Feeling unusually sad this evening

toffee

Senior Member
Location
uk
I wont try to understand==the loss but I can bet its dam hard -especially without conversations you had
and winter in general is hard to take as we get a little older 'all the wrapping up before you go out the door
gives us the blues -- of course you will get low ' try having coffee out with a friend '

or if you have family hint you would love to see them ---but dont coop yourself up indoors that does not help
even a walk --dont know if you have a pet dog - they make wonderful company -plus you can chat away to them .
no blues just sunshine x
 

A good friend who is a therapist told me after his mid 20s younger brother died suddenly that his grief was like the sea. Huge storm at first that he felt would drown him, followed by calmer seas with random big waves that knocked his feet out from under him all over again.

(((Marie))) Wish I could take you out for a coffee and give you a hug for real!
This is so true. Grieving is a lonesome process. When I lost my daughter, I lost a piece of my soul. It was a huge storm at first. Now, it's calm sea's, but, those random waves that sweep over you will feel like it's crushing your chest. There have been times when I've had to pull off the road because the tears and grieve swept over me. You will persevere, especially with all the good people here to help support you. God Bless. ❤
 

CrackerJack

UK England
So, I went to the doctor this morning, and discussed my issues. We talked about me getting a light box for my SAD, and she felt it was a good idea. She reminded me to keep myself active, as well as cherishing my alone time.
@CrackerJack this is more info on the book I mentioned earlier
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Took me a while to become emotionally ready to read it, but it was good.
@Pepper we are all here to help each other. In fact, the book I mentioned was recommended to me by someone on this forum.

Hi Marie. I will look out for the book and thanks for the info. I've not picked a book on the subject of bereavement and grieving for a long time now but do read the Empty Bed to reassure me when I feel very down good advice from your Doctor in your post above. Yes, I keep myself active but also find my alone time therapeutic and calming and I don't need noise around when at home and can stand total silence.

I am pleased that you are getting some help and are open to suggestions from people who mean well and care about your welfare.
 

Liberty

Senior Member
Location
Texas
As I have reported here, over the past few months, I have been doing well since Rick died. But this evening has been a bad one. I have been feeling rather down in the dumps. Not really sure why, as I am doing stuff to move on.
I think it may be the winter time blues kicking in. Past few days been very cold (seasonable temps, but cold and snowy). Getting dark early. And with the weather, I cannot just pick up and go for a ride, or do something.
I am wondering if I am feeling symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Or what? This forum has been a good support to me, and I do not mean to whine. Just feeling out of sorts. I am going to my doctor tomorrow, and my therapist next week. So, I guess I have a lot to talk about.
Believe you are also feeling SAD from what you've said. Suggest you play music, and I do mean "play music" - the music that speaks to you at this time. Think you will find out some artists and/or music types may appeal to you. Do believe there is power in music to lift you up and help you transcend the heaviness of grief.

I'd make it a habit to find which music appeals to you now and don't be surprised when, as the grief and the seasons change, you'll become interested in other choices of song. God bless, Marie. Love coming out to you right now!
 

Ladybj

Member
@Marie5656 Grief is VERY HARD to deal with. One day you feel you are moving right along just fine and the next day you have no motivation, its a feeling that is hard to explain. I am glad to hear you are going to see your therapist.

This is just my opinion, I hope your doc do not try to put you on an anti depressant med. What that will do is suppress how you feel and we need to get out how we feel and not suppress it. It's very hard in dealing with it but facing it and working through it can work wonders. In grieving my sister, I had a day last week that was not good at all..I was also having a few other personal issues which compounded but I am much better. I saw my counselor today...had a GREAT session. Feel free to send me a private message if you would like to chat a bit more.

For those that are on anti depressant meds...this post is not aimed at you regarding anti-depressants. Some people truly need them and would not function too well without them.
 
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Ladybj

Member
A good friend who is a therapist told me after his mid 20s younger brother died suddenly that his grief was like the sea. Huge storm at first that he felt would drown him, followed by calmer seas with random big waves that knocked his feet out from under him all over again.

(((Marie))) Wish I could take you out for a coffee and give you a hug for real!
I can truly understand the HUGE storm, Calmer seas and random BIG waves...
 

Murphy

New Member
People handle grief in many ways.
Following my mother's death many years ago I threw myself into my work and became so tired I didn't have time to think. After I retired and following my next serious cause of grief - divorce- I focused my attention on something else, a new puppy from a shelter who took my mind completely off my situation.
I swear she must have known how I felt inwardly as I sat quietly alone. She rested her chin on my knee and wagged her tail before hopping onto my lap, getting quite comfortable and was my constant companion for many years until sadly she too passed. If dogs aren't to your liking perhaps a cat, although they are more independent creatures and can roam.
 

Meanderer

Senior Meanderer
Location
PA USA
Hi Marie! I just found this thread, so I am the tail-end of a long line of well wishers. Writing your thoughts and feelings here on the forum is hopefully a help. Talking on the phone with a close friend or relative, regularly, may also help. Doing simple things that you love to do may help pass the time and ease the pain. Reach out to people and don't become a stranger. I will pray for you.
 

Ladybj

Member
People handle grief in many ways.
Following my mother's death many years ago I threw myself into my work and became so tired I didn't have time to think. After I retired and following my next serious cause of grief - divorce- I focused my attention on something else, a new puppy from a shelter who took my mind completely off my situation.
I swear she must have known how I felt inwardly as I sat quietly alone. She rested her chin on my knee and wagged her tail before hopping onto my lap, getting quite comfortable and was my constant companion for many years until sadly she too passed. If dogs aren't to your liking perhaps a cat, although they are more independent creatures and can roam.
Did you ever take time to face your pain/grief other than work and a pet?
 

