Does it have to be True Love as we get older?

Hubby might hang on another decade and I'm sure Levar is probably taken...ah but we can dream.
 

Dreaming adds a little spice. That's one thing neat about being a writer. I get to fantasize love scenes and everything, and I don't have to feel guilty. It's all contextual. :D
 
Okay in fifteen years Darius Rucker in Barnes and Noble? Pleeeze? He can sing and I can read.
 

Shalimar said:
For the first time in my life, I feel it all. Fireworks, and a mental, emotional, spiritual connection that is off the charts. Having a man who can run around in my mind with me, as I do with him----best ever. Living apart, we have been forced to actually


communicate, to share on a deeper level. In person, one often speaks spontaneously, no real thought behind the words. When that is denied, even a hug impossible, communication becomes paramount. Things get real, and the walls come down. My son

swears by the depth of his online connections. Now I understand what he means, fireworks are great, but fleeting. Depth and commonality have saying power.
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Shalimar said:
Phoenix, I think you may be right. Certainly being courted is a novel experience for this flower child. I love it. The poet and the Sifu, who ever would have guessed?
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You're making me blush, but thank you, m'Lady.
 
Phoenix said:
One of the things that I think we lost during the '60s and '70s was romance. In our eagerness to hop into bed, we never took the time to get to know each other. Mystery disappeared into writhing body sweat. I think that distance can be good for creating the space for romance and courtship. Maybe that's what's happening with you, Shalimar. Maybe, you are being introduced to the subtleties that allow love to blossom.
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A lot of us never went that route, though. Either we did the traditional fall-in-love-marry thing or we had relationships that didn't involved leaping in and out of beds. That paled for me very early on, in the early '70s. When sex becomes the focal point of the relationship, the brass ring on the merry-go-round, it seems that real communication and closeness go out the window. (OK, mixed metaphor, but it's after midnight here. :) )

So now, at my age, it will have to be true love or nothing, and frankly, after this past year, I'd almost just as soon it be nothing.
 
Guitarist said:
A lot of us never went that route, though. Either we did the traditional fall-in-love-marry thing or we had relationships that didn't involved leaping in and out of beds. That paled for me very early on, in the early '70s. When sex becomes the focal point of the relationship, the brass ring on the merry-go-round, it seems that real communication and closeness go out the window. (OK, mixed metaphor, but it's after midnight here. :) )

So now, at my age, it will have to be true love or nothing, and frankly, after this past year, I'd almost just as soon it be nothing.
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I didn't actually jump in and out of beds. I married at 18. The first husband turned into a complete jerk, spent way more money than we had, claimed what money I made as his own, gave me VD, had an explosive temper and the sex wasn't even any good, I dumped him after six years. After that, I was always looking for the right relationship. But in those relationships we usually ended up in bed very quickly...again the sex wasn't any good. My second marriage the guy was a rich kid. He was fine until my brother went nuts, and the husband turned on me. It took until my mid thirties for me to be courted. But that relationship ended for a reason I will not explore here. Then in my next relationship I fell deeply in love, and he died suddenly. I'm with my third husband. He's a good guy. If he passes before me, I'm not sure I have the energy to do it again. I too would rather be alone than with just anyone. At this point it's about closeness, respect, intellectual compatibility and companionship. Sometimes, just sitting quietly with someone is nice.
 
One of the most overlooked factors for a successful relationship is compatibility. When two people enjoy doing things together, maybe just watching television or sitting on the porch, each comfortable and confident in each other's presence. Without compatibility you , you have nothing. Is it more important than love and honesty, no, but it can be the one factor that may make or break a relationship.
 
senile1 said:
One of the most overlooked factors for a successful relationship is compatibility. When two people enjoy doing things together, maybe just watching television or sitting on the porch, each comfortable and confident in each other's presence. Without compatibility you , you have nothing. Is it more important than love and honesty, no, but it can be the one factor that may make or break a relationship.
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I agree. Relative to that, does a person give the other person the benefit of the doubt or immediately assume that the comment one heard that sounded like a put down was not that at all?
 
Cookie said:
True love is a myth of fairy tales and romance novelists. In the beginning its all hormones anyway --- lucky if we end up liking each other after that wears off, which apparently it does after about a year, according to experts. When these old couples say they are still 'in love' I wonder how they define love. I imagine they love each other like platonic old friends, minus all the 'magic'.
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Because one has never experienced "true love", does not mean it does not exist. For everyone whom "true love " has eluded, there are many whom have found it. Tis not necessary to get with a baseball bat to know it exists.
 
