Edging Toward Senior

S

SifuPhil

R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
Location
Pennsylvania, USA
Once, long ago in my youth, aging was an inconceivably horrible curse, something that only happened to old people: old ladies with blue hair, old men with pants hiked up to their sagging chests.


But then it happened – I began to age.


It didn't happen all at once, of course – not like some stellar explosion or even the resulting black hole. No, it snuck up on me. It was quiet and gentle and nondescript, but come it did. In bits and pieces.


Where I used to walk for 15 miles without breaking a sweat, I now experience stabbing pains in my right calf at 5. Where I used to party for 48 hours straight, doing the full spectrum of legal and illegal substances and associating with women of questionable virtue, I now doze off in front of Perry Mason with a half-eaten bag of pretzel sticks at my side and an overweight cat on my lap, the coffee (without sugar) growing cold in the convenience-store travel mug.


Where I once threw a Band-Aid on a sword wound, I now urinate blood.


But those are just the physical things, the things that hit you like a long-extinct 4-4-2 steam locomotive on a downhill run through the Rocky Mountains' South Pass of the Union Pacific line. The mental changes came next.


I began to forget. Little things, like where I was and who I had been married to for 15 years. I blamed the demon rum as long as I could, then took to telling myself it was flashbacks from the drugs. I stopped having ideas that shook the universe.


Now they just quivered in my skull, microscopic Chihuahuas of fear.


Worst of all was the spiritual. They say that the mind/body/spirit triangle is unbreakable, that when one falls it drags the others kicking and screaming with it. I stand here before you today (well, actually, sit) as proof of the validity of that statement. Where once I stood tall and proud, unbreakable, resolute, I now scurry about roach-like, drooling and babbling.


And yet …


To paraphrase Sophie Tucker: I've been young and I've been old. Young is best.


Screw old.


How to fight it? How do you engage in fisticuffs with The Natural Order of Things? Low blows? Eye gouges? Alum on the mouthpiece? I'm totally not-ready for this. I'm still 6 years old, playing with my G.I. Joes in the sandbox. I don't want this old crap.


But it comes ...


I'm supposed to have received a few niggling benefits at this point, or so I was always told. Grow old gracefully. Gain wisdom. Become distinguished. Be a mentor. No, it didn't turn out that way. I feel like a fake, like a carnival huckster on Quaaludes.


Hurry …. hurry … hurry … crawl right up … smell the aging flesh, see the sadistic tortures still in use today …


I feel cheated. There was so much I was supposed to do, so many places I was supposed to see, before I got old. Too many things to feel. Too many women left unsatisfied. I left the real world and nestled into this electronic one, hoping that it would somehow prolong the inevitable.


It hasn't. If anything, it's made me age faster.


I'm still a gentleman, though. I DO have that. When the young ladies smile at me when I hold a door for them I can still dream, much like an old hound dog dreams of former glories in the field. I think my legs even kick when I'm dreaming.


Speaking of dreams, they just aren't there anymore. Oh, sure, the mandatory once-a-year Freudian falling dream, or the occasional Woody Allen-ish nightmare where I'm spinning around on the sidewalk so that no one can sneak up on me. But the good ones, the really memorable ones, the ones where I'm Major Nelson and Genie is all mine, forever, are long gone.


What's left yet to experience? Food? It does nothing for me. I've always been an eat-to-live type, not a live-to-eat one. Most food now is poison anyway, so maybe I can shoot for the Taoist ideal of existing on only breath and morning dew.


And pepperoni pizzas.


As sad as it may sound, pepperoni pizza is one of the few things left that truly give me some measure of joy. I know, I know – the grease will kill me, the calories are excessive, all that cheese will produce phlegm … You know what? I don't care. It makes me feel good, and at this stage of the game that's all that matters.


I no longer drive, so I can't just hustle out and pick up the latest Corvette to cover up my crippling insecurities. There are no beautiful sunrises or sunsets where I live, nor any breath-taking constellations at night. The only wildlife I can enjoy watching, for a brief moment, is a few threadbare sparrows fighting over an empty crack vial.


