have a cheese quesadilla with veggies in it. We have goals we work on every so often. This round it's customer service so I have 3 videos to watch tonight. Again...yuck. LOL!
It's gonna be hot as hell today. It stormed last night so now there's all this moisture.
Well...gonna go look around before work. Have a great day!
We are having salad for our grill special. Yuck. There's nothing of interest on the other side. Might just have a cheese quesadilla with veggies in it. We have goals we work on every so often. This round it's customer service so I have 3 videos to watch tonight. Again...yuck. LOL!
It's gonna be hot as hell today. It stormed last night so now there's all this moisture.
Well...gonna go look around before work. Have a great day!
Salad ..
I like your new avatar!
Thanks. Don't get too comfy with it. LOL! Hope you're doing well.Salad ..
I like your new avatar!
Well as of now we have 3 from out dept at work on quarantine. Possibly 4 very soon. I have no idea about how many others in other depts have been sent home. I'm beginning to get quite concerned. Little I can do about it though. And on top of that we had 3 call in.
Things have been a little hectic. We have 10 COVID patients. Lots of drama at work so I've been trying to stay out of the way. LOL
Things have been a little hectic. We have 10 COVID patients. Lots of drama at work so I've been trying to stay out of the way. LOL
