Do you get tried of everything being your responsbility.

papa tiger said:
It cost less to hire than move to assisted living usually.
Click to expand...
That's certainly true about assisted living or even independent living (around here anyway). But an issue we're having around here is even finding anyone that you can hire; doesn't matter for what: repairs around the house and yard, yardwork (even just mowing lawns), washing windows, running the vacuum cleaner and a dustrag around; you name it, you can hardly find anyone that does it. And even if you do find someone, I've heard horror stories of people here who hired someone and weren't at all happy with the "work" done (even with thefts occuring) ; and the few people who do stuff around here that are good can't usually take on any more clients.

Teacher Terry said:
officer Ribley, I was really happy to get rid of my house and buy a condo. At 855 sq ft it’s easy for me to keep it neat and clean all the time so it’s my sanctuary. Although I joined the hoa board so now hear all the problems for 150 people:)). Although, that I can quit someday and be blissfully ignorant.
Click to expand...
That sounds like absolute heaven to me right now. Huzz invited some people over for New years Eve dinner without consulting with me first so today I'm running around trying to clean house. (He says he's going to run the vacuum cleaner later; he'd better!) So I know I shouldn't complain but dang, I was hoping for a nice quiet New years Eve, just he and I having a quiet dinner and watching movies, but no, of course not, sigh.
 

And I'm just sitting here waiting on my SO to finish getting ready to go next door for a little social gathering. We were only supposed to be there a half an hour ago......

Need a double dose of BP meds.
 
That is truly all very difficult and challenging, and stressful.

All your OP, is very understandable, @Blessed

You're right, take one task, at a time.
First put them in a list of a prioritized order.
With the ones with shortest time limit, first in priority.

You are very capable.
But yes, it feels very burdensome, at times.
 

Blessed said:
for letting me fuss!!
Click to expand...
Fuss all you like, but that's not going to get it done.

Putting it off will eventually mean it will all catch up to you all at once. Sounds like this has happened. Hope the lesson is learned.

Frankly, I like being the only one to 'get it done'. I am not having to keep checking on someone else to be sure it was done correctly and then have to 'gently' so not to offend explain why it was wrong. Nope. Being the only one has some real advantages.

Maybe this feels so bad because you were just spoiled to have someone to do it for you all the time. When I left home I left alone. I wasn't jumping from mommie taking care of me to a spouse taking care of me. It now just looks tough because you've never done it before. You will eventually learn to love your independence. I am sure.
 
Robb.hisself said:
Fuss all you like, but that's not going to get it done.

Putting it off will eventually mean it will all catch up to you all at once. Sounds like this has happened. Hope the lesson is learned.

Frankly, I like being the only one to 'get it done'. I am not having to keep checking on someone else to be sure it was done correctly and then have to 'gently' so not to offend explain why it was wrong. Nope. Being the only one has some real advantages.

Maybe this feels so bad because you were just spoiled to have someone to do it for you all the time. When I left home I left alone. I wasn't jumping from mommie taking care of me to a spouse taking care of me. It now just looks tough because you've never done it before. You will eventually learn to love your independence. I am sure.
Click to expand...

Yes, things are backed due to some health issues I deal with on a daily basis. I have never been spoiled. I have been through some very hard times taking care of others that woud cripple most. That just really upsets me, no one who knows me would ever say I am spoiled.
 
Robb.hisself said:
Fuss all you like, but that's not going to get it done.

Putting it off will eventually mean it will all catch up to you all at once. Sounds like this has happened. Hope the lesson is learned.

Frankly, I like being the only one to 'get it done'. I am not having to keep checking on someone else to be sure it was done correctly and then have to 'gently' so not to offend explain why it was wrong. Nope. Being the only one has some real advantages.

Maybe this feels so bad because you were just spoiled to have someone to do it for you all the time. When I left home I left alone. I wasn't jumping from mommie taking care of me to a spouse taking care of me. It now just looks tough because you've never done it before. You will eventually learn to love your independence. I am sure.
Click to expand...
Hmm. Radical, judgemental assumptions paraded as factual. Result, a very cruel and unnecessary comment. Far from your first.
 
