Father Ralphy is back to hear confessions!

Ralphy1

Ralphy1

Well-known Member
You might have noticed my absence last week as I was attending a retreat. I was seeking a way to best involve you in the seriousness of confession, as time is running out for so many. You had some fun with this at the first offering but now it is time to get right with God and I am here for you...
 

But Ralphy, who will hear your confession? You know you are very bad boy! Will it require to pope?

I confess to having evil and unchristian thoughts about a certain person running for prez. Oh wait....I'm no longer christian so it's okay! And I'm not sorry.
 
Dear child, Father, and you should call me Father while confessing, is only human and admits to impure thoughts when heaving bosoms are displayed or mentioned, but I pray and ask God to forgive me, as you should seek God's forgiveness about evil thoughts about the presumptive nominee and possible president. Maybe praying together would be helpful.
 

Forgive me, Father, for giving so few fu%#s now days about so many things, appearances, offending people, fitting in, etc, etc and blah, blah, blah. Now I just want to be entertained and comfortable, but how can I be when around me I see Rome burning? You know what, Father, don't forgive me, instead just make me able to give even fewer fu~@s, make me blindly optimistic, able to once more beleive everything will be alright. Thank you and I will leave the cash to cover my indulgence in the collection bowl on my way out.
 
You will be forgiven if your contribution to the bowl is large enough. Otherwise, go in pieces, rather than peace.
 
Ralphy1 said:
Dear child, Father, and you should call me Father while confessing, is only human and admits to impure thoughts when heaving bosoms are displayed or mentioned, but I pray and ask God to forgive me, as you should seek God's forgiveness about evil thoughts about the presumptive nominee and possible president. Maybe praying together would be helpful.
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I don't pray but I might start praying that this certain person does not get elected.
 
Annie, I feel inspired. Perhaps we could (with our Philly's help,) create a new church. Something along the lines of the Aquatic Church Of The Divine Orca? Other suggestions welcome. We could have confessionals also, but no minor sins please. So dull.
 
Shalimar said:
Annie, I feel inspired. Perhaps we could (with our Philly's help,) create a new church. Something along the lines of the Aquatic Church Of The Divine Orca? Other suggestions welcome. We could have confessionals also, but no minor sins please. So dull.
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Sounds good to me. I'd like to invite some Celtic sea gods/esses. And I lean toward karma instead of sins.
 
Awesome Annie, I too prefer karma. Which Celtic Deities would be appropriate, do you think? Clearly, I am not at my best before 8am. Lol. I think we should incorporate physical exercise forms, which not only enhance our health, but provide
spiritual benefits also.
 
Shalimar said:
Awesome Annie, I too prefer karma. Which Celtic Deities would be appropriate, do you think? Clearly, I am not at my best before 8am. Lol. I think we should incorporate physical exercise forms, which not only enhance our health, but provide
spiritual benefits also.
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I like Mannanan mac Lir, a sea god. And Clota, goddess of the River Clyde (near my house).
 
Shalimar said:
Annie, I feel inspired. Perhaps we could (with our Philly's help,) create a new church. Something along the lines of the Aquatic Church Of The Divine Orca? Other suggestions welcome. We could have confessionals also, but no minor sins please. So dull.
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I'm not sure I could lend my ecclesiastical presence to any church that does not offer pizza and muffins in some form. Perhaps bangers instead of holy wafers?

And of course, as minister I would need to dress in a tight-fitting black outfit with open front shirt buttons, the better to show off my divine chest hair.
 
There will be no place in heaven for such non-believers. Let's just say that you were given a chance to confess, repent, and receive absolution from Father Ralphy and you scoffed at it. God will have to deal with you next and may he have mercy on you.
 
SifuPhil said:
I'm not sure I could lend my ecclesiastical presence to any church that does not offer pizza and muffins in some form. Perhaps bangers instead of holy wafers?

And of course, as minister I would need to dress in a tight-fitting black outfit with open front shirt buttons, the better to show off my divine chest hair.
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Pizza and muffins sounds good to me! And that outfit sounds really hot! I love chest hair..... oh, sorry Shali, not after your man! :eek:
 
Ralphy1 said:
There will be no place in heaven for such non-believers. Let's just say that you were given a chance to confess, repent, and receive absolution from Father Ralphy and you scoffed at it. God will have to deal with you next and may he have mercy on you.
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Heaven?! I only want to go to heaven if it's like the catholic one on the Simpsons - Riverdance and lots of beer!
 
Father Ralphy - I'd like to confess my disappoint that so many threads on here get hijacked into just another anti-trump rant. Amen.
 
Ralphy1 said:
There will be no place in heaven for such non-believers. Let's just say that you were given a chance to confess, repent, and receive absolution from Father Ralphy and you scoffed at it. God will have to deal with you next and may he have mercy on you.
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Me-as-a-Monk.jpg
 

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