I had a Black Dog - His name was Depression!

Have you talked to your doctor?
tried the Phil method?
DON'T do anything, things do get better...including the weather.
the drugs you have mentioned won't help you much.....in my opinion...and you need some sun. It helps your serotonin levels
look at the picture of the statue on here.....don't give up.
 

I tries the clinic, they sent me to Women's mental Health Association, they have at least a six month waiting list. We don't have any extra money. I do take vitamin D. Here's a joke, I was diagnosed with Sun Poisoning at 25, and now 30 minutes, even with Sun screen, makes me sick for 2 or 3 days. My immune system has been compromised since birth. I tried stopping the drugs several times, and always end up in the hospital. This is the most I've talked about this to anyone, my family run when I try. :trolls:
 

That is what we are here for.....because we don't 'know' you; it doesn't matter.
look what you guys did for me last week.
so, if you want...let rip; or watch.
and sit in the shade, with a hat; it will help....
 
Ina! After surviving Vietnam, I came home and wanted to commit suicide. But, one fine day, after actually planning it, came to the brilliant realization that I'm gonna die someday anyway and should stick around to see what happens until then. Have had some very beautiful and maybe not so great things happen in my life since then that I would have missed.

Stay with us. There's always another day. Suicide is no answer, my friend, no answer at all.
 
When it gets really bad, I remember that I still have to help my hubby. I don't want to leave him in the family's clutches. Although Marine, he is a woos, and will just give up. So each time my mind gets into this frame, I remember just what could become of him. But, it is getting worse as my pain grows. :hide:
 
Ina said:
Hi Viv, It has never been as bad as it is right now, I'm fighting suicide as hard as I can. That is the first time I've written/said that word. I'm taking a big deep breath right now. I going to just watch this site for today and do nothing else. So, I'll be around "listening". :dontworry:
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If another person I'm close to commits suicide, I will need my other hand to count with.

Not like I have a ton of insight or solutions, but I would like to offer this; We all go in the end, that is guaranteed, so why not hang on and enjoy the ride while it lasts?
 
Hi Jambi, The only thing worse than my depression is the physical pain of my body. I've been dealing with the physical pain since I was 10, and broke my back. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at 25, and spinal stenosis for the last ten. I do what I can with exercises,diet, and the Dr.'s put me on pain pills to lower my blood pressure. He said the pain was driving the BP. I really am not a coward. Just some days are harder than others. When asked if it will get any better, they just remind me that it is a progressive condition. :blah:
 
Hi, I am back. See Ina, I know it is tough....much tougher for you than me.....hang on in there..
 
I worked for a time in the Medical Research Council Neuropsychiatry Unit and we specialised in the treatment of Affective Disorders

All the patients were female and we used a wide variety of medication to try and relieve the symptoms.

We also relied heavily on the use of ECT (Electro Convulsive Treatment) and I was sad to learn that this treatment is no longer widely available in Psychiatric Establishments.

I witnessed many patients returning to a relatively normal state using ECT two to three times weekly. (Many people still believe that the treatment was barbaric)


Brain Serotonin

We also used a drug called Tryptophan on many of the patients. ( Since my time many new additional medications are now prescribed to treat depression)

Serotonin is a hormone, (often abbreviated to as 5-HT.)

When serotonin levels are low, people often experience depression, anxiety and insomnia.

The amino acid tryptophan is needed to produce serotonin in the body.

While foods contain some tryptophan, the diet may not provide enough tryptophan to make adequate amounts of serotonin.

Additionally, enzymes that are influenced by inflammation and aging can break down tryptophan before it converts to serotonin.

Since my time in the Health Service treatments have changed and the large drug companies are continually developing new drugs and encouraging medical staff to prescribe their brands.

Research into the Affective Disorders continues and I hope that so called addictive designer drugs like Prozac and Valium will fall by the wayside.

It is a serious illness and many people continue to suffer.

Early referral is very important and treatment needs to be monitored and reviewed on a regular basis.

One of the best free treatments is regular exercise outside.

If you are able to take a 15 to 30 minute walk in the fresh air it will help. (With this illness motivation can be a major handicap)

 
Jambi said:
If another person I'm close to commits suicide, I will need my other hand to count with.