Phoenix said:
I agree. Relative to that, does a person give the other person the benefit of the doubt or immediately assume that the comment one heard that sounded like a put down was not that at all?
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If it sounds like a put down and feels like a put down it probably is a put down.

As for compatibility, I've posted before on this BB about friendship. I would never marry or want to be in a "relationship" with a man who was not my best friend. Friends first -- compatibility, enjoyment of each other's company, trust, having each other's backs, best buddies -- then bring on the sex! But only then. :)
 
"I give to you and you give to me, true love, true love. For on and on it will always be, true love, true love. For you and I have a guardian angel on high with nothing to do, but to give to me and to give to you, love forever true." Remember this song?

There are many theories about what love is, what romantic love is...etc. I've loved a number of guys in different ways. Some of them I was in love with...it had nothing to do with hormones. The day to day of a relationship can wear the romance thin, but if one can maintain respect, then "in love" does not have to end.
 
I'm thinking the definition of 'true love' is a personal one. What I look for and what someone else looks for is going to be different.

I've been with my DH for over 40 yrs now. He's my best friend, my lover, a great companion. Sometimes I want to whack him upside the head, but I know he feels the same way about me at times too. I'm not the easiest person in the world to live with, so having someone who's more easy-going helps keep both of us balanced.

I can trust him and he can trust me. We can do something incredibly stupid and then confess it to the other, and know it'll be okay.

But we don't assume we'll be together forever. Life very seldom happens that way. My mother outlived five husbands. His mom outlived two. We talk about and have financially planned all kinds of scenarios. What happens if one of us gets disabled? What should the survivor do if one spouse dies?

Most things we do together, but not everything. There are movies he wants to see that I don't; friends I talk to about things that don't interest him. We both have serious hobby interests that keep us absorbed. We have separate offices, separate sets of computers, separate hobby areas.

Sure, I'd miss him if he were gone, and vice versa. But life goes on, as our mothers proved. I lived without him for over two decades; I can manage just fine on my own. So can he (altho he's lazier about it, LOL).

For whatever amount of time we have together, that's a gift, plain and simple. The laughter, the tears, the peacefulness, the problems we've surmounted - it's been a wonderful tapestry of life, to be grateful for. And when it's gone, the memories are still there, pure sweet gold.
 
Phoenix said:
"I give to you and you give to me, true love, true love. For on and on it will always be, true love, true love. For you and I have a guardian angel on high with nothing to do, but to give to me and to give to you, love forever true." Remember this song?

There are many theories about what love is, what romantic love is...etc. I've loved a number of guys in different ways. Some of them I was in love with...it had nothing to do with hormones. The day to day of a relationship can wear the romance thin, but if one can maintain respect, then "in love" does not have to end.
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George Harrison's cover of Cole Porter's song (recorded by George because his dad loved the song).
 
I've experienced true knock your shoes off love once in my life, even at my old age I have such fond memories of that time in my life. Life got in the way and we parted ways. I met my husband and have been married 41 years now. Knock me off my feet love? Na, I've realized I'll never be able to experience those feelings again in my life, but my husband is a wonderful man, great provider, wonderful father, great friend to me and most importantly, willing to put up with me all these years. When I parted ways with my one true love, one reason for my decision was that I knew I would never have that if I had stayed with him. I'm so glad I was able to experience those feelings in my life though.
 
Each relationship has things of value to offer. I think the version of True Love I'm singing in my head was by Pat Boone. He probably sang Cole Porters song at one point. George's version is not as melodious and romantic sounding.
 
I agree, Phoenix, and he even changed the time from 3/4 to 4/4. (But I still love it.:))

Here ya go (with a really great picture of young Pat)-- :)


I think maybe I first heard it on The Lawrence Welk Show; wish I could find that version on YouTube.
 
To whom it may concern:
I'm just as handsome as Levar Burton.

Dang:p Have you seen that man lately? I mean he is fine. I just saw a picture the other day...If I were single right now, yes you would have my full attention.
levar-burton-author-photo.png
 
“You wake up one day, and you look at your spouse and realize you’re relatives.”
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I just saw that quote online and thought of this thread.

That's the way it is to kids. Your family is ... family. You see your parents as related to each other just as they are to you.

My former best friend told me one night, "You're family."

Three years later he hates my guts. Go figure.
 
Hey, I was just enamored by the "MMMM...mmmm" that the Fureverywhere wrote about. My imagination ran wild.
(Sometimes my mischieviousness gets me into trouble) I think Levar is a fine actor. I loved him in the first Roots presentation on T.V.
 
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