Do divorced men make better husbands second time around?

bowmore said:
I second what @FasrTrax said. You are extremely bright and fantastically talented
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Actually I was and still am dumb as a rock but you were the very first "Member in good standing" to help me get settled in and I owe you a debt of gratitude more then you ever realize. I've experienced a bump or two but you and a load of other caring sympathetic "Members in good standing" assisted me in getting settled in. GOD bless everybody here.

Don't forget: WE ARE FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
helenbacque said:

Do divorced men make better husbands second time around?​

  • Not unless/until he has been able to move on from an earlier relationship. No woman want to constantly hear complaints about earlier times or issues that they did not share and carry no blame.
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Do you think men never meet women similarly obsessed (or still in love) with their former husbands/partners, finding it equally difficult to accept whatever they may have done wrong?
 

Nathan wrote:
"SMH, I had a feeling this thread was going to deteriorate into a battle of the sexes". :rolleyes:
Judycat said:
Yes it's terrible isn't it. What is wrong with people?
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A bit of a "battle between the sexes" maybe helps the world go around(?)

A cousin of mine used to try to rile her husband a little, (just to try to provoke a response from him you understand), and yet he was too wise and strong a man to allow this to happen, and that used to annoy her when she first got married.

They've now been married for over fifty years, and my cousin is honest enough to admit this is what she was doing, and of course it is a source of amusement now! :giggle:
 
rgp said:
Again I agree ..... perhaps I never was "in" love ? Not even sure I believe in that any longer ? But I do not believe that two people [a couple] can't even experience that if / when, there are so many "outside" negative influences constantly interfering .
I think perhaps ? the bottom line for my ex & I is that we were never meant for each other ??
I never tried again due to , [as I said] somewhere in here , that it seemed the women I met all had a number of kids, and I just wasn't going to be a stepdad to them ..... just never felt the desire to do so.
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I'm going to try to contradict you about something only you can really know, "I believe you were in love", (or as good as most of us might have been when we married or formed a long term relationship).

I know we all begin to doubt it when its all gone wrong, and whether my ex ever truly loved me is certainly open to debate, (given she's told our daughter it was just a "mistake").

However, we must have thought something of these people, maybe only what the experts say, i.e. "our subconscious lead us to choose the partners we chose", but I think they're more right with that situation than wrong, because when emotions are involved "everything isn't just cut and dried as some would have us believe"!

Moving on to something else I wanted to say somewhere on this thread, even though its not particularly related to your comments, and it is this business of making a promise to our partners/wives/husbands.

Dont you think there is something here, at least for those who mean their promise and hold to it through the rougher times that are bound to come, (btw not criticising anyone who is divorced here or no more than I might criticise myself, because I've benefitted due to the end of my marriage which would have been purgatory for all concerned had it continued)?

Yes, "the promise", one human being to another human being, and vice versa, "this is it for you and me for as long as we live", (we'll get old, lose our good looks, adonis bodies, or size 10, whatever it might be, all the rows about money, stress with the kids, carrying the kids in the first place, through all that you've seen it through,....., there is something to be admired in those folks surely!). (y):unsure::)
 
grahamg said:
Do you think men never meet women similarly obsessed (or still in love) with their former husbands/partners, finding it equally difficult to accept whatever they may have done wrong?
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In 1992 I dated a woman that I felt "something" toward. She was married, but going to get a divorce ... She is still married to her husband & they are living together.

Before i met her ..... she discovered that her husband was having an afair with their daughter in law ....while their son was in Iraq. The son, after returning home from the war , found out [by the wife's admission] and he attempted suicide . She [the woman I dated] also .... caught the husband & her sister in a sexual act in the garage ....... talk about obsessed !? IMO what ever it was, it went way beyond love.

We only dated for about thhree months .... I saw the writing on the wall.
 
helenbacque wrote:
"Do divorced men make better husbands second time around?
  • Not unless/until he has been able to move on from an earlier relationship. No woman want to constantly hear complaints about earlier times or issues that they did not share and carry no blame."
oldaunt said:
Well of course. But I thought we were discussing husbands.
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Yes, you're right, (wasn't I making my suggestion to another forum member?), it is about husbands indeed, but I suppose I did widen things a little myself when suggesting it is very rare to find anyone saying anything good about there exes, (be they men or women).

Perhaps a checklist would help, and using my dads equine euphemism, "Good in all gears" could come into play, (to avoid saying anything too risque!).

Plus, "Good cook" (M/F) tick or cross
"Good organiser" (M/F) tick or cross
"Patient with the kids" (M/F) tick or cross
"Good sense of humour" (M?F) tick or cross
"Good hearted" (M/F) tick or cross
"Means well" (M/F) tick or cross
"Always look presentable" (M/F) tick or cross
and so on,..
 
grahamg said:
Do you think men never meet women similarly obsessed (or still in love) with their former husbands/partners, finding it equally difficult to accept whatever they may have done wrong?
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Of course, it is a two=way street but the OP was about divorced men. They probably do best sticking with young women who are more inclined to accept flaws as she is sure she can fix them. More mature woman look for a serviceable model with minor dings and scratches but sound internally ..... sort of like we would search for a used car. :sneaky:
 
helenbacque said:
Of course, it is a two=way street but the OP was about divorced men. They probably do best sticking with young women who are more inclined to accept flaws as she is sure she can fix them. More mature woman look for a serviceable model with minor dings and scratches but sound internally ..... sort of like we would search for a used car. :sneaky:
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Would you want a good service record, or just take the chance your judgment is sound that the "running gear" is okay? :unsure::whistle:
 
It depends. Are they divorced in the first place because they were unfaithful or were slackers? If so and they still have those same characteristics, then no they won't. If they were good men who treated their wives well but they got cheated on or mistreated in some other way which caused the ends of their marriages, then it's likely they would be good husbands if they don't let old baggage get in the way.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
It depends. Are they divorced in the first place because they were unfaithful or were slackers? If so and they still have those same characteristics, then no they won't. If they were good men who treated their wives well but they got cheated on or mistreated in some other way which caused the ends of their marriages, then it's likely they would be good husbands if they don't let old baggage get in the way.
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You are right to "think of the service history" (to use the earlier comparison).

A good friend of mine, (not a girlfriend, just a friend), wouldn't date anyone who had been unfaithful to their wife/partner, so likely did she think they'd do the same to her, and now she's very happy and living with a great bloke, (and great dad to four lovely now grown up children), whose wife had been unfaithful to him.
 
LOL !! A guy I once worked with was talking about his ex-wife ...... He said my ex was a great housekeeper ...... we had a great house ..... she kept it.
 
rgp said:
LOL !! A guy I once worked with was talking about his ex-wife ...... He said my ex was a great housekeeper ...... we had a great house ..... she kept it.
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There are some jaw dropping things said during difficult situations such as divorce, or separation from a long term partner, and one that springs to mind is me soon to be ex wife telling me "She had been surprisingly loyal to me",...., this whilst having been seeing someone she worked with, for four months and eventually went off with and married, although they're not still together, (each having "moved on in their own inimitable way").

Another one was that "She HAD to leave me", (indicating her accepting no level of guilt for turning her back on the marriage, though I agee it was the best outcome possible in the impossible circumstances that arises when when her love had turned to hate!).

I forgot this thread is about what's wrong with us men, "a far richer area to examine", (as we're always being told of course :sneaky: ! ).
 

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