How alone are you?

Marie5656

Well-known Member
Location
Rochester, NY
I TRULY think this forum keeps us Senior members sane and from falling over the edge. I am a born loner and love my privacy, but whenever I feel a smidgen lonely I come to this forum and get my ''human fix'' and then am okay. Thanks ladies and gents!
I agree with you. I am a privacy nut too, who prefers company at my terms.
Sometimes, I am concerned that feeling alone, or lonely will turn into feeling sorry for myself. I do not want that to happen. I try not to sit in my chair like a lump. I try to keep busy, or at least have a semblance of activity other than just sitting in front of the TV.
I just came back from a brief shopping trip to get a few things I need to continue organizing the house. Including a long needed sturdy step ladder, to reach the high shelves in the place without having to always call someone to come over. I can not get rid of the small step stool I had, that used to make Rick nuts when he saw me try to use it without falling off. He told me he never wanted me to use it if he was not at home. Well..he is not here any more, so I had to do something.
 

J-Kat

New Member
Like KingsX I was raised as basically an only child. I was born "as an afterthought" to parents who were in their 40's and my siblings (brothers) were grown and out of the house. I never married, never really wanted to. I enjoyed my career and spent what free time I had taking care of my elderly parents until they passed away. Before I knew it retirement came along. So, I've lived alone for most of my adult life. Parents deceased, one brother deceased, the other is in poor health and I only hear from him occasionally and only if I initiate the contact. None of the extended family (nieces, nephews, etc.) live in my town so I am fairly isolated here. I don't meet people very easily and I think that may come from feelings of rejection I experienced when I was much younger. But, I do have some friends from my working days that I see and have dinner with 2-3 times a year. I keep busy taking care of my house and the dogs. I read a lot, watch tv, etc. I still drive and can care for myself, prepare meals, shop, etc. so I don't worry about living alone. I can't say I get lonely though I do wish at times that I had someone who might enjoy going out to dinner, movies, maybe travel occasionally.
 

Homeschoolie

New Member
Location
West Coast, USA
These are Cipolla's five fundamental laws of stupidity:
Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.
A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process.
Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.
A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is.

generally stupidity is deliberate and self inflicted for various reasons that make no sense to most of me.
It seems to me anyway...and I am in the midst of them...hahhaha
Yes, totally true....unfortunately I am surrounded where I live by stupid people who "cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process."

And, if we bring it to their attention or try to help educate them they exponentially and relentlessly increase the behavior and continue to do so until they take their last breath.
We have personally observed people who have been retaliating for decades against whoever said something to them about their unacceptable attacks/abuse of others and the harm or potential harm to others!

And even when the person/group of people are moved away or are gone, they are still attacking and abusing them. Often we have observed behavior that is harming them and/or their families but they are hell bent on "I will show you", Here take that", "nobody can tell me what I cant do". It is a culture/large segment of our society that, well, basically are 24/7 evildoers to everyone around them". Good grief such insanity!
 

Autumn72

New Member
Victor,

I'm at the other end, LOL!

I have no close family or friends left.

My only human contact is with merchants, chance meetings on the street and the internet.

It's not a life I chose it's simply the life I have.

I have made efforts to meet people and develop new friendships but for me, it's just too uncomfortable a process so I stay in my comfortable little rut.

My only concern at this point is that I don't have anyone that I can depend on in an emergency but I've decided that is what 911 is for.

Why do you ask?

B
I too àm alone, too alone.
 

Old Dummy

Just another nobody
Location
NYS
Here's a pathetic(?) example of enjoying being alone. This only happens during the winter -- today it is in the 20s with light snow falling. During warm weather I am out Vetting on Sundays.

But today I will watch 3 football games -- that's 9 hours of sitting on my butt. But this is not the norm, which is one or two Sunday games. But in September/October when it is still nice out I will NOT sit on the couch all day watching football.

Another upside to today: I am making a new stew recipe, which is something I like doing during winter -- but not during the summer!

I will not see any human beings today (unless they are walking down the road, and I happen to notice them). That is neither good nor bad, but I don't like doing it for more than one day. I do need the human interaction after a day of "hermiting."

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
 

Catlady

Senior Member
Location
Southern AZ
I will not see any human beings today (unless they are walking down the road, and I happen to notice them). That is neither good nor bad, but I don't like doing it for more than one day. I do need the human interaction after a day of "hermiting."
I'm such a loner that just talking to you guys on this forum and watching people walking or driving in my street is enough to satisfy my ''human interaction". On the other hand, I would probably go insane if I didn't have my cats to keep me company.
 

