Distraught, I don't know where this goes.

Shalimar

Shalimar

SF VIP
Location
Vancouver Island Canada
I just received confirmation that another one of my vets, a woman, has eaten her gun. I knew she was distressed, had recently broken up with her wife, but there were no tells that she was contemplating suicide.

She left a note expressing her heartbreak and solidarity with those affected by the tragedy in Orlando. She was thirty-five years old. R.I.P. Selene. My heart is breaking. I never get used to this.:( I have known her since she was twelve.
 

Oh Shali, that is so distressing. Please look after yourself at this time.
Know that we are thinking of you and don't hesitate to unload if you need to. :glitter-heart:
 

Oh Shali, sending you the biggest hugs and tissue box that will fit through the screen. When you're trying to help someone along we do the best we can. It's somehow finding peace in YES you did all you could. Not woulda, coulda, shoulda...don't go there. You did the best you could for her for a long time and ultimately it was her choice to end her life. It wasn't about you. You have to take that view or you drown. Really, I know, really I know...mourn...but detach too
 
I know detaching is excruciating less easy than it sounds. It took me several years afterwards. But like I said the worst thing you can do is try to "fix" it in your head. If you had said or done something differently? More of this and less of that? But it still might have turned out the way it did regardless...and it breaks your heart.
 
Shalimar, so sorry to hear, please don't internalize this, you could not possibly control the whole set of circumstances.
 
So sorry, Shalimar. There is no way you could have known; don't blame yourself in any way. You know better than most I suspect, that when one is determined to end their suffering by taking their own life, there are sometimes no outward signs. It's horrible and it hurts and there are no words here that will ease the immediate pain you must surely be feeling, but as others have already said, we're here to listen and offer support.
 
Condolences. Don't blame yourself. If a person can go through the physical act of taking ones life without hesitation I'd say they were determined for what ever reason. Sometimes sudden and quick is better than a long drawn out process.

PEACE
 
Shalimar, I'm so sorry this has happened. I'm sure you did everything you could. I can tell how much you care about your clients/patients, and if there were anything anyone could have done, you'd have done it.

Love and hugs to you.
 
Shalimar said:
Thanks Warri, Mitchezz, I am overwhelmed. I feel so helpless and inadequate. Her family will turn to me for answers, and I have none.
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You know Shalimar, you might be part of the reason that she was able to hang on as long as she did so take heart from that. People leave when they just can't take the pain anymore (I know you know that) and the burden of this life seems too heavy to bear for even a moment longer. Poor lady stayed as long as she was able, but finally.....

For her family, well if she was close to them, then they were also part of the reason that she lasted as long as she did. Often I think suicidal people put it off for a long time because they do love their family and they don't want to hurt them. But her pain, from whatever cause, must have been pretty bad for her to finally take that step. It's very sad for all of you who are involved. Condolences to you:love_heart:
 
Shalimar said:
I just received confirmation that another one of my vets, a woman, has eaten her gun. I knew she was distressed, had recently broken up with her wife, but there were no tells that she was contemplating suicide.

She left a note expressing her heartbreak and solidarity with those affected by the tragedy in Orlando. She was thirty-five years old. R.I.P. Selene. My heart is breaking. I never get used to this.:( I have known her since she was twelve.
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Ripples... I can only offer what you offer to others. My heartfelt empathy and condolences. She is now at peace. The only platitude that works for me. Love ya', Shali.:rose:
 
I know only too well what you are feeling,Shali. Below is a pic of Chris,the son of a friend. He sat with me when he was 14 and told me that he did not plan on living a full life-that he would die by his own hand. I tried my best to talk to him about why life was so terrible for him. I know that his dad was very,very hard on him-a perfectionist who always expected Chris to live up to his unrealistic expectations. After our talk that weekend,I told his aunt,to whom he was exceptionaly close,exactly what he had told me. She said she knew and that she and her twin (Chris` mom) talked about it all the time. I don`t know if they ever sought help for him. A few days after his high school graduation,he drove his car head on into a gravel truck. I still have guilt that I didn`t do more-even though I know that realistically there wasn`t much more I could have done. It can be so hard. A friend`s 20 yo son attempted suicide by hanging day before yesterday. He is bipolar and has been hospitalized several times. The only reason they found him was because his dog was going ballistic and they knew something was very wrong. Rushed to his room and found him. They had to give him CPR until the medics arrived-that`s how close it was. This was not his first attempt but was certainly the closest call. My friend is feeling at a loss as to what more they can do for him. Maybe there just isn`t anything that can be done.
 

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How awful for you, Mrs R, to have to carry thoughts like that around in your head until the shoe drops. The price of being a caring human being. We were fortunate never to have had to deal with anything like that in our own lives until our son revealed his unsuspected alcoholism to us a year or so before it killed him at age 50. I just checked your profile and see that your life is filled with much happier things. May it continue to be so for many more years.
 
My life is filled with much happier things now but that was not always the case. My own son battled a horrible drug addiction for about 9 years,so I know what you have gone through. I expected it to kill him at any time. He has now been clean for 9 years and is loving life. Just had a new baby girl last week. I thank God every day.
 
Mrs. R, so sorry to hear about Chris. :( Congratulation to your son and his wife, glad to know he's doing so well.
 

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