So … this is it? This is old age? These are The Golden Years?


Bah.
 

Don't be such a negative nelly Phil! :eek:ld: You've accomplished more in your day, and still are I believe, than a lot of other seniors out there, including myself. I doubt you scurry around roach-like and babbling either. :p

Don't fight it, embrace it...remember that growing old is a privilege denied to many, we both know that just in our immediate families. We all feel the wear and tear on our body and minds from aging, so you're not alone. I haven't gone with the blue hair yet, lol, but I do touch up my grey with red color once a month. Then I tell my husband, 'see, I'm only 50 now'...always brings a smile.

Sounds to me like you're just in a slump, maybe a change of scenery or activity will spark some younger happier feelings in you. We'd all be lying if we didn't say we'd rather be and feel younger, but we can't change how life is. You must just look around you at others your age, and be thankful that you're not as ailing as they are.

You've got pretty good health, good sense of humor and a great personality...don't ever sell yourself short, even at the age of 99. :love_heart:
 
Phil....did you find that someplace?? You don't really feel like that do you?? C'mon - listen to Seabreeze and take that to heart. You're a young 'un yet, and it shows in your wonderful sense of humor and great personality!!! :bighug:

Enjoy life; just don't be like Carlos :danger: (sorry, had to do that) :p
 

I don't care. It makes me feel good, and at this stage of the game that's all that matters.
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Nailed it!
The whole post nailed it. But... so has SeaBreeze.
Don't fight it, embrace it...remember that growing old is a privilege denied to many,
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We've all spent our lives in the company of the aging. We've seen the different attitudes of each as to how they handle it. If it sneaks up on us then that's our own fault for not having paid them due attention.
The downhill track has been well worn by those we've watched travel it and it should be a familiar path to us from that observation.

I don't regret growing older, yes it's a bitch sometimes, but then so was being young, sometimes. I take it you still remember that far back?

I've inherited my Mother's ailments and it's like having a road map. I know every pothole and turn in that track and am prepared for it.
There are times when I wonder if travelling along it is worth the effort but what the hell? There are still some great views from it, and it's just another leg of the journey really.

While I was mentally prepared, the physical aspect of getting old didn't sneak up, it hit me fair between the shoulder blades like a Mack truck!

One day I was an overweight, unfit, middle aged 'girl' limping along due to 40 years of Fibromyalgia but still presentably normal looking, to gaining 3 crushed vertebrae, losing a few inches in height, and hobbling stooped on a wheelie walker like a 90 year old the next.

I knew that damned osteoporosis pothole was along the track but I forgot to watch for it and I was around the turn and into it like a train wreck before I knew what hit me!

I used to get depressed a lot when I was young, but strangely that 'life defining' episode didn't elicit a tear, or self pity, just acceptance that I was into the next phase of the journey.
Age has turned me into a very different person to the younger me. 'She' couldn't have coped with it at all.

It's not the last phase for me, Mum lasted 30 years in that state, though I don't expect to, but I can still stagger along on a downgrade, and the bright side is that it's easier than the climb up was because you don't have to pretend to be better than you really are just for appearances sake. Nothing to prove.:):cool:

Maybe that's why some find aging so hard, they're thinking of it as personal affront to the younger person they still perceive themselves to be, instead of accepting it as normal to what age has changed them into actually being. It's that good ole plastic surgery and sports car syndrome.
If we can't do what we used to enjoy, then we must find another pastime that we can handle. What we could do in the past makes great memories, they don't have to be repeated to be appreciated.

You can get away with not doing what was expected of you before. You are forgiven wearing comfy over fashionable. It doesn't matter what colour your hair is. People carry your groceries for you. They fall over themselves to help you with paperwork and forms and stuff that you hate doing because they presume that your brain has died, and I'm perfectly happy to let them think so. Pride don't live here any more. They even give you discounts you don't qualify for so all in all, it ain't all bad.