Old Dummy

Just another nobody
Location
NYS
I'm such a loner that just talking to you guys on this forum and watching people walking or driving in my street is enough to satisfy my ''human interaction". On the other hand, I would probably go insane if I didn't have my cats to keep me company.
Haha, yes, I have two cats who are great company -- but they do not replace human beings. :(

Mine are litter-mates, will be 15 in January. They are only a few months old here:

 

Catlady

Senior Member
Location
Southern AZ
Haha, yes, I have two cats who are great company -- but they do not replace human beings. :(

Mine are litter-mates, will be 15 in January. They are only a few months old here:

You probably don't know yet, I am the proud Mama to 14 cats, the oldest is almost 12 and the youngest are 3. Love them ALL! Had 3, then adopted two stray mamas with baby kittens (2-3 months old). They're all indoor cats for their safety.
 

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
I live with my Granddaughter and her family, husband, and 3 Great-grand kids. I am housebound, can walk around the house, but that's all. They are gone or sleeping 80% of the time. I feel so alone, which causes anxiety attacks. I live on my computer, without it I would rather not live.
I find your words sad. In this day and age, the only people that should be alone are those that choose to live that way. I can understand your panic attacks. Being alone is far different from the type of life most of us want to live. I was in the people business when I flew for United and welcoming passengers onboard was encouraged by the airline, which is not done so much anymore.

You will find many people from many different walks of life and many different backgrounds to speak with via the forum. It's because of human nature that people like to speak about themselves, their interests, past jobs, experiences, etc.
 

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
Like KingsX I was raised as basically an only child. I was born "as an afterthought" to parents who were in their 40's and my siblings (brothers) were grown and out of the house. I never married, never really wanted to. I enjoyed my career and spent what free time I had taking care of my elderly parents until they passed away. Before I knew it retirement came along. So, I've lived alone for most of my adult life. Parents deceased, one brother deceased, the other is in poor health and I only hear from him occasionally and only if I initiate the contact. None of the extended family (nieces, nephews, etc.) live in my town so I am fairly isolated here. I don't meet people very easily and I think that may come from feelings of rejection I experienced when I was much younger. But, I do have some friends from my working days that I see and have dinner with 2-3 times a year. I keep busy taking care of my house and the dogs. I read a lot, watch tv, etc. I still drive and can care for myself, prepare meals, shop, etc. so I don't worry about living alone. I can't say I get lonely though I do wish at times that I had someone who might enjoy going out to dinner, movies, maybe travel occasionally.
Quite honestly, I kind of envy you. I was born with one older sister who is house bound due to her Agoraphobia, so if I want to visit or see her, I am the one that has to make the effort to go see her. I say that because I must call before I visit. Like Jerry Seinfeld once said on his show, "No drop-ins." You also get to pick and chose when, where and how you will manage your life. About the only thing I would change is to find myself a part time companion and believe me, they are out there.
 

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
Here's a pathetic(?) example of enjoying being alone. This only happens during the winter -- today it is in the 20s with light snow falling. During warm weather I am out Vetting on Sundays.

But today I will watch 3 football games -- that's 9 hours of sitting on my butt. But this is not the norm, which is one or two Sunday games. But in September/October when it is still nice out I will NOT sit on the couch all day watching football.

Another upside to today: I am making a new stew recipe, which is something I like doing during winter -- but not during the summer!

I will not see any human beings today (unless they are walking down the road, and I happen to notice them). That is neither good nor bad, but I don't like doing it for more than one day. I do need the human interaction after a day of "hermiting."

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
I have a friend from my working years that has made watching sports on TV, namely college and pro football and college and pro basketball, his hobby. We flew together quite often and I thought we were almost like brothers during those years. However, once he retired and took up watching sports on TV, he wouldn't miss a game even if his life depended on it. Yes, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.

I had tickets to go see ZZ Top and Jackson Browne right after we retired, but he didn't want to miss the Packers-Cowboys game that year. I told him to DVR the game, but he told me that he only enjoys it if the game is live, so that way, he doesn't know who won.
 

