Don't call yourself stupid Sassy, you're just a kind person and did what you felt was right, she doesn't deserve your consideration though. I'm glad you're helping out with the surprise party, if your son can't handle that, it's his problem and his only IMO. You're a grown stable compassionate woman, you can't 'get in trouble', you're not a naughty child. Like Gumbud said, stand your ground....you're not in the wrong and shouldn't be apologizing or feeling bad for anything you've done.
I am always wrong its what I do
- Thread starter Sassycakes
- Start date
Don't call yourself stupid Sassy, you're just a kind person and did what you felt was right, she doesn't deserve your consideration though. I'm glad you're helping out with the surprise party, if your son can't handle that, it's his problem and his only IMO. You're a grown stable compassionate woman, you can't 'get in trouble', you're not a naughty child. Like Gumbud said, stand your ground....you're not in the wrong and shouldn't be apologizing or feeling bad for anything you've done.
Pffftttt. I know several people who are on good terms with their children's ex's. Not the kid's business.
One family member has issued a memo shall we say stating that no one is to talk to his ex's or ex friends. Partly to cover up the details of a break up and embarrassment that he hasn't progressed in life they way his friends have. One the other hand to garner allies with in the family he talks about behind your back all the time. And you can tell when you talk to those other family members. So I'm very careful when talking about certain matters. I treat them like a business or political leaker to the press.
One family member has issued a memo shall we say stating that no one is to talk to his ex's or ex friends. Partly to cover up the details of a break up and embarrassment that he hasn't progressed in life they way his friends have. One the other hand to garner allies with in the family he talks about behind your back all the time. And you can tell when you talk to those other family members. So I'm very careful when talking about certain matters. I treat them like a business or political leaker to the press.
Sassycakes
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- Pennsylvania
Yesterday was a much better day. My Son came to visit with his girl friend and finally she was very sweet to me.I hope it continues this way,but I worry it won't especially since I have been invited to my exDIL's birthday party in May. I'll just have to wait and see .what happens then
Nice if she remains sweet to you Sassy, but don't be disappointed if it fades. Being nice and sweet should come from the heart, so it's there naturally all the time. If she's not nice to you, it's her loss, you shouldn't give it too much thought where it affects your happiness and peace of mind. :girl_hug:
Excellent point SB, it comes naturally from the heart.
Some look at communication of anykind as perfunctory which is ok per say but when someone calls out of the blue right before or after they seem to want something that should raise eyebrows. I would look at this particular relationship as a bonus, nothing to lose. It will evolve even more or crash.
Catlady
Well-known Member
- Location
- Southern AZ
If you love your ex DIL and get along with her and she's good to you, don't let your son and girlfriend make you dump her. His girlfriend sounds like she has issues and if he leaves her now or after marriage, you will have lost a great relationship for nothing. Like you and others have said, he's the one that divorced her, not you. In that situation, it's best not to discuss one with the other, that is the only rule you should follow.
Sassycakes
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- Pennsylvania
Thank you for your good reply. I do love my exDIL and I never want to hurt her. I've tried to be very nice to my son's new girlfriend but again last night my son and her both did something to annoy me.My daughters little girl was in a school play and my daughter invited my son and his girlfriend. She even bought their tickets for them.Right before we left for the play my son texted my daughter and said he was sorry they couldn't make it because his girlfriend was tired and wanted to stay home. 1st of all he should have called and not texted and 2nd they live close to my daughter and he could have come alone to see the play. It was only an hour long so he wouldn't be gone too long.Now I am very upset and annoyed.
Sassycakes
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- Pennsylvania
Well things aren't getting any better,as a matter of fact they are getting worse. Last week my Son's oldest boy graduated from College. My exDIL gave him a graduation party. She invited my son and his girlfriend. They didn't respond until the last minute. When they showed up my son's girl friend didn't even speak to me. My son came and gave me a kiss but didn't spend much time with me. We were at the same table but neither of them spoke to me through out the night. The next night my husband was getting an award for running a civic group in our neighborhood. My Son didn't show up. I just don't know what to do about this situation any more .My husband and I have always been there for both of them. I think I am done trying and now it's up to my son to make amends to me ,his Dad and my daughter.
AZ Jim
R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
- Location
- SURPRISE, ARIZONA
Good Cal Sassy....Let them do a little self reflection...
Catlady
Well-known Member
- Location
- Southern AZ
As long as he's with that woman, you might as well give up on him. She seems to have a hold on him and is estranging him from all other relationships. I'm hoping you're still friends with your ex-DIL, not worth losing her friendship for the sake of your son and his evil GF. Maybe he'll eventually break up with her and then you can repair your relationship with him.
C'est Moi
Dishin' it out.
- Location
- Houston Y'all
Your son's ex may have hurt him in ways you're not aware of.
When my ex wife (deceased 2 years ago) was terminally ill, a mutual friend of ours suggested I visit her. When I said I wouldn't, he said I was being mean. But after I explained what she did to me (much worse than just cheating on me), he said, "Wow, now I understand; you're not mean at all; I wouldn't have anything to do with her, either."
Your son may not have shared everything about their marriage; it wouldn't have been necessary.
When my ex wife (deceased 2 years ago) was terminally ill, a mutual friend of ours suggested I visit her. When I said I wouldn't, he said I was being mean. But after I explained what she did to me (much worse than just cheating on me), he said, "Wow, now I understand; you're not mean at all; I wouldn't have anything to do with her, either."
Your son may not have shared everything about their marriage; it wouldn't have been necessary.