I see the aging process as being every bit as interesting to watch happening as growing up was. Just another part of the cycle, not better or worse, just different.
And what else are we going to do with the time? I've done what I could when I could so no regrets and I can put my feet up and let the rest of the population make the mistake of thinking that dedicating their good years to having a bigger house/boat/car or bank account means anything more than that they're shortsighted.

There's some really funny stuff happening that we miss when we're busy being young. I've had more laughs in the last few years than I have in my entire life. I'm actually experiencing contentment for the first time and enjoying the burden of 'achieving' being lifted. I love being a spectator, and have learned more about life and people in the last few years than I ever did when I was still playing society's games.
It's a circus out there, and apparently only the aged can see it.
 
I'm with Diwundrin. I too have walked down this road with my three old ladies; mother, aunt and mother in law. I know what awaits me and I am living in the moment more and more. In my younger days I was as physically active as I wanted to be and my hiking and adventure days are well and truly over now. I have no regrets. Been there done that.

Now, at 70, I'm reassessing my life every 5 years to decide what I'm doing that I don't particularly want to do, or am doing purely out of a sense of duty, and I let it go. I live more and more in my mind now because it is still very active but will become less so over time.

I'm an extrovert though and I need to get out of the house and talk to other people and I get this through community work as a volunteer. I make sandwiches and scones, wash up, serve on a management committee and go out for lunches and birthdays with the other seniors. It's more satisfying than it sounds. And one day even that will pass so now is the right time.

One thing I have discovered is that the closer to the grave, the more time I seem to have. When I was younger, time was a luxury that was not always available to me. Now I happily let younger people in front of me at the checkout line if my trolley is more loaded than theirs because I have all the time in the world but they are racing against the clock. I have time to lie in bed as late as I care to on some days and I can stay out of bed till the wee small hours whenever I please.
 
That trick of eating when you're hungry and going to bed when you're tired, and getting up again when you're not, has to be up there with the greatest benefits of gettin' old.

Being grumpy is accepted and forgiven as a mildly funny quirk instead of being a ticket to instant expulsion from company.
Looking doddery gets you to the front of the queue instead of being mangled by the fitter in the stampede for the front.
Our failures are fixed for free by those still needing to prove themselves superior.
I don't miss physical activity as I was never good at it and avoided it wherever possible anyway.
Don't mind being alone, I was always a loner by choice whenever the opportunity presented to be chatter free.
The internet offers access to the best kind of company that can be conversed, laughed, and sympathized with while still giving us the freedom of retaining our comfort zones. (and you don't even have to tidy the house and cook cupcakes and serve them coffee to enjoy their 'presence'. )

... but have to stop this, gettin' old is starting to look better 'n better.
 
Phil...you're 55, not 75...you're bored! You have one of the sharpest, wittiest minds around, and those kind of minds need stimulation. You've mentioned Florida several times...why not pack a bag, take a plane, train or automobile and go soak up some beach and feed your mind. Look at a few of those boats while you're there, only if it's just to dream.

Sometimes when I am in a lot of pain, just getting out seeing different scenery or talking to different people is better than taking medicine.
 
Wow ... if I could package all the wisdom just in this thread alone and sell it I'd be a multimillionaire.

Thank you, all.

SeaBreeze said:
Don't be such a negative nelly Phil!
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Isn't "nelly" the Aussie slang for cheap wine? Yeah, that pretty much describes my rant. :playful:

I doubt you scurry around roach-like and babbling either.
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Only on weekends, and THEN only if the right gal tells me to ...

Anne said:
Phil....did you find that someplace?? You don't really feel like that do you??
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Nope, didn't find it, just sat down and wrote it this afternoon, in between giving Tigger a bath and watching po .... um, doing research on an article. ;)

The funny thing is, I do and do not really feel that way. Being manic-dep ... damn! ... bipolar, I blow hot one minute and cold the next. The swings have evened out a bit over the years, but I'm in the midst of one of the low-tide times right now, the thing about the tide being that, like the weather, if you wait a while it will change.

Boo's Mom said:
Trying out for a part on Broadway, Phil?
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Always - I'm always on stage, at least when I'm up. That's when I'm a mixture of Sir Anthony Hopkins and Sir John Gielgud.

