Expectations and Promises, I tend to avoid either

[IrishEyes]

I choose a long time ago after I was so disappointed with someone to re-think and take these 2 words out of my life rather than people.
I thought about if I held expectations of people and how I felt when they had them with me.
I realized that an employer should have them of me, they pay me to do a job and how to do it.

Friends and family, not so much, it was better to Hope rather than expect. Be grateful when your hope came to light. Understand
when it didn't that your life and theirs was not the same. What's good for me, may not be for them.

When I refused to allow myself to "Expect" someone to act or react a certain way. I lost a lot of stress, worry and anger. I don't like someone trying to make me be what they want me to be, a mini-me of themselves. And I contribute "Expectations" to be the culprit.

Promises, that one is tricky. Most times, not all, but surely most, promises are made well in advance of paying it back and made during an emotional
event. No one knows when they may have to keep most promises. You have to wait for the future. So many things can change in a short period of time.
Even though you may want to dearly but you have to decline, neither person feels good about it. Sometimes it even rips the relationship apart.

I made and kept 3 promises in my life. I have been asked more than that to make them. I always answer that with "When the time comes and you need this from me and I am capable and able I will be more than glad to help with it, but I can't promise it"

Of those 3 promises I did keep, one absolutely nearly cost me my relationship with my sister and all my savings. I had promised my Mother to keep up her house and allow my sister to live there rent free and use Mom's insurance policy funds to pay the taxes and house insurance as long as my sister chose to live there. My sister chose to moveout of state and did not tell me, rented it out to a friend and collected the rent. I ended up having to sell it for land value only when I finally got the renters out. The other 2 promises turned out better.
When we promise, we have the best of intentions but sometimes things just come up. No one wins when they can't be returned.

How do you feel about those 2 words? I know when I chose to not allow then in my life, the world became a better place for me.

 

[Sunny]

The mistake you made was trying to predict the future. No one can do that.

I think there is a big difference between expectations and promises. Expectations can be strictly internal (you are talking to yourself about what you expect to happen); the other person doesn't have to know anything about them. Some of them may come true, some may end in surprises.
No harm done if you expect something to happen, and either it does or it doesn't, but it's your own private thought.

Promises do involve one or more other people. As you learned the hard way from your sister, you cannot control what another person chooses to do. You can't even always control what you will choose to do in the future. Life is strange and unpredictable, full of surprises and unexpected
complications. So promises should probably be avoided also. All you can do is promise to do your best to abide by the wishes of the person trying to extract the promise, but they have to understand that you are not giving an ironclad guarantee.

Interesting topic.

 

[Paco Dennis]

So true. The way we handle expectations and promises is to make agreements. When/if the agreements change new agreements are made or nothing happens.

 

[oldman]

One of my flaws is that I sometimes have expectations of people and then am disappointed when the person doesn’t perform as expected.
Doctors have disappointed me on occasions and so has the hospital I use.

 

[Oldeagle66]

I learned to never have expectations of anyone, promises are fleeting and don't sweat the small stuff........... it's all small stuff.

 

[MACKTEXAS]

I think we have the right to reasonably expect a person to be how they represent themselves to be, but not what we would mold them into. They may make mistakes and disappoint us, but likewise, we may do the same to them.

In part of the OP, a financial example was used, where one person made a promise, but the second party who stood to benefit from it, did not keep up their part, which rather nullified the agreement, at least in my view.

On a more personal level, such as a friendship, or particularly a conjugal relationship, if one party intentionally and singlehandedly changes all the rules to meet their own needs, they should know it would impact their friend or partner and that there will likely be consequences.

We are only human and we make mistakes; sometimes we break promises - even if we had the best intention of keeping them. Thankfully, there is often room for forgiveness and understanding.

 

[palides2021]

Expectations -

I have tended to have high expectations,
I admit,
for just about anything - school, jobs, people, etc.
However, things did not always work out the way
I wanted them to,
and I have learned my lessons over time.
I have learned that I may have plans,
but God also has plans for me.
I have learned that life is complicated,
and we don't always have the facts at our fingertips.
I have learned to bend with the flow,
and be patient for what is to come.
But when something good does happen after all,
it's a pleasant surprise.
If something does not transpire, I'm ok with it, too.

Now, promises is another story for another time.