Do you want to die in a hospice or at home?

officerripley said:
I feel the same as you about it. I keep seeing seniors saying all over the internet that they plan to "check out" if things get bad enough (which, let's face it: if you live long enough, it will) and it seems to be split about 50/50 between they plan to use a gun or medications/chemicals.

The way I feel though is I hate the thought of leaving such a horrible mess that a gun would make for whoever would find me afterwards, and like you I don't know how or where to get the meds and which kind, etc. And I've seen it suggested that you get a doctor to prescribe them and save them up 'till you have enough, but would a doctor agree to tell you how many would be enough and what kind? (I guess it depends on where you live.) And I've also heard that the meds can lose their effectiveness over time and therefore might leave you still alive but paralyzed or in a vegetative state.

So I don't think that just "checking out" when you feel like you've had enough is as easy as some think it would be unfortunately. (Seems to me sometimes that we're kinder to our pets than we are to our fellow humans.)
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There are actually books that give directions, like Death With Dignity, but again, I have no idea where to get the necessary meds.
 

Marcy Sheiner said:
Don't we all want to die "quickly and without pain?" I know I do. I've long pondered the issue of suicide and concluded I could never commit an act of violence on myself (slit wrists, jumping into a pool or lake half tied up) so I'd have to use chemicals. Problem is, IDK which ones or where to get them. Anyone?
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Come on up here to Oregon, establish residence, be terminally ill and avail yourself of the death with dignity law..
https://www.oregon.gov/oha/PH/PROVI...EATHWITHDIGNITYACT/Documents/requirements.pdf
 
CinnamonSugar said:
Hi, @OregonGuy ... I'm sorry you've had to go through all this stress (both your wife's health and your own) with so little round-the-clock help.

As a home-visiting hospice RN, may I just clarify a couple things?

Either at home or in a hospice facility, a person utilizing the Medicare hospice benefit is under hospice. Granted, in the facility, there is round-the-clock nursing care; home-visiting hospice staff are not able to stay long-term for unlimited time in the home. Some of our families express the wish for the aid (the person who baths the patient) to stay for an extended period; since that is not do-able, hospices provide sitter lists (the family can hire their own caregivers) or the social worker can check into if there are any additional services available. It's a case-by-case situation.

Also, the hospice in-patient facility is seldom for more than a week to ten days; usually for sign/symptom management and adjustment of meds to stabilize the patient so they can return home.

All meds r/t patient's main diagnosis and managing signs/symptoms such as nausea/vomiting, pain, anxiety, etc are covered by the service. Basic medical equipment (hospital bed, oxygen, walker, bedside commode, etc) is also covered by the Medicare hospice benefit.

It is *very* tough when you are the only caregiver. I have not provided care in your state, but I know with our hospice, there is a nurse on-call at all times and our case managers (RNs) work very diligently to head off problems, provide education, and have meds in place for families to be able to deal with signs and symptoms.

I know you gave 110% to help your wife be comfortable, even to the detriment of your own health. I know it made a world of difference to her.
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What Cinnamon Sugar wrote. Ditto here.
 
I nursed my husband with the advanced stages of prostate cancer. I eventually rang the Cancer Council crying because I was at my wits end, I didn't know what to do. They were marvellous and arranged for an ambulance to come over (within1 hour) to take him to the local
Hospice. They were so kind and within 2 weeks they had worked out all his meds and said he could go home, and they would send a special bed to be comfortable in. All went well but he had in a catheter which I couldn't empty, and he had to go back. He cried and said, "I won't be coming home".
He was there for just 1 week and I told them to keep me informed if there were any changes for the worse and I would be there immediately. Something felt wrong this particular morning and I decided to go to see him. He was in another room, with a "Butterfly" on the door and I immediately knew things were bad. I went into his room and the doctor said, "He was waiting for you". A nun was beside the bed praying and she lit a candle. He looked at me and as I held his hand he slowly passed away.
They should have told me earlier because I could have been there with him longer, but they said when there was a change in shifts my request must have been missed. A friend of mine died at home and the police are called in as they have to take details. Everyone in the street came out to see, and he was carried out in a body-bag. I would hate that for myself. Hospital would be my choice of departure., with my family around me.
 