When I'm down I'm more like a Judy Garland / Marilyn Monroe blend. :disturbed:

.... edging toward senior... I believe 55 .. right? .... come back and complain in 15 years!
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Yeah, I know. Perspective - I needs some.

Diwundrin said:
We've all spent our lives in the company of the aging ...
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After reading THAT I am well and properly put in my place. Thank you. :eek:

Warrigal said:
... I'm an extrovert though and I need to get out of the house and talk to other people ...
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Understood. I'm the same, just totally opposite. :D I don't have the nickname "Monk" just because I'm OCD and solve crimes, ya know ... even as a kid I preferred my own company.

OzarkGal said:
Phil...you're 55, not 75...you're bored! You have one of the sharpest, wittiest minds around, and those kind of minds need stimulation. You've mentioned Florida several times...why not pack a bag, take a plane, train or automobile and go soak up some beach and feed your mind. Look at a few of those boats while you're there, only if it's just to dream.
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I thank you for the compliment. Unfortunately at this moment there are several factors that prevent me from doing a Holly Golightly down to the Sunshine State. I'll get there eventually, if It's my fate. If not *shrug* oh, well ... :rolleyes:
 
My mother-in-law used to say,( and I believe that she was totally right) that " inside the body of every 70 year old woman beats the heart of a 17 year old girl" . I think the premise of this idea also applies to men.

Inside, I am still that person that I have always been. The outside has changed, and the things that I am able to do has changed, but this is nothing new; it is actually a process that has gone on all through a persons life . As a child, we mostly looked forward to those changes that enabled us to do things the "older kids" could do.
We evaluated what was possible, and enjoyed doing it.

We still have to do that, but every year, there is less that the body still wants to do. When you first start into this process, it is harder to adjust to. You are out of your comfort zone. I well remember grumbling vigorously when I was first offered a senior discount. Now, I complain when I don't get one .
At mid-50s, Sifu, you are probably still struggling with the adjustment, rather like moving to a new house in a strange town. At first, everything is difficult to find, but soon you are driving around barely thinking about getting where you are going.
When you have always had an active life, and done pretty much what you wanted to do, it IS harder to accept that you can't do those things like you used to . But, to me, it is still better than having been one of those people who don't miss it, because they never had it.

Like Di, Warri, and Ogal, I am now familiar with the new parameters of life, and have adjusted my goals to what is realistic. I have done my best to replace the things I love, but can no longer do, with things I enjoy and can do.
Every day that I live, I want to enjoy it as much as is possible, whatever that may be.

In my heart, I am still that Cowgirl, wishing I was galloping through a meadow somewhere, or looking off the top of a mountain trail on the Bison Range Ride. Even though I miss that, it would be wrong of me to let those memories ruin my today.
To do that is to let my past destroy my future.

So I do my best to live each day to whatever extent is possible, enjoy what the day brings, and cherish my memories.
 
Happyflowerlady said:
In my heart, I am still that Cowgirl, wishing I was galloping through a meadow somewhere, or looking off the top of a mountain trail on the Bison Range Ride. Even though I miss that, it would be wrong of me to let those memories ruin my today.
To do that is to let my past destroy my future.
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I reckon the reason our long term memories last longer than the more recent ones is so that we can relive them in our dreams.
I heard an old aboriginal man once say that he had reached his dreaming time, when he could sit in the shade of a big tree and just dream. I'm not quite there yet but when I am I have a bank of great memories to relive. I'll be happy to sit under a shady tree and dream away, and occasionally throw some bread to the birds.

In the mean time, there's more to do away from the tree. Still time to enjoy the sunshine.
 
OMG! I think we're 'kindred spirits'... now that's scary.

Re that Sunshine State thing, no need to travel.

Recipe:
1.Warm the room up to insufferable.
2.Turn on a fan behind a plate of overly long dead prawns.
3.Put on a New Age CD of surf and gull calls.,
4.Lay back on something approaching comfortable with a heavy grade sandpaper overlay.
5.Place a damp, smelly, gritty towel over your eyes.
6.Bribe the cat to drop suspiciously moist mushy things on you and attempt to bury you in kitty litter.

