How to tell someone I don't want you to visit with your pet?

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grannyjo

Member
My niece has told me that she will visit me "later this year". Uninvited- just announced she will be here. That would probably be fine, except that she has a parrot that she never goes anywhere without. A bird that craps everywhere and everywhere - drops seed all over the floor, as she has told me. I know she would clean up after it as best she could, but I simply don't want the bird to be flying free around my house. She has a house with tile floors, I have carpet. I don't think the clean up would be as effective. I don't want to have to put down tarpaulins all over the house. I never take my dog to visit other people, I always put her into board. I really do feel it is inconsiderate to expect other people to love your pet as you do. Do you think I'm being a bit harsh, or is it that it is "my house, my rules"?
 
How long is she planning to stay? I think the most to be expected of you is to have the bird caged while she is there. I don't blame you for not wanting it to soil your carpets, etc. Does she have someone she can leave the parrot with during her visit? I wouldn't bring my pet unless they were invited to someone else's house.
 
My niece, who is 65 year old, visited me last year, prior to her obtaining the bird. That was a self invited visit too. She stayed for five days, and I nearly tore my hair out. She likes to stay up until 10 or 11 or later at night and sleep in until 9 or 10 in the morning. I'm just the opposite - in bed by at least no later than 9 and up at about 5. She has a sense of self entitlement, or maybe it's not that, maybe it is that she feels that everyone loves her. I really don't know how to describe it. She did the rounds of the family during her last visit - one other niece moaned about how long she stayed. I really don't know what to do. I do like to talk to her, maybe have her visit for a day or two, but not with the crapping bird. I do know that I pay $25 per day to have my dog boarded when I visit someone, and I don't self invite. I also know that there are boarding places for birds. It's just that she feels that her bird will be welcome. Maybe I just have to firm up - tell her she is welcome for a day or so, but not with the bird.
 
I never self invite either. I would just try to be honest with her, tell her that it would be nice to see her for a couple of days, but you'd prefer if she left the bird home with a sitter. She should be understanding about it, worse case scenario she'd say it's either both of us or none of us...maybe that wouldn't be so bad? :p
 
I wonder if the parrot's wings are clipped? If so, at least the mess would be confined to directly under his perch, and could be dealt with by a few sheets of newspaper and some vigorous cleaning by your niece.

If I were in your position I'd have to consider how much my niece meant to me, versus how much trouble and strife would be caused by the bird. It's a tough decision, I know, but to break off family relations because of a bird is just too horrible to contemplate.

Maybe you could get a cat before she arrives ... :D
 
You could fib and say last time she came with the damn bird you ended up with an infected sinus and the Doc said it came from the bird, tell her you have other plans and she will only be able to stay 2 days.
 
Its funny the way invited people think nowadays.
I invite people to my home all the time and most know if they are bringing the kids,animals,etc here too,I want to know beforehand about it.
Most of the times I don't object BUT I want to know WHAT is coming here,its MY home for cripes sakes.
 
I think SeaBreeze is right. Be honest with her and say you would like her to visit for a couple of days but
prefer not to have the parrot because of your carpets. That is a reasonable request and there must be somewhere
she can leave her pet.
 
grannyjo said:
My niece has told me that she will visit me "later this year". Uninvited- just announced she will be here. That would probably be fine, except that she has a parrot that she never goes anywhere without. A bird that craps everywhere and everywhere - drops seed all over the floor, as she has told me. I know she would clean up after it as best she could, but I simply don't want the bird to be flying free around my house. She has a house with tile floors, I have carpet. I don't think the clean up would be as effective. I don't want to have to put down tarpaulins all over the house. I never take my dog to visit other people, I always put her into board. I really do feel it is inconsiderate to expect other people to love your pet as you do. Do you think I'm being a bit harsh, or is it that it is "my house, my rules"?
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I would have no hesitation in telling her straight, "If you want to visit me, either don't bring the parrot or put it in a cage for the whole of the visit."

Our daughter has two dogs and when they visit the dogs are only permitted in the kitchen and no other part of the house, which they agree is fair enough.
 
One must be pushier than the pushy intruder.

If you're too thin-skinned, you LOSE ! And YOU clean up the mess when you lose.