Catlady

Senior Member
Location
Southern AZ
Quite honestly, I kind of envy you. I was born with one older sister who is house bound due to her Agoraphobia, so if I want to visit or see her, I am the one that has to make the effort to go see her. I say that because I must call before I visit. Like Jerry Seinfeld once said on his show, "No drop-ins." You also get to pick and chose when, where and how you will manage your life. About the only thing I would change is to find myself a part time companion and believe me, they are out there.
I have an aversion to ''drop-ins''. I simply don't answer the door if I'm not in the mood for company or have made other plans (like taking a nap or ready for a meal). THEY are doing things at their convenience and timeline, not mine, so why should I disrupt my life for theirs.

Re your agoraphobia sister, how does she handle grocery shopping, other chores, doctor etc visits? How long has she been one? I saw a series once with an agoraphobic, but he was young and had friends that visited often and brought him stuff he needed. I don't think the show talked about doctor visits and the issue of income and stuff. I'm a partial recluse and hate going out of the house but I'm not panicky about it.
 

CrackerJack

UK England
I live alone after my Husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in 2015. I am in my mid 70's. I have no desire to move and downsize and love my home.

I come under the first category in a few ways. The shock and grieving is so terrible but I cope day in day out. I have good family not too far away. My personality is outgoing and I like being with people I like and trust; friends, associates and being out amongst people.

I am slowly adapting and adjusting to living solo; have discovered an inner strength and need for personal privacy which my home affords. Must be like my old Mum who was widowed at the age of 57 in 1966 and lived alone intil dhe was 84 devoting her time to us her family and looking after her property. She loved my Dad and never wanted another man to share her life with and I am the same but I do have two men friend/ companions and I feel comfy with them and they with me. I can say that I am alone but not lonely.

Yes, doing voluntary work can be most rewarding and can give a feeling of belonging and doing good works in a community.

My heart goes out to anyone living alone and feeling desperately lonely for whatever reason.
 
Last edited:

CrackerJack

UK England
THAT is a very important distinction. Most people confuse being alone with being lonely, they're two very different mindsets.
Absolutely Catlady. You have confirmed my feelings as to the difference. It has taken me these five years to come to realise this subtle inner feeling. Others I know well
who are widowed say the same and somehow we cope. To reach the stage when you know the difference is in a small way coming to terms with a new life style.

Thank you for your encouraging post.
 

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
I have an aversion to ''drop-ins''. I simply don't answer the door if I'm not in the mood for company or have made other plans (like taking a nap or ready for a meal). THEY are doing things at their convenience and timeline, not mine, so why should I disrupt my life for theirs.

Re your agoraphobia sister, how does she handle grocery shopping, other chores, doctor etc visits? How long has she been one? I saw a series once with an agoraphobic, but he was young and had friends that visited often and brought him stuff he needed. I don't think the show talked about doctor visits and the issue of income and stuff. I'm a partial recluse and hate going out of the house but I'm not panicky about it.
My sister’s daughter (my niece) is also a whacko and her husband live with her. He does everything that requires leaving the home, except doctor visits. I take her to the doctor. She takes her meds one hour before we leave the house, so she is under the drug’s influence.

It’s a terrible disease to own. Her daughter is worse. The only time she leaves her bedroom is to use the bathroom. She thinks she has every disease known to mankind. She is Agoraphobic, a hypochondriac and a few other phobias. She’s a mess. Neither one sees a psychiatrist or takes meds for mental illness. They stopped both about ten years ago.

I kept telling our mom and dad while we were growing up that she was going to be an Agoraphobic, but they laughed it off. After she graduated high school, she was accepted at Penn State. She lasted only four days before mom received a phone call from the hospital asking her and dad to come and get her. After she got home, it was like nothing was wrong with her. My mom and dad finally admitted that I was right and took her to a psychiatrist. She went to something like 7 or 8 different ones until she gave up and decided to just stay home. That was maybe 25 years ago.

I keep telling her that they have a lot of new methods and medications and she should try again, but she says no. She has a fear that the doctor will have her committed and I told her that if she was a threat to do harm to herself or someone else, they might, but she wouldn’t be committed as she is now. I spoke with a psychiatrist and that’s what she told me.
 

Keesha

✨🎄✨
Location
Canada
THAT is a very important distinction. Most people confuse being alone with being lonely, they're two very different mindsets.
Huge distinction. I don’t appreciate drop in’s either.