You'll be utterly convinced that you're on a real beach.

Note:

Prior medicinal inhalation may be practiced according to taste for those requiring enhancement of the delusion.
 
Warrigal said:
I reckon the reason our long term memories last longer than the more recent ones is so that we can relive them in our dreams.
I heard an old aboriginal man once say that he had reached his dreaming time, when he could sit in the shade of a big tree and just dream. I'm not quite there yet but when I am I have a bank of great memories to relive. I'll be happy to sit under a shady tree and dream away, and occasionally throw some bread to the birds.

In the mean time, there's more to do away from the tree. Still time to enjoy the sunshine.
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So that's what they're doing sitting under a tree all day, I kind of wondered about that.

I don't see any harm in reliving the memories of the good times. It's dwelling on the bad ones that causes the problems.
Maybe I have a good imagination but I can close my eyes and 'see' the beach whenever I want, I don't have to go over there.
I can 'see' the people I knew in the surroundings wherever I knew them best. For some reason the people visions are more like snapshots, whereas the beach, or other landscape type memories are 'movies'. Maybe that's kind of a waking dream state?

Our memories are the baggage we've acquired. Without them, good or bad, we wouldn't be 'us'.
We may need to lighten the load occasionally but there's no need to throw the treasures out with the trash.
 
Diwundrin said:
OMG! I think we're 'kindred spirits'... now that's scary.

Re that Sunshine State thing, no need to travel.

Recipe:
1.Warm the room up to insufferable.
2.Turn on a fan behind a plate of overly long dead prawns.
3.Put on a New Age CD of surf and gull calls.,
4.Lay back on something approaching comfortable with a heavy grade sandpaper overlay.
5.Place a damp, smelly, gritty towel over your eyes.
6.Bribe the cat to drop suspiciously moist mushy things on you and attempt to bury you in kitty litter.

You'll be utterly convinced that you're on a real beach.

Note:

Prior medicinal inhalation may be practiced according to taste for those requiring enhancement of the delusion.
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nonono_zps6b6f3f56.gif


You forgot the frequent storms they have in Florida - maybe bribe a friend to periodically turn a garden hose on you full-blast, then tear out random pieces of your house with an axe to simulate a hurricane?

Oh, and twice a year have a large group of obnoxious New Yorkers trample over you ("snowbirds").
 
We have a passing parade of Victorians (the 'Mexicans') migrating north to the Gold Coast for the winter, then the return in spring. They travel in caravans and stay over in small coastal towns for a week to break the journey, depending on the weather. But they're a fairly placid bunch. 'Grey Nomads', too old to hoot and holler but still spry enough to spend the kids' inheritance on overpriced vans and expensive fuel.

This area used to get at least 2 Cyclones (Hurricanes) per year back in the 50's and 60's but it's mellowed over the last few decades, and we've only had one mild one each of the last 2 years since I moved up here. Kind of boring now.

Speaking of getting wet at the beach. Why do people scramble to get out of the surf when it starts to rain? Are they going to get wetter??

(Storms, yes get the hell out, but a shower of rain??) It's one of life's amusing moments to watch and wonder.
 
Happyflowerlady said:
My mother-in-law used to say,( and I believe that she was totally right) that " inside the body of every 70 year old woman beats the heart of a 17 year old girl" ..
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I believe that as well. I think that is the shocker for us as well though. My heart is still 17 yet when I look in the mirror, I am no longer there. My hair is getting grey (not even a nice grey), my eyebrows have stray white hairs and I think I'm getting a saggy throat, never mind the other sagging parts. For the majority of my working life, retirement was the reward and here I am, retired with a list a mile long of what I want to accomplish but find that my "get up and go, got up and left". Having said all of that, I'm happy with my life and wouldn't change it.

I wouldn't want to go through the teen years again for a million dollars. This stage, by far, has been the best for me. All of the drama of marriage breakup, new jobs, teenage children is behind me and I'm glad!! For me, now is the time to do what I want to do for me and that is exactly what I plan to do. Even if I find that the new homestead, horses, dogs and everything that goes along with that is too much, then I'll do something else but at least I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried and have the memories of the experience.