Gaer

New Member
Call him to you. If it be telepathy or love, where ever he is in the Universe, he will come to you. Don't think because you can't see him or hear him that he isn't with you. Or, You can write to him. The angels read your words and will convey your feelings. He will try to touch you but you will feel it no more than a gentle breath. Love never dies! I lost my husband a few years ago and I know exactly how you feel! It will get better. Know you will be with him again. In the meantime, his soul is with you.

You got some great advice here. Vitamin D, folic acid will help. B vitamins, seek sunshine, play your favorite music, dance, sing, watch comedies, Ricky Gervais, read Jerry Van Amerongon cartoons, force yourself to smile, feel, FEEL thankful for all the years you had with him! Eat tacos and chocolate and popcorn! Add more butter! Talk to him as if he were standing in front of you! Noone is around to think you're crazy! Take yourself out to a prime rib dinner at a place the two of you used to go. Eat. Laugh! You're a strong, capable woman. You can get through this!
 

jerry old

redneck, but brainy
Living alone is the pits -'Memories 'paint the corners of my mind.'
Another decision: to move to the rural, the pits after 16 years
Yea, living alone is the pits'
"you need to go where the peoples are..." Jeremiah Johnson
 

Gaer

New Member
You know what? It's too soon to do the things I mentioned. I remember what I was like 9 months after his death. I wondered what was the purpose of getting up in the morning. Why eat? Why cook? Why do anything? I tried not to go out of my house. I never looked people in the face, never talked to anyone. I didn't go near my computer or t.v. for at least a year. It takes a long time to function in society again. Everyone handles loss differently but I'm proud of you for getting out and about, communicating with friends, etc. I know you're going to be fine! I had no one to turn to, completely alone. I remember going to the Post Office to get mail. A man said, "Hi! How are you this morning?" It was 3 times before I realized he was speaking to me. I said, "Are you talking to me?" (no one ever talked to me) He said, "Yes! How are you this morning?" I remember saying, "Oh, You can SEE me?" I ran out like a third grader and got in my car. I started crying. "What on Earth is the matter with me?" "Have I completely lost ME?"
There was a time I was in the grocery. I reached for a juicy ribsteak. "Oh, My honey will love that for dinner!" Then I realized I had no honey. I started sobbing hysterically, right in the middle of a bunch of strangers. I couldn't stop crying!
I guess what I mean to say is You're doing great! (compared to me) This is something your soul must experience. This is a growth of the soul that you must endure! Have the courage to stand alone and force yourself to keep conformity to your life until you can function again.
 

Liberty

Senior Member
Location
Texas
You know what? It's too soon to do the things I mentioned. I remember what I was like 9 months after his death. I wondered what was the purpose of getting up in the morning. Why eat? Why cook? Why do anything? I tried not to go out of my house. I never looked people in the face, never talked to anyone. I didn't go near my computer or t.v. for at least a year. It takes a long time to function in society again. Everyone handles loss differently but I'm proud of you for getting out and about, communicating with friends, etc. I know you're going to be fine! I had no one to turn to, completely alone. I remember going to the Post Office to get mail. A man said, "Hi! How are you this morning?" It was 3 times before I realized he was speaking to me. I said, "Are you talking to me?" (no one ever talked to me) He said, "Yes! How are you this morning?" I remember saying, "Oh, You can SEE me?" I ran out like a third grader and got in my car. I started crying. "What on Earth is the matter with me?" "Have I completely lost ME?"
There was a time I was in the grocery. I reached for a juicy ribsteak. "Oh, My honey will love that for dinner!" Then I realized I had no honey. I started sobbing hysterically, right in the middle of a bunch of strangers. I couldn't stop crying!
I guess what I mean to say is You're doing great! (compared to me) This is something your soul must experience. This is a growth of the soul that you must endure! Have the courage to stand alone and force yourself to keep conformity to your life until you can function again.
You know, if you lived in the Texas gulf coast region, we'd put you to work and annoy you so much you'd be glad to get up in the morning...just to annoy us back!
Wish you were here. Do you have a dog or cat?
 

Gaer

New Member
Liberty: I have a n Australian Shepard dog. Don't know why . . I'm a cat person. But he's a good dog for his kind . . just a damn poor kind! (Kidding!) I'm fine now. I'm back to normal. When your husband dies unexpectantly, it really sets you back. I was telling her to sing, dance, live again but it's wa-a-a-y too early for her!
 
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Marie5656

Well-known Member
Location
Rochester, NY
Original Poster
You know, if you lived in the Texas gulf coast region, we'd put you to work and annoy you so much you'd be glad to get up in the morning...just to annoy us back!
Wish you were here. Do you have a dog or cat?
No dog, no cat. Just a lone rat. LOL. Once he is gone, I am going pet free for a while, so I can travel some.
Not going to Texas any time soon. People here are annoying enough. :p
 

Marie5656

Well-known Member
Location
Rochester, NY
Original Poster
I do enjoy the support I have gotten here over the last year. It was a tough ride, but I am still OK. As I mentioned in the above post, I do want to travel some. Once I get the new car, and once I am without a pet.
I am already having people invite me for visits. That would be nice. Things are looking up. At 6PM this evening, I looked outside and still saw a bit of light. YAY
 


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