Not like I have a ton of insight or solutions, but I would like to offer this; We all go in the end, that is guaranteed, so why not hang on and enjoy the ride while it lasts?
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That is exactly the 'philosophy' I arrived at Jambi. Procrastination has it's good points.
smiley-laughing002.gif



Looking at what affects our lives from the viewpoint of a disconnected spectator puts a whole different perspective on things. It actually becomes interesting to watch how things are affecting us even if we can't change them by doing so. Instead of allowing what a situation is doing to us to rule our decisions and attitudes to life, investigating why they affect us so much can be a damned interesting exercise.

Take the time to study why they hold such power over us and they lose it. Accepting a situation for exactly what it is, allows us to cope with it better than fighting to 'change' it. Knowing the enemy is half the battle. I think deep down most know what 'it' is that depresses us, we shouldn't try to ignore it's true nature but plunge in and have a really good hard look at it and get to know it better.

We don't have to meet it head on, we don't even have to 'beat' it, we can recognise and respect it's presence while living around it. Not in it!
Learn about how it works on us and use it to stand on to get a better view of the rest of the circus out there.

Adjust to treating it as a colossal roadblock that we have to plot and plan to get around. We don't have to move it, just live around it. Sometimes it shrinks of it's own accord, if not then we can keep getting around it. It's digging our hole but it isn't all there is.
Even if we can't seem to 'get around it'... we're still alive and there's always something else going on somewhere that we can watch.

Adapt to what we can't change, accept it as an unalterable fact of life and adjust to coping with living with it. Wishing it away sure won't work and trying to fight it, or changing our thinking with drugs to try and 'forget' it is giving it even more power over us. Everyone has a different reason, but there is a reason, be it attitude, chemical or just a particularly sh*tty run of bad luck. Can you change it? yes = do that. no? make it live with you, don't let it make you live to it's terms.

Give it a try, after all we're all going the same way to the same destination eventually, there's absolutely nothing to lose in using the time to try it and it helps to pass the time. :cool: 'Enjoy the ride.'
 
I've fallen behind a few posts so my little offering is just the way I handled it, it won't be everyone's path to justify hanging around.

Michael wrote: Additionally, enzymes that are influenced by inflammation and aging can break down tryptophan before it converts to serotonin.
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I took Tryptophan many many years ago to head off the tension headaches I used to get at work and found it far preferrable to Valium etc and it worked with no discernible side affects on my part at all. Then the Government banned it. Bugger! Now it's back in another form so it makes you wonder doesn't it?

That's interesting that rheumatoid factors etc can break it down and that it also affects serotonin levels, hadn't heard that before.
A lot of my family have been virtual lab rats for an astonishing array of different arthritis drugs over the years and that may explain why different ones had such vastly different results from each of them. No magic bullet for all when it came to R.A. I only got the 'Fibromyalgia' (nerve system) form of it but it does explain that it may be more than just pain that gets me down and cranky when the inflammation episodes are on. Long term pain causes chemical changes in the brain too I'm told... but is that 'clinical depression?' ... gets complicated don't it?
 
Michael. said:

The amino acid tryptophan is needed to produce serotonin in the body.

While foods contain some tryptophan, the diet may not provide enough tryptophan to make adequate amounts of serotonin.


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Interesting process;

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Vitamin B-3 is made in the body from the amino acid tryptophan. On the average 1 mg of vitamin B-3 is made from 60 mg of tryptophan, about 1.5% Since it is made in the body it does not meet the definition of a vitamin; these are defined as substances that can not be made. It should have been classified with the amino acids, but long usage of the term vitamin has given it permanent status as a vitamin. The 1.5% conversion rate is a compromise based upon the conversion of tryptophan to N-methyl nicotinamide and its metabolites in human subjects. I suspect that one day in the far distant future none of the tryptophan will be converted into vitamin B-3 and it then will truly be a vitamin. According to Horwitt [1], the amount converted is not inflexible but varies with patients and conditions. For example, women pregnant in their last three months convert tryptophan to niacin metabolites three times as efficiently as in non-pregnant females. Also there is evidence that contraceptive steroids, estrogens, stimulate tryptophan oxygenase, the enzyme that converts the tryptophan into niacin.[/FONT]
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Not a good bargain converting tryptophan to niacin. Niacin suppliments are cheap, allowing us to spare ouror tryptophan.
 
