Do you try to fit in with others?

J

Justme

Senior Member
I think quite a lot of people try to fit in with others so they aren't the odd one out, even if being part of the crowd doesn't make them feel very comfortable.

I have never tried to fit in I was always happy just being me. That certainly didn't please my mother who had an image of what little girls should be like and tried to mould me into that image! The more she did that the more I rebelled and did my own thing.;) To her dying day she still asked where she went wrong with me!:D:D:D

As a teenager, when most kids want to impress their peers, and particularly the ones they fancy, I had no such ambition. I just carried on doing things my way, especially as I had no interest in pop music, fashion, make up etc. I met my husband to be when I was 15, without trying to get a boyfriend, it just happened, we married when I was 19 and he was 22. In retrospect it was a great relief to get all that stuff out of the way so early and concentrate on married life and raising the family, I had always wanted kids.

Now I am 64 I am still not fitting in as my kids will tell you, I am a one off.:D
 
Justme said:
I think quite a lot of people try to fit in with others so they aren't the odd one out, even if being part of the crowd doesn't make them feel very comfortable.

I have never tried to fit in I was always happy just being me. That certainly didn't please my mother who had an image of what little girls should be like and tried to mould me into that image! The more she did that the more I rebelled and did my own thing.;) To her dying day she still asked where she went wrong with me!:D:D:D

As a teenager, when most kids want to impress their peers, and particularly the ones they fancy, I had no such ambition. I just carried on doing things my way, especially as I had no interest in pop music, fashion, make up etc. I met my husband to be when I was 15, without trying to get a boyfriend, it just happened, we married when I was 19 and he was 22. In retrospect it was a great relief to get all that stuff out of the way so early and concentrate on married life and raising the family, I had always wanted kids.

Now I am 64 I am still not fitting in as my kids will tell you, I am a one off.:D
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I think you must have great peace of mind justme. I am much more that way now then I was when I was young. I always did have a desire to "fit in somewhere" though, and still have it nag at me on occasion. I do the people-pleasing thing on occasion too, yes, I want people to like me. But as the years go by, I am more ok when they don't, or they just don't like what I say or do. I suppose that is when a person finally starts liking themselves, and if they have even one, good friend, it's enough. There's a lot more I could say on this because I honestly feel like such an alien much of the time. And I do mean an outer-space alien. I'll bet there's a few on here that wonder:lofl: I think I truly love people, all kinds, even though I don't agree with everything they say and do, I would help them if they came to my door, or any other way I could. That crowd of Junior High boys that laughed their heads off when I tried out for rally, I can even see now that they were human with their own demons to battle. I don't hate anyone. The beautiful, popular girl that came over to me and told me one of the best, looking boys (most popular) wanted to take me out, and it was just a joke on me, I don't hate her. I would help her in a second. I guess this is taking me to that place where I say, most "groups" I don't want to "fit" into anymore. That's growth, or just acceptance of who I am.
 
I don't try to be different or awkward but I agree with this quote from Hamlet:

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
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When fitting in comes at the price of being who you are then it is time to look for a more comfortable fit somewhere else.

And I love littleowl's subversive approach.

:rofl:
 
Warrigal said:
I don't try to be different or awkward but I agree with this quote from Hamlet:



When fitting in comes at the price of being who you are then it is time to look for a more comfortable fit somewhere else.

And I love littleowl's subversive approach.

:rofl:
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metoo on little owl, but yes, I love your words on "at the price of being who you are". How many times I've met people that seem trapped in being something or someone they hate being, because they want to be who they are. Yes, to think own self be true.
 
Interesting question .

I find as I get older, and living on my own; I get more selfish, therefore fit in less; if I ever did!
 
Vivjen said:
Interesting question .

I find as I get older, and living on my own; I get more selfish, therefore fit in less; if I ever did!
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I know this one, good point. I am used to being alone, so I do it all my way. I like to visit, but it is always good to come back home to my woman-cave, lol;)
 
Just sayin said:
Nope, never. If I try to fit in with the herd it means I have to take on their thoughts and suggestions, I stop becoming me and become a part of a collective. Stay true to yourself and let the rest of the world get on with it. :)
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Be assimilated, and join the Borg, LOL!!
 
I'm aware I twist and shout to a different bongo player. Rather than do the boogaloo to "their" beat would entreat them to join me. Happens . . . sometimes. I think growing up in a military family, traveling and always being the new kid, I was forced to adapt. So, I can pretty much get along with anyone. Common ground. Don't try to be like them but let the fact that we're all in this together kinda simmer the stew of human interaction. OR, I'll just go my own way . . .
 
Justme said:
I think quite a lot of people try to fit in with others so they aren't the odd one out, even if being part of the crowd doesn't make them feel very comfortable.

I have never tried to fit in I was always happy just being me. That certainly didn't please my mother who had an image of what little girls should be like and tried to mould me into that image! The more she did that the more I rebelled and did my own thing.;) To her dying day she still asked where she went wrong with me!:D:D:D

As a teenager, when most kids want to impress their peers, and particularly the ones they fancy, I had no such ambition. I just carried on doing things my way, especially as I had no interest in pop music, fashion, make up etc. I met my husband to be when I was 15, without trying to get a boyfriend, it just happened, we married when I was 19 and he was 22. In retrospect it was a great relief to get all that stuff out of the way so early and concentrate on married life and raising the family, I had always wanted kids.

