How does a person live alone and not get lonely?

Flaneuse said:
Yes. And getting quite tired of it. The country has changed so much from when I was a kid. I'd go back in time if I could, even if it meant giving up computers and smartphones. Anxious to move to Europe but I have a senior dog (one of 3) who for health reasons cannot travel so I am here for the remainder of her life. And that's okay - she's really more important to me than anything else.
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Then you have someone who needs you and something to live for and that's always a good thing.
 

oldiebutgoody said:
She should have taken lessons from Gary Zukav:


2079547-Gary-Zukav-Quote-There-s-no-such-thing-as-being-alone-in-the.jpg
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Yeah but when he wasn't spouting a meme, I'll bet he'd confide to you that there were many times when he was just plain lonely.
 
Skyking said:
Yeah but when he wasn't spouting a meme, I'll bet he'd confide to you that there were many times when he was just plain lonely.
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I do believe he suffered numerous crises in his life. Eventually he learned to adjust by realizing he never was alone in the first place. Gives us all hope.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
I do believe he suffered numerous crises in his life. Eventually he learned to adjust by realizing he never was alone in the first place. Gives us all hope.
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I'm just guessing but it seems to me that we can all find ourselves feeling utterly alone for various reasons. What about the members of religious cults? After breaking all ties with "the outside world" and years of building relationships within the cult, they then end up "shunned" ....... How do you bounce back from that?
 
Verisure said:
I'm just guessing but it seems to me that we can all find ourselves feeling utterly alone for various reasons. What about the members of religious cults? After breaking all ties with "the outside world" and years of building relationships within the cult, they then end up "shunned" ....... How do you bounce back from that?
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A cousin of mine was cloistered for a while studying for the priesthood. Things didn't work out so well and he decided to join the Marines. Turned out well after all. There is hope.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
A cousin of mine was cloistered for a while studying for the priesthood. Things didn't work out so well and he decided to join the Marines. Turned out well after all. There is hope.
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Jumping from the pot into the fire perhaps. I served 3 years active in the military and I spent one year at war. When I came back I was lost. No one understood what I went through and consequently, no one understood me. It was rough, maybe similar to ex-cult victims. Yes, I think I know what loneliness feels like.
 
Verisure said:
Jumping from the pot into the fire perhaps. I served 3 years active in the military and I spent one year at war. When I came back I was lost. No one understood what I went through and consequently, no one understood me. It was rough, maybe similar to ex-cult victims. Yes, I think I know what loneliness feels like.
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Did you join VFW or American Legion? Both groups treat vets real good here in the Twin Cities. They sponsor many youth sports teams and I have attended their activities. In fact in this state we have more Legion teams than a great many states combined. As a vet you should have a great many pals just like my relations who were vets.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
Did you join VFW or American Legion? Both groups treat vets real good here in the Twin Cities. They sponsor many youth sports teams and I have attended their activities. In fact in this state we have more Legion teams than a great many states combined. As a vet you should have a great many pals just like my relations who were vets.
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No, I don't want to identify as a veteran, to have it part of my profile, or swap war stories. It was 3 years of my life and it's behind me. It was more than 50 years ago now and I don't live in the US anyway. By the way, I lived in Duluth once upon a time ... where the view is always Superior! :)
 
There have been times when I have felt alone when living with someone. I figured out pretty quick that I was a nice person to be with and didn't need the other people.

Now after saying how much I like living alone (which I do, very much), the past month I have grown much closer to a few people in my building. So much so that one day I had THREE visitors in one day.........and each one stayed here talking to me for about an HOUR! That is a lot for me.

I have become the person they come to for help or advice. I kind of like it.
 
Learning to be content alone is one of the greatest achievements. It allows you to be more discriminating about the others you allow into your life. Many disastrous situations are spawned by the fear of being alone and therefore associating with disastrous people. The key to all things is balance. A balance between aloneness and socialization. It is the aloneness that gives you the time and space to contemplate wise choices about socialization.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a loner:



I'm always alone and, I guess, was born to be that way.
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I have a partner, but we are both loners so even when we he is off we do our own thing. We like to think of ourselves as "independent". We get together for dinner and a couple of hours of TV each night. We enjoy the occasional lunch out, movie or a walk by the lake.

I scored 9 out of 11. Thanks for sharing!
 
dseag2 said:
I scored 9 out of 11. Thanks for sharing!
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Bretrick said:
10 out of 11 (I don't use headphones)
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Am a born loner. Technically got 9 of 11 but only because

item 3 ~ don't have a smart (have a land line but rarely use it)

item 7 ~ don't use headphones anymore & did not buy a new one though I would gladly use it to scare off people


Otherwise, I'm the perfect 11 of 11.

As social scientists have said over the years, there is no real such thing as loneliness. That such a state of being is actually a sign of a low self esteem. People who like themselves don't ever feel lonely. Being alone is a sign of personal strength and self empowerment. Hopefully, some day the "lonely" people out there will learn it.
 
