Do you want to die in a hospice or at home?

[old medic]

A diabetic nurse friend has the perfect plan....
On a beautiful sunny day, go fishing in a leaky inflatable boat. tie a couple concrete blocks to your feet, crack open a bottle of fine bourbon and take 100 units of insulin....
Spend the rest of your life fishing........

 

[BeachBi]

During April 2020 my wife was told by her Las Vegas oncologist she would probably die before June (he was correct). She considered living out her days at one of three places:

1, Her oldest son’s residence in Los Angeles,CA (I say “her’” instead of “our’ because her children had never really accepted me since we had married in 2010

2. In our Las Vegas home, Medicare would provide a hospital bed, medical equipment, drugs (including morphine), a nurse who would check her every other day, and a person who would come in every morning to clean her up, change the sheets, and comb her hair. (Medicare would have made the same provisions if she if she had resided at her son’s place.)

3. Hospice: 24/7 round the clock skilled nursing care. Meals, TV, and internet.

She chose our Las Vegas home option because “home was home” and the hospice setting would invade her privacy and ability to be with friends and family any time of the day.

Unfortunately since her family lived 300 miles away they chose to only visit her on the two weekends before she passed, Since we had only recently moved to Las Vegas for her health she had no friends she felt comfortable enough to ask them to help me with shopping, house cleaning, fixing her meals, etc,

So I was her only meal fixer, drug provider (I cannot believe I, at age 74, was tasked with giving her morphine when I alone decided she needed it!) and close friend

I did the best I could for her, including sleeping on the floor next to her bed to be ready to respond to her needs.

I believe the stress and exhaustion I incurred during the ordeal was the reason why I was hospitalized with pneumonia two weeks after she passed (btw her family was not at her bedside when she passed).

While I was in the hospital the PT folks noticed I was shuffling my feet and suggested it was a sign of Parkinson’s disease. Sure enough after a brain scan I was diagnosed with PD.

I apologize for this venting. I hope the benefit from this is to prompt you to consider the following before deciding to spend your final days at home instead of at a hospice:

• Can you afford to pay for 24/7 in home care?
• Will friends and/or family team up to provide 24/7 in home care?

I did Hospice with Mom at her Condo. It worked out fine. It was exhausting at times but I had several more months with her. Medicare paid for most of it. Staff at Hospital / Hospice were Wonderfull. No complaints. Lost her at 96 in April 2023. Had an incredible life , Survived WW II in Germany & Poland. Had a career she enjoyed in Interior Design. I am proud of her and miss her !

 

[Della]

I would prefer to die in hospice in a skilled nursing home because I don't want my hubby who is 8 years younger to have to tend to me.

Same here. Whether or not I sought a short cut to the after life would depend on how much pain I was in.

I'm a person who has never minded being in the hospital that much. Meals in bed and one of those little hangy-down TV's ? Not too bad.

 

[Rose65]

In a hospice if I need to, if very sick.
Hospices are amazing places where angels help people to die in peace and dignity. God bless those who work there.

 

[Veronica]

Myself I would prefer to pass quietly in my sleep but I probably wont have a choice since I live alone. I have no kids or siblings and Ive out lived all my friends and relatives including the husband of 51 years. So unless I manage to hide they will probably put me in the home for old ladies if I get sick.

Even though my husband was younger than me he developed a plethora of health conditions as he aged. He went from a cane to a walker and then was totally bed bound flat on his back and unable to move. Im sure he would have prefer to stay at home but at the end I had to put him in a SNF. My husband was tall and weighed close to 400. I am not a small woman at 5'10 but eventually it became too much with the numerous diaper and bed and clothing changes. They did schedule a home aide for a couple hours a day but I sent her back. Seriously. You send someone that size to move a 400 pound immobile man. Besides thats one diaper change. What about the other ten.