Now I am 64 I am still not fitting in as my kids will tell you, I am a one off.:D
Click to expand...

I probably did in my youth when there was so much emphasis on being one of the crowd. But even then I was different.

Today at 65 I could give a shit to be honest. I do try to maintain civility and consideration for others but I sure don't compromise myself. You get to a certain age and then you are content within yourself or you should be.

I've been considered to be odd in many ways over the years but I rather relished it to be honest. Because I'm just not a follower and have such distinct tastes and opinions.
 
Fitting in has never been an option for me. When I was around six, the labeling had already started for me. The first label was "The Devil's Child". In my father's church, I was the example of who not to be. No one wanted me to be part of their group or family. My parents separated several times, and I was put into the church's foster care system over and over. Of course, my father's story of who I was went with me. I had become a very quite and lonely oddity. My education was stopped in the 5th grade so that I wouldn't be influenced by the sinfulness of the modern society. I was very isolated. I had not learned the simple lessons that most children learned "together". By 12, my "piers" had the labeled me as, "The Devil's Whore". At 13, my parent's married me off to someone 30 years older than I. At 14, I became a mother for the first time. At 15, someone informed me that slavery had been over for 100 years. So, I think I could have used a little "fitting in". I have never fit in anywhere. As I got older, I still didn't fit in, I didn't know how. I think you learn more about the world and everything that entails, by having the many groups to choose from, or not. Now I'm 62, a grandmother of 9, and a great-grandmother of 4. I love my family, but I do wonder what it would have been like to have friends, and maybe even go to a movie with one. Today, people still look at me as if I'm still that oddity.
This forum is my first venture at joining a group, and I'm finding it quite difficult. Luckily, I've never been able to run from anything:hatoff:
 
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Warrigal said:
I don't try to be different or awkward but I agree with this quote from Hamlet:



When fitting in comes at the price of being who you are then it is time to look for a more comfortable fit somewhere else.

And I love littleowl's subversive approach.

:rofl:
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So true, Warrigal
 
Yikes,Ina. Whenever you talk about your childhood,it hurts my heart. I,too,think you sound like you have overcome a lot in your life and sound like a very nice person.

Your birth family sounds very much like the adoptive family of a little girl from California. This little girl`s father murdered his family-wife,MIL,two young sisters in law and two of his three little girls. This one,like her sisters,had her throat slit and was left to die in a field. She was found alive though. Because of the horrific story of how she was left an orphan,she was adopted by an out of state couple. It sounds like she was raised much like you. She finally left the family in her teens and came back to California. She has written a book telling about her life with them. Poor kid was really dealt a crummy hand in life.
 
I don't want people to see a sad story, but I did want people to see what happens when child is sequester. The ability to join
children groups, or to fight against them, teaches them who they really want to be, or who even who they might want to be.
It would have been just another sad story if I hadn't had the instincts to fight.
 
I've often wondered about home-schooling. Wait for it........! Ok, I'll go ahead with no fear. I wonder if it such a good thing as I see public schools, or I guess even private, but don't know much about them, as opportunities for kids to learn early on, so much that doesn't come from books. I know people that home-school, or should say knew. They felt that they did not want their kids to be influenced by the worldly kids, or the world. Or some said they were not teaching what they wanted them to learn in public school. Seems like trying to shelter a child from the world they will have to live in the rest of their life, isn't all that good of an idea. Teaching them what you believe to be right and wrong, but letting them go "out there" seems the best way.

Maybe that's too far off topic.
 
One of the primary functions of school is to socialise children and to pass on the culture of the society in which they will live. If it is well done, they fit better into their own society and become good, solid contributing citizens. If badly done, well, you all know what happens then.

School is not all about readin' and writin'. There's a whole lot more to it than that.
 
Warrigal said:
One of the primary functions of school is to socialise children and to pass on the culture of the society in which they will live. If it is well done, they fit better into their own society and become good, solid contributing citizens. If badly done, well, you all know what happens then.

School is not all about readin' and writin'. There's a whole lot more to it than that.
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Socialise, that was what I needed to make my thoughts clear. If you don't get to be with the other kids, you don't learn how to "get along". Maybe it turns out a lesson in survival, but all the kids that are still around I went to school with have survived at least.
 
For some kids home schooling is ideal. It all depends on the resources of the home.
Thomas Edison was home schooled but I'm unaware what his social skills were like.
I'm guessing, not too bad.
 
there's a good point Warrigal, the kids that didn't have opportunity to go to schools, say, like the ones that lived far from the cities.
 
Ina said:
I don't want people to see a sad story, but I did want people to see what happens when child is sequester. The ability to join
children groups, or to fight against them, teaches them who they really want to be, or who even who they might want to be.
It would have been just another sad story if I hadn't had the instincts to fight.
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This was why I brought up the Carmina Salcido story. She survived two horrible life events-first the murder of her mom,sisters,aunts and grandmother and nearly herself, by her own father,and then the very awful situation she ended up in in her adoptive home. Yet,she has come out of it able to be happy and positive and live a sucsessful life,at least so far. She has even confronted her father,who is on Death Row. She proved at the age of three years old that she was one strong cookie and is apparently still proving it. That,to me,s a very happy story. And Ina,your story sounds as if it has had a happy ending as well!
 
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