How much do you judge a book by its cover?

Ruthanne

Ruthanne

Caregiver
Location
Midwest
Just how much does how a person looks influence what you think of that person?
 

I try very hard not to judge someone by outward appearances or looks. I'm not sure of the percentage of how successful I have been in my attempts.
 
Ruthanne said:
Just how much does how a person looks influence what you think of that person?
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Well, a person's personal appearance does speak volumes of 'where' they're coming from. Getting to actually know someone, through conversation usually adds 'depth' to that person's story,

"Profiling"
noun


  • the recording and analysis of a person's psychological and behavioral characteristics, so as to assess or predict their capabilities in a certain sphere or to assist in identifying a particular subgroup of people.
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Profiling by law enforcement has gotten bad press, because some innocent people get tagged as potential criminals. In Real Life profiling helps a person make "threat assessments" when in public. Like when a couple young males that look like thugs are approaching you on the sidewalk. Sometimes they are thugs, sometimes they are just kids wearing the "thug-look" fashions of the day. :shrug:
 

I think everybody does judge a book by its cover. That's the only way to judge whether a person has good intentions. Far from being sane, always rational people, we are very emotional critters. Jeesh- just look at our politics.
 
I tend to go with what my gut is telling me. As one FBI profiler said " What do serial killers and murderers look like?- Like everyone else."
 
Very little, I've learned from life experiences not to make harsh initial judgments, because once you get to know someone the initial impression might not mean much.
 
I think maybe most of us have at one time or another. When the boys were in their teens and bringing friends around, my husband and I were quite observant. First impressions are not always correct though and in all fairness, it is best to get to know someone before passing judgement. One fellow that used to come around had shoulder length hair and was very quiet. Hate to say this, but I thought he was on drugs. Today he wears a buzz cut and is a local policeman. A very good one at that, very caring.
 
Any time I have ignored the initial warning signals my gut was sending me about a person I have lived to regret it. I think those instincts are there for a reason. I don't ignore them anymore. If I'm getting warning signals in my stomach then I don't want to know the person any further.
I would like to add that these gut instincts usually don't have anything to do with what the person is wearing or how they are dressed. It's like when I was bartending & someone would walk in & I would get a sense that they were going to be trouble right off the bat & usually the gut is never wrong. I remember tellinng a guy I worked with " That guy over there walking up is going to rob us" He said " Women are so paranoid". Then sure enough the guy stuck a gun in my face.
 
My suspicion is that, when looking at members of the opposite gender, men are much more "visual" than women. And that certainly works against us, since you ladies have figured that out.
 
I think we are all very likely to do this and me too. We are socialized to do it. It takes some unlearning of these habits to make a change.
 
BlunderWoman said:
Any time I have ignored the initial warning signals my gut was sending me about a person I have lived to regret it. I think those instincts are there for a reason. I don't ignore them anymore. If I'm getting warning signals in my stomach then I don't want to know the person any further.
I would like to add that these gut instincts usually don't have anything to do with what the person is wearing or how they are dressed. It's like when I was bartending & someone would walk in & I would get a sense that they were going to be trouble right off the bat & usually the gut is never wrong. I remember tellinng a guy I worked with " That guy over there walking up is going to rob us" He said " Women are so paranoid". Then sure enough the guy stuck a gun in my face.
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I'm a 100% with you on that!
 
When I was younger I was extremely critical and judgemental. In recent years I have really mellowed out. I have some very good friends who unfortunately have gone through some very hard times. They can't afford some of the nice things in life that I am fortunate to enjoy. Had they looked and lived like they are now when I first met them, I'm ashamed to say I probably would not have befriended them. I would have missed out on a wonderful friendship that has lasted over fifty years just because I judged a book by its cover. Lesson learned. I do remain very cautious though and have no intention of being taken advantage of.
 
Ruth n Jersey said:
When I was younger I was extremely critical and judgemental. In recent years I have really mellowed out. I have some very good friends who unfortunately have gone through some very hard times. They can't afford some of the nice things in life that I am fortunate to enjoy. Had they looked and lived like they are now when I first met them, I'm ashamed to say I probably would not have befriended them. I would have missed out on a wonderful friendship that has lasted over fifty years just because I judged a book by its cover. Lesson learned. I do remain very cautious though and have no intention of being taken advantage of.
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Don't be hard on yourself Ruth. It's not any of our fault that we do this. We don't even know we are being taught to do it. Trust your gut feeling about people. As someone said it's usually right.
 
I remember a kid in a small town, his dad owned the local grocery store. The kid had the most outlandish hairdo. He often walked by the shop where I worked. I knew he was a good kid worked in his dad's store after school. A co-worker said " If he was my kid I'd throw him out of the house", I told her he was a nice boy and besides the hair could change tomorrow. Next day she came roaring over to my side of the shop "he cut his hair!". I guess she changed her mind about throwing him out. Peoples outer looks don't matter as much to me as what they have inside. I also have to say I have always been a real good judge of character, except on the internet.
 
It depends on the setting and nature of the relationship ie social, work etc. But I too have had "gut" reactions quite accurate on more than one occasion. I've also witnessed other people pick up on things with 100% accuracy. Uncanny. I guess it's a combination of life experiences, education/staying informed along with attention to detail.
 
We often learn to stereotype people from our socialization. There are many things that are a part of how we learn and we don't realize the things we are picking up subconsciously.
 
I think we are all influenced by externals to some extent. It is not always good looks that attract us.

I remember as a 16 year old attending a showing of Julius Caesar starring Marlon Brando as Mark Anthony. It was a school excursion and Julius Caesar was our allotted Shakespeare that year.

I was less than impressed by the production as a whole but I was fascinated by the actor playing Cassius, one of the conspirators. I described him as being 'fascinatingly ugly'. The actor was John Gielgud and I have always enjoyed him in any movie since.
 
We judge people in the first two seconds of meeting them, so I have read.This would have been important living in the stone age! However, after that, we are prepared to wait and see if we actually like them.
men and women judge each other differently. Attractive people are liked much more, and do better in their careers.
 
I think it depends on what I am judging, if it is their appearance well of course I do but if it is their character then their appearance is not relevant. I do trust my gut feelings though which is a bit different.
 
Yes. I initially judge someone by their appearance. I have the added benefit of old age and plenty of experience. I might learn later that they are okay. Like others have mentioned on this thread, I rely on my instinct also. Over the years I would say my first impression of most people is 90 percent correct. You must have noticed that when you are a certain age, types of people repeat themselves which makes it easier to give a first judgment.
 
I think its important to observe and take note of a person's outward appearance, facial expressions, grooming, choice of clothing, body language, etc. Its all valuable information and clues to character and values. Everything tells a story.
 

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