I'm probably about Phil's age and can totally relate with some of the things he is saying. I think we are in some kind of transition where physical ailments are popping up, yet we still feel young and get pi**ed off when our bodies tell us different. I can't speak for him, but I am fighting tooth and nail to hang on to it all and it is scary to think that I'm not totally in control of EVERYTHING.

I'm not ready to accept new parameters in my life but when the time comes, your words of wisdom will be what I'll come back to.
 
It's so true. Here I find myself in an old man's body with the mind of the young man who came along with it from first breath. Very interesting, indeed.
 
Once we get past treating aging as a disease to be fought, and accept it as a normal process which can be adapted to then it's easier to cope with.

I first heard that quote,
" inside the body of every 70 year old woman beats the heart of a 17 year old girl" ..
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when I was about 17 and it rang true even then. I found when I really listened to older people, and filtered out all that "I know best because I'm older" bull***t that they really didn't think much differently about the bigger things of life than they did when they were young.

Most of our views and opinions can change in later life but usually not by much. We're pretty much set in concrete by the time we're 17. Our perceptions of 'self' seem to have taken hold about then, more so for women I think, maybe we mature earlier. Men seem to set their benchmarks by their 25 year old 'selves'.

I found it especially true in my Mum's case. She was a stunner when she was young, and very active. She was stricken with R.Arthritis in her 50s and it devastated her totally physically and mentally.
She could never accept that she couldn't do what she could at 17. She couldn't accept that the face, and stooped body in the mirror was hers. She never adapted to aging and wanted, and even demanded, a cure for it! "There must be something someone can do about it!" was her catch cry for every new wrinkle or ache.

She fought to be that 17 year old again to her dying breath at almost 92!
In her last few days she demanded that I, and the staff find a doctor who knew what he was doing. "Can't you see that I need help??" She still believed that there was cure for old age.

Her kidneys had failed, she had pneumonia, her body was a shell eaten out by arthritis, osteoporosis and age, but she was still 17 and utterly bewildered about what had happened to her. 'Someone' must be responsible for it happening and was to blame for not doing enough stop it. (Me usually.)

The day before she passed she grabbed my hand, looked into my eyes and said fearfully, "You don't think I'm dying do you??"
Yes I absolutely did, but that the thought had just occurred to her blew my mind!

How can anyone get past 91 and still remain a bullet-proof 17 year old in their head??

She'd wasted the last half of her life in trying to regain and relive the first half. What a sad waste.
 
At 75 years old, I still act like a kid at a birthday party. I love people and enjoy as much as my old mind will take in. Although I am completely aware of my limitations, I try to be upbeat as much as I can.
i am aware that I am forgetting simple things and once in awhile I forget a name or something during conversations. Some days the bod hurts so bad that it would be easy to just say the hell with it an give up, but I won't.

i have been lucky as far as serious ailments go. No cancers, just self inflected ailments such as COPD. My poor wife has beat cancer twice and a couple other serious things.

So this old teenager will plug along and take each day as it comes and try to keep upbeat till the end.

By the way, my Dad is 97 and still doing pretty good with just a little help. So if I do live to 100, I'll go skydiving, go square dancing, and indulge in a little whoopie.
 
I still feel and think a lot of the time, like someone in their twenties, but of course every day is a reality check...but you know what, I'm happy to still be alive and in as good health as I am. So sad to see young people in wheelchairs with terminal diseases, etc...can't be bitching about a few grey hairs or aches and pains...not this gal! As the song says, live for today, don't worry about tomorrow...and longing for the past is wasted energy and precious time. Make the best of your days, they will soon be just memories. :sentimental:
 
Pappy, go for it!! Aging gracefully means accepting our limitations physically, it doesn't mean we have to stop enjoying ourselves.
We should live by that great quote "Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional."
The trick is adapting to the restrictions of age, not in denying that they are there.

Party on!
 
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