Forgive and Forget?

S

SifuPhil

R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
Location
Pennsylvania, USA
Are you the "forgive and forget" type? Does it come naturally to you, or is it something you've had to work on through the years?

Do you just forgive, but never forget?

Or, depending upon the severity of the situation, do you neither forgive nor forget?
 

A little of each.... depending on the situation, the person, and the severity

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Holding on to anger and resentment doesn't hurt the person it's aimed at but it will eat you alive. That being said...I suppose as the Cancer sign of the zodiac I can forgive, but I nevah forget. The answer..."Virtues for $10,000...What is vodka?".
 

It depends, sometimes with some people I neither forgive nor do I ever forget, especially when someone has deeply wronged me, and they are not sorry, as in the case of some sociopath and narcissistic people in our society. Other times I do forgive, but try not to forget because some things can often repeat themselves.
 
Some things I can never forgive, nor forget.

Others - the majority - I can forgive - eventually - but never forget.

That's just how I roll.
 
Hmm..well not forgiving holds me hostage to feelings I don't want/need. I can't forget some things..that's just impossible. I think getting older has softened the picture for me. It's been grand...you know...but I like to keep short accounts.
 
It has been said that one should forgive so as not to harbor resentments which are unhealthy. But I don't subscribe to this belief. I think we should acknowledge and honor our feelings rather than pretend they don't exist. I don't mean we should wallow in our pain and anger, but I would be very wary of someone who has betrayed me, stolen from me or hurt me or my loved ones - the trust is broken and the relationship is damaged, and it should not be forgotten, for the sake of our own safety and well being.
 
I agree with honoring feelings..but I refuse to let negative feelings rule me. I also believe people can change..although I doubt I could ever fully trust someone who broke a deep trust or hurt me...but life has taught me even basically good people can do or say things they later regret.
 
I forgive for me. If it's extremely traumatic it's often blacked out from my memory and I can barely remember it. Something my brain does on it's own. If it was traumatic over a period of years..I remember it :(
Trust and forgiveness are not the same. I may forgive and never trust the person again. I may forgive and make sure I have no encounters with the person again
 
SifuPhil said:
Are you the "forgive and forget" type? Does it come naturally to you, or is it something you've had to work on through the years?

Do you just forgive, but never forget?

Or, depending upon the severity of the situation, do you neither forgive nor forget?
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I don't think it's possible, for me anyway, to forget some things. I can forgive, but I'm the type that will be timid about forgetting what happens. I relate it to a hot burner on the stove. I may get burned, and I'll still keep the stove, but I won't forget what happens if I touch a hot pan, or the burner.
 
SifuPhil said:
Some things I can never forgive, nor forget.

Others - the majority - I can forgive - eventually - but never forget.

That's just how I roll.
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I feel the same way Phil. So far nothing so severe has happened in my life where I wouldn't forgive, but that could happen, hopefully it never does. So I usually can forgive, but never forget. I think those who say they forget aren't being honest with themselves or others. The only way I could forget things that I've forgiven, is if I'm stricken with dementia.
 
I know I've clung to some childhood wounds, so entrenched that they still effect me...my decision-making, thinking process, personality. I've resigned myself to believing I will always carry those. However, I have been a live-and-let live/forgive-and-forget person throughout my entire adulthood. I do avoid people who have really hurt me, though, particularly when I know it is their habit. I don't go skipping merrily into harms way.
 
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SeaBreeze said:
I feel the same way Phil. So far nothing so severe has happened in my life where I wouldn't forgive, but that could happen, hopefully it never does. So I usually can forgive, but never forget. I think those who say they forget aren't being honest with themselves or others. The only way I could forget things that I've forgiven, is if I'm stricken with dementia.
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It's funny, perhaps, but the person whom I can so rarely forgive is myself ...
 
I find it hard to forgive and forget. I'm working hard on it. I can "get over" something, but once my trust has been broken, it's hard to get it again. I have people in my life that I do sincerely love, but I don't trust them. In this area, the "Golden Rule" that I try to live my life by isn't working too well.
 
This was a question I struggled with for many years. I eventually did forgive and forget many things in my past, but that was for my sake. You can only hold onto so much anger, hate, or resentment before it consumes you.

But then too there are some things I find that I can never 'get' over. The murder of my oldest son, my in-laws that destroyed my husband's will to live.

But in the last couple of years I have learned how to let it go. I quit giving those that harmed me and mine my thoughts. In that fashion they die. They no longer exist for me, and when someone brings any of that up, I now tell them that I no long care about it, nor do I wish to carry it any longer.
:hit::hit:
 
Ina said:
This was a question I struggled with for many years. I eventually did forgive and forget many things in my past, but that was for my sake. You can only hold onto so much anger, hate, or resentment before it consumes you.

But then too there are some things I find that I can never 'get' over. The murder of my oldest son, my in-laws that destroyed my husband's will to live.

But in the last couple of years I have learned how to let it go. I quit giving those that harmed me and mine my thoughts. In that fashion they die. They no longer exist for me, and when someone brings any of that up, I now tell them that I no long care about it, nor do I wish to carry it any longer.
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(((((hug))))

Ann Landers — 'Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.'

edited to add: I'm agreeing with you & not correcting you
 
I think I'll add on this thread. That these days with political turmoil never before the last few years did I feel myself being pressured to hate, dislike,snub,,groups of people ..whole groups of people I don't even know. I don't want to. I want to meet a person and discover who they are through knowing them. I do not want to throw human beings away in a political heap all labeled the same because someone I know wants to do that.
 
SifuPhil said:
Are you the "forgive and forget" type? Does it come naturally to you, or is it something you've had to work on through the years?

Do you just forgive, but never forget?

Or, depending upon the severity of the situation, do you neither forgive nor forget?
Click to expand...

Forgiving comes easy if the transgressor is genuinely remorseful.

Forgiveness becomes really problematic when the person that wronged you is not at all sorry.
 

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