Don't you know what "NO" means ?
 
grannyjo said:
My niece has told me that she will visit me "later this year". Uninvited- just announced she will be here. That would probably be fine, except that she has a parrot that she never goes anywhere without. A bird that craps everywhere and everywhere - drops seed all over the floor, as she has told me. I know she would clean up after it as best she could, but I simply don't want the bird to be flying free around my house. She has a house with tile floors, I have carpet. I don't think the clean up would be as effective. I don't want to have to put down tarpaulins all over the house. I never take my dog to visit other people, I always put her into board. I really do feel it is inconsiderate to expect other people to love your pet as you do. Do you think I'm being a bit harsh, or is it that it is "my house, my rules"?
Click to expand...

No, you are not being harsh, it is thoughtless and rude to assume others love your pets. I had a darling dog, I loved her soooooo much, but I never took her to anyone's house unless I either knew they loved her, and wanted to see her, they invited me to bring her. Family can be such a pain, like because we are related, I can take advantage, or assume anything goes. I don't know what to tell you as far as how to handle it, you have to decide of course. But I would say, I want to see you honey but if you bring your bird, he will be our first meal, LOL!!
 
I agree with the consensus of the group here; it is your house,and your rules. Personally, I feel about like Seabreeze, and think the bird should not be allowed at all if you don't want it. If she has to board it somewhere, she may opt for a shorter visit, or not at all.
Besides, I bet the rest of the family are feeling the same way about these uninvited visits+bird episodes, and if you stand your ground (you aren't in Florida, by any chance?) then the other members of your family will probably be more apt to try doing that for her visit to their house as well.
If all else fails, you can then choose to allow the bird in its cage, and by then, she will appreciate that offer a whole lot more.


HappyFlowerLady
 
After reading your post again grannyjo, i really feel she is a user look how she goes around staying at all the relatives places, boy she sure has cheap holidays. She doesn't have to pay for her food or accommodation and she lets her bird sh*t all over your lovely home.:grrr: It's time to be honest with her and tell her she is welcome to stay 2 days but leave the bird home with someone
 
Justme said:
I would have no hesitation in telling her straight, "If you want to visit me, either don't bring the parrot or put it in a cage for the whole of the visit."

Our daughter has two dogs and when they visit the dogs are only permitted in the kitchen and no other part of the house, which they agree is fair enough.
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This. Caging the bird is the way to go. If she is offended by this suggestion, so be it.
 
Thank you everyone. I do believe I have to harden up. Tell her she is welcome to visit, but not the bird. I know if I said the bird had to stay in the cage, she would let it out when I was asleep. I really do not understand how anyone can feel that their uninvited pet is welcome. Sure, you may love it, but not everyone else does. I've had frequent visitors over the past few weeks, and even though it is my home, I've always put my dog outside - no-one else really wants to have her smooching up to them. Even when I visit my son, I put my dog into board - he doesn't want a dog in his house or yard and I respect his choice. It's kind of hard to get through to some people though.
 
Your right Grannyjo, she would have let the bird out of the cage, she would find it impossible not to. I never brought my pets over to other people's houses. Once my husband's friend wanted us to bring our dog over so his dogs could meet him. Well, even under those circumstances, my dog stayed in their yard, and I was like a mother hen watching him and making sure he was okay, and he wasn't harming anything of theirs. Although, my dog was an angel compared to the other two, LOL. I think you're a bit like me, I'm a nice person and it's really hard for me to say no. But I realize that sometimes I just have to do it, and it's getting a little easier now that I'm older and wiser.
 
I would just tell her the truth. Exactly what you posted is what I would say to her and that in future she needs to check to see if the visit is at a bad time or not. And that she either keeps it caged or boarded during the visit. That you have house rules and guests must abide by them (like how long she stays up, etc).
I find just being gentle but blunt works best. It IS your house. I know this is your niece, but she deserves to be told how you feel instead of beating yourself up over it.
 
Speaking of...my sister has invited me many times to her house. I have always refused because she wants my dog outside in the yard. Yet, when she came here, she wanted her dog IN the house near her. I allowed it because I love dogs. However at her house...the dog stays out.

No.

I have said that for the past 30 years. So I have never seen her house.
 
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