To me I find them an infringement on my privacy. It’s not that I’m opposed to having people in my house but I want to be prepared. Showing up unexpectedly, isn’t giving any consideration to the person you are visiting.

When I am prepared and PLANS are made, I go ALL OUT in doing anything and everything to make my guests feel welcome.
 

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
Huge distinction. I don’t appreciate drop in’s either.

To me I find them an infringement on my privacy. It’s not that I’m opposed to having people in my house but I want to be prepared. Showing up unexpectedly, isn’t giving any consideration to the person you are visiting.

When I am prepared and PLANS are made, I go ALL OUT in doing anything and everything to make my guests feel welcome.
So, I see your point, except, I live on the other side of town from her home. Sometimes, I find myself in the neighborhood and think that I’ll just drop in, but she says no. OK, I ask her how much of a notice do you need? Suppose I’m in the area and can be at your home in five or ten minutes. Is that enough time? No, I would like at least a half hour notice.
 

Keesha

✨🎄✨
Location
Canada
So, I see your point, except, I live on the other side of town from her home. Sometimes, I find myself in the neighborhood and think that I’ll just drop in, but she says no. OK, I ask her how much of a notice do you need? Suppose I’m in the area and can be at your home in five or ten minutes. Is that enough time? No, I would like at least a half hour notice.
Hey oldman. It’s no reflection on your viewpoints.
We are all different and need to honour what works for us without imposing our own ideals onto others and we all have own own ways of dealing with this.

There was no criticism cast your way.
 

Catlady

Senior Member
Location
Southern AZ
So, I see your point, except, I live on the other side of town from her home. Sometimes, I find myself in the neighborhood and think that I’ll just drop in, but she says no. OK, I ask her how much of a notice do you need? Suppose I’m in the area and can be at your home in five or ten minutes. Is that enough time? No, I would like at least a half hour notice.
Oh, to me ''drop ins'' means people who ring the doorbell without calling first. When they call, even if already in the neighborhood, at least they're asking for permission to visit and are giving you the chance to refuse the visit. I think a half hour is reasonable if she wasn't expecting a visit. It gives her time to tidy-up a bit or put on decent clothes etc.
 

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
Hey oldman. It’s no reflection on your viewpoints.
We are all different and need to honour what works for us without imposing our own ideals onto others and we all have own own ways of dealing with this.

There was no criticism cast your way.
I didn’t take it that you were being critical. Growing up, my sister and I were close. But, when she took on all of her issues, things changed. I never know what the new day will bring with her when I call or e-mail her.

Just before I retired, our house was completely destroyed by fire. We lost everything. After we built this new home, I went and picked her up and brought her to our new home, so she could see it first-hand for herself. She was here maybe five minutes when her daughter called and told her that she was having a panic attack and could she please come home right away. She made me take her home immediately. I told her that she was being an enabler and after that, she let me have it. So now, I don’t say anything about their illness. BTW, she hasn’t been back to visit since and that was seven years ago.
 

Keesha

✨🎄✨
Location
Canada
I didn’t take it that you were being critical. Growing up, my sister and I were close. But, when she took on all of her issues, things changed. I never know what the new day will bring with her when I call or e-mail her.

Just before I retired, our house was completely destroyed by fire. We lost everything. After we built this new home, I went and picked her up and brought her to our new home, so she could see it first-hand for herself. She was here maybe five minutes when her daughter called and told her that she was having a panic attack and could she please come home right away. She made me take her home immediately. I told her that she was being an enabler and after that, she let me have it. So now, I don’t say anything about their illness. BTW, she hasn’t been back to visit since and that was seven years ago.
Well oldman,
What I’ve learned just this year is that you can’t change people. You can try and help them but in doing so it’s best to let go of any and all expectations. People are flawed. They are far from perfect but nor do they need to be. It’s too easy to think we understand people and why they do what they do but in reality we probably don’t have a clue.

Human psychology is deep and vast. People do things that make sense to them personally. They hang on to old habits because that’s all they know.Not everyone is open to the idea of having their brain chemistry changed through pharmaceutical drugs which can have devastating side effects so in her defence, I can relate.

That’s also not stating that she doesn’t need help. That I can’t comment on.
 

Catlady

Senior Member
Location
Southern AZ
@Old Dummy = I had meant to comment and then forgot. That is a beautiful photo of your cats when babies, it catches cat personalities and what cats are all about. Their pose and the back lighting is just perfect.


 


Top