oscash said:
I nursed my husband with the advanced stages of prostate cancer. I eventually rang the Cancer Council crying because I was at my wits end, I didn't know what to do. They were marvellous and arranged for an ambulance to come over (within1 hour) to take him to the local
Hospice. They were so kind and within 2 weeks they had worked out all his meds and said he could go home, and they would send a special bed to be comfortable in. All went well but he had in a catheter which I couldn't empty, and he had to go back. He cried and said, "I won't be coming home".
He was there for just 1 week and I told them to keep me informed if there were any changes for the worse and I would be there immediately. Something felt wrong this particular morning and I decided to go to see him. He was in another room, with a "Butterfly" on the door and I immediately knew things were bad. I went into his room and the doctor said, "He was waiting for you". A nun was beside the bed praying and she lit a candle. He looked at me and as I held his hand he slowly passed away.
They should have told me earlier because I could have been there with him longer, but they said when there was a change in shifts my request must have been missed. A friend of mine died at home and the police are called in as they have to take details. Everyone in the street came out to see, and he was carried out in a body-bag. I would hate that for myself. Hospital would be my choice of departure., with my family around me.
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He waited so he could hold the hand of you, his beloved wife as he passed.
What a beautiful expression of love !
 
My grandmother died from pancreatic cancer. She got hospice care at home. I'd rather die in my own home. Hospitals are cold, germy and people have gotten sick(er) from being in hospitals. Hospitals are also too busy and they make pin cushions out of patients. Unless I'm really high on drugs that keep me knocked out, it would be hard to truly rest in a hospital.
 
I'm sorry, that was not easy on you. Caregiving like that is not. It's a lot of stress and I have no doubt it caused your illness.

I'll be alone no matter what so how and when, I don't know. I only care about the cats I may have (if I'm really old, I'll get some old cat no one else would want, I won't be without a cat as long as I can take care of them) when I'm gone and hope all my stuff goes to PAWS thrift if they are still in business.
 
So sorry about your wife's cancer and her passing. I have 2 family members fighting cancer right now. Anyhow it really depends on a few things for what I would choose. I'm sorry to hear that you have Parkinson's yet I don't know much about the illness. Take good care ā£ļø
 
Given a choice I would go with hospice. My reasoning being I don't want either of my kids to discover me dead at home and go thru all that would entail. I would also prefer to be alone when I die. I've been bedside at deaths and there's nothing beautiful about it, no loving goodbyes or feelings of closure, there's just stress and agony. I don't want my love ones to go thru that.

I would chose my home bed if I could do it that way and not have my kids involved, which is possible but would take some planning. Planning is the problem though, most of us don't end up with the option of how and where we die.

My goal is to slide out of this world as quietly as possible.
 
Pepper said:
Yes, more than might be right. Won't go into my vast experience. You never can predict a trip. Trip takes off on its own.

What you need with you is a straight person to make you laugh.

Otherwise, opioids.
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I wouldn't call the experience of MDMA a "trip" in the same sense as the others. MDMA has many nicknames but the one that stands out to me the most is the "empathy drug." It can be life altering even if the remaining life is short and perhaps even more so with a sober person to guide the experience.

I've very limited experience w opioids all of which were Rx. They were not useful at all to me for their intended purpose and I quickly stopped there use in favor of other non-addictive pain killers.
 
My wife spent her last days in a hospice. At home I could not have begun to provide the care she had . Family all lived at the furthest corner of the country.

There was a book some decades ago that suggested taking an large dose of sleeping pills and then tying a plastic bag over your head. I am not ready for that, but I am only 90.
 
Remy said:
I'm sorry, that was not easy on you. Caregiving like that is not. It's a lot of stress and I have no doubt it caused your illness.

I'll be alone no matter what so how and when, I don't know. I only care about the cats I may have (if I'm really old, I'll get some old cat no one else would want, I won't be without a cat as long as I can take care of them) when I'm gone and hope all my stuff goes to PAWS thrift if they are still in business.
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Thank you !jeffs kitty tiger.jpg
 

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