Sassycakes
SF VIP
- Location
- Pennsylvania
I know my exDIL was very hard to deal with. She was always insulting my
son with whatever he did. If he painted a wall she picked on him,if he went to a Dr's appointment with her she said she would have done better if a monkey had taken her. He worked 2 jobs so she could stay own with their son's but she didn't appreciate it. She did a lot of cruel things.but I wish the divorce would have gone better for my grandson's sake.
She had a horrible childhood , Her Mom was married and divorced 4x's. She never knew her father and her life wasn't easy. I still feel sorry for the life she lead,but I won't take things out on my grandson's. My Son should understand that and be happy we are there for the boys.I accepted his girlfriend and her son's. I just wish my Son could see the truth about why I still talk to his ex.
My God! Worse than I thought! But...it's amazing that I got her number so quickly. She's lucky she wasn't married to ME...but then, I wouldn't have gone on a 2nd date.
Does you son have self esteem issues? That's frequently the reason men are attracted to man haters; they feel lucky to be with anyone & they feel they don't deserve any better treatment. That was the case with my father; he married an abusive, raging witch & he did whatever he could to keep her - including letting her abuse his kids.
Re: "Horrible childhood," So did I, but sooner or later we become adults & learn to make the best of it. That doesn't mean it has no effect on you, but I wouldn't take it out on someone I'm supposed to love - like a spouse.
Easy to see why your son feels betrayed; it's like a neon sign.
terry123
Well-known Member
- Location
- Houston, Tx.
Good advice!!
Sassycakes
SF VIP
- Location
- Pennsylvania
I never thought he had self esteem issues. He was very popular with the girls and had a lot of girlfriends before he met her.Thinking about it now She more than likely gave him self esteem issues. I never thought of that and I just hope and pray that he gets closer to us again.
Catlady
Well-known Member
- Location
- Southern AZ
Oh my, I was under the impression that you loved your DIL because she was good, but she also sounds like a barracuda. I can now understand why your son resents you for being friends with her and loving her. Of course, he seems like the type that picks the wrong women and lets them dominate him. Maybe his GF treats him better than the ex and that is why he stays with her? Is your DIL now remarried or in a relationship, how does she treat the new guy?
Sassycakes
SF VIP
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- Pennsylvania
My exDIL is in a relationship with a nice guy,but it's funny she treats him the same way she treated my son. I don't mind him being around my grandsons,because he is good to them and very respectful to me and my husband. I do love my exDIL because she is a good mother to my grandson's and I have always felt sorry for the way she was raised.
Women like that rarely make good parents. Abusers abuse everyone who gets close to them. I'd bet that if you had more knowledge of what kind of mother she really was, you'd be shocked.
Guess what people said about my mother? "Ooooh, she's adorable. She's charming. She's lovely." Abusers are frequently very nice....to outsiders.
Sassy, you've done all you could and I agree that you shouldn't stress so much about it and just leave it up to your son to wake up and do the right thing. His girlfriend doesn't seem like a very nice person, rude and selfish it appears. She has a big influence on him and it's negative, until he dumps her things will be the same, women can be very controlling sometimes. I know it must hurt, you're a good person and very sensitive and empathetic to others, you don't deserve this.
Sassycakes
SF VIP
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- Pennsylvania
Sassy, you've done all you could and I agree that you shouldn't stress so much about it and just leave it up to your son to wake up and do the right thing. His girlfriend doesn't seem like a very nice person, rude and selfish it appears. She has a big influence on him and it's negative, until he dumps her things will be the same, women can be very controlling sometimes. I know it must hurt, you're a good person and very sensitive and empathetic to others, you don't deserve this.
Thank you Seabreeze for your comment. I believe you are right about my son's girlfriend. My daughter told me just last night that a few weeks ago she had called my son's girlfriend to see how she was feeling because we had heard she had a fever. My daughter said that the Girlfriend answered her very fresh and said to my daughter "What are you afraid of,that I'll give my cold to your Brother ?" I don't think there is anything I can do to change things only my son can,so now the problem is his.
I don’t normally give advice on such topics, but it’s kind of obvious to me that your son may be with his girlfriend for reasons other than love; maybe money, maybe sex, who knows? Sure, it could actually be love, but if this girl is as self-centered as she seems, then I doubt it.
Sooner or later, he’s going to see what his relationship with his girlfriend is doing to the relationship with his family. I don’t know of any son that won’t take his mother’s side if a girlfriend tries to come between the two.
Just be patient. The hammer will fall sooner or later.
Sooner or later, he’s going to see what his relationship with his girlfriend is doing to the relationship with his family. I don’t know of any son that won’t take his mother’s side if a girlfriend tries to come between the two.
Just be patient. The hammer will fall sooner or later.
The problem with her is pretty obvious Sassy. She's jealous of any other women who are in your son's life, that causes her to lash out and be overly protective of him and defensive. This one has some serious "issues" to say the least. For your son's sake, I hope he sees the light and shows her the door before it's too late. Don't take anything she says or does personally, it's not you, it's your gender.
Sassycakes
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- Location
- Pennsylvania
I can't believe my son called me today. Honestly I was shocked. I was even more shocked when he apologized for the way he has been acting towards me. He said his girlfriend was really hurt over my relationship with his exwife. He said he finally exploded with her last night. He told her if she was rude to me anymore he was done with her. He said he was so very sorry he made it last so long before he finally confronted her and threatened to leave her. He said nothing like what has been going on will never happen again. He told me how much he loved me what a wonderful Mother I have always been and really likes the fact that I am doing what I am doing to be close to his 2 sons. This call today meant the world to me.
RadishRose
SF VIP
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- Connecticut, USA
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