Extramarital Sex-How Do You Feel About it?

I guess it's an alternative to the lack of marital sex. But, for me at least, there's just too much potential for drama. And, even though I'm going on seven years without, I don't like drama!
 

Back in the 1970's, a book called Open Marriage was a big best seller. It promoted the idea of couples being honest with each other about their infidelity, nothing wrong with it, etc.

I don't know how many people actually followed this model of marital behavior. I suspect it may have hastened the end of many marriages. I've never known anyone who openly practices open marriage, except possibly until now. I do know one (senior) couple in my community who sometimes are seen having dinner together at one of our restaurants. But she frequently travels far and wide (Europe) without him, and he is a notorious womanizer, constantly making passes at other women. Sometimes I wonder if they are in an open marriage.

My own thinking about this is pretty old fashioned. You promised to be faithful to each other, so be faithful.
 
If a married person will commit the heartless sin of adultery, no tellin' what other despicable actions they may commit.
 

Dragonlady said:
Married people promise to be faithful to each other. Staying so is a matter of integrity. If you have no intention of staying faithful - stay single. If you do get married and discover your wanderlust is too great, then get a divorce!
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I agree. I married young, had that whole fantasy thing going on where once you say "I do" it leads to a happy life, picket fence, house, kid, dogs etc. I was naive. I overlooked a lot of the red flags that were visible when dating. He cheated then but I thought he would change after marriage. It's painful when you finally see him for what he truly was but by then there was a lot of pain/suffering inflicted on a lot of people through his countless affairs. He should have stayed single.
 
I divorced my ex-husband before I knew anything about his committing adulteries--I think my sister hinted at it to me once but I could see by the look on her face that she didn't want to go into the details of what she was trying to tell me. So I let it go because I already had begun losing love for him. My ex was a egotistic flirt, even to a coworker of mine--which embarrassed her very much--none of my coworkers could stand him, but they kept quiet about it. The ignoramus treated me like a roommate with benefits (for him) and mostly ignored me when we went anywhere, and was mostly a T V watcher & didn't show much fatherly interest in our 2 children. His flirting, and only treating me like I was some trophy, which he'd set aside when we went anywhere, turned my love for him into painful disgust and my just wanting to be rid of him and the pain. It wasn't until we were divorced that I found out about the poor girl that had fallen for him, gotten pregnant by him and got stuck with him through a quick marriage in another state. They're still married. Wow, she must have one tough personality. The day we were judged divorced was a very happy day for me.
So, at least for me, adultery did not split up my marriage, but if I'd known about it during our marriage I think I would have divorced him years sooner.
 
After reading through these posts, and observing others over the years, I consider myself lucky in my marriage of 53+ years. I have never had any reason to suspect my wife, and I've managed to keep my fly zipped through the years. Years ago, when in Thailand, in the military, I did go to a local "massage parlor" a couple of times, but that is the extent of my "extramarital affairs"....at the minimum, I was always concerned about getting some sort of STD...which I saw several of my fellow troops having to contend with.

It seems that over 40% of marriages end in divorce, and it appears to be a toss-up between divorce and health care issues which account for so many Seniors living in or near poverty. It hasn't been all "roses" during these 53 years, but any disagreements we might have had Never involved either of us fooling around with another partner. Now, at our ages, Sex is among the least of our priorities....we get our "kicks" at the casinos.
 
Reading these posts reminded me of a couple that were friends of mine and my husbands. They were neighbors of ours and seemed like a perfect couple. After about 20 yrs they moved away. One day the husband came to my house and asked me if I knew that his wife had numerous affairs. I was shocked. He said after they moved he stopped in a place to eat lunch and started talking to a man sitting next to him. During the conversation he told the guy where he use to live. The guy told him that he always frequented a bar in that neighborhood. He said every time he went to the bar there were 2 sisters there and they had sex with most of the guys there. He mentioned the women's names and it was his wife and her sister. He was devastated . Then he found out that when he was in bed after back surgery his wife had sex in their living room with another guy. My Heart broke for him This happened years ago and they are still together. After I heard all that I have never felt the way I did with his wife. We are no longer in touch and to this day my heart breaks for what he had to endure. I am grateful everyday that me and my Husband never had to go through that heartache in the 53yrs we have been married.
 
Thank goodness you haven't Sassy. I divorced my husband without even knowing he's gotten another young woman pregnant--I divorced him because he thought he was 'Don Juan' & flirted with most women in sight. This and his acting like we were just roommates with benefits killed my love for him. I had nightmares for several years after about still being married to him. Hope your friend the exhushand is far beyond his pain now.
 
I guess it's how comfortable you are with sex. If you believe that sex is some higher plain of being, and used only for procreation; then extra-marital sex is definitely forbidden. At the extreme other end, if you believe that sex is just performing the act, without any emotional attachment; then it's no big deal. Most of us are going to fall within those two ends. But the most important issue will be the amount of feeling "betrayed" by all the parties. That emotional component is hard to navigate,
 
I was holding back on posting in this thread, but I wanted to post this story. We have all heard the jokes and inclinations that female flight attendants and male pilots carry on some pretty good affairs. Sadly, I must report that this is true. I was flying with a First Officer who was well known among other pilots as a serial cheater. We were flying from Boston out to San Francisco on one of the most beautiful days that I could ever remember. We did not have one mile of turbulence the whole way. It was by far the best flight that I was ever on, so I'm thinking to myself, (truthfully), "On a day like this, what could go wrong?" Well, you heard of hexing yourself, right? Yeah, well, that's exactly what happened.

After we had everything done at the airport that needed to be done, we made our way to the hotel, which was just a few miles from the airport. The whole flight crew, all eight of us, were stuffed into the one van. (Thankfully, it was a ten passenger van.) While we were in the air, the First Officer told me that he was going to rendezvous with the one Flight Attendant. (What people do on the ground is none of my business, although I do voice my opinion when they first tell me, but no lecture.) Upon arrival at the hotel, the F/O and myself were the last ones to exit the van. As I was tipping the van driver, the F/O was unloading the bags from the rear of the van. All of a sudden, I heard a heck of a commotion at the rear of the van. My first thought was that a bag may have dropped on the F/O's foot. As I started to make my way back to the rear of the van, I saw the F/O being punched by another man, who was a big guy. I thought for sure that he was being robbed, so I tried to help my friend, only to end of getting socked in the mouth and having to go to the dentist as soon as I got back home. I had lost a cap. OUCH! (BTW, we did prevail, but I should have stayed out of it.)

I came to find out later and after all the dust had settled, that the F/A's husband had read an e-mail on his wife's computer at home that this rendezvous was going to happen, so he took an earlier flight and met us at the hotel and wanted to get his pound of flesh. Within just a few minutes, we had cops on the scene, then two ambulances showed up and boy, what a mess. After all was said and done, the husband was arrested and the F/O was taken to the hospital and could not fly the next day. Of course, the F'A's marriage was over, the husband was just fined and released and the F/O was suspended by United, but did keep his job.

What started out to be a beautiful day turned out to be not so beautiful.
 
Pappy said:
Not much of a story here. 62 years faithful to my wife, and her to me. No reason to look elsewhere, it’s all right here.
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Same here after 40 years.
My husband spent a year in Korea with the Air Force. I never asked about that time but based on emotions at the halfway visit and when he came home I would say the genies were still in the bottles......if you know what I mean.
 
“Trust, but verify.”

Good words to live by.
 

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