OBG, I will point out one item that didn't apply to me. I watched #1, which is that Loners are private people. When I am passionate about a topic, I tend to share my feelings and my background to support it. I sense that you do the same. Maybe that one doesn't completely apply?
 
dseag2 said:
OBG, I will point out one item that didn't apply to me. I watched #1, which is that Loners are private people. When I am passionate about a topic, I tend to share my feelings and my background to support it. I sense that you do the same. Maybe that one doesn't completely apply?
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On line persona and real life is totally different.
In real life I am a closed book. :)
 
oldiebutgoody said:
As social scientists have said over the years, there is no real such thing as loneliness. That such a state of being is actually a sign of a low self esteem. People who like themselves don't ever feel lonely. Being alone is a sign of personal strength and self empowerment. Hopefully, some day the "lonely" people out there will learn it.
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Some social scientists may have said that but some don't: https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/vision.../we-are-not-alone-we-are-part-of-the-majority

What I have heard is that loneliness is part of being human. While hundreds of thousand of years of evolution wired humans to feel connectness to other humans (which is of course one of the main attributes of being human) by being in the physical presence of other humans, there are indeed some humans who don't seem to need the physical presence of other humans. Now does that make those humans who don't need others less than human? Who's to say? It does however seem to make them incapable of sympathy toward those who need that evolution-caused physical contact with others and find it easy to stigmatize those who are simply operating as evolution saw fit.
 
Seems very stingy to hold all your love in your heart without giving it to anyone. That is assuming there is love there.
I seek out friends and partners because I have a lot of love to give. Find love in your heart to give. If there is none there and you are happy alone, I find this very sad.
I think it is very rude to suggest that lonely people are immature. Where is the compassion and empathy?
That is just my opinion though. If I cannot share my life, what is the point. Just an endless self serving, self absorbed existence.:(
 
dseag2 said:
OBG, I will point out one item that didn't apply to me. I watched #1, which is that Loners are private people. When I am passionate about a topic, I tend to share my feelings and my background to support it. I sense that you do the same. Maybe that one doesn't completely apply?
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I join with Betrick in that when I'm home am very private - always keep my door and curtains shut. But online I'm demonstrative and am especially so when at a ballgame. Here's a story for you:

One day I'm at a softball game being coached by a lady I knew. Final play of the game took place as one of her players scored. All of a sudden the opposing coach shouted that the player did not slide so that the run should not have counted. Four other men almost started to run on the field and shouted the same thing. Imagine five "heroes" acting ever so manly by shouting at one defenseless woman. Suddenly the devil came out in me and I EXPLODED - I pointed out that the catcher stood in front of home plate without possession of the ball. In softball this is called "obstruction" and the runner is automatically safe by rule. When the "heroes" heard that they fell back like a bunch of dogs running away with their tails between their legs. The coach (she and I had been pals for a while) repeated the exact same words I used to the umpire who had no choice but to rule that our runner was safe with the winning run and the game was over.

It's the way I am. I can bend but I don't break. Anyone who pushes me to the wall will soon have to run for cover. Don't like to raise my voice but will do so when necessary. Many years have gone by and I still remember that little incident at the softball game. By the way, the next year the girls on the team sent me a thank you note for attending their games. It is up on my wall now and I am just thrilled to still have it after all this time.
 
IFortuna said:
I think it is very rude to suggest that lonely people are immature.
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Please bear in mind that social scientists are the ones who have reached this conclusion. They are certainly far more qualified to make such a determination than I am. By the way, there is also a consensus that young people (not older) are lonelier than our age group. I started to discuss that but my posts were deleted without explanation.
 
IFortuna said:
Seems very stingy to hold all your love in your heart without giving it to anyone. That is assuming there is love there.
I seek out friends and partners because I have a lot of love to give. Find love in your heart to give. If there is none there and you are happy alone, I find this very sad.
I think it is very rude to suggest that lonely people are immature. Where is the compassion and empathy?
That is just my opinion though. If I cannot share my life, what is the point. Just an endless self serving, self absorbed existence.:(
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Why would being happy alone be sad?
If the person who is happiest when alone is not sad then where is the problem?
 
Bretrick said:
Why would being happy alone be sad?
If the person who is happiest when alone is not sad then where is the problem?
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Not to compare people to animals but sociability is a common and healthy feature in the animal and human world. We socialize our dogs so they get along with people and other animals. I am no psychologist, no doctor with degree but that is what we are here for in my opinion. :) I don't expect everyone to agree with me, that is just my take.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
Please bear in mind that social scientists are the ones who have reached this conclusion. They are certainly far more qualified to make such a determination than I am. By the way, there is also a consensus that young people (not older) are lonelier than our age group. I started to discuss that but my posts were deleted without explanation.
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Hmmm, I can't understand why your posts would disappear. I would like to see the cites that would accompany your opinions. However, I don't expect anyone to agree with my opinion. I am speaking from my own experience. I just happen to believe that a person's life is much richer with one or many persons in it. I hate to make love with a *****, well you fill in the blanks. And, some people have no love or affection to share and I think that is sad and selfish not mature. That is just me. I see you have a different opinion and that is fine. Again, I don't expect you or anyone change on this subject. You are who you are and I am sure that it is lovely. Truce? :)
 

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