No, as they've been mine for longer than recently!

They keep me busy and sane...

It's other people who wear me down...

Due to the health problems of a loved one, I saved the day... I've lost count, so many times. Now, they're still here, but so much lighter to bare...as there's only one choice to decide and results are immediate and satisfactory.
 

Do you get tired of everything being your responsibility?​


Not yet
Happy to still hold the reins

Happy to have things to take care of

As its been said;
Prioritize
Some things can wait, some can't (like a leaky roof)

Some folks have a tent for a home...if that
Less to worry about
But the worries they do have are pretty dire, especially in winter
 
You could use a trusted handyman @Blessed . Ask around for references. The problem is that the good ones are always busy so try to plan ahead.
I'd go to Lowe's or somewhere for the cook top and have them install it. Plan to have a friend or neighbor come over when they're there. Same with carpet.
Contact the Boy Scouts about your branches. They sometimes will help as part of their badges. Especially yard work.
I've a feeling you know all this but needed the vent. That's perfectly fine. I need to do that some days!

Last but not least, take @Robb.hisself off your posters. I don't even know what THAT was.🤔
 
I was thrust into adult responsibilities as a child and have always had people depending on me right up until I retired. At times I was frustrated with my role but also knew I had the ability to handle things better than many. I say that not as a narcissist but as a person who knows how to get things done and move to the next task.

After I retired I became more aware of what a burden I carried thru my life yet I'm not sure I would do things any differently. It's a simple philosophy, if something needs doing and no one else is capable or willing to do it you do it yourself.
 
When I took over my family home after both my parents died in 2004, I knew it was going to be my responsibility. I've never asked anyone for help.
I do have a very nice fair handy man that helps me w/repairs. My home needs some updates, but I can still live in my home safely.

I'm not tired of the responsibility, I knew what I was taking on, and I'm proud of myself for still being able to handle it. Mustn't forget the great work and helpfulness of my gardeners and all the leaves they have to pick up in my backyard. 🍂🍂
 
Blessed said:
I am just sick of being the only one having to learn all about these things and make sure I am doing the right things. ...
The anxiety over this stuff is making me physically ill! Do you wish that someone would come in and put everything order when there is so much to do.
Click to expand...

You do have quite a big list of things to get done, I felt overwhelmed just reading it! :)

I don't have any good advice, all I need to do is shop for frames and get new glasses and that by itself feels overwhelming.
 
Been there with Death, One cannot imagine the death happening in the home.

House management, resurfacing floors and painting walls, new plumbing fixtures, mowing and general stuff.
Prepping for the Sale, removing interior doors to use as tables. sorting, cleaning and arranging/pricing. Being the Bank for the Sale.
Hauling what didn't sell to Goodwills / Sal Vals and Mom n Pops.

Then the Sale of the homes for the Kids. Looking back, it was easier then it would be today. Being retired gave the free time to accomplish the hell chore of the estate sale. Many hire it all done.

Say, make a log, do the deed, check if off and gradually move thru the Log. Keep a faith in oneself. Being of good health helps keep
the mind fresher. I know many could not have done it. I was fortunate. It left the kids with more. They deserved better.

Probably wearing a concealed firearm during the sale (I was the Bank) was the most stressful part but I trained for that. One person was particularly on the edge, I gave him a like new toaster.
 
Last edited:
I have discussed this very thing with a friend of mine. She's never been married and within the last year so many issues have popped up that needed her attention. Unfortunately, the work ethic seems to not be what it used to be, so several follow ups that shouldn't have been necessary, were. She needed work done on her home and her car. She bought brand new furniture for her bedroom including a big, custom cabinet, desk combination...that wasn't made right. Even her interactions with banks and retailers have left much to be desired and she's just "too through".

Blessed, these things are a lot for you to have to go through, so I feel for you. I spent close to half my life alone and wound up being a single mother to my son, so I had a lot of responsibilities that fell squarely on my shoulders. Even after I remarried, my second husband had so much on his plate, I still handled some things on my own. But at least I didn't have many maintenance issues to deal with since I live in a co-op.

