Getting old has no benefits.

[feywon]

Hey Jon. Thought I should say something here. Whenever my PTSD kicks into high gear, it always compels me to abandon all hope as I am nothing but a burden to my family. But the thought of family losing me stops me every time especially when there's one nearby. While I don't think they should be responsible for the illness they had no part in, they are undeniably the ones who keep me alive to this day. I see some truth in your words.

I appreciate your candor, nonetheless.

Chronic depression had me suicidal for some 15 years. While my NDE was a major turning point having children cinched it, no matter how bad things were i would not send that message to my kids and now grandson that their love was not enough to keep me here as long as possible, feasible, reasonable.

That said, we have had quality of life discussions and they understand that it would not be acceptable to me to live hooked up to machines unable to do anything for myself or even communicate with them.

 

[RFW]

Chronic depression had me suicidal for some 15 years. While my NDE was a major turning point having children cinched it, no matter how bad things were i would not send that message to my kids and now grandson that their love was not enough to keep me here as long as possible, feasible, reasonable.

That said, we have had quality of life discussions and they understand that it would not be acceptable to me to live hooked up to machines unable to do anything for myself or even communicate with them.

It's sad that for some people it isn't enough reason to keep living.

 

[helenbacque]

I am a former monastic.

What order, if I may ask?

 

[feywon]

It's sad that for some people it isn't enough reason to keep living.

Very sad, for all involved. My 2nd hubby's father was Navy Viet Vet. He was on a transport ship, never really saw combat, just the devastating effects of it on troops going home. From everything i heard he'd had some emotional issues anyway (too tightly wound, controlling) the "Survivors Guilt" he felt after returning from Nam was a 'last straw'. He shot himself in his bedroom knowing his teen children were at home at the time. My DH and his sister, who had been my friend (still is on FB) before i married him, were in HS--they found him. As difficult a father as he was (abusive when home to them and their Mom) it was a devastating loss for them and cemented their loyalty to each other (and two other siblings) above all other relationships. Which was a mixed blessing throughout their lives.


Because i was 16 when brother born and read a great deal about child development because i spent so much time caring for him, i was perhaps more aware than most that kids are always watching/listening. When what we say and what we do conflict they pay more attention to what we do. We should strive to send clear message and set models for coping with difficulties--or we should not have had children. i respect survivors of difficult childhoods that make that choice too.

 

[Mitch86]

I keep repeating many times during the day the following motto to live a good life when facing difficult problems: God grant me the Serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, the courage and energy to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. That includes pain and suffering.

 

[Vida May]

If we are decidedly lifelong learners, our brains improve with age. I look back on my younger years with horror! Especially my time as a mother makes me think it is amazing children survive their young parents. We become better parents after age 30 and by the time we are grandparents and great grandparents we are even better. I think the worse that can happen to humanity is raising children without grandparents!

That is not the only way our brains improve with age. In case you find that hard to believe, I am throwing in some research.

Results of long-term studies show that — contrary to stereotypes — we actually grow smarter in key areas in middle age which, with longer life spans, now stretches from our mid 40s to our mid to late 60s. In areas as diverse as vocabulary and inductive reasoning, our brains function better than they did in our 20s.Feb 3, 2010

Brain Functions That Improve with Age - Harvard Business ...​

 

[dseag2]

I’m very impressed with the 80 something’s on here that navigate the internet so well. A lot are more tech savvy than myself at age 60. I have no idea how to fully use this site or download and share images, etc. I have a tv I don’t use because I don’t want to read the instructions to a universal remote so that I can program it.

Amen!

 

[dseag2]

I am empathetic to Mitch's post because I have no idea how I will feel when I am his age. I am happy to be a healthy, mobile 64 year-old but I also realize my health and mobility can be taken away from me at any time. I am prone to anxiety and depression, so if I am diagnosed with some serious illness I have no idea how it will affect me.

I will keep doing everything I can to stave off aging, but it catches up to all of us at some point. I only hope I will have a positive enough outlook to see me through it. I feel for you @Mitch86. I know I will be in your shoes at some point. Please continue to use this forum as a place to share your feelings. We are all here for you.

 

[Mitch86]

I am empathetic to Mitch's post because I have no idea how I will feel when I am his age. I am happy to be a healthy, mobile 64 year-old but I also realize my health and mobility can be taken away from me at any time. I am prone to anxiety and depression, so if I am diagnosed with some serious illness I have no idea how it will affect me.

I will keep doing everything I can to stave off aging, but it catches up to all of us at some point. I only hope I will have a positive enough outlook to see me through it. I feel for you @Mitch86. I know I will be in your shoes at some point. Please continue to use this forum as a place to share your feelings. We are all here for you.

Thanks for the confidence. At 87 I KNOW nothing can harm me since Father Death is close at hand to end all pain and suffering for me. The closer we come to the end, the less we suffer since it all ends sooner.

 

[Shalimar]

I am very very sorry to hear this Mitch. I am 61. I have profound injuries from car accidents. It certainly is not an easy ride.

I live in constant, severe pain and I can't tolerate pain killers.

It is hardly an easy life.

I have great sympathy for all those who struggle in pain and difficulties.

And this has been going on for a long time. My first serious problem happened way back in 1982.

What I would say, from experiencing great difficulties all this time...is that no matter how bad it gets, there is always some way, to see it in a better light.

Some joy, some beauty, some peace...will always pierce through the dark clouds a bit. May take a good deal of work to find it and feel it...but I do think it is always there.

One of my injuries was in my neck. It is still a problem. It was so bad that the natural "C" curve flattened out fully, and started to curve in the opposite direction.

What helped me was chiropractic work and also a similar therapy, called cranio-sacral therapy. I would certainly suggest that looking into both of those might help some.

And I would ask the therapist there for a specialized pillow that would work best for your neck problems. I sleep on a special pillow..it helps tremendously.

As a disabled person, I have had the same experience. Family and friends just don't want to interact much. But I would not give up on it all. Maybe just do less? You know, maybe just call relatives for birthdays and Holidays...and allow yourself a little bit of contact, even if it is not as much as you would like, or not have the quality of contact that you would like.

And always remember, that whatever burden we are to our relatives...it is THEIR duty to be accommodating to us, not the reverse. We are the ones in pain, who need and deserve proper attention and care.

I hope you can find your way to some peace and some happiness.


Take care now...

You are an inspiration. This made me cry. Thank you. With your permission, I would like to make a copy of this for my online therapy group. Some are really struggling. You speak far more eloquently than I ever could.

 

[Jan14]

Thanks for the confidence. At 87 I KNOW nothing can harm me since Father Death is close at hand to end all pain and suffering for me. The closer we come to the end, the less we suffer since it all ends sooner.

Death. inevitable to us all. Some sooner than others buddy. Hang in there!