I am really, really,
really struggling right now.
I never reach out for help, but I could really use any positive thoughtsâor prayersâanyone could send my way.
I'm actually crying, hard, as I type this. I never cry. (Perhaps that is part of the problem.)
I've been in therapy (years), and taken antidepressants (years), and I don't consider those viable options.
My son will never talk to me again, and it seems that everyone in my family has taken against me.
This sounds stupid, but the thing that sent me into the abyss of grief is a social media post I came across, in which my son and his girlfriend discussed their favorite things (e.g., colors, TV shows).
My son said his favorite band is the Beatles. I raised all three of my kids on the Beatles (and a lot of other classic rock, and other genres). How can his favorite band be the Beatles? Did I have anything to do with that? (And should it matter?) He said his favorite TV show is The Middle. He and his sisters and I always used to watch that.
I am in such pain. I can't fix this. Please note that I am NOT suicidal. I was raised to believe that suicide sends one directly to Hell. (I'm saying this because I don't want anyone calling emergency services on me.)
I have tried so hard to rebuild my life after my addiction. I've been clean for 6 years and have turned my life around, been trying to live a productive life. Yet nobody, including my daughtersâand, of course, my sonâseems willing to forgive me.



If anyone has read this, thank you for reading. And I'm sorry to be a drag.
I'm so lost, and sad right now.