I think the current environment we are in doesn't help. Perhaps you can find ways to reward yourself after each trying event. If you have something you absolutely love doing, seeing or being in (near), maybe you can manage to do or be there. Since you have pets, I don't know how feasible that is though. Maybe there is someplace you can all go to take in nature (??)
 
Last edited:
That's understandable. It can be overwhelming when it feels like everything is your responsibility.

For me it is important to be clear about what I can and cannot take on, and to say no when necessary.

If l have too much on my plate, I consider delegating some tasks to others who can help.

I will ask for help, reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support when I need it.

Then focus on the most important tasks and let go of the less urgent ones.

Be sure to make time for myself to recharge and rejuvenate, whether it's a walk, a hobby, or just some quiet time alone. AND

Remember that it's okay to not be able to do everything, and that prioritizing your own well-being is just as important as taking care of others.
 
Oh I sure do. And I'm not one to ask for or take help much. For example, one co-worker finally offered to help me feed the ferals. I didn't really give her an answer. I don't know if I can trust people. The last scheduler would feed them if I brought the food if I couldn't make it, but once I asked her to do so when I had the flu. I was able to come back the next day. Water empty and I doubt she fed them. So I had to thank her for lying right to my face.

I could use at least some verbal support regarding my stepfather. But what I get from my brother is put downs, I'm not doing anything and he's the caring hero 3000 miles away. Who does nothing.
 
When my wife passed away two and one-half years ago I was absolutely overwhelmed by everything I had to do. My lovely wife of fifty-one years, Mary, had early onset Alzheimers, and sometime before she suddenly and unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack she had done something with all our important papers, wills, insurance policies, birth certificates, marriage license etc. which had been stored in the same steel lock box kept on the same closet shelf for over forty years. When I opened the lock box a day or two after she died I found that it held only her old employee check stubs going back for decades.
An extremely intense search of our house aided by my son and daughter never discovered the important papers. I have never found them up until this day.
For about six or eight months I not only had everything to do I also had to contend with bureaucratic nightmares such as getting a photocopy of her will probated or getting life insurance to pay when I had no policies. When I finally got all the paper work settled it was like the old saw about hitting your thumb with a hammer. The only good thing about hitting your thumb with a hammer is how good it feels when it quits hurting.
Now with the help of a very nice Mexican gentleman who has worked with for us for years who does the yard lawn mowing and cleans out the gutters, etc. I manage all the other chores including paperwork, house cleaning and upkeep on my little eight acre spread.
 
Blessed said:
I am just in the middle of a whole bunch of things that need to be done at the house. Get a plumber to fix some issues, find a new cook top and get it installed. I need new carpet in my bedroom. I have got to get set up with medicare and the setup for my federal coverage to become my secondary. That means doing a deep dive into what doctors and hospitals I will have available.

The dogs need to get into the vet for their yearly check ups and meds. I can'take them all at the same time, so that will be 3 trips back and forth.

I need to have someone come and trim my large trees to get branchs away from the roof and cut back from hanging over the edge of the street.

I have already dealt with two accounts regarding money to generate some profit. I have a 3rd one yet to do. I just do not feel good about the market right now. In the old days, I did notthink of it often because it was doing well but we all were there in 08 and have suffered furher losses in the last few years.

I am just sick of being the only one having to learn all about these things and make sure I am doing the right things. I am tried of dealing with fixing things at the house, I don't like strangers in my home.I have the same local companies for years but you never know if they might get a bad employee.

The anxiety over this stuff is making me physically ill! Do you wish that someone would come in and put everything order when there is so much to do. I know, I know, take it one chore at a time, it is just depressing. I was not supposed to be a widowed so young. I have had all of this on my shoulders for so long and I am just tired. Thanks for letting me fuss!!
Click to expand...
I think your frame of mind is why my aunt was more than happy to pack it all in and move into a seniors residence where many of her church friends already were living. She just got fed up with the massive responsibility of running their farm for 60 years and when my uncle died, that was it, off to the home with her where she doesn't even have to fuss with her own meals. And by the way, you're allowed to fuss once in a while especially when you're tired.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top