To anyone who faces depression - to the point of contemplating suicide:

I know that to some people, life can be so painful that they just want it to end.


Years ago I had a business and a man became my partner in the business. We became very good friends. Eventually I got out of the business, but my partner and I remained very good friends. He had three grown children - over the years I knew them fairly well. A few years ago one of his sons died in a car accident. I remember my former partner bearing this horrible grief.


Then just recently he told me that his 26 year old daughter was extremely depressed because her romance with her fiancé ended and she no longer wanted to live. I never spoke directly to his daughter about her situation but through her dad, I tried to give some advice and ways to encourage her. Her problem was more severe than anyone knew. Just before Christmas I heard the news that she committed suicide.


At first I was so angry at her for what she did to the ones around her that loved her. How could she do this to her parents and her friends? How could she be so self centered that she no longer thought about how they would hurt if she killed herself?


I then began to realize that she was dealing with, as the video named, a big black dog, that had taken control of her mind and blinded her of anything worth living for. Yes, blinded her. She was so blind that she did not see her parent's grief. She was so blind that she could not see past her present situation of being dumped in a relationship. She could not see any beauty - or value - in anything. Of course she would want to kill herself - not because there was no beauty or value, but because she was blinded.


Blind - not able to see, is like being deceived.


My advice for anyone so blinded that they can no longer see the beauty - the value in living is, don't allow your blindness to deceive you into believing this beauty and value and good - in life does not exist. You may not be able to see it, but it's there. It may be hidden by a fog or black cloud, but it is there. Do NOT give up believing it exists. If you feel you are at the edge of this deception, go to ER - or get to someone who can help you immediately WITHOUT FAIL. what you DON'T want to do is commit some damage to yourself that is irreversible, because the day will come - you WILL see again, and everything will be all right.


Renaissance

Stark reality sought me out
And woke me from my dream
I found myself engulfed in doubt
And jarred from life serene

I gazed upward to the open sky
That ever was so blue
But through the tears that filled my eyes
It turned a faded hue
And all about me where beauty was
I saw was jaded too

But from my world of broken rubble
Among the ruin and debris
Rose a will to face the struggle
That was resident in me

A spirit that persisted
That I never knew existed
Evermore my heart uplifted
Until defeat had been resisted...

Now the sky again I see...
As if I'd never known the color blue!
Oh the beauty surrounding me...
That gushes forth anew!

A rebirth and renewal
That I'd hoped for came at last
For I found that life is fertile
Among the ashes of the past~


- yours, because I've been there.
 
Ina, I know that on here in many ways we do not really know each other, but I think we can can have a lot of insight. Through a lot of your posts you have told us a lot about your life. I see you as an unbelievable SURVIVOR. You have to be such a strong person and a real fighter. I am not sure I could have survived what you have. Your stories have helped me put things in my life in perspective. Sometimes we don't realize how we can unknowingly impact other peoples lives in such a positive way. Di is right you have to learn to live with it not so immersed in it you can't see the sunrise.

You suffer from chronic pain which can be very difficult and depressing. Only people who do, can truly understand. I too have spinal stenosis, 6 herniated discs, bad knees and arthritis. Fortunately years ago I was sent to a pain clinic that helped me enormously. They taught me things to do which really help which have decreased the amount of medication I need. If you have it available where you are I would definitely recommend it. They taught me meditation, biofeedback, diet, and a lot of other very helpful things. Listen to the people here they have a lot of good insight and advice.

If you give up now you will simply be remember as someone who committed suicide instead of the fighter and survivor I see and others do.
 
I just saw a blurb on CNN about a large group of California doctors that refused to sign the health network papers. They had to bring in lawyers and it cost them a bundle, but they just didn't want to join.

So now I guess you'd have to pay cash to see them? Or your insurance policy would have